-???, Flamberge-
We arrived at our new destination. Thjs time we didn’t have to ask where we were, it was fairly obvious with Travel On parked in the middle of a fountain surrounded by minotaur.
“What are the chances we’re in Minos?!” I asked Fortitude.
“I am thinking it is highly likely.” My brother responded as he pointed to the large minotaur in front of our boat making a speech of some kind. For the most part we were ignored by the many minotaurs around here.
It didn’t really seem like we did anything important in Rein.
Skelly somehow fixed the freezing waterwheel problem without the need of excessive fire.
I might have accidentally spilled oil all over a house, but at least it hadn’t caught fire and it’d be fine in this weather.
We made some friends with the local hockey league and spread the word about Airship Mauled.
I also learned a few odd things about Sweetcakes.
The overnight stay in Rein was pretty good and the inn was very nice, but the places cheerful atmosphere and lack of problems to solve made it really boring. Even Skelly being a skeleton didn’t raise an eyebrow or make a scene.
Overall? It felt like we did nothing important in Rein requiring us to be there.
Travel On then just brought us to what was likely Minos, now this was a place where I could expect some action.
I think Minos was the minotaur capital, it’s not like I ever thought I’d be surrounded by people that have about as many muscles in their heads as I do. The amount that those said muscles are actually used is always in question where these literal bullheaded people were concerned. They preferred to use the muscles in the rest of their body as aggressively as possible.
“For I am Bloodhoof Soulrender, just to reiterate I will be killing Princess Celestia of Equestria and there will be no negotiations! Just absolute soul rending viciousness and…!” That’s when Bloodhoof took the full blunt force of a shield to the back of his skull. The bottom edge of said extended shield was held by Fortitude. “Okay mommy, I’m going to be the best sugar plum fairy ever!”
The dizzy minotaur pranced forward like a ballerina, did a twirl and then fell flat on his face. All the minotaur turned to us and finally noticed our presence. There was a lot of staring and a single minotaur in the crowd coughed into his fist, but didn’t do much afterwards.
I think Fortitude just ruined that whole guys career with that one blow, I know I wouldn’t follow Bloodhoof after a goofy twinkle hooves display like that.
“Very awkward this is, fortitude struck his head hard, may have caused issues.” Yes, Sweetcakes, we’re all well aware of what just happened.
“I am Fortitude the fantastically fragrant!” The silence at Fortitude’s declaration was quite palpable. “Is this Minos? I did not appreciate a minotaur talking about hurting yak friend so openly.”
Minotaurs started approaching us and I readied myself for a fight, these were a people known for violence or being rough around the edges.
Skelly and Sweetcakes readied themselves for what would be a confrontation like no other…
-One week later, Minos, Celestia-
Cadence was not ready or old enough for a trip to Minos, my entourage of royal guards and some negotiators to help me with whoever was the current leader of Minos however were. Arriving at the city and being let in, something was very wrong with this picture as the guards at the gate didn’t take forever to let us through.
I would wait until we met with the king before I could put my hoof on what was wrong, hopefully they were in a good enough mood to meet with me.
We eventually arrived at the palace and there were the many broken bodies of the various minotaur that I expected to be, but that was normal. What wasn’t normal was all the other stuff I was noticing going on, all the stuff I saw on the way here was eye opening.
“Equestrian delegation here for the current king of Minos? Hello there my name is Tourmaline. As I’m sure you’ve notice, there’s been a few changes to Minos since you’re last visit and I’m happy to make your acquaintance.” Huh, since when did the minotaurs start hiring perky females of their species, her blue hair was quite nice and the loincloth looked particularly fashionable… more so than should be possible given how often Minos goes through leaders like a mouse goes for my cheesecake. I didn’t appreciate mice being near my cheesecake. “If you’ll come this way princess, I’m sure he’ll see you right now. Would you like anything to drink? I don’t think our new king is in the habit of poisoning people. In fact he’s been the best king that we’ve ever had, because I can honestly say that Minos has never been more prosperous!”
“Is this king named Bloodhoof Soulrender by any chance?” I’ve heard rumors that he wanted to do what so many minotaurs have failed to do previously, I trotted forward down the hallway towards the kings chamber like I’ve done numerous times before expecting to be somehow drawn into a round of combat with a musclebound idiot with very little between his horns.
“Oh no, our new king is probably one of the greatest we’ve ever had!” Tourmaline sighed loftily, she was apparently quite taken with this new king of theirs. That wasn’t a good sign, anyone that can unify the minotaur easily was something to look into. “His charisma knows no bounds, his strength is immeasurable and he has given our people some integrity! It’s quite frankly why we’re doing so much better now.”
“What has he actually done?” I didn’t expect an answer, usually it’s a lot of hearsay and tales of unending grandeur that is usually just boasting.
“That’s just the thing, he’s done what no other leader before him has done… absolutely nothing!” Um… what? Did I just hear Ms. Tourmaline correctly? Are my ears actually working? Don’t minotaur leaders usually go full on jock the second they take command?
“Um… what?” I wasn’t the only one shocked, my entourage was equally confused. Usually I would have had to shield us from a double bladed axe at this point, but nothing of the sort ever came.
“Yeah, that’s what I first thought too when our king announced that he would do nothing, well aside from accept the free room, food and all the perks of the job. I mean his stories are really neat, but he’s really not doing anything our previous kings have done and is in fact not actually acting like a king or even a leader.” Tourmaline stopped and turned to us with a bright smile on her face and in her big green cow eyes. “I’m surprised he really hasn’t taken advantage of any of this, it’s been really great and he’s been the best leader we’ve had in the last one hundred and fifty years. I believe you can remember Bean Horror the flatulent?”
Yes, that was one of the nicer minotaurs I’ve ever met, he just loved beans way too much and even swore by them. He could clear a room in less than a minute if he farted loudly enough.
“How is this king the best leader you’ve ever had when you say he isn’t doing anything?” Two voices spoke up, mine and the negotiator for our continued treaties.
“Well by doing absolutely nothing, that muscular hunk has somehow decreased crime in this city alone by ninety nine percent and the whole region by eighty. Thanks to that our whole economy has entirely quintupled in less than a week, so we’re actually open to the idea of some hefty trade deals. Male minotaurs that like macramé, crochet, sewing and knitting are not being looked down upon, so our fashion industry is actually now kind of surpassing Equestrias.” That certainly explained the more flamboyant looking minotaurs on the way in. Is it strange that I find all of this news horrifying? We stopped at the door.
“Surely the king must be doing something, I mean I saw all those minotaur bodies piled up on the way in.” Whoever this new king was, he was quite fairly strong and apparently had the heart of the minotaurs as a leader when he wasn’t even trying. It made me wonder how dangerous this new king actually was when he actually and inevitably started trying. I didn’t like unknowns, he could possibly be preparing for war and would be the most dangerous being to my ponies in recent history.
I thought most dangerous being in recent history would become my sister soon enough, I let out a shaky breathe and tried not to think about it too hard.
“Let me check my list for who they are… let’s see… Kick Mckick-me-face, Punchy Punchington, Brass Spheres, Throat Puncher the throat puncher, Vile Cleaver the gentle friend of all beavers, Toad Squeaker the lackluster, Duke Put-em-up, Duchess Dirk-in-chest, Sally Salt-in-wounds and Commander Chicken Thighs the ineptly named.” Of those names Tourmaline spoke, I at least recognized Commander Chicken Thighs. I’ve been paranoid about chickens ever since meeting him and would rather deal with a cockatrice if I had to choose between the two. “Yeah, the king had nothing to do with them taking each other out, they did that to themselves on their own before they could even get into the throne room proper. We just put them out there because they were kind of in the way.”
“So who is this king that brings this much prosperity to Minos and the surrounding lands of the proud and mighty minotaurs?” Whoever they are, they were incredibly dangerous and I would really like to see them get quickly deposed somehow.
I didn’t like the idea of a smart minotaur that could bide their time so well and have it effect the entire region to almost becoming a utopia in less than a week, especially without being seen as weak for not having seemingly done anything.
Whoever they were they had to be the greatest of masterminds to even do all this and make it turn the entire minotaur race around, the streets around here were so clean now that you could practically eat off of them!
“Sire, the Equestrian delegation is here, may I introduce Princess Celestia to his highness of Minos, King Fortitude the fantastically fragrant!” I took three steps into the throne room at Tourmaline’s introduction and froze up at seeing the familiar, if entirely friendly, yak sitting on the throne.
“Hello Celestia!” Fortitude said in a friendly jovial manner as he waved a hoof at me, I had no words for this situation. There is one thing I was grateful for here, any formalities I might have needed to go through were not very important in the slightest now. “I am the current king of Minos, it is being a very easy job!”
The statue of Fortitude holding the edge of a shield in both hooves standing over a cowardly looking tiny Bloodhoof Soulrender wearing a tutu was quite telling, given it was large and towered behind the throne.
The minotaurs must really like a yak that does nothing as a leader, a yak that I just happened to be familiar with and was now completely scared of because he said the job was easy.
I could tell they liked Fortitude, because there was no way the minotaurs would ever build a statue that large or even as fast as within the last few days. Considering how polished it looked, they didn’t even skimp on the details at all like they had with some of their previous leaders.
They had actually gone all out for King Fortitude and the tiny crown he wore wasn’t nearly as ostentatious as the other crowns the previous minotaur kings have worn. It didn’t even have any jewels in it, just a simple… gold… crown.
…
How in the world does a yak turn Minos around in less than a week by not actively ruling the country?! Just how?! Does nobody realize how hard it is to keep ponies from destroying themselves, I have to micromanage them and keep them from doing so many idiotic things to end the world and here was Fortitude of the Vibrant Vikings doing a job without actually doing it!
Minotaurs aren’t that different from ponies! They are bullheaded, they are easy to rouse to anger and their violence knows no bounds! How did he cut the crime rate by ninety percent and quintuple the economy by doing nothing?! I’ve spent over a thousand years making sure ponies don’t do anything stupid and Minotaurs are even worse than that!
SO HOW?! HOW?!!! HOW DID HE MANAGE A MAD HOUSE LIKE THIS WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL!?
-Flamberge-
“Is she supposed to be on her back and foaming at the mouth like that?!” I queried to my brother and our friends.
“She needs aid quickly, I will do my best to help, need a professional!” Blinking at Sweetcakes words, it sunk in that Celestia didn’t look to good.
“Hey we need all the doctors we can get here!” At my call the unicorns that came with Celestia moved forward and medical assistance was quickly found by the people of Minos.
Apparently hygiene and health practices went through the roof since Fortitude took over, don’t honestly know what the correlation was between the two facts. I barely even understood the word ‘correlation’. At least the hospitals around here went from poor to excellent in record time, which was definitely good for Celestia.
Minotaurs were all friendly and were close enough to Vikings to enjoy a good story, they even had some of the best tasting root beer I’ve ever come across. Still the past week wasn’t nearly as exciting as I wanted it to be, at least General Skelly let me train with the troops so I wasn’t too bored. I was not about to let Sweetcakes keep pestering me to do more things with her even if it would solve most of my boredom woes.
-Two hours later, medical room, Celestia-
I was lying in a bed staring at the ceiling wide eyed, my right eye twitching every now and then.
“I am sorry you are having a stroke Celestia or was it an aneurysm?” Fortitude was as friendly as he ever was, yet I could still feel my brain trying to destroy itself. “At least the medical help was quickly administered.”
“Actually it was both your highness, but the aneurysm somehow helped keep the blood flowing through her brain when the stroke threatened to cut off all the blood flow. It wasn’t hard to heal, mostly since Celestia always bring highly trained medical professionals with her whenever she comes to do business with the king of Minos.” After a pause Tourmaline seemed to consider something. “You know, this is the first time Celestia has ever been defeated by the king of Minos. We’re going to add this to our tales of grandness, I doubt we will ever forget that ‘Great King Fortitude the Fantastically Fragrant’ defeated Celestia by just greeting her! No other minotaur king could possibly replicate such a feat like that!”
Well this was horribly embarrassing.
I had no idea what I was going to tell Cadence, I may have had to fudge things a tiny bit.