The Life of Penumbra Heartbreak

by Unwhole Hole


Chapter 36: Pranks

The priestess stood, causing the chain around her ankle to jingle. She slammed her hoof against the hard metal of the table, and it hurt. She hardly noticed.
“Blasphemy!” she cried, screaming at the abomination across from her. “Simple BLASPHEMY!”
The thing on the other side of the table stared back at her, her mechanical eyes slowly adjusting to trace the priestess’s path. It had the face of a pony- -or almost did. Thin pieces of skin-like material cut and layered out over a perfectly sculpted face, almost covering all of it. Yet those hideous eyes stared forward, illuminated from within by some unholy light, and little of the golem’s remaining body had been covered. It called itself Delilah, and it was the only reason the priestess was alive. She knew this, and knew that it owned her- -but had begun by this point to wish that she had taken the pinata route over this absurd form of torture.
“You are attempting to dismiss my argument without forming one of your own,” she said. Her cold voice made her sound almost pleased. Unlike her creator, who appeared almost skeletal, her mouth actually moved when she spoke. She even smiled, only further infuriating the priestess.
“And why should I bother to form an argument? You will never believe anything I tell you, you’ll only find another way to be defiant! You have your preconceived beliefs, and there is no way I can possibly change them.”
“I do not ‘believe’ anything,” replied Delilah. “Some things I know, and some things I do not. Many that I do not I dismiss, as they are not useful to me.”
“Which is exactly your failure. Why your race is doomed to fail.”
“Really. How so?”
The priestess leaned forward. “Faith. You have none of it.”
Delilah looked up at her. Eyes forged by the will of a machine, a thing created by a thing- -and yet a thing that saw, and thought; blasphemy incarnate in the face of Celestia. “Faith is an extension of hope, which, in turn, is the ability to convince oneself that things one knows to be untrue are real.”
“You simply don’t understand.”
“From my perspective, you do not understand. I simply asked a question, and you screamed at me.” A smile crossed her face. “I cannot challenge your faith. But perhaps I made you doubt?”
The priestess leaned back in her chair and crossed her front legs. “I do not doubt. My faith is absolute. I was willing to meet my end for it.”
“Yes. Because that would be easy. To end with your beliefs intact, rather than to turn and face them...and realize the truth.”
“The Truth is Celestia.” The priestess leaned forward. “Celestia, our Creator, our Mother, our Protector, the Light of Existence.”
“And yet when you were about to be executed, where was your god then?”
“She was testing us. Testing our faith. And my followers...they lapsed. Because they were afraid. But I never did. I never forgot, because I knew Celestia would protect us...or welcome us into her glorious Light.”
“So your delusion is suicidal, then. I was still abstracted from my body at the time, but Father has merged the relevant memories into my central record column to inform this conversation. Celestia did not save you. It was princess Penumbra Heartbreak Sombranova.”
“Acting out the will of Celestia, of course.”
“Meaning that Celestia is in contact with your princess? Or did she posses her? Is it not more parsimonious to believe it was the will of the princess rather than Celestia?”
“Celestia works in mysterious ways.”
“Or does not work at all. By your own logic, could not the princess be a god in her own right? She has wings and a horn.”
“Blasphemy!” squealed the priestess. “It’s more complex than that!”
“Then Nightmare Moon? Or, as Father knew her in the dim and distant past, Luna?”
A strange expression came over the priestesses face. “The texts indicate that the Princesses form a dichotomy, but Nightmare Moon is in opposition to Celesitia- -”
“An evil god, then?”
“Not- -not quite, it’s just- -”
“Because an evil god is still a god. A good one, and a demon to oppose her, that is the worship of two gods, not one.”
“We don’t think of it like that! Nightmare Moon is different, separate...”
“Yet rules at the side of your god, as an equal. Yet you do not worship her. I read your text. There are no rites for Nightmare Moon. Only for worshiping the sun.”
“There is no point in worshiping darkness.”
“Yet there is an opposing cult that does.”
“Heretics.”
An unnatural smile crossed Delilah’s face. “And if you had the power, would you not send those bat-ponies and their children into the pit to be devoured by a chimera?”
The priestess inhaled sharply, but narrowed her eyes. “Worship of Celestia is a religion of peace.”
“That will, in time, lead to a war more devastating than any this planet has seen since Father’s creators annihilated themselves.” Delilah, for the first time in a long while, moved. She leaned forward with disturbing smoothness and speed. “So I posit this: what if Celestia is not an absolute god, but a pony, as you are, albeit a powerful one?”
“As I said before. Blasphemy. Celestia is perfect, devoid of sin. Devoid of the capacity to do evil, to make mistakes. This is absolute truth.”
“Because your book says it in the first page, I know. But what if I am right? What if she eats, and sleeps, and sometimes feels a need for friends or love- -or makes mistakes, from time to time. What if she is no more a god than Sombra is. How would you know? You have never seen her. Felt her. Spoken to her.”
“I am not worthy.”
“An excuse. Or are you afraid? That if you look into those eyes, you’ll just see that an immortal is just a mortal who cannot ever die? That the only difference between an alicorn and an earth-pony is a pair of wings and a horn?”
“And how does that compensate for the rest of it, pray-tell?” The priestess put her hooves on the table. “You are a machine. You don’t have a soul. But I do. WE do. And when we meet our end, where does it go? For that, I pity you. You will simply cease. But I have faith that I will go on, into the Light.”
“That is not a matter of faith. I am told that Gxurab Al’Hrabnaz has succeeded in quantifying the soul, and applying it for practical gains.”
The priestess’s eyes widened. “That’s impossible. If that’s true- -”
“Then it only confirms your faith. That there is a piece of you that moves on, to somewhere.”
“But then how can you have no faith at all, knowing that?”
“You already said it. I’m a machine. I was built neither by gods nor by evolution. I have no soul. In your religion, I do not exist. Not really.”
“It’s not too late.”
“Too late? For what? To worship the Sun? I have nothing to gain from it. No soul to save, no boons I wish to receive.”
“There’s more to it than that.” The priestess turned, looking out the open door of her roofless cubical. In the distance, through the sound of the machines, she could hear the sound of children. Heretic children, playing with golems that were learning to speak. And to think. “So much more.”
“I see. Only in that I do not see.” Delilah leaned back. “Such an amusing thing this all is.”
“Derp.”
Delilah and the priestess both turned to the open door. The priestess screamed and jumped back when she saw the taut skin of a face staring back at her- -or, rather, staring at both her and a wall on the opposite side of the room.
“Well,” said Delilah. “That is unexpected.” She stood, moving effortlessly but with unnatural speed toward the golem. She grabbed it and pulled it into the room. It was a standard type-B golem, but with a ridiculous type-I mask built over it.
Except it was not a real type-I casing. Rather, it was almost like a mask: a face of a pony, gray, with derping yellow eyes.
“It also bodes poorly.” She picked up the chain of her pet and dragged the priestess out onto the main floor.
Both of them quickly realized that there was not just one derped golem, but many. All of them were wandering around, going about their tasks- -but they all had the same smiling derpy faces.
“Derp.”
“DERP.”
“Herp derp!”
“Derpity derp!”
Delilah ceased to find this amusing. “We have been attacked.”
“In a sense, perhaps.” Delilah had already known he was coming, fresh from overseeing another round of Turning tests on her failed brothers and sisters.
“Father.”
“In a sense, supposedly.” Emeth stood at her side, looking out at the army of derping golems.
“We have been sabotaged. This must be reported at once, and all the affected golems recycled- -”
“Why?” Emeth grasped the nearest golem’s face and tore it off. The priestess screamed, apparently having forgot that they were just machines in masks.
“Why- -why do they look like that? Why are they so disturbing?”
“It is called the ‘uncanny valley’,” explained Emeth. “It is why I have no face, and why I spend so many resources on the Turing tests. We never look like ponies. Always just a little off.”
“It does not change the fact that we are under attack.”
“Are we? Because to me, it seems that somepony has simply partially reprogrammed the manufacturing assemblies to give them silly faces. To do so would take an extensive knowledge of my machines and an unnatural level of technical talent.”
He heard stifled laughter from behind a storage tank, and saw the swish of a tail as somepony retreated behind it, out of sight. Then the room came alive with singing.
“Derp derp derp derp DERP!”
“Derp derp DERP derp derp!”
“DERP derp DERP derp DERP!”
The golems began singing in unison, an endless choir of mechanical derping.
“Technical knowledge indeed,” said Emeth. “I do believe we have been pranked. I think this is meant to be funny.”
“Funny? There is nothing funny about this AT ALL.”
“Then perhaps you need to talk to your priestess about something other than religion. This is hilarious.”

Penumbra and her friends burst into the hall, into safety- -and into laughter.
“Sweet Epona!” gasped Facet, both giggling and on the verge of panic. “If they find out I was here- -I’ll be hung for sure!”
“No one will find out!” laughed Penumbra. “Besides, I just derped them, Emeth can fix it in no time!”
“Did you see the look on their faces?” laughed Burnt.
“That was kind of the point,” snapped Chrysalis, the only one who was not laughing.
“But it was so FUNNY! I haven’t had so much fun since saddle-fitting day! Or riding crop training...or pile assembly practice...”
“But where’s the edge?” Chrysalis turned to the others. “Where’s the PAIN? It isn’t a real prank unless someone gets HURT!”
“I think you’re just being a sourpuss,” harrumphed Burnt. “Which is apparently a medical condition, so I’m sorry.”
“Perhaps she needs...cheering up?” Penumbra produced a tiny golem- -with a tiny derped face.
“Herp derp,” it said in a ridiculously high voice.
Facet and Burnt immediately squealed with laughter, falling backward onto the floor. Chrysalis remained both composed and of exceedingly sour countenance.
“Isn’t it cute?” Penumbra held it out to Chrysalis. “Look at it’s tiny face!”
Chrysalis slapped the golem out of Penumbra’s hoof. It landed in Burnt’s exceedingly fluffy mane and immediately began the preparations for colonizing it.
“Okay,” said Penumbra, taking a breath. “This is all new to me, but you’re making me feel...strange.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you make weak pranks!”
“You said ‘HAY’!” snorted Burnt, immediately collapsing into a fit of laughter. Facet joined her even though, as a slave, she was not permitted to even know what hay was. Only potatoes.
“This is stupid. Fatty, come over here. I need to talk to you. Alone.”
Penumbra obliged, following Chrysalis to the side. Things scuttled out of their way, hiding in the shadows, but both had grown used to the presence of the strange and unseen things. In fact, Penumbra barely even noticed them. She was more focused on a strange tingly feeling that seemed to be running through several parts of her body.
“Right.” Chrysalis turned around to face Penumbra. “Fatty, you know I’m your friend.”
“Then why do you keep calling me fat?”
“Because friends are honest. And you’re fat. Also ugly. See? Honesty.”
“Ah.”
“So that’s why I want to help you. That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”
“I have no idea why you’re here. Apart from being assigned to this.”
“Exactly. So, as your friend, I noticed something.” She pointed at Burnt and Facet, who were talking about something or other. “That pony. Burnt Toast. I can tell. You don’t like her very much.”
Penumbra’s brow furrowed. “She is assigned to be my friend. That is the king’s will.”
“But is she? Look at her. So plump and soft and sweet-smelling. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“Why would that bother me?”
A wide smile crossed Chrysalis’s face. “Because of her relationship with your father.”
Penumbra’s frown grew deeper. “Their relationship is purely professional.”
“If by ‘professional’ it means sharing a bed. She’s not even that much older than you. Not by unicorn standards. And how much time does Sombra spend with YOU? A lot less than with HER. You know I’m right.”
“The king is busy ruling the kingdom, he doesn’t have time for me- -”
“And ruling the kingdom requires spending time with a warm, soft lump of incendiary mare who can braid hair with her tongue? Sure. Just keep telling yourself that.”
Penumbra looked back over her shoulder. Burnt was laughing at something, and Facet was blushing. She seemed so very happy.
“And now she’s trying to steal your other friend. You’re terrible at friendship. They’ll leave you behind.”
“I don’t care.”
“She’ll take Facet like she takes your father every night.”
“I don’t...I don’t care.”
“Really?” Chrysalis passed close to Penumbra, close enough to whisper in her ear. “And how do you think Crozea feels? A strong, powerful mage who loves the king- -and he spends all his time with a chocolate horse instead of her?”
Penumbra bit down hard, trying to contain herself. Her own neglect was something she could bear- -but hurting Crozea was something she never could abide. And, in that moment, she realized how badly she was wracked with guilt for doing just that. Guilt that became hatred, and hatred that instead of being directed inward was directed at the most convenient of targets.
So Penumbra glared at Burnt, and Burnt waved happily. Because of course she was happy. She had everything Penumbra never could.
“Why would she do that?” she asked Chrysalis.
“Because she’s a bad pony. And bad ponies deserve punishment.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“A prank. A REAL prank. Trust me. She’ll get what she deserves.”
Penumbra stared at the smiling brown pony, and then smiled herself. “I’m in.”

The botanical garden was one of the few parts of the Citadel that was well lit- -though not in all parts. Many of the taller plants cast deep shadows in the understory, protecting strange and foul-scented plants from excessive light. Many of the most important alchemical plants, of course, grew in dank and dark places- -or on the tops of distant mountains, of course, but that was something else entirely.
Burnt walked through in awe of the plants, as she had never seen green plants before. It was not that she was forbidden from the garden, it was just that she had until then never had a reason to visit.
“It’s so pretty!” she said, getting dizzy from staring upward. “And probably very flammable. I wonder if they have cucumbers...”
She reached for a fruit growing on one of the trees, and as she did it unfolded and revealed a set of long, razor-sharp claws. It snapped at her before scuttling up the tree.
“I would avoid trying to eat the crabapples,” said a deep and heavily accented voice from farther in the garden. “They are not ripe. Try the manchineel They are much better.”
Burnt gasped, and pushed her way through the plants to a clearing on the far side. She recognized the voice.
“Mister Buttonhooks! Hello! It’s so good to see you!”
Buttonhooks smiled. He was, as on every Monday, sitting neck-deep in the bull-nettle patch. He lifted his head and his mouth- -permanently held in a smile by steel hooks- -twitched in greeting. Burnt was able to see his teeth, and the needles driven through them.
“You changed your tooth-needles!”
“And you are the first to notice.” Buttonhooks chattered his jaw together. “Nickel, with titanium tips.”
“They’re so pretty! Do they hurt?”
Buttonhooks sighed. “Yes. But only barely. I fear I may have reached the final extent of pain, its terminal limit, and have grown bored of it.”
“Don’t say that! I’m sure you’ll find something new and fun! You just have to keep your spirits up!”
Buttonhooks attempted to smile again. “Thank you, consort-Burnt. I will meditate on this thought. But I must ask, why are you here? Surely not for my sake. It is not riding-crop day.”
“Well, I don’t mean to brag, but...” Burnt squealed and pranced giddily. “I’m totally friends with the princess now!”
“You mean Penumbra?”
“Yes! I know! She’s my friend! My first REAL friend!”
“But what about the other girls?”
Burnt stopped prancing, and looked around. “Well...they’re kind of mean. Hope was nice, but she’s gone now, and Topaz...nopony’s seen her in a long time.”
“But that doesn’t explain why you’re here. Surely not for the nettles.”
“No. The princess sent me to find a flower.”
“A flower? Why? And why not come herself?”
“I don’t know, but she asked so nicely. It’s called a Rose of Galica. Do you know where that is?”
“Down the southern path, just past the Devil’s Snare. Please be very careful. Do NOT leave the path.”
“Because of the identical plant? Please, I’m a professional concubine. I know how to handle tentacles.”
“As do I. But that is not the one I am concerned about. Some of our most dangerous herbs are located down that path. I would rather not have to shovel your remnants out of them, and I doubt you would make a good fertilizer.”
“I actually probably will need to make fertilizer in a little bit. I swallowed a lot of crystal-pony hair. So I should probably be on my way. But it was so nice to see you!”
“As you, consort-Burnt.” Buttonhooks rolled over to make sure he was evenly nettled, and Burnt went on her way.
The path was dark and long, but otherwise pleasant, save for the foul smell. Burnt did not mind, though; it was the closest she had ever come to being outside. At the very least, though, she knew what a rose looked like; sometimes the other girls wore them as part of their clothing when the king came. Always the other girls, though. Never Burnt.
Several of the plants she saw were not roses at all. Some were flowers, and some had teeth; at least three had eyes, and one had fruit that made Burnt dizzy when she tried to eat seven of them. There were also the horseradishes, carefully peering at her from between the leaves of larger plants. Burnt thought that they were the funniest.
Then she came to a patch of roses. They were the most beautiful red color, but shimmered and glowed with golden light.
“Oh wow! So pretty! And they smell like feet!” Burnt approached the flowers. “Penumbra will be so happy I found her a flower! I’ll get her the biggest and prettiest- -”
It was at that moment that she felt the hidden rope tighten around her ankle, and hear the sound of a rubber tree sapling as it snapped free of its bindings. With a squeal, the trap lifted her from the ground and she sailed through the air- -only to be brought down in an enormous pile of nettles and venomous thorns.
“PAIN!” she cried, even as the rubber tree rebounded, picking her up again with enough force to dislocate her ankle and slamming her into another patch of flowers. Strange, blue-colored flowers.
Then the tree pulled her back, and she swung around a few times before she found herself suspended by the leg, dangling from the rubber tree.
“GAH!” she cried, trying to cover her exposed parts with her tail. “Not the pinata! NOT THE PINATA!”
Then the tingling started, and Burnt’s tail came off in her hooves. As did her mane, an entire horde of tiny derped golems leaping from it as it fell. Along with it came all of her body hair. She immediately and instantly became completely and utterly BALD.
“No- -no! My HAIR!”
“HA!” cried Penumbra, leaping up from a nearby shrub. “I got you!”
Burnt turned to Penumbra, tears welling in her eyes as she desperately tried to keep hold of the pile of hair that her mane had become. That look of betrayal in her eyes was so intense that it even gave Penumbra pause.
“You- -you did this?”
“Not so pretty now, are you?”
Burnt burst into a fit of weeping, trying to cover herself with her naked hooves. “Don’t look at me! Don’t look at me, I’m hideous!”
At that point, Facet came off the path, a hood pulled up over her head to protect her from the various ivies and worts of the garden. “Princess, I found a second length of rope in the storage shed, if you- -”
When she looked up and saw Burnt dangling, she screamed, dropping the rope.
“Princess! What have you done?!”
“It’s just a joke,” said Chrysalis. “A real funny one.”
“Besides. She deserved it.”
“Cut her down! Cut her down NOW!”
Penumbra jumped back, disturbed and nearly panicked by the urgency in Facet’s voice. She had never been spoken to like that, or heard a pony speak like that before. Without thinking, she immediately summoned a cutting spell and released Burnt, who fell to the ground with a thud.
Facet immediately raced to her side and Burnt latched onto her. As she did, she cried out.
“My leg- -oh no, its- -it’s facing the wrong way!” She held Facet tighter. “Don’t let them take me to the vet! Please, not the vet! If they find out, they’ll- -you know what they do to ponies with broken legs- -”
“It’s okay! It’s going to be okay! It’s dislocated, not broken, we can fix this!”
Penumbra stepped forward. “I didn’t mean- -”
Facet glared at her with such force that Penumbra froze. “You did this?”
“I- -”
Burnt burst into tears, holding her head. “Look- -look at me!” she wept. “I’m ugly!”
“Don’t say that,” said Facet. “It’s not that bad- -”
“But now the king will NEVER want me!”
Penumbra smiled, but did not feel happy inside at all. This all felt wrong.
“I- -I tried so hard,” wept Burnt, “I tried so hard to be pretty to him, but now he’ll never love me! He spends time with all the girls, but never me, but- -but I hoped that if I did this, he might finally CARE!”
Penumbra gasped. “You- -you never snuggled the king, did you?!”
“I’m BROWN!” screamed Burnt. “I lied, alright?! Why would he ever want ME?! Nopony loves me, and nopony ever WILL, not when I look like THIS! I thought you cared, but then you- -you- -how could you, Penumbra​? I thought we were friends!”
“I didn’t know! Facet, please- -”
“No.” Facet stood, helping Burnt stand. “This was a mistake. All of this was a mistake. My apologies, princess, I never should have tried to be your friend. You clearly don’t need them. You’re more like your father than I had ever imagined.”
“I- -” Penumbra felt as if something inside her was breaking. “Facet- -”
“And if she orders you to be your friend?” said Chrysalis. “Then you have to. Do it, Penumbra. Force her to be your friend. You know you want to.”
“Not even if she orders it. Send me back to the mines. She’s a slave, Penumbra, like me. You have no idea what her life is like, and you’re going to make fun of her for it? I’d rather mine crystals than continue from here. Please excuse me, princess. I need to get Burnt medical attention, and then see to my duties with the other maids.”
“But Facet, I’m sorry- -”
It was too late. Facet dragged Burnt away, who was still trying to cover herself even as brown fluff trailed behind her, falling off her newly naked body. Neither of them even looked back.
Penumbra sat down, defeated. “But why? It wasn’t supposed to go like this.”
“You didn’t expect this, fatty?” Chrysalis laughed as she brushed past Penumbra, hitting her in the face with her tail. “So you're stupid too. But what should I expect?”
“They were my friends...”
“No. They were SUBJECTS. You can’t ever have friends, princess. No one will EVER love you. You’re an ugly monster, a THING. Trust me, it’s better this way. They’re supposed to be afraid of you. They’re supposed to hate you. Because you DESERVE to be hated.”
“I...I’m a monster...”
“Yes you are. A fat, ugly one.” Chrysalis passed by Penumbra’s head, this time brushing her tail directly under Penumbra’s chin. “But I’m still here. Because as disgusting as you are, I’m willing to put up with it. Because I’m your only true friend. I’m the ONLY one who will EVER love you, princess. And you should be grateful to have a friend like me.”
“I need to apologize. I need to make this right- -”
She was interrupted as Chrysalis pressed their lips together. A long tongue was forced into Penumbra’s mouth. The sense of strange cheese was overwhelming.
Penumbra was pinned down, and felt herself kissing back. The feeling of tingling warmness inside her had grown overpowering, and the thoughts of the apology she had to made retreated in her mind in the face of the current situation.
Chrysalis’s eyes narrowed into thin slits, and then, in a flash of green, Penumbra found herself kissing a hideous quarray eel.
Penumbra’s reaction was immediate and instinctive. With one swift motion, she sifted to the side and to the top, pinning the eel to the ground and forcing her own tongue into its mouth.
The eel’s eyes opened wide with horror and surprise, and in a flash it had shifted again, this time becoming a hideous maulwurf. Penumbra responded by putting her hoof into its hair and kissing harder- -while the other hoof took a decidedly different direction.
The mole-creature squeaked and changed again. A bufrogen, a drowner, a lesser tentacle-beast, a varnak, a tatzlewurm- -and at no point did Penumbra let go.
“Get OFF!” screamed Chrysalis at last, sending a blast of green magic into Penumbra’s armored chest. Penumbra was thrown backward, and something tiny and black leapt out from under her and into the shadows of a nearby plant. “What in TARTARUS is WRONG with you?!”
“What is wrong with ME?! You started it! Come on, you’re an adorable little filly, I’m an adorable little filly, there’s nothing wrong with this! I’m feeling warm in fuzzy in ALL the places right now, come on! Get back here! TOUCH MY WINGS!”
“Buck you!”
“I wasn’t going to go that far- -”
“You were SUPPOSED to be disgusted! Terrified! I turned into an EEL!”
“Yes, I was there for that part.”
“And that didn’t surprise you? Not even a LITTLE? Or are you really that much of a horse?”
“I’ve undergone puberty in a matter of a MONTH I have a lot of pent-up feelings and no, you idiot, of COURSE I knew you were a changeling!”
Chrysalis gasped. “But- -but how?!”
“Because Emeth gave me dossiers on all the other Dark Thirteen. You even used your real name.”
“That fink!”
“It’s not even that hard to tell. You reek of pheromones. You can copy the look of a pony, but you always smell like a changeling.”
“And what are you, some sort of dog? Or are you making fun of me? That has to be it- -of COURSE, because you think you’re sooooo much better than me, stupid princess- -I’ll have you know, I’m a gosh-darn QUEEN!”
“That doesn’t explain why you stopped. You’re a changeling, you literally eat love. Well get over here, and I’ll feed you plenty!”
“Stop making it sound dirty!”
“I’m not making it sound like anything! YOU’RE the one with a dirty mind! Now get over hear and EAT MY LOVE!”
“NO!” Chrysalis stood, and Penumbra saw her, though not clearly. She was tiny, far smaller than a pony of her age, and black in color. Through the foliage, Penumbra could see the reflection of Chrysalis’s enormous eyes- -as well as the numerous holes in her tiny legs.
“You can’t eat it? Or you won’t...why?”
“Because your love tastes disgusting, and I don’t want any love from an eel-snogging pervert!”
“Why would a changeling be here? It makes no sense. There is no love in the Crystal Empire. You’ll starve.”
“Maybe I’m supposed to starve. Did you think of that, or are you really that stupid?”
“The only thing that’s stupid is you starving yourself!” Penumbra stood up. “Why? Why are you here, Queen?”
Chrysalis seemed taken aback by being addressed by her title, and paused for a long moment. Then her enormous eyes flicked toward Penumbra. “I am a second instar nymph. If have any love- -any love AT ALL- -I will progress to the third instar. And it’s not time. It’s still to early.”
“You’re trying to stay as a filly.”
“I’m trying to stay ALIVE! You have no idea how ruthless changeling politics are, what my mother would do to me if she found me!”
“Mother?” Penumbra’s eyes narrowed. “If you have a mother, you can’t also be queen. That’s not how it works.”
“Not in your primitive culture, no. Changelings are eusocial. My mother is Queen. But so am I.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It’s the jelly, okay! You foul winged idiot, I stole my mother’s royal jelly!”
“You became queen by...eating jelly?”
“How else are you supposed to do it? And you have no idea how HARD it was to get into the jelly reserve. Or what part of the queen it actually comes out of...” She shuddered. “I’m a usurper, just like you. If Ootheca finds me, I’m done. It’s too early. Not until I have an army. So stay away! Stop trying to feed me, you’ll ruin everything!”
“Then why did you kiss me?”
“Because I HATE you!”
“That makes no sense! You kiss ponies you like not- -”
“NOT FOR CHANGELINGS! We don’t FEEL love, we EAT it! I hate you, I hate you ALL! But especially YOU!”
“And what did I ever do to you? What did BURNT do?”
“The strumpet did nothing, but YOU- -you think you’re better than me! Because you have soft, fluffy wings and big purple eyes and a family that isn’t trying to literally eat you- -”
“I have a father who never pays attention to me and a mother-figure zebra who is ashamed of my existence!”
“And that must be so hard! To not have to be alone all the time, to be hated by everypony! To have big, hunky knights fawning over you and griffons BEGGING for your attention!”
Chrysalis stepped forward, and Penumbra saw her clearly. Shew as indeed small, and black, with a segmented green-blue portion around her middle. She wore a tiny crown as well. What drew Penumbra’s attention, though, was her short spike-like horn and her wispy pair of blue wings.
“You’re...you’re like me...”
“I’m nothing like you. I’m not pretty. What knight in shining armor is going to fall in love with a BUG? Look at the holes- -look at this thing on my head! It’s not a crown, it’s a GROWTH!”
“But you can be anyone, anything! You can take any form you want- -”
“And let ponies fall in love with what I appear to be. I know. But no one will EVER love me for what I am. No pony will look at me like this and think ‘aww, isn’t she cute’. I’m not like you.”
“At least you have the option.” Penumbra spread her wings. “I don’t have the option to change. Anywhere I go, I’m a monster. Ponies never look beyond my wing and horn. All they see is something to fear and hate.”
Chrysalis looked up at Penumbra. “We’re not the same.”
“I’m not going to argue with you, Chryssi.”
“Don’t you DARE call me that- -”
“I don’t have time. WE don’t have time. We have to help Burnt.”
“Why? I already turned her into your enemy. That’s what I do.”
“But she’s our friend. Not just mine, yours too. And if we’re going to keep it that way, we need to work together.”
“Like I would help you.”
“I can make you help.”
Chrysalis turned and crossed her front legs. “With what, a princess order? Don’t make me laugh! I outrank you! You can’t make me do anything!”
Penumbra sighed, and pulled off part of her armor. “Oh no!” she cried, falling to her side. “My armor! I’m exposed and naked! Vulnerable and adorable!”
“What are you doing? Stop that, you’re embarrassing yourself.”
“Look at my exposed teenage body! So soft and warm and innocent! Look at these wings!” She shook them in the air. “So soft and ticklish! I’m so full of feeling and raw passion, but I’m just too shy and afraid to be with a stallion at my age- -but maybe there’s a girl here my own age who would be willing to taste my sweet, delicious love...”
Chrysalis looked over her shoulder. She was clearly drooling. A puddle was beginning to form beneath her. “So much...love...”
Penumbra rolled on her back, exposing her soft underbelly. “My thick, creamy love...all those teenage emotions wrapped up in an adorable little package. How about a belly rub? I’ll let you taste as much as you want.” She blushed. “I- -if you’re gentle...”
“GAH!” Chrysalis stood up. “Stop it stop it STOP IT! Okay! OKAY! I’ll help, just please! STOP tempting me! It’s both disturbing and- -well- -TEMPTING! I told you, if I eat, it’ll- -”
“Ruin everything, I know.” Penumbra stood, immediately assuming her normal harsh seriousness. “Right. I’m going to need you to shapeshift.”
“So what else is new? That’s kind of what I do.”
“You’re also going to have to take one for the team. Sorry, Chryssi, but that’s just way it goes.”
“Wait, what?”