Shining Armor, dressed as a hayburger, covered in glass and whipped cream, body aching from all the pain he had endured throughout the course of the day, ran through the weakening castle. Beside him was Flam, wearing a smart business suit, with his mane dyed a deep blue, his mustache billowing from the speed of their trotting.
The building surrounded them was crumbling. Giant slabs of brick were tumbling from the ceiling. Glass windows were shattered, spreading their remains across the ground. The tapestries, the decor, and everything that had once made the castle so regal and beautiful was now broken, scattered across the floor. Everything was shaking.
And still, the two stallions ran as fast as they could.
“I thought what we did last night was both great and awful,” Flam panted, leaping over the remains of a potted shrub. “But this? This takes the cake! We’re saving a life, but we’re gonna die in the process!”
“Hey, we’ve done everything wrong this whole day,” Shining Armor replied. “It’s about time we finally did something right.”
Flam silently considered this, then sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Blueblood’s a butt, but he deserves to be saved, just like anypony else.”
“Exactly. Now, if I were a snotty, rich, upper-class snob, where I be?”
Flam shook his head. “You’re asking the wrong question. Remember, we just made him rub frosting all over his body. He has to have figured that out by now.”
“Okay, fine. If I were a devastated snotty, rich, upper-class snob covered in food, where I be?”
“Probably moping under a bed,” Flam suggested.
Shining Armor’s ears perked up. “Celestia’s bedroom! It has a huge bed, plus the largest mirror in the castle! A pony as vain as Blueblood couldn’t resist that.”
“Alright! Lead the way, Shiny!”
The two stallions dashed ahead, running as fast as their legs could take them, as the castle continued to rumble.
“Blueblood?! Blueblood, are you in here?!”
Shining Armor and Flam had entered Princess Celestia’s room, a mess of oversized furniture and solar-themed decorations. After briefly marveling at the furniture, the two stallions walked over to her bed, a structure large enough to fit them and at least two other ponies.
“Blueblood, are you under there?” Shining called out. No response. He peeked under the bed, and sure enough, there was a sobbing Prince Blueblood, still covered in the disgusting “lotion” they had provided him earlier. “Ah. Hey, buddy.”
“Leave me alone,” Blueblood moped, quiet and defeated. “I never want to see you or your disgusting faces ever again.”
“Hey, I think our faces are beautiful,” Flam said, joining the two princes. “But that’s not the point. Canterlot Castle is falling apart, and we’ve come to rescue you!”
“Lies!” Blueblood hissed. “You’re just trying to humiliate me again! Just like when you left my party drunk, and threw up in my fountain, and made me cover myself in this horrible lotion! Which, by the way, is going to do terribly in the markets!”
Shining Armor gulped. “...it’s actually chocolate frosting mixed with gravy and cheese.”
“WELL, THAT’S JUST FANTASTIC!”
Shining Armor and Flam looked at each other, and the former sighed. “Blueblood, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I know that we mutually dislike each other, but that doesn't give me the right to embarrass you at every turn, especially since you haven’t really done anything to actively embarrass me. Today has been this whole series of great ideas that turned out to actually be not so great, and maybe what we did to you was--”
“I love this touching speech,” Flam interrupted, covering the prince’s mouth, “but the castle’s falling down, and if we can avoid death, that would be swell.”
Shining Armor held out his hoof to Blueblood. “Come on. It’s high time we started over from scratch. No more conflicts, just friendship. And that starts with letting us save your life.” He looked directly into Blueblood’s eyes and beamed.
The other stallion hesitated. He looked at Shining, then Flam, then at himself. He sighed, then finally grabbed onto the other prince’s hoof. “Sorry, it’s so sticky. Although, that’s your fault.”
Shining pulled him out, and the two smiled at each other. “Now, as Flam so eloquently put, we are about to die, so let’s get out of here. Come on!”
Blueblood quickly dashed out the door, and started his way down the hallway. Shining Armor and Flam were about to follow him, when they heard a crack.
They looked down.
Before they could even react, the floor beneath them collapsed, and the stallions felt themselves plummeting through the castle.
The last thing they saw was their bodies landing straight onto the table in the dungeon.
When Flam came to, he could hardly move.
He was staring up, looking at the remains of the castle. Part of it was still intact, part of it was still slowly crumbling. There were bricks, shards of glass, and pieces of wood all around him.
He turned his head to the side. There was Shining Armor beside him, conscious but also barely capable of motion.
“Well,” Flam wheezed, “this might be a fate worse than Tartarus.”
“We’re not dying,” Shining Armor replied. “We didn't fall that far. I think our bodies are just in shock or something.”
“Ah.”
The two lay on the ground in silence, staring up at the results of all the damage they had caused.
“Who knew,” Flam began, coughing, “that kidnapping Apple Bloom would lead to this? I sure didn't.”
“Neither did I,” Shining responded. He then managed to turn his body toward the other stallion, and looked directly at him. “Flam, you had no reason to come with me into the castle to save Blueblood. Why did you?”
The mustached unicorn giggled. “Back in that hotel room, you told me, while grabbing onto my face, that we’re in this together. I wasn’t about to let you risk your life alone.” His hoof crept towards Shining’s, and he rested it on top of the prince’s. “I know your heart belongs to Cadance, but I still love you. Saying that wasn’t just drunken ramblings.”
Shining laughed. “And I love you too, Flam. Just… platonically, of course.” He paused. “You know, now that I’ve made up with Prince Blueblood, I think my opinion has changed. I don’t want to go back and redo everything anymore. I’m okay if we just take our punishment, whatever it might be.”
“Really?!” Flam asked, his whole face lit up. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
They both started laughing. “I think we’re eternally bonded now,” Flam chuckled. “We’ve been through so much together. I’m so glad we met.”
“Best drunken decision I ever made,” Shining replied, tearily giggling.
The two stayed on the ground, watching the castle crumble around them as they talked and joked. After a while, their eyes shut, and the two fell asleep, still holding hooves.
When Shining Armor woke up, the first thing he saw was Boomer’s face. Their noses were almost touching.
“Boomer!” he shouted, shoving the pegasus back. “Get away from me!”
“Hey, everypony, he’s awake!” the guard shouted, waving his hoof in the air.
Shining Armor sat up and looked around. He wasn’t in the remains of the castle anymore. Instead, he was outside, surrounded by a crowd of both ponies he knew, and ponies he had never seen before in his life.
Before he could process anything, he was leapt on by Princess Twilight.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, B.B.B.F.F.!” she said, giving her brother a big hug. “When Apple Bloom told us you were inside, we got so worried!”
“What happened?” Shining asked, rubbing his head. “The last thing I remember was lying on the ground of the dungeon.”
“Blueblood successfully made it out of the castle, and immediately found us,” Boomer explained. “He said you had saved him, but got trapped inside the castle. We were inspired by your bravery, so Gallus and I flew right in and carried you out.”
“We woke up shortly after,” Twilight continued, “and Starlight explained how a rogue, unpiloted zeppelin crashed into the castle, and that you and Flam were the ponies leading the evacuation to keep everypony safe.”
Shining looked at Starlight, who winked at him. You're welcome, she mouthed.
“Your wife started performing a spell to heal you, while Princess Celestia and Luna started fixing up the castle,” Boomer said. “It looks like everything should be fine within a week or so. And nopony got injured, thanks to your efforts.”
“So, Blueblood told you to save us,” Shining thought aloud. “Wow. Times really have changed.”
“You did some fantastic work today, big brother,” Twilight chuckled. “We’re very proud of you.”
“Thank you.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Shining Armor could see Princess Celestia walking toward him. The ruler opened her wing, and wrapped him in it.
“Come with me,” she warmly said.
Princess Celestia brought Shining Armor far away from the crowd, into one of the castle courtyards, which was entirely void of any ponies.
Except for Flam.
“Shiny!” the stallion called out, running over to give him a hug. “We did it!”
“We did it!” Shining repeated.
“You did it!” Princess Celestia laughed. “I’m sure your sister told you, but we were all very impressed with your efforts today. You not only saved us princesses, but also evacuated the entire castle and put your life on the line to save your enemy. It takes a pretty special pair of ponies to do that.”
“We had help, of course,” Flam said. “Boomer, Starlight, Rarity, Gallus, the Crusaders… it was a group effort.”
“Which brings me to my next point,” Celestia continued, standing over the stallions. “Apple Bloom told me that she had forgiven you for kidnapping her, and said the experience taught her the value of steering clear of alcohol and drugs. Blueblood said that you were adamant about fixing your relationship, and called you heroes.”
“I’m sure he didn't say that,” Shining scoffed, shaking his head.
“Oh, he did. Repeatedly. My point is that, even though you may have kidnapped Apple Bloom, you’ve proven yourselves today to be quite the heroes. And so, we’ve decided to change your punishment.” The stallions held their breath. “Shining Armor and Flam, us princesses have made a decision to sentence you… to the repair of Scootaloo’s house, alongside fifteen hours of community service.”
Shining Armor and Flam gasped. “That’s it?!”
“You risked your lives to save ours,” Celestia replied, “and nopony was really hurt or upset by your actions. We took that into account when reaching our decision.”
“THANK YOU!”
Shining Armor and Flam leapt into the air, and started dancing together. “We did it!” they sang, falling to the ground. “We’re not going to Tartarus!”
“For the record, Tartarus was never in the cards for you,” Princess Celestia laughed. “Now, did you learn your lesson?” The stallions nodded their heads. “What was it?”
“We learned that--” Shining Armor began.
“No, no, no!” Flam interrupted, staring straight into Celestia’s eyes. “I don’t understand why this whole ‘Magic of Murder’ thing always requires that you say what you learned out loud! Like, can’t we just learn the lesson?! It’s not like we’re on broadcast television! Not everypony has to know our mistakes and what we took from them!”
Princess Celestia giggled. “You’ve found quite the friend here, Shining Armor.”
“That I have,” the prince replied. A sudden realization dawned on him.
Cadance.
He ran out of the courtyard with fervor, searching for his wife. Eventually, found her, sitting on the steps by the castle entrance.
“Hey,” Shining panted, taking a seat next to his wife.
“Shiny!” she exclaimed, smiling at him. “I’m so glad you’re alright!”
“Me too. This whole ordeal is over. Everything can go back to normal.” He paused, staring at his wife. “At least, I hope so.”
“Well,” Cadance admitted, brushing her long mane with her hooves, “watching you cheat on me with Flam wasn’t great.”
“Hmm. Yeah.”
The princess sighed. “Honestly, I think I just need some time to process my feelings. I’m angry, but I’m happy, but I’m sad… I’m confused. I think… maybe you should rent a hotel room for a couple of days.”
Shining sighed, but nodded. “I completely understand.”
“I can assure you, this isn’t the end of our marriage,” Cadance clarified. “But I feel like I need some time to myself for now.” She gave Shining Armor a kiss on the forehead. “Of course, you can come see Flurry Heart whenever you want.”
“Of course.”
“I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk again,” Cadance said, walking away. “I love you, Shiny.”
“Love you, too, babe.”
Shining Armor watched as Cadance left, and let out a deep sigh. After a moment of silence, Flam walked over to him and sat down.
“Turns out, I didn't really think the whole ‘standing up to my brother’ thing through,” he began, wrapping his leg around the prince, “and now him and I aren’t really talking, which means I don’t exactly have a place to stay at the moment.” He paused. “How would you like to split the cost of a hotel room together for a couple of days?”
Shining Armor smiled at him. “I’d like that.”
“Alright, cool.”
The two stallions hoof-bumped each other, then walked together into the sea of ponies.