Burnt Orange Juice

by Mike the Red


Filthy Isn't So Rich

We began to trot away from the Rich mansion but hadn't made it very far when I felt something sharp hit the back of my head. I turned around to see the pink filly grinning before her mother roughly grabbed her. I cantered over to meet them.

"So, you wanna tell me what possessed you to throw this rock at me?" I asked, holding the offending object in my aura. I glowered at the filly, waving the rock around rather menacingly. The others had returned to my vicinity and all of them had shocked expressions on their faces. I turned my attention to the mare at this point. "And you might want to reconsider hiring an attorney, considering your daughter assaulted me not once, but twice now. By all rights, I'm the one who's entitled to compensation for my injuries."

"Well, I will think about it. I'm going to have a serious discussion with little Diamond here, and I can assure you she will not trouble you any further," the mare replied. "But she has also informed me of how you embarrassed her a few days ago and I think you owe her an apology."

I bristled at this. "Ma'am, I was in a filly's body when your daughter savagely attacked me -- anything I might have done to embarrass her in front of her class pales in comparison to her engaging in retributive violence against me. At the very least, she owes me not only an apology, but financial compensation as well!"

"One of your friends dropped a piano on me!" the filly wailed again, tears leaking from her eyes as she began crying for real at this point. Her pained cries filled me with a deep sorrow and my ears lay flat against my head. The filly's mother glowered at me angrily, a low growl escaping her mouth.

"Aurora, darling, I was going to tell you this was a bad idea," Rarity announced, though her tone had softened as well.

"Look, I had no control over that -- I remember seeing a grey pegasus mare being chewed out by her boss earlier, but I don't know her very well. I cannot call her a friend, given that we haven't even met. I'm sorry you suffered such pain, but that doesn't excuse you throwing rocks at ponies." I turned my attention to her mother at this point. "Ma'am, my request still stands -- your husband promised to address my needs," I averred.

"I don't care about that! You hurt my baby!" she shouted at me. "And you insulted me as well!" she added for good measure.

"For that, I apologize. Let me just give you some advice -- make sure your daughter refrains from assaulting other ponies, otherwise the trouble she causes may have more serious consequences," I stated firmly, returning the mare's glare with one of my own. "Now if you don't mind, we'll be off to meet up with your husband."

"Good luck with that -- he never has any money," she replied, flashing a smug grin at me.

"With a name like Filthy Rich, he ought to have plenty to spare," I commented, eliciting a bitter laugh from the mare.

"You have no idea -- I don't know what he spends it on, but he never has any for me...he used to be so nice and generous," she responded, her words falling into a near-whisper at the end. Tears started to well up in the corners of her eyes as she reflected on her marriage, memories of happier times flashing through her mind.

"I'm sorry about that -- I'm still going to see him -- where is he now, do you know?" I asked. My expression still showed some hope, though I was still somewhat concerned.

"Most likely at his store -- Barnyard Bargains -- Rarity knows where it is, let her guide you there," she replied. I glanced at the filly, who stuck her tongue out at me.

"Tell me, Diamond, does he spoil you with gifts every day?" I asked her. She nodded her head, and like her mother, gave me a smug grin. "Do you know how much money he spends on you?" I asked as a follow-up question. She shook her head before replying.

"He doesn't get me the nice gifts anymore, if that's what you want to know," she said.

"He doesn't get me anything anymore!" her mother stated stridently. "What makes you think he's going to cover your medical bill? He has no money!"

"Well, I'm still going to check it out and see for myself," I announced. "Oh, and Diamond -- don't throw any more rocks," I growled at the filly, narrowing my eyes to slits at her. She responded with a Bronx cheer. "I mean it," I added darkly.


At this point, we turned and left the Rich mansion behind, and this time no rocks were tossed at us as we trotted back towards the town center. Rarity informed me that Barnyard Bargains wasn't too far from her boutique and that we'd make it there in about fifteen minutes. I tried to strike a conversation with Twilight, but she refused to talk to me as we trotted. Sweetie Belle broke off from us, announcing that she was headed back home as we continued onward. Twilight likewise headed back to her house, informing me that she would wait for me there.

"I apologize for my behavior earlier," I said. I flashed a hopeful look at the librarian.

"We're going to have a talk when you get back," she answered, then trotted away.

"Aurora, darling, you need to be more careful with what you say and do," Rarity chided gently.

We trotted a few more minutes before finally reaching Filthy Rich's store. I noted that the store looked like an actual barn and commented on it.

"Seems so odd for a barn to be here, of all places," I observed. "If Filthy Rich runs a store out of a barn, I seriously doubt he makes much money from it."

"He inherited his money from his father, who inherited it from his father," Rarity answered my unspoken query. We entered at this point, and I'll have to admit to being a bit underwhelmed by the interior of the store. Towards one end was the stallion I was looking for and we trotted up to him at this point.

"Mr. Rich, I presume?" I asked, almost hesitantly.

"Yes, and who might you be? A paying customer, I hope?" he asked brightly.

"I am Aurora Belle -- I believe we met at the hospital yesterday," I replied. He shook his head. "I was in the body of a chubby filly who looked like Rarity's sister," I added. "Your daughter and her friend attacked me, and you told me you'd address my needs."

"Hmm. I believe I may have spoken out of turn," he noted. "And trust me, when I picked up my little princess from the hospital, the bill they gave me nearly caused me to go into cardiac arrest," he said. "I don't have that kind of money," he added.

"But your name's Filthy Rich! You should have money to burn!" I retorted. "Surely fifty bits is nothing to you!"

"They charged me quite a bit more than that, Aurora. That's why I intend to find out who dropped that piano on my little princess and take them for every bit they have!"

"She got fired from her job -- I doubt she has any money at all," I commented dryly.

"Oh, so you know who it is, eh? I think I may be able to cover fifty bits if you tell me who she is," he chortled. Rarity turned to me and flashed me a worried look to try to keep me from answering his statement.

"I think such information is worth more than fifty bits," I said, a hint of indignation coloring my tone.

"Yes, yes, I know it is -- but that's all I can spare you. I don't have the kind of money you think I do."

"So what do you spend it on? With a name like Filthy Rich, shouldn't you actually be filthy rich?" I asked, tacking an ironic chuckle to the end of my question.

"I can't tell you that!" he shouted angrily. "Don't tell me you talked to Spoiled earlier!"

"Is that your wife? We went to your house earlier to see if we could meet you there -- she complained about you not giving her any gifts anymore," I replied frankly.

"You had no business talking to her! Get out of my store now! You're not getting anything from me!" he roared, leaping at me as if to strike me. I lit my horn and teleported out of his shop, leaving Rarity behind. She freaked out and galloped out of the entrance we came in, and found me outside trying to catch my breath. I had sat down on my hocks and was holding my head in my forehooves after having cast the teleport for the first time.

"Aurora! You teleported?" asked Rarity.

"Twilight let me read up on that -- I wasn't sure if it would work," I responded weakly. "Oooh, my head," I added.

"You're not getting away from me that easily!" Filthy Rich shouted as he charged towards us.

"Aurora, darling, I think we need to leave," Rarity observed.