//------------------------------// // Ess - Kah - Pay // Story: A Human for Ponies // by theRedBrony //------------------------------// A while later… We rejoin our prisoner protagonists. Who have, amazingly, formulated an escape plan. Here's how it went: "Where are they?" Ker-Clunk, squeeeeeeek Clip, clop, clip, clop SPLASH THUMP CLACK THUMP THUMP-GURGLE WHINNY THUMP-CRACK KER-PLUNK THUMP CLACK THUMP CLACK SQUISH CRRRACK OK, that happened pretty fast… let's back up. General Jameson stood at attention, hands behind his back, towards the back of the cell, directly across from, and facing, the door. As the big unicorn in a gimp suit walked up to the door, he just stared at the General knowing he was up to something. Doing his best impression of the deep, gravelly Batman voice, he questioned, "Where are they?" He was referring to, of course, the two other cellmates, one of which he had come to claim and put in a different cell. Both Lyra and Dane were flattened up against the wall on the left of the door, so the guards couldn't see them. Seeing no other choice, the big pony magicked the door open. And carefully trotted in. Being equine, and therefore prey in nature, the ponies' eyes are naturally a little bit to the sides of their heads, which gives them an incredible amount of peripheral vision. So even though the guard had kept his blank, goggled gaze on the General directly in front of him, he quickly spotted Lyra and Dane up against the wall to his right as soon as he stepped hoof into the cell. He turned his head towards them, and fired up his horn. But while he was distracted, the General threw the contents of the cell's bathroom (a small, bent metal bucket) directly at the guard's face. The faceless guard turned back to the human who had just soaked him in unspeakable fluids. By the time he made eye contact with the General, he had taken a swift right hook to the muzzle. Even being dazed by the punch, he tried to fire up his horn again, only to be shaken again by a hit to his horn, disrupting his magic. Dane was holding Lyra and using her like a battering ram, her good foreleg extended to use her hoof to deliver the blows to the gimp's horn. He thrashed around as he was being ganged up on, and took a hoof to the neck, and a fist in the throat. He finally reared up in frustration, but took a swift kick in the ribs from the General. He lost his balance and toppled over. The General was quick to kick him while he was down, and might have even scored a hit to his jewels. Meanwhile, Dane helped Lyra stand as she stomped as furiously as she could on the downed guard's horn, until there was finally a sickening snap of bone. It took a little while to convince Lyra that the age old human saying 'an eye for an eye' applied here, and she eventually gave in, letting her sadness turn into rage towards her captors. Although it was plainly obvious to Dane that she regretted doing it, they both knew they would be killed if they just stuck around here and did nothing to escape. While the broken guard, who had passed out, lay limp on the cold floor, there was another guard to be taken care of. Applebloom stood in shock as she simply watched the scene unfold, she made to run away, but didn't make it more than a step or two before the old army man snatched her up in his grasp. She screamed and flailed her legs fruitlessly in the General's grasp. The original plan was to tie and gag her, then leave her. Seems the General had other plans. He swung Applebloom towards the stone wall and hit her head to it, knocking her out. This prompted a wince and an "OOOOOO!" in stereo from Lyra and Dane. The trio took this silent moment to catch their breath. After they were content, Dane put a hand on the flank of the downed former-unicorn, grabbed as much of his gimp suit as he could in his fist and ripped it off. Dane and Lyra shared a Scooby Doo moment. They both stared at a pink sprinkled doughnut upon a light tan colored coat. "Donut Joe!" In stereo, again. The General was completely oblivious to the pair's surprise as he set unconscious filly on the floor. "Let's get outta here," he said, gently cracking his old knuckles. The trio walked up the stone stairs (well, Lyra was carried) and found themselves in some kind of back room filled with dusty crates and unused office furniture. The trio received some weird looks from two ponies at a desk on their way out of what appeared (from the inside) to be Ponyville town hall. "He- Hey! Is she ok?" A male earth pony asked, in reference to Lyra being slung over Dane's shoulder. "Yeah… I'm fine," Lyra said with a raspy voice, entirely unconvincing. But it seemed to silence the desk pony. Either that, or the death stare he got from General Jameson. The group had a little time before anypony knew they broke out, so they took the chance to go to Lyra's home. Going back to the portal station would have been suicide, especially given Lyra's battered condition, and Dane's food-deprived body. Luckily at least the General was still in good shape, even if he was old, he delivered some mean punches to that gimp-guard back there. The General was insistent upon rounding up any humans in Equestria and forming a ragtag army to force their way back through the portal. Both Dane and Lyra remained adamant that that was a bad idea, and they explained it to him. 99% of the humans in Equestria were (probably) bronies of the 'love and tolerate' mentality. And they'd be hard pressed to believe that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash of all ponies had imprisoned them with the intention of murdering them and consuming their flesh, assuming they'd even listen to such an outlandish claim. Even Lyra's bruises and broken horn would barely pass as evidence when all the bronies would probably be quick to accuse the two humans accompanying her of doing that to her. He reluctantly agreed to at least get out and think up a strategy later. Although now that he was out in the open air of Ponyville, he spotted a large gathering of humans, and his mind was drifting back to his original plan. Dane breathed in the fresh rural air of what was essentially the promised land. But that fact was lost on him. Even the fact that he was carrying a little pony over his shoulder (Lyra of all ponies) did nothing to cheer him up. Who could blame him though? Dane too spotted the group of his species crowded in and around a small storefront of some kind. The only signage of the shop was an old hanging wooden sign, swinging gently in the breeze. As the sign came into view, Dane remarked, under his breath, "Even here…?" in regards to the yellow plastic insignia of the famed Golden Arches neatly affixed to the old wooden signboard. Lyra heard Dane, her ears being close to his mouth, and she replied, "McDonalds? Yeah, they're here. One of the first companies to come over." Lyra was actually put in charge of such things. She was an ambassador and then some. "Do they serve…?" "No. Soy burgers only right now, until they can get a steady… supply coming from the Griffons." "Oh." Dane then took notice of the General. More specifically, how he was looking at the humans and almost straying towards them. "Hey." Dane couldn't risk yelling and attracting any attention, but he said it again, a little louder, "Hey." The General looked back to Dane and Lyra who were both looking him in the eye and slightly shaking their heads 'no.' He picked up on the hint, and although he still liked his plan better, he understood the need to keep a low profile at the moment. Dane picked up the pace to Lyra's place. He had every intention of emptying her fridge.