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// Prologue: A Rock and a Hard Bargain. 
// Story: BIZARRO Am NOT iN EQUESTRIA 
// by Hotel_Chicken 
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Ah Wizard World Comic Con. A time of fun, friendship, laughter, and overall great memories. And the thing that led me straight down the rabbit hole into Equestria. 

Unlike most days, that day was somewhat of a downcast as light rain trickled down from the sky. I, of course, had the brilliant idea of not brining my umbrella because Siri told me the day was going to be a nice and sunny day. Lying bitch.

So, I was standing in the long line outside, using my red tattered cape as a makeshift umbrella to protect my white body paint. I was waiting outside in line for fifteen minutes, all so that I could wait in line inside for thirty minutes, and then wait in another line for ten minutes, all leading up to me waiting for Eric Powell, one of my favorite comic book artists. The way he drew the Goon from the comic series The Goon was breathtaking to me. In a way, it filled me with a sense of nostalgia. The worn looking colors, the hard-jagged lines, and especially the designs of the characters. Oh, it all worked together beautifully. I already bought the autographed series on Ebay a while back, now I was going to get my Escape From Bizarro World comics singed personally instead of just buying them online. 

As I waited impatiently for the line to move faster, I made it inside and got through the other lines fairly quickly. I still had a few hours to kill before Eric Powell would arrive for autographs, so I walked around the convention floor. I saw a lot of beautiful art work from various self-published artists and bought a few comics that caught my eye, such as Chew written by John Layman with art by Rob Guillory, and The Living Corpse written by Ritter and Ryan Plato and art by Ken Haeser and Bus Hasson. I actually got it autographed too for just a few extra bucks, with a little drawing of the main character next to it. I loved the art of their comics, it reminded me a lot of Eric’s darker tone of art with a good amount of humor and weirdness thrown in to make it unique. I mean, an FDA agent who eats corpses to solve food related murder cases and battle food powered super-villains, who wouldn’t want to read that!?

I also bought my little sister some Equestria Girls merchandise. I swear, ever since they released that web series that’s all she watches now. To be fair, she was really disheartened when the Monster High franchise dried up and died, so Equestria Girls was a breath of vital fresh air to her. The amount of times she made me watch it had slowly begun to eat away at my sanity. I actually caught myself humming a few songs from the show, as well as having a few… vivid dreams about some of the characters. And don’t you dare judge me, it’s not like I can control my dreams. After being subjected to Equestria Girls over and over and over again, it just naturally wormed its way into the deeper parts of my subconscious. 

I bought her a few toys plus a few extra that I would keep hidden away for a while, trust me, when you have younger siblings you learn to plan ahead of their destructive habits. I would not have another shaved Frankie Stein incident on my hands. That poor doll… and my poor ears. Note to all older siblings of the world, never underestimate the lung capacity of a eight year old.

After heading outside to drop all of my purchases in the trunk of my car I went back inside and checked my phone. I still had about half an hour until the lines started to form an hour early. And yes, I planned to wait an hour in line before he even showed up, again, don’t judge me. 

Making my way towards the other side of the convention a large stall caught my immediate attention. It was a large booth with pretty much every prop and costume piece imaginable. The person running it must have just arrived because I could have sworn I didn’t see him earlier. I had already seen most of the other stalls so one more before waiting in line wouldn’t hurt, plus the booth was completely devoid of other convention goers so at least I would have time to haggle prices if something of interest caught my eye. 

Walking up to the booth I saw the person who was most likely operating it. He was dressed in a long black leather trench coat with a hoodie that looked a few sizes too big for his head. The only visible part of his face were his eyes, as the rest of it was covered in a long purple and white scarf mask, at least I think that’s what it was called. Based on his appearance I was reminded of that one zombie video game I watched my friend Josh play when we were younger. I think he was called the Trader or something.

“Hello stranger. What're you buyin?" He asked in a strange accent. Instantly, I knew my hunch about this guy was right. Well, if he was going to be in character, why shouldn’t I?

“Goodbye! Me am Bizarro.” I said in my best Bizarro impression, truth be told it was crap but still slightly passable. “Me am browsing for shiny things to buy.”

“Oh, shiny things ey? Well, I think I have something right up your alley. Truth be told, I didn’t think I’d be able to sell this item, it’s not every day I meet a buyer such as you.” 

He told me as he held out an oval stone slab with a piece of string attached to it so it could act as a necklace. Written on the stone were the words, “BIZARRO #1” complete with the second backwards R. I’ll admit, it was a pretty good find, and something that could really add onto my costume. The purposefully ripped sleeves at my wrist and tattered dirty crimson cape were both nice little details that I added on not because they were necessary, but because it helped sell the look of my nearly ghoulish looking character. In reality, I really only needed white body paint and a backwards S on my chest, but I liked going the extra mile to make my costume stand out a bit. And this necklace would be the last piece I would need to really complete the look. 

“And, I also have this nifty kryptonite ring as well. I was hoping to sell it to a Lex Luthor cosplayer, but alas I haven’t seen a lot of those around.” The man added. This was already looking better and better. I don’t know why I was so excited though, I would probably never wear these things again after this. But for some reason I felt like I NEEDED to get these props.

“How much?” I asked, completely dropping my role-play.

“Well the Kryptonite ring comes with this real lead ring box so… $8. And then there’s the necklace, I’ll let you have that for $10.” 

That much?! That's so Cheap! I thought to myself. I could walk out of there with two awesome props for the price of an extra-large pepperoni pizza. But, something in my mind was making me feel especially greedy. A little voice that told me I could get it cheaper, and that if I couldn't I could just buy them for the asking price. 

Well, time to haggle. “I don’t really have any ones on me. Could I buy the two for $15?” I asked.

The man went quiet for a moment as he contemplated my counter offer. I had expected this, but I definitely didn’t expect him to start chuckling to himself. “You know, not many people haggle the sale price when I offer it to them. I must say, it’s a somewhat refreshing change of pace. Fine, you can have it for $15.”

Well, that went better than expected, usually I would have to start walking away and pretend to be disinterested before they lower the price. At the time I just thought I was having a really lucky day. I just got some new comics, bought my little sister some presents, and was about to get my comics autographed by Eric Powell. Add the fact that I just haggled some nice props for a little less money and that day was looking up to be a great day. But unfortunately, nothing good lasts forever. 

As I paid the man and hung the Bizarro sign around my neck, I opened the ring box to look at my kryptonite ring. To my surprise, the ring box was indeed made of actual lead, and had a tiny red bed inside for the green ring to sit on. I was about to ask the seller what the ring was actually made of when I suddenly felt a wave a nausea hit me like a truck. As I stumbled trying to get my footing the last words I heard from the man were, “Enjoy Equestria my haggling friend.”

And then I fell into the Darkness.