Some Assembly Required

by natee22


Chapter 1 - Ticket to Equestria

‘Ello, the name’s Jakob. I am a Software Developer for DeSoft Inc. I live in Flint, MI (It’s gotten better since 2034. Heh.) in a Decent-sized home. English is actually my second language, the first being German. I moved to the USA as a child(I was 7 or 8 at the time) to live with my Uncle Karl. He’s nice. Anyways, Enough backstory.

My house is about 1200 Sq. Feet. Quite a good size to house my “side projects”. I take computers that were broken, and fix them. Most time I have is used by reading scientific/programming articles, Gaming, and Watching MLP.

It was about 6:30 at night, I just got home from work, and I hear this tinny voice in my head, My stomach is screaming at me for eating that burrito. Clenching my stomach with one hand and running to the bathroom, I made it in.

A few minutes pass.

The toilet got flushed, and I walk out, groaning, then screaming in German,

{Fuck! That is the last time I eat at that damn Mexican place.}

But tonight was even more special than I would hope for, as about 10 minutes later, I hear ticking coming from my bedroom, “Shit. My HDD finally gave way.” I groaned. I get up from watching whatever was on the boob-tube, prolly some crummy, unconvincing alien show. As I get closer to my room, a warbling noise can be heard.

“That’s not my HDD.” I said.

I open the door slowly.

My eyes lit up, seeing a dimensional portal in person, now this is far-out.

“Dang.” was all I could muster.

Voices on the other end, however, piqued my interest

“Is it safe?” a female voice asked.

“Not entirely sure, but let’s hope it works correctly” another distinctly female voice replied

[Should I poke it?] I thought, [Screw this, I’ma poke it.]

my fingers grew ever closer to the green warbling mess in my bedroom.

“Point of no return, here I come.” I whispered quietly.

My hand is then forcibly sucked in, along with the rest of my body.

First, my body contorted in to places and shapes it shouldn’t be. Movement was out of the question, let alone speaking. Morphing my body to fit this new world, I didn’t know at that moment, but fur, a horn and a tail grew out of me. The last thing I felt was a prickling on my butt. I could not tell what it was at the moment, but I knew I had to be almost done, Right?

“Oh buck, its gonna blow!” a third voice shouted. “Everypony out of the way!”

Some unknown force pushed, no, spat me out at an extremely high velocity. The wall broke my fall though. “Aagh, I-it hurts.” I thought

“I-is he alive?” One girl asked.

“Well, we need to check!” and I heard… hoofsteps? I couldn’t tell for sure, as I still couldn’t move. “Yep, He’s alive.”

“Take him to the hospital, he might need medical attention.” Shit, a hospital.

And I went out like a light

I wake up in a hospital bed, a heart monitor attached to me, only one objective at this time, get outta here.

I attempted to move my fingers on my one limb, to no avail. I looked at my ‘hand’, or what was left of it. No fingers, the other one was the same story.

This is bad. I thought

My legs, same problem.

[Wait, I have fur? check. Cutie mark? Check.] I realized what had happened.

I got stuck in my favorite cartoon, and turned into a pony, lovely.

“Fucking hell on a green man's dick!” and a few more creative obscenities were spewed by me.

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“How long before we can talk to him?” one of the girls asked.

“only minor issues. You could probably talk to hi-” The Doc said until he was interrupted. SHIT! “ -him now”

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A moment later I heard the door opening. First, a magenta alicorn entered the room, later a cyan pegasus with a rainbow tail and mane, 2 earth ponies, one orange and with a hat, the other pink and hyper,a white unicorn with a curly violet mane, styled to perfection, and a yellow pegasus with a pink mane. I recognized them as Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity,and Fluttershy.

{Hello?} I said in German. No response, just puzzled faces.

“Is he OK?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I don’t know, he came from that portal, don’t you remember?” Twilight replied That’s right, they prolly won’t speak German.

“Which portal? The green one?” I asked in English.

“You speak Equestrian?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“What is that? I am speaking English.” I replied.

”I’m pretty sure that’s Equestrian!” She said.

“It’s probably a coincidence.” I stated

“Yeah, probably." She agreed.

"Speaking of portals, did I come here through a green one?” I asked.

“Yes, is there a problem?” Twilight asked.

“That explains a lot, I was Human” I replied

“Did I hear ‘human’?” a mint-green unicorn appears out of nowhere, typical Lyra.

“Not now, Lyra.” I said to Lyra

She just trots away.

“How’d ya know her name?” Applejack asks

Twilight starts writing on a piece of parchment she teleported in a minute ago

“I know names to most ponies living here, and a few in other cities. You girls don’t have to introduce yourselves, but I will, Name’s Disk Burner”

“Nice to meet you, darling.” Rarity replied to my statement

“Ah see you have yer own cutie mark there, mind telling me how ya got it?” AJ asked.

“Sure, my special talent is working with something called a computer. I usually work with older ones, getting them working again like new, I found my destiny when I was a pre-teen.” I explained

Twilight stopped writing.

“A computer? What does it do? Does it run on magic? If so, what kind does it need? I want to know more!”

“In order, it does tasks for you, if you call electricity magic, and electricity.” i replied to all her questions in quick succession

"Hm." She wrote down everything I had said about them

“I don’t think you have any of the tech I need to pull such a feat of automation, though.” I said, noticing that the hospital looked pre-industrial.

“Oh.” Twilight replied.

I heard somepony knocking on the door.

Mayor Mare entered the room.

“Good Morning, I heard you woke up.” she said

“Morning, I guess I need to fill some paperwork out?” I asked

“On the snout! Just fill these papers out and you are good.” The mayor replied.

“Let’s see...” I looked at a piece of paper ”I wish it was this easy in the USA.” I thought.

“I cannot fill these out as I have no idea how to write in Equestrian” I told them.

“I can help!” Twilight spoke up

“What’s first?” I said

“Name?” She asked.

“Disk Burner.” I replied

“Date of birth?” She said the second question

“17th August, 2019” I replied

“We have some bigger problems than I expected” She replied