“Mmm… ‘Dagio, close the curtains, I still wanna sleep…”
When no answer came, and bright morning light continued to fall across Sonata’s face, she cracked an eye open, only to close it almost immediately, as the sun seared her retina.
“Augh! Ugh…” Sitting up and shielding her eyes, the Siren looked around and remembered where she was.
“Damn, I thought for a second there it was all a bad dream… Adagio hasn’t woken me up like that in months.”
Turning to look at the window, Sonata saw that the curtains were still drawn back from last night, and this side of the building faced south, giving her a clear view of a very cheerful sun on its journey through the sky. Sighing and rolling her shoulders, she cracked her neck and stretched, savouring the feeling.
“Boy, I haven’t slept that well in ages. Maybe this place isn’t too bad? Oh, who am I kidding, it’s crazy weird, but at this point I’d take anything! And it’s definitely a bit homey…”
Grumbling to herself, the Siren rolled off her bed and rubbed her eyes before stretching lazily and yawning. Smacking her lips, she stood up and wandering out of the room, headed into the kitchen, her shoulder bag dragging on the ground behind her.
Pulling out an instant noodle package, she sighed and grabbed the kettle sitting on the counter. Rinsing it out and filling it up with water, she flicked the switch and stared dully as the water began to heat up. Only when it was mostly boiled did she realize she had left all her tableware in the box beside the bed.
Grumbling yet again, she retrieved a bowl and one of her few spoons, before mixing the dry noodles, mix, and hot water together.
Moving over to the small table and seating herself on the single chair (which squeaked and creaked far too much for her comfort), the ex-Dazzling took several bland bites and thought about what she might be able to do in order to keep the apartment. Charming the owner with her voice hadn’t been an option for months now. Despite not actually singing terribly anymore, her talent wasn’t nearly enough to persuade other people into giving her free stuff, and even if she could feasibly use her magic again, there was no guarantee it would work on whatever creature Minnie was.
It seemed she was stuck.
Groaning out loud and smacking herself in the forehead repeatedly, Sonata tried thinking of alternative ways she could keep herself off the streets. Thinking back to what she knew about the small creature, she realized it wasn’t much; pulling the crumpled note out of her pocket, she re-read the flyer yet again.
Relatively cheap rent… what exactly does that mean? Just how ‘cheap’ is Minnie willing to go?
Her thoughts at that moment were interrupted by a soft knocking on her door and a sound that she recognized as the short apartment owner’s voice calling from the hallway.
“Good mooooorniiiiiing” Came a muffled singsong voice.
Slurping the last of the noodles into her mouth, Sonata stood up and crossed over to the door, jamming her key in the lock and twisting it, barely reacting as the door vanished before her very eyes and lowering her gaze to rest on the waist-high squirrel-creature standing two feet from her.
“Umm… hi? It’s kinda early to be kicking me out, don’t you think?” Sonata asked hesitantly, hoping that the implied rudeness of Minnie’s sudden appearance would allow her at least a couple more hours in the apartment.
“Early? Perhaps, but remember, you don’t actually live here yet. And I did just let you stay the night for free. But now that we’re both on the same page,” the small creature continued, stepping past Sonata and into the room, looking around and noticing the smell of processed food and the bowl sitting on the table, “What do you think of the place? Pretty cozy, huh? If you’d like we can get you set up on a month-to-month payment basis and the place can be yours!”
Blushing slightly, the Siren lowered her head and broke the grey fuzzy creature’s gaze.
“I-I’d love to, but… you see, the flyer said ‘cheap rent’ but I can’t really-”
“Ah, security deposit? I totally understand. You have no idea how many dimensional travellers we get that don’t have enough with them to pay for a whole extra month. If one month is all you feel comfortable paying for then not to worry! Like I said, we can do straight month-to-month payments and there’s no security deposit necessary! But uh, if that’s the case you have to completely care for the room. Anything breaks, you replace it.”
“That’s not exactly what I was-” Sonata started, but the little creature continued, talking over her.
“Of course, if you wreck the place and leave well then, trust me…” the room seemed to grow darker for a second while Minnie’s eyes momentarily flashed red, “… I will run you down and drag you back.”
Taking a cautious step back as the lighting in the room returned to normal, Sonata grimaced a she yelled, causing Minnie to pause in the middle of his sales pitch.
“That’s not it! I can’t afford the apartment in the first place!”
Closing her eyes and hanging her head, the ex-Dazzling shuffled her feet a bit until she felt something soft and furry poke her thigh. Looking up she saw Minnie staring at her with a somewhat cross look on his face.
“Hold you horses, you wee baby, we haven’t even discussed rent price. Now it’s true I do need something of substantial value for a security deposit, Minnie’s Monstrous Mansion prides itself on being affordable for anyone of any world looking for a nice place to stay while they explore the dimensionrift.”
“Even so, I’ve only got thirty dollars, and I need that for food!” she protested, balling her fists as tears entered her eyes, “What place in any world would I be able to pay for a whole month with just that?!”
Holding her watery gaze with his own stern one, the short creature snapped his fingers and scowled as a pair of half-moon glasses appeared on his nose and a clipboard full of papers appeared in one paw.
“Like I said, we haven’t even discussed payment yet, but if I remember correctly…” rifling through several papers, Minnie made a few humming sounds as he looked for whatever it was he was looking for, before he once again pierced Sonata with his stern gaze and spoke up, showing her the page he had flipped to.
“Now, according to my charts here, it quite clearly states that carbon- and silicon- based lifeforms visiting other planes of existence get some leeway on rent; specifically because it is quite hard for them to maintain a solid career outside their home dimension. As such you can choose one of several forms of payment.”
“Forms of payment? What do you mean?” Sonata asked, raising an eyebrow and frowning, confused as to what was going on.
“Well, since you’ve just said you don’t have enough of the region’s currency, then that one’s of the table, so let me see… ah,” turning back to her, Minnie grinned widely, showing off dozens of small, sharp teeth, “You can also pay with an ounce of flesh each month.”
“F-flesh? Like, a piece of me?!” Stumbling backwards, Sonata felt her back hit the wall. With the landowner’s closeness to her in the confined space and her own lack of magic, she suddenly wondered just how quick the creature in front of her was, and what exactly he was planning.
“That’s the idea, kid. There’s a couple other forms of payment we can consider before committing to one though, so don’t worry.” Dropping the hideous smile, the creature once again returned to its semi-cuddly looking self.
“Now there’s also this one that I have to keep on this list because one of my shareholders insisted and I’d be broke without him. Really wish I didn’t have to though. This payment option is for one gallon of bodily fluids.”
“Bodily fluids?! Like, my blood?” Now she was starting to get seriously alarmed. Just what else could these payment options be? It was like she was fuelling dark magic rituals in order to live there.
“You know it doesn’t say.” Minnie replied, squinting at the paper. “Bodily fluids… dah, dah, dah… up to interpretation by the tenant, but must come from the tenant’s body. There you have it. So I’d be allowed to accept blood, pus, sweat, tears, mucus, per-hrk”
The small creature covered his mouth and seemed to be dry heaving for a few seconds while Sonata stared in slack-jawed disbelief. Shaking his head, Minnie glanced back up at her and mumbled, “Uh, if you uh, want to take that option I’d prefer if you used an opaque container and I’ll just trust you on it. I really don’t need to see any of that stuff. Moving on!”
“Final payment option: Entertainment.”
An awkward silence stretched out, as Minnie looked up at her expectantly and Sonata looked down at him, waiting for the explanation. When no one came, she nodded a couple times, “Well?”
“Well what?” the fuzzy creature replied, obviously confused.
“What do you mean, ‘Entertainment’?”
“Oh! That! Well, give me one second and I’ll see. I thought you’d jump on the option considering it’s more normal than any of the others. Let me see here… Entertainment is restricted to live karaoke and either ballroom dancing or dancing the tango. Payment in this form must be provided for one hour straight on the first of each month; no exceptions, and must be up to basic standards.”
Glancing this way and that, Sonata tried to think. One the one hand, she’d love to learn how to dance properly, but on the other she couldn’t dance either ballroom or the tango at all, and she doubted she’d be able to do so for a whole hour immediately. The other option was to try karaoke, but without her gem and her magic to enhance it, she couldn’t sing to save her life, even after all this time, which, she reflected, was very similar to what this situation was asking of her.
“Uh… that uh, flesh thing. Can I see if there’s anything specific on there?” Gulping hard, the ex-Dazzling’s thoughts raced through her head. An ounce of flesh would hurt like Tartarus to cut out each month, but it would be easier than trying to get a… gallon… of herself in liquid form. Grabbing the offered clipboard from the grey building owner, she scanned the page while gears turned in her head.
“So… wait. There’s nothing here that says it has to be my flesh. Just an ounce of flesh. Would that mean…?”
“Give me that!” Snatching back his clipboard, Minnie growled as he scanned the page, before stopping and giving Sonata and narrow stare over the top of it.
“There’s nothing here about it specifically needing to be your flesh, if you go with the ounce payment. However! Payments are still due on the first of each month, regardless of what type of payment plan you decide. Since I gave you last night free, I’m willing to waive it this time, but you’ll have to pay before noon. Is that acceptable to you?”
Nodding her head vigorously, the Siren grinned as she ran to grab her wallet and began putting her shoes on.
“Don’t worry Minnie! I’ll be right back with your payment! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Grabbing the short squirrel creature up into a tight hug, she let him down and sprinted out of the room, leaving the strange creature to roll his eyes and straighten out his fur.
“Damn shareholders and their crazy ideas… what am I even supposed to do with an ounce of meat?”
Happily running down the street, Sonata breathed in the fresh morning air, barely feeling the chill as the possibility of having a place to stay for much cheaper became more than just a dream. If I can keep this place, then it’ll be WAY better than my last apartment, and it’s close to the city to boot! It’ll be way easier to get a job and grab groceries this way!
Smiling to herself, Sonata continued jogging down the street until she had gone a few blocks. Now that she looked around however, she realized she wasn’t familiar with this part of town, and didn’t exactly know where to go to find a grocery store or something similar. Despite it still being early in the morning, with the sun barely above the tops of the houses, she saw that there were quite a few people walking on the sidewalk, as well as driving down the roads.
Is there an office building nearby? Or maybe a strip mall? Ooh! Maybe a grocery store!
Grabbing one of the random people walking by her by the wrist, she smiled and looked at the boy.
“Hey, umm, sorry to bother you, but do you know of like, a grocery store or a deli nearby?” Despite giving her sweetest smile and most sincere puppy-dog-eyes, the blue-haired man, more like a kid, he looked like he could still be in school with his clean-shaven face, gave her a shocked look before glancing around. None of the other people walking down the street seemed to notice anything, and so he gave a weak, uncertain smile and pointed down the road to the corner.
“Thanks!” Letting go of the boy’s arm, she turned and crossed the road, before skipping towards where he had pointed. At the end of the street she found not only a small deli, but an old record store and a bakery that seemed to be combined with a café, and all three buildings were crammed around a small parking plaza.
Giving a small squeal of delight, Sonata rushed into the deli, and asked for half a pound of fresh ground beef. Despite the fact that her mouth watered at the sight of bacon and salami while she waited for the grizzled man behind the counter to ready her order, her glee couldn’t be contained at the prospect that she’d soon have a new place to call home; a new base of operations where she could start on the path back to greatness.
Paying for her meat and humming quietly to herself as she skipped out of the store, Sonata dusk decided not to trouble herself with any thoughts on how exactly she’d return to greatness, but first things first; she needed to pay for the month and familiarize herself with the neighborhood.
She was so happy and relieved that her living conditions would suddenly improve drastically, that she didn’t even notice as she skipped right past a high-school age girl with flaming hair.
Stepping into the foyer of Minnie’s Mansion, she saw that Minnie had come down and was sitting on a tiny stool on top of his desk, while a similarly miniaturized desk stood in front of him on the surface where he wrote on a clipboard. Looking up at her approach, the fuzzy creature raised an eyebrow.
“So, you’re going with the ‘ounce of flesh’ payment for your room?” he asked.
“Yuppers! And uh, keep the change~.” Wiggling her eyebrows, the Siren plopped the bag of ground beef on the desk in front of him and stood there with a triumphant grin on her face.
Of all the times she could have messed up, she was incredibly glad this wasn’t one of those times, and that she had followed through on the thought that told her to check the fine print for her agreement. She much preferred spending a few extra dollars to having to slice herself open like some sort of cultist.
“So uhm… is that it? Do I get the apartment?” Looking over Minnie’s shoulder, she saw the small creature was finishing writing something before he pulled the page away from his clipboard and handed her a pen.
“Even if you’ve got the payment, we still need a landlord-tenant agreement. Look over this and sign at the bottom. I’ve already accepted the terms of payment so my signature’s there already.”
“Yes!” quickly skimming through all the legal jargon, Sonata grabbed the pen and signed her name on the line at the bottom, just above where Minnie had written his name with flourishing strokes.
“So now… does this mean-?”
“Yes, yes, the room is yours now.” Minnie replied with a sigh, gathering up the bag of meat and letting loose a bright beam of light with his eyes directed at the page. When the Siren blinked away the bright spots in her vision, she could see that there were now two copies of the page sitting on the desk.
“One of these is for you, one is for me. Enjoy your stay at Minnie’s Monstrous Mansion, Miss Dusk. We hope you have a pleasant time.” Grabbing one of the copies even before he had finished talking, Sonata giggled to herself and ran for the elevator, finally happy at the prospect that she’d be staying somewhere with warm water and reliable heating for the first time in weeks.
Back at the desk, Minnie hung his head and grabbed the other copy of the agreement.
“Why did I ever agree to let shareholders make rules in my business…”