Fallout Equestria: Falling Shadows

by Drako Moon

Chapter 53: I Can't Watch This

“Tap…tap…tap. We interrupt this tragic tale of family betrayals, hidden secrets, and ponies killing each other for a public service announcement from your local broadcaster. This chapter of your favorite Friday night guilty pleasure will be hosted by yours truly. Who I am, I shouldn’t say, not till you’ve earned it, which makes it a good thing you can’t see me though the words on your hoofprint tattered screen. Anyway, I’m rambling, let’s get on with our favorite primetime programming…”

Tonight’s broadcast is sponsored by Generic Brand Medical Adhesive Strips, Celestial Slide Personal Lubricant, and viewers like you. Yes you, if you didn’t watch we’d be off the air for sure. And now we return to Cottage M.D.

Where the fuck am I? (Clear)(Pzzt) Ow! Who the fuck just shocked my chest!?(Charged to three juuls, clear)(Pzzt) I awoke with a gasp, surrounded by doctors, one in particular with his face too close to mine, shining a tiny flashlight in my eyes, “What happened?” I asked.

Dr. Cottage stopped shining the light in my eyes and said, “Uh, you died.”

“Died?!” I looked shocked at his declaration, “Your kidding, my friends and I were gonna sleep in an abandoned motel in the middle of The Wasteland and then I was here,” I retorted groggily.

“Nope, pretty sure you died. Trust me, I’m a doctor, it happens sometimes.”

Xamir was standing at the end of the bed looking at Dr. Cottage, “Cottage, sounds like she’s still having delusions of a post-apocalyptic wasteland. If you would’ve let me treat her with the anti-psychotics, we could’ve asked her about what happened when she first started feeling symptoms.”

“Are you an idiot?” Dr. Cottage asked, “Don’t answer that, the answer is yes. If you would’ve given her those anti-psychotics, the experimental drugs I gave her would’ve trashed her kidneys.”

“Oh, so let’s cut our time in half by screwing with her heart with dangerous drugs,” what sounded like 21 said from behind Dr. Cottage, “We could actually do real doctor stuff and give her an MRI instead of playing ‘Mad Scientist’ with experimental treatments.”

Dr. Cottage turned back and looked at me again, “Don’t worry, she’s really just angry because she’s dying of an incurable disease that’ll make her flail like a toddler and eventually make her brain-dead. The treatment was completely safe, heart attacks are just one of the possible side effects.”

As he talked I looked around the room and noticed I was in a hospital, not a refurbished Wasteland hospital, but a REAL hospital with doctors and nurses everywhere. Like in some pictures of one of my books I looked at while in my Stable, It was a nice hospital too, I hope I don’t get charged hundreds of thousands of caps for being treated here, “Where are my friends?”

Dr. Cottage gave me a strange look, “Right, you’re insane in the membrane. Your friends are figments of your imagination and don’t exist. I’d be your friend, but I don’t like anyone. Anyway, my name is Dr. Cottage, I’m a diagnostician who takes on strange cases of illnesses that other doctors are too stupid to figure out.”

“I know, you treated one of my friends.”

“Really? I don’t recall venturing into Imagination Land, of course I never recall when I go on painkiller drug trips,” Dr. Cottage replied.

“Can I please just give her the MRI?” 21 asked.

“No, she’ll just freak out again and ruin the results,” he replied.

“What if we sedate her?” 21 asked again.

“You know we’re doctors right? We SAVE ponies, not kill them, except for that one dictator guy who was a huge dick,” Dr. Cottage answered.

“What the fuck are you talking about!? I feel fine, except for the naggin pain in my chest from being SHOCKED! I want to know how I got here and why I’m here hooked up to all this crap,” then I looked down at where the IV went into my left forehoof, “Where’s my Pip-Buck!? How the hell did you manage to get it off!?”

“Great, now she’s freaking out again. I’m not getting bit again trying to restrain her,” 21 said.

“You’re right, being in here is distracting us from the real problem. This is why I don’t see patients,” Dr. Cottage retorted.

Ignoring me, they all walked out of the room like I was just a piece of chopped radroach. I have to find the others and get the fuck out of here, and most of all, find my Pip-Buck. I started to look around the room some more and saw that there was a window on the right-hoof side. I slid my hind-legs off the bed and took the IV stand in my magic to wheel it with me, then I slowly walked toward the window and pulled back the curtain. As soon as I did, I was blinded by sunlight, REAL sunlight, “This can’t be real, how’d the clouds all get cleared?” then I looked down into the hospital courtyard, “Green grass too? Where the hell am I?”

“This is Princetown Ponysboro Teaching Hospital, apparently,” Stardust said from the doorway of my room.

I quickly turned around to see Stardust standing before me in a lab coat, “Oh thank the Goddesses you’re here…why are you dressed like a doctor? Oh, don’t tell me you’re all weird and twisted too.”

He shook his head, “Nope. Woke up talking to some of Dr. Cottage’s fellowship doctors in some weird accent. This place is weird and I wanna go home. At least I know what’ll kill me in The Wasteland, here I could catch an odd disease and die a horrible death.”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s a hospital, I’m sure they take some sort of precautions. Why do you think doctors don’t get sick?”

He huffed, “I could still get sneezed on, bled on, or worse, barfed on. Bodily fluids are always being sprayed around in places like this.”

“You were fine in Frosty Summit when Wingnut was sick. I don’t understand why you’d have a problem now,” I said, trying to get passed his germaphobia.

“Frosty Summit only had Wingnut, and that disease wasn’t contagious. I hate hospitals and medical centers, always have. There was this one time in Stable 97 where there was this flu going around and the clinic was full of other ponies expelling fluids out of every orifice and I ended up getting sick because one of the ponies walking into the clinic accidentally sneezed on me,” Stardust argued.

“Oh get over yourself, you’ll be fine. Plus, I have a feeling this place isn’t quite in The Wasteland, look outside.”

He looked passed me at the window, “Is that the sun?”

“Yeah, I thought my first time seeing it would be cool, but it turns out that I’m hooked up to machines and IV bags in a place that thinks I’m insane and stinks like hospital. There’s also the fact that I’m missing something,” I held my left fore-hoof up, “It’s gone.”

“What’re you talking about, your horn is still there,” he said sounding puzzled.

“I’m not pointing to my horn you idiot, I’m showing you that I don’t have my Pip-Buck. That means someone here has it and if anything it’s my mother. This must be some sort of spell she cast so she could get away, but that doesn’t make any sense. She had that magic suppressing ring on her horn.”

“First of all, I’m not an idiot, I just don’t spend a lot of time looking at your freakin’ Pip-Buck. Second of all, remember that the area the motel was in, screwed with unicorn magic?” Stardust said.

I scratched my head, “Yeah, but that shouldn’t affect the horn ring though, right?”

He shrugged, “I dunno, I always figured magic was magic.”

“No, it’s not, but there’s gotta be some sort of explanation for all of this. I remember walking into the motel room and then I switched on the light, then I was waking up here being shocked with a defibrillator. Have you seen any of the others?”

“No, you’re the first I’ve seen since I found myself here. I don’t even know where here is besides what I read on the sign in the hallway. I mean I’ve seen Dr. Cottage and stuff, but he’s different than usual, he’s still a pill popping ass, but he doesn’t seem to recall being in The Wasteland. For a second there he thought I contracted the same disease they’re trying to figure out if you have or not, but then he just complemented me on dropping my ridiculous accent. Then he told me I should get a manecut because if I didn’t have to spend an hour on it every morning, I might make it to work on time. I don’t even work here!” Stardust explained.

A second later, a nurse walked into the room, “Excuse me, Dr. Night. Your patient in maternity is ready to deliver, you should head down there and get scrubbed.”

He turned around to look at her, “Uhhh, yeah sure, be there in a couple minutes,” as she walked out of the room he turned his head back to me, “I guess I do work here. I don’t wanna deliver a foal, and why the fuck do they need to scrub me? I feel cleaner than I did in the stable.”

“Scrubbed means dressed for surgical work jackass,” Aura said from the doorway. Geeze, was there a big sign on the door that said in big letters ‘SHADOW IS IN THIS ROOM EVERYPONY’? “Where are we?”

“In a hospital,” Stardust and I said in unison.

She grabbed the bridge of her beak and sighed, “I get that part, I meant where is this hospital? I’ve never even heard of it before, and outside it looks like the war pretty much never happened. I even saw a few zebras in other rooms that didn’t seem to be terrorizing anypony, and some of them were patients.”

I started disconnecting the machine that tracked my heartrate and oxygen level from my fore-leg and it started to beep, “Aura, can you help me with this?”

She walked over and ripped the plug out of the wall, “There, problem solved,” then a bunch of nurses ran in, “Or not.”

When they saw I wasn’t in immediate need of medical care they stopped and stared blankly at me as if they didn’t know what to do, so I spoke up, “Tell Dr. Cottage I’d like to be discharged.”

The nurse in the front said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, you just had a serious cardiac event.”

“I don’t care, trust me it’s not my first one. He experimented on me and I don’t feel comfortable under his care. So, go tell him to discharge me,” I replied sternly.

She shook her head and led the rest of the nurses out of the room. As the last one turned out the door Stardust said, “That was weird, why didn’t they just tell you no?”

“Maybe it’s like before the war when you could say you want to leave the hospital and they have to let you,” Aura said, “Doctors aren’t supposed to keep their patients’ prisoner until they’re better or die.”

I took a minute to think about it, “Maybe we can get out of this by playing our parts.”

Stardust looked confused, “What? Play our parts?”

“You know, like a story. I’m clearly a patient with a weird disease, you’re a doctor, and…I don’t know what Aura is supposed to be in this situation. However, I think if we act out these specific parts, we might eventually find the others and be able to get out of this strange world,” I explained.

“No way Kemosabe, I’m not gonna play doctor with some random mare and deliver her foal,” Stardust protested.

“Come on, it can’t be that hard, just don’t drop it,” I retorted.

Aura rubbed her face with a talon, “Shadow, that’s not how all that works, didn’t they have a health class in your Stable?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I paid attention,” I replied.

She sighed, “That was apparent when you said ‘just don’t drop it’. I hope you know how wrong that sounds. Oh well, guess it’s a good thing you won’t be having a foal anytime soon or at all. I couldn’t imagine what you’d do if you had to give birth.”

Stardust looked thoughtful as he said, “So, there is a plus side to a same sex relationship.”

“Okay, fine, maybe don’t play out our parts err whatever. How else are we gonna get out of here? Plus, we still need to figure out where Wind Thrasher, Oricalcos, and my mother are,” I said then looked over at Stardust, “And, bite me Dusty.”

“I’m sure they’re around here somewhere,” Stardust said, “Grimoire is probably trapped in the Psych Ward, Oricalcos is most likely hiding in a shadow somewhere waiting for us to walk by so he doesn’t have to look for us, and Wind Thrasher is probably a patient like you with tests being done to see why she looks the way she does. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with what she looks like, but I’m pretty sure in this setting something like her is either an impossibility or just extremely rare.”

“Hey, two of those are actually good suggestions,” Aura said, “You’re dressed like a doctor, maybe you should go check the patient logs.”

Stardust cleared his throat, “No madam, I AM a doctor. I overcharge ponies to cut them open and always have cold hooves. While you’re here I could give you a flu sh…”

“Just go check them already! I’m not in the mood for one of your stupid routines,” Aura interrupted.

“Geeze, Aura don’t be a buzz kill, anyways, how am I supposed to know where the patient log is? I don’t really work here, well I do, but I don’t know where stuff is,” he replied.

She rubbed her face again, “All this is making my head hurt. Go out to the nurse’s station and look for a terminal, it should be on there. At least that’s where it is in most of the hospitals I’ve explored in The Wasteland.”

“That would probably be a good idea huh?” Stardust said rubbing the back of his head.

He walked out of the room to do as she asked and then Aura walked over to me and started fiddling with my IV, “Here, let me get this out. You don’t want this tube to get stuck on anything if we have to run because this is all some elaborate trap meant to kill us.”

“I think we’ve OW! Sprung the trap already by winding up in this mess. Lesson learned, never turn on lights in strange places.”

“How were you supposed to know this was gonna happen, and who says it was you turning on the light that triggered it?” she asked as she removed the needle and applied a Generic Brand Medical Adhesive Strip. Wait, why did I just describe a Generic Brand Medical Adhesive strip like that? Why can’t I just say what it is? Ugh, somepony help us.

“I just have this feeling that the lamp had something to do with it. Maybe we found one of Squirrel and Moose’s supernatural creatures and got screwed because of the coincidence,” I replied.

“That seems highly unlikely, the supernatural creature thing. Sure, this is a strange situation we’ve been put in, but I don’t think it was by some monster,” Aura said doubtingly.

I sighed, “Are you sure, cause this has ‘freaky’ scribbled all over it and I don’t want ‘freaky’ all over me more than it already is,” It was then that I noticed that I didn’t feel Aquila trying to push her way out of my consciousness.

“Yes I’m sure, this has to be something different. I don’t think there’s some random monster out there that puts a group together in a shared dream and eats them while they blissfully slumber,” she replied as Stardust came back into the room.

“So, I checked that sick ponies list thingy, and I didn’t see Grim or Oricalcos on the list as patients, but I did see Wind Thrasher. I guess she’s in the free clinic on the first floor getting treated for poison joke of all things.”

“Sounds like she got off easy,” I said, feeling relieved, “She’s lucky they didn’t want to run experiments and tests on her to see what she is. If we can get down there and find her, then maybe she can help us find the other two with her enhanced senses.”

Cottage M.D. will return after these messages…

Tired of feeling sick after eating irradiated food? If you are then you should ask your doctor about Leadizole, the heavy metal radiation treatment guaranteed to put a damper on radiation sickness. Here are some opinions from current Leadizole users.

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“Leadizole is a miracle drug!”

Do not take Leadizole while pregnant, as it may cause birth defects or a miscarriage. Some patients have experienced discomfort while using Leadizole. Leadizole can cause some serious or life-threatening side effects. Speak with your doctor immediately if you experience the following: fever, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, addiction to eating metallic objects, heavy metal poisoning, or death.

“Hello, see this frying pan? See this egg? It may look like I’m about to make a delicious breakfast here, but I have an important message for you. This egg is your brain, this frying pan is drugs. (crack, sssssssss) This is your brain on drugs!”

“Using illegal drugs will rot your insides and turn your brain into useless stupid paste. So set an example for your peers and say no to drugs and alcohol, it could change your life.”

“If you or a friend is having trouble with a drug or alcohol problem please seek help as soon as you can, and don’t be afraid. Thank you.”

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Tonight, on PMZ! We catch up with Sapphire Shores after her on stage wardrobe malfunction. Is that Princess Cadence walking around The Crystal Empire with what looks like a foal-bump, or is she hiding a cake addiction like her dear Aunt? Plus, we take a look at the pony who managed to paparazzo a paparazzo. Tonight at 7pm Equestrian time!

We now return to Cottage M.D.

“What the fuck just happened?” Stardust asked.

“I have no fucking clue. It sounded like a bunch of weird advertisements,” I replied.

“The better question is how the hell we got down here,” Aura said.

I proceeded to look around and noticed that we were no longer in my room and were now in what looked like the hospital entrance, right in front of the clinic, “Guys, this is getting weirder. I don’t remember coming down here, do you?”

“No, we were in your room upstairs and then there was all that weirdness, and now we’re here. Like I said before, I wanna go back to The Wasteland and that shitty motel with the moldy mattresses that smell like something died in them, this place is weird and makes me uncomfortable,” Stardust said.

Aura pointed a talon, “Looks like the clinic is right there, we should go see if we can find Wind Thrasher. It doesn’t look all that big so it shouldn’t be too much trouble.”

They followed as I walked through the clinic doors. The clinic was full of sick ponies in the waiting room with a very arrogant looking Dr. Cottage standing before them, “Okay, is everypony here feeling sick today?” they nodded, “Stuffy nose, fever, chills, possible coughing?” they nodded again, “It’s a COLD, go home, eat some freakin’ soup, and go to bed. You’ll feel better in a few days,” as they all got up he turned around and looked at me, “Aren’t you supposed to be dying?”

“No, I feel fine,” I replied plainly.

“Hmm, congratulations, you’re cured!” he said with a sarcastic grin, “Well, when you actually do die, make sure your family doesn’t sue me for malpractice.”

“Sue?”

“Oh, never mind. Anyhow there are other patients I must miraculously cure beyond all odds and belief,” he said as he proceeded to walk away.

“Excuse me, is there something I can help you with? Otherwise if you’re a walk-in to get examined, please write down your name here and wait to be called up,” the receptionist at the desk said.

“Um, I’m looking for my friend Wind Thrasher, she’s apparently being treated for poison joke,” I replied awkwardly.

She smiled and looked down at her terminal, “It looks like she’s in exam room 3 right over there.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

We walked up to the door and I turned the knob with my magic. What I opened the door to surprised me, “Occupied!”

“Oh, sorry, we were looking for our friend,” I said quickly.

“Shadow? How’d you get into my dream, and Aura too?” Wind Thrasher, or at least what sounded like Wind Thrasher said while soaking in a small wooden tub.

“Why didn’t you ask why I’m here too? Also, why don’t you look like you normally do?” Stardust asked.

She blushed, “Um, no reason, I was getting to you. They said I was affected by poison joke and needed to bathe in this stuff to get rid of it. I told them that I normally look like this but they didn’t believe me.”

When she said she normally looked like that I noticed that Wind Thrasher didn’t look like her normal self, she was…normal. Not normal as in her normal, normal as in not sharing DNA with other creatures. Her mane and coat were the same color they usually were, but her wings were feathery like a normal pegasus, her eyes were blue instead of yellow and didn’t have slit pupils. I couldn’t tell because she was mostly in the water, but I don’t think she had scales either.

I was gonna say something, but Stardust did before I could, “On the contrary, you do have some distinct differences.”

She quickly covered her face as if she was hiding, “Like what!? My mane didn’t turn an icky green color did it!?”

Stardust cleared his throat, “Uh, no. You um…look different, like really different.”

“Yeah, you look like a normal cloud muncher like Stardust does,” Aura senselessly blurted out.

Wind Thrasher shot up and looked at her reflection in the mirror on the wall as bubbles slid down her coat and back into the water, “How the…”

“Just so you know…” I interrupted, “This isn’t a dream.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, sitting back down into the water.

“It looks like we’re in another world of some sort,” Stardust said, “Something happened when we went into that abandoned motel room and Shadow decided to turn on the light. After that we all woke up in strange places in this hospital. Apparently, I’m a doctor which doesn’t make any sense, Shadow is a patient with a weird illness which is just her normal brand of weird, and Aura…I don’t know about her, she just kinda showed up.”

“Did you guys hear those weird ads too?” Wind Thrasher asked.

“Yup, and there’s no unhearing them either,” Aura replied.

“What about Grimoire and Oricalcos?” Wind Thrasher asked again.

I sighed, “We don’t know yet, none of us have seen them around at all, and I don’t even know where to start looking if they’re here just like we are. If anything, this could be some elaborate trap set by my mother, even though I highly doubt it. How would she know we were going to that specific place?”

“There’s also the fact that she was tied up with a magic suppressing ring on her horn and Oricalcos watching over her,” Stardust said.

Wind Thrasher got out of the wooden tub and started to dry off with a towel I hadn’t noticed when we came in, “So, what do we do now?”

I scratched my head and looked around at each of my friends, “I don’t know, I guess we could try taking a look around down here. I’d say check upstairs for my mom and Oricalcos, but I don’t wanna be shoved back into a hospital gown and experimented on again. The Dr. Cottage here seems more dickish and nuts than the one we know.”

We left the clinic and went into the lobby only to be hit with a serious case of ‘where the fuck do we go now’. The only places on the main floor were, the hospital administrator’s office, a chapel for some reason with a religion I didn’t recognize, the cafeteria, and a gift shop.

“Why don’t we talk to the Administrator and see if we can make sense of our situation?” Wind Thrasher asked.

“Because they’ll just throw us in a padded room with straightjackets and mouth guards so we don’t bite our own tongues,” Stardust said as if that was the obvious thing that would happen…which he was probably correct about, “How about we go to the gift shop and play with the cheap toys for dying children until they break. Not to purposely break them, but to pass the time. Plus, it’s not like this place is real.”

“Maybe you SHOULD be put in a straightjacket featherbrain.” Aura hissed.

“I dunno, the electricity ramming through my chest felt pretty real,” I said rubbing my chest a little with a hoof.

“Well, real or not, I’m hungry. Can we talk this over in the cafeteria over some REAL food with NO radiation?” Aura asked.

“Rule number one about being in a strange place away from home, don’t eat the food,” Stardust said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“It could be really gross and give you the sh…uh…food poisoning. Otherwise there’s the chance that it could be made of other ponies they keep locked up in the basement,” Stardust replied.

Ugh, why can’t we all agree to go to one place, and why is there always a bad side with going to said place? The Administrator will think we’re insane, the cafeteria probably has fucked up food, and the gift shop…well the gift shop doesn’t sound too bad, but still there’s probably something there waiting to fuck with us too, “What about the chapel?” I asked.

“What are we gonna do there, pray for release from this hellhole?” Aura asked.

“I’m just saying it’s an option with no down side,” I retorted.

“Uh, sure, no downside. It says ‘Church of Chaos’ right on the door, sounds sketchy,” Stardust said.

That’s it, fuck this, “FINE, we’ll go to the fucking giftshop!”

All the ponies in the lobby stopped what they were doing and looked at me in awkward silence.

We walked into the gift shop and I noticed that there were more stuffed animals with sayings on them than I was comfortable with. Not to mention the overly enthusiastic Nurse Joy who was standing at the cashier’s counter, “Why hello there. Is there anything I can help you find?”

I haven’t seen her since I was recovering from surgery in Hidden Sands, I forgot how annoyingly cheerful she is, “No.”

“Oh, no. Somepony is being a sourpuss, was there a death in the family?” she retorted to my answer.

“No, but there’s gonna be a death soon if you keep asking me questions,” I said angrily.

“Y’know what, I have a big fluffy stuffed bear that would be perfect for you. Maybe it’ll lighten your spirits a little. Oh, and I also have sugar free lollipops!” she said again, completely ignoring my remark.

“Okay, first of all, stuffed animals are better fire fodder than material objects, second, sugar free lollipops taste like sundried shit on a paper stick, and third, leave me alone and let me browse in peace. I just wanna get the hell out of here and go home,” I said again, hoping she’d finally stop.

“Oh, well I could getcha some fun little toys to pla…”

I interrupted and proceeded to exclaim, “Shut, up!”

Instead of reacting like a normal pony would she just smiled and said, “Okey-dokey then. I’ll leave ya to it.”

“Wow, harsh much?” Stardust asked.

“What would you do?”

“Not that,” he replied, “You could’ve been calmer and nicer.”

“I could’ve shot her too, but I don’t have my gun now do I?” I asked.

“What put you in a bad mood all of a sudden?” Wind Thrasher asked as we walked around the store.

I sighed, “I’m just frustrated is all, I finally get my mom into a position where I can finally try talking some sense into her and jury-rig her head so she doesn’t think I’m an imposter anymore. Then, out of nowhere I see one of these fucking things and turn it on to end up in Screwy-fucked-up-hellscape!” then I realized what I just pointed at. Right on the shelf was the same lamp in a row of other lamps that looked exactly the same. I looked down at the price label for some reason and read what it said, “Discord Lamp, twelve bits.”

“Discord? Like Lord of Chaos Discord?” Wind Thrasher asked.

Stardust scoffed, “He was re-trapped in stone by the Ministry Mares over two-hundred years ago. There’s no way the statue he was turned into survived the war, especially sitting in the castle garden.”

Wind Thrasher put a hoof up, “Well, actually I found out that the statue was moved to a research facility during the war by Rarity. It was in some messages I read on a terminal somewhere when I was traveling after I left Stable 9.”

“How would he get out though?” I asked.

“He couldn’t have,” Stardust said, “He was sealed with The Elements of Harmony, the strongest weapons the Ministry Mares ever had in their youth.”

“How do you explain this then?” Aura asked.

“I can’t,” Stardust replied.

“Ohhhhh, but I CAN,” the lamp said as it started to move, “Step into my office,” Discord said with a snap of his ceramic claw.

We suddenly found ourselves in the office of the hospital administrator, sitting in front of a desk with a very familiar looking Draconequus sitting behind it at a terminal wearing a suit and horn-rimmed glasses.

He looked at me, “So Ms. Star, you were admitted to Pranceton Ponysboro Hospital with chest pains, psychosis, and some slight death?”

“No, I was teleported here by a stupid lamp that looks like you!” I replied.

He scratched his tufty goatee with his lion paw, “I see, so still feeling some symptoms. I’ll inform Dr. Cottage and the rest of his fellowship, starting with Dr. Night.”

Stardust retorted in a strange accent, “I’m not a doctah! Why am I talking loike this? If ya don’t fix me, I’ll fuckin’ bump ya!”

“With what, your didgeridoo?” Discord asked.

“Why I otta!” Stardust yelled with a hoof in the air as if he was gonna try hitting the apparent Lord of Chaos.

He smiled and typed on his terminal keyboard, “Moving on to you, Ms. Thrasher. I see you’ve responded well to your poison joke treatment, I actually preferred you the other way, but I guess it can’t be helped. Such a debilitating ailment those wonderful plants can spring upon you sometimes.”

“Jerk,” Wind Thrasher said, proceeding to stick her tongue out at him.

“Ah, yes, very good. You, mutated chicken, you’re just here as a visitor of Ms. Star. I regret to inform you that she’s completely lost her mind,” Discord said tossing a brain from his claw.

“What the fuck do you want with us, and how the hell are you even here right now?” I asked.

He put up one digit on his lion paw and waved it in my face, “Ah-ah-ah, no one likes a potty mouth,” then my mouth appeared to turn into a toilet for a split second as he snapped his claws again, “There, that should help. After all, sometimes children watch with their parents as they all sit in the living room enjoying their MSG riddled microwave dinners in front of the television.”

“What the fudge is a television? Ah, why the shell can’t I say fudge?” I asked, apparently no longer able to curse.

“But you just said it my dear, don’t tell me you can’t recognize words anymore. Anyhow, on to your question. Right now, you are in a world of my creation. You see, a fifth dimensional creature such as myself requires a certain amount of amusement in order to not go sane,” Discord replied.

“You’re not fifth dimensional,” Wind Thrasher said.

He put a digit up, “No, but I lived there long enough to be considered fifth dimensional. Details, always with the details. Anyway, never mind that and welcome to TV Land!”

“Wot’s TV laund?” Stardust asked, “You also neva said what a television wos.”

Discord smiled, “That’s because your universe never invented one, even though you had all the means to do so. A television is for example, a terminal monitor that displays recorded plays called shows, and even better commercials and informercials that pop up right when the good part is coming up which is so chaotic I almost cry kittens every time it happens.” He literally cried kittens as he said that, “TV Land is a world of my making inside such a device, commercials and all.”

“But why did you bring us here and how?” Wind Thrasher asked.

He leaned back in his chair which changed from an office chair to a rocking chair as his outfit changed to that of an old lady and sounded as such, but retained his own voice, “Let me think…it was chapters ago in a place called The Fiend Town under Stable 9 when I first met Shadow. She was trying to save her newest friends from certain death from that awful pony Gator and I saw her through the downpour of the raging thunderstorm that was cascading water all over my tiny sixty-watt light bulb. I guided her, and shared with her wisdom, only to be blasted away with a mighty explosion. I found myself in many different places, from junk scavengers to traveling salesponies. I was finally bought by the former manager of this fine establishment, however when she turned me on I took pity on her and sent her to a place where she’d be happier.” His voice nomalizes, “Who says I can’t be a nice guy? And then Shadow came along again with her friends intact and with a few more. So, I gathered up what magic I could spare and brought the four of you here. I would’ve brought the other three, but it seems my magic doesn’t work on them. Charms, technicalities, and all.”

“You still haven’t explained why you brought us here and how you’re not a giant hunk of useless rock,” I said plainly.

He smiled, “I was saving the best part for last. I brought you here to see if you’d be willing to help little old me. When I…”

“No, absolutely not,” I said, “You’re the Lord of Chaos and tried to take over the world.”

“Ppfftt, so? Celestia and Luna were clearly running it into the ground anyway with all that nasty war business. I was just pitching a better option before that happened to be an issue. The early bird catches the worm you know,” he retorted.

Stardust pounded a hoof on his desk, “Yeah, but yer still evil ya bloomin’ snake!”

“Put a sock in it you little Outback reject,” with a snap of his claw, Stardust’s mouth was stuffed with rolled up white and pink socks, “Much better.”

“Hey, fix him before I…” I started to say.

“Before you do what? Shoot me? Kill me? In case you haven’t noticed, you have no weapons, and I’m not stupid enough to lend you my fancy letter opener. It was a gift from a dear friend, she brought my mail every day without fail and had the best set of crossed eyes I’d ever seen,” Discord interrupted.

“Stop going off on tangents,” I said, “I’m aware I don’t have any weapons, but I still have an ace to play.”

He laughed evily, “What, your little disease living in that head cage of yours? I thought you would’ve caught on when I said my magic didn’t work on the other THREE of you. It seems you’re not very perceptive, I left her in your little bird-cage in your unconscious body.”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous she is!?” I exclaimed.

“Quite, as I imagine. She’s almost as powerful as I am when I’m whole.”

“Whole?” I asked.

His smile disappeared, “It seems my tongue has slipped a little too far up the slide again,” he sighed, “I guess I might as well explain since you’re going to ask anyway.”

“Explain what?” Aura asked.

Discord snapped his paw clamping a very large wooden clothespin on Aura’s beak “Don’t interrupt me.” He snapped his paw again and a book of Equestrian History pops out of thin air along with reading glasses, Discord opens it and starts reading it aloud, “A long time ago, in a soon to be Equestrian Wasteland pretty close to here, I was a glorious statue. When I was brought to the research facility by Rarity, that little whiner, she experimented on me with her two little idiot goons. She was studying that black book and decided she’d try her hoof at a little soul magic. I, of course was the first subject. She and the other two, cut off part of my soul and stuffed me into this wonderful little lamp that I’d left behind years ago during my reign which lasted all but an afternoon. I was used as an office lamp from then on that wouldn’t break or ever need its bulb changed. Then the megaspells came and I was lost under a pile of rubble for years until a lucky scavenger dug me out and sold me to a merchant, it was all downhill from there. I eventually was stolen from an unsuspecting family in a home invasion by that Gator fellow and hung up on a rusty, smelly, and not to mention run-down shack. Then you know the rest.”

“So, you’re a soul jar?” I asked.

“Yes…and no. The lamp is a soul jar and I am the piece of my soul that was bonded to it. The reason I brought you all here is to reunite me with the rest of my soul so I can be whole again,” Discord explained.

“Whole again? So, you can do what, break free and make The Wasteland even worse than it is?” I asked again.

“Worse? To be honest I was thinking of fixing up the joint, the whole radiation and my blood everywhere thing is kind of tacky if you ask me. Although I’d probably make a few improvements.”

“No, we won’t help you do that. I’d rather deal with The Wasteland the way it is than let you tamper with it and turn the whole place into some drug-fueled nightmare,” I said as Stardust tried muffling something through the rolled-up sock in his mouth.

Discord frowned, “Very well then. We’ll be back after these messages, and coming up next, Equestria’s Funniest Home Videos!”

Do you experience symptoms of herpegonosypholitis such as burning, itching, genital bleeding, occasional death, and reverse fever dreams?

Hi, I’m Dr. Discord, Lord of Chaos. If you’ve suffered from any of these symptoms then you should talk to me, your primary physician about Killaskank. Killaskank is a drug formulated and proven to treat, stop the spread of, and eventually cure herpegonosypholitis within three centuries or less.

Dr. Cottage from the hit drama Dr. Cottage M.D. has tested this drug on himself and here’s his response.

“I still have the disease, but at least I don’t have to say I don’t on this commercial.”

Oh, pity, I thought he was a team player. Anyway, side effects of this drug will probably all kill you blah blah blah. NEXT!

Coming this Friday to a theater near you, Fallout Equestria: Falling Shadows, The Movie!

With big name actors such as Shadow Star, Stardust, Aura Bloodtalon, and the rest of the band of misfits you remember from your favorite best-selling book. All reprising their rolls in this book-to-movie drama-thriller. Watch as Shadow hopelessly wanders the wasteland with her idiot friends to find her mentally unstable mother and get answers to her life, and save The Equestrian Wasteland from certain death. Early patrons at select theaters will receive ponchos upon purchase of a 4D movie ticket for all the blood and gore that will eventually cover you from head to hoof.

Only showing in select theaters, book your tickets now and enjoy with the whole family!

I found myself on a strange set with what looked like a camera in front of me. What the hell am I doing here, “Hi, I’m Shadow Star, from the upcoming film Fallout Equestria: Falling Shadows The Movie coming to theaters this Friday,” I said seductively. Why seductively? Why did I say that at all? “I just can’t get through a day of filming with out and ice-cold Sparkle-Cola. With its great original taste and radioactivity, I gulp down every sip as if it were my last. Sparkle-Cola, the apocalypse awaits,” I’m beginning to hate Discord more than I already do.

Hello, I’m Discord, Lord of Chaos, attorney at law. Have you recently been ran over by a carriage, stepped on by a giant monster, or slightly eaten by other ponies?

Here at Chaos Law & Associates, my fellow Discords and I believe you shouldn’t have to suffer such things without any compensation. Head down to my offices in the fifth dimension for a free consultation to see what you can do about your recent accident or victimization. You can also call toll free through a very rare seashell found in the deepest depths of the largest volcano in Equestria, otherwise it’s the third building on your left off of Not-Main Street, and Thirteenth Avenue right next to The Shadow Zone.

Tonight on Equestria’s Funniest Home Videos, we get to see a unicorn fly, a griffon get drunk, and a pegasus or two have a bit of a crash. Now here’s our host, the one and only, DISCORD!

“Hello, everypony, I’m your host Discord, Lord of Chaos and this is Equestria’s favorite epic fail, prime time show Equestria’s Funniest Home Videos! Tonight on our show we won’t be giving away roses to potential lovers like some desperate divorced housewife, no one will fall into a pit of mud after bouncing off the side of a giant, red, rubber ball on an obstacle course even though it is pretty funny, and no one will find out if they have talent or not. However, we will have clips like this…”

I suddenly found myself on top of a two-story house looking down at a trampoline. Oh Goddesses no, what did I do to deserve this? Then I started to uncontrollably walk forward and jump, “Ahhhh!” I yelled as I fell toward the trampoline. When I hit, I immediately bounced and went flying into the nearby fence, face first, “Ow, son of a b***h!”

“Oh, that wasn’t a good idea now was it? Everypony knows unicorns can’t fly. In this next video, the creature can fly, but really shouldn’t”

After a quick flash I found myself in an audience looking at the big screen on the stage. I couldn’t move or talk, but I could see Aura drunkenly fly into a sliding glass door on in the video on the screen.

“What, no laugh?” another Discord said from next to me. I looked around and saw that the entire audience were Discords, “I won’t let you ruin my show by talking but you can laugh freely at your friend’s shenanigans.”

I shook my head as much as I could, “Mmm-mm.”

The next video that played was Stardust and Wind Thrasher as the bride and groom at a wedding, “Now this is quite the picture isn’t it. The funny thing is what will happen next, I didn’t even need to write into the script for tonight’s show.”

I looked at the video again and Stardust tried to speak as the minister recited wedding stuff, “I uh, what are we…” then without warning, the still normal looking Wind Thrasher passed out. Stardust rushed to catch her and said, “Wind Thrasher are you okay?”

Then the video cut out and the host Discord started speaking again, but I couldn’t hear him over the Discord next to me, “Really Shadow, not even a chuckle? What kind of friend doesn’t laugh at their friends? How about we change the channel?”

“And we’re back with Police Force Live! Let’s check back with the officer we follow in Round Pines, Northern Equestria.”

Round Pines, Equestria

Why are we in a carriage? Wait, where’s Stardust? “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, head just hurts a little from that damn window,” Aura said rubbing her head lightly.

“I barely remember what happened, one minute I was standing at an alter with Stardust and then I was here,” Wind Thrasher said with a small blush.

Then I noticed something through the back window, “What’s that flashing red light?”

“Don’t know, probably something that’s gonna kill us as usual,” Aura said plainly.

I grasped the carriage’s side window with my magic and pulled it open to see Stardust standing before a strange mare in a uniform, “Okay sir, I want you to walk in a straight line, hoof to hoof for ten paces.”

“Okay, then what after that?” Stardust asked.

“We’ll see what happens first,” the strange mare replied.

“Stardust, what are you doing?”

“I guess this is some sort of crime show and I was stopped for suspected drunk flying,” he replied as he completed his task.

The, I guess, police officer smiled, “Alright sir, now I want you to stand up straight in front of me and follow my hoof without turning your head, only move your eyeballs.”

“What? That sounds stupid,” Stardust protested.

“I could just put ya in hoofcuffs right now if you’d like and take a blood test at the jail,” she responded.

Stardust sighed, “Okay, just start the test.”

I watched as she performed this strange test of hers and asked, “So, why does he need to do all this?”

“Oh, this is a test of motor skills to see if he is impaired in any way, it’s called a field sobriety test,” she explained as she continued the test.

“But, we’re on a road…” no! Stupid Shadow, don’t say that!

“Haha, very funny, just sit back and relax. If I end up having to take him in, I’ll call your parents to come pick you up,” the officer said with a genuine chuckle.

“Is that it? Are we done with the tests now?” Stardust asked.

“Nope, I’m gonna need you to blow into this,” she said.

“What’s that?” Stardust asked, perplexed by the odd nature of the small battery-operated machine.

“This is a breathalyzer device, just blow into this tube for a few seconds and it’ll tell me your blood-alcohol level,” she answered.

“Why couldn’t we have just started with that? You could’ve saved so much time if you’d just started with that,” Stardust said.

She gave him a slight shooty look, “Sir, I also need to make sure you’re not having a serious medical event preventing you from properly operating this sky-carriage. Now just put your mouth on the tube and blow, it’ll be over before you know it.”

“Alright, fine,” he said as he leaned forward to the little machine.

“Blow-blow-blow-blow, done,” she said as the machine beeped, “Looks like you’re the lucky winner of all zeros.”

“Aw, crap,” Stardust said looking at the ground as if he’d committed a heinous crime.

She awkwardly cleared her throat, “Um, sir. That means you’re good to go.”

“Oh, sweet!”

“BORING!” Discord’s disembodied voice spoke.

“And we’re back with Equestria Wrestling Showdown! I’m Discord, Lord of Chaos.”

“And I’m also Discord, Lord of Chaos.”

“Right now, we have Macho Stallion Bloody Savage, facing off against the lightweight newcomer, Stardust. Let’s watch.”

I was suddenly sitting in the front row of some stadium bleachers as Stardust stood on some sort of weird stage with a pile of muscle, “Stardust! Can you hear me!”

He turned and looked in my direction, “What!?”

Then the huge brute spoke up, “Yer little horn-faced friend can’t save you from this swoll my winged friend. The Macho Stallion is gonna scramble you and eat you for BREAKFAST! Oooooh Yeeeeeah” then he started to charge at Stardust who flinched and put his hooves in front of his face.

Then I heard Discord’s voice again, “FAKE!”

“Here we go, some originality,” Discord said.

We’re back! On Equestria Family!

“Guys, where are we now? And why do you look like pastel drawings?” I asked my friends as I looked around at an untouched by war Ponyville.

“It looks like we’re somehow in the past, and across the country,” Stardust said.

Then a familiar face popped up in front of mine, “Hi! You must be new in town! I only say that because I’ve never seen you before and I know everypony in Ponyville. I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”

“Like Ministry Mare Pinkie Pie?” I asked.

“Ppfftt, no silly, Pinkie Pie-Pinkie Pie. Ponyville’s own super-duper party pony, in fact I’m gonna throw you all a welcome party to celebrate. Although, I need to know your name’s for the banners,” she replied.

I can’t believe this, I’m face to face with one of the ministry mares in the flesh, I’m so underdressed, “I’m Shadow Star, that’s Stardust, Aura, and Wind Thrasher.”

“OH MY GOODNESS! Those names are so cool, just like super awesome adventurers like me and my friends!” Pinkie Pie said as she bounced up and down on all fours making a springy sound somehow, “I have to go start planning this party as soon as possible!”

Hmm, maybe there’s another way out of this place without Discord letting us out, “While you plan the party, is it alright if I browse the library?”

“Of course you can. Even better is that you can meet my friend Twilight, she’s a super bookworm, but she’s really nice and has more books than anypony in town. Well, technically that’s because she lives in the library, but to be honest I think she’d have the same amount of books even if it wasn’t a library. Anyway, welcome to Ponyville, see ya later!” she replied and then blissfully bounced off to go plan a welcome party.

“That was weird, I’ve only seen pictures of her on posters and other propaganda around The Wasteland saying she’s watching me forever, now I might start believing it,” Stardust said.

“This world isn’t real remember?” Aura said snarkily.

“And? Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still creep me out a bit,” Stardust retorted.

“But, why are we going to the library Shadow?” Wind Thrasher asked.

“Because even in a world created by The Lord of Chaos, the Ministry Mares are still themselves. Discord may be The Lord of Chaos, but he pays attention to detail. Remember in the hospital? All the ponies we met in past encounters acted exactly the same, like Nurse Joy and Dr. Cottage. They weren’t altered from the real ones that we know. Then there’s Pinkie Pie here, before she was a Ministry Mare she was Ponyville’s party planner and head of the welcoming committee, exactly like we just saw. Therefore, if we can explain our situation to Twilight Sparkle, we might be able to find a way out of here,” I explained.

“I don’t know why you just explained that out loud, Discord’s just gonna change the channel or whatever now,” Aura said.

“I don’t think so, ever since he revealed himself at the hospital I’ve sort of been able to feel his presence, here I can’t. I don’t think he’s powerful enough to control this entire world with us here straining the magic he has. Otherwise there’s the fact that this is all just a game to him, and no one likes an overpowered player,” I explained further as we walked through Ponyville.

It was so strange to see the small town with a bright shining sun in the blue sky with ponies walking the streets and browsing the stands. It seemed more colorful than the dull dreariness of The Wasteland too, and a lot cleaner. There wasn’t that distinct smell of decay in the air, just fresh uncorrupted air. I wished in a small way that I could stay in a place like this forever, but I couldn’t forget about the ponies and others that need me in The Wasteland. I need to find a way out of here, and fast.

“It’s seriously a freakin’ tree?” Aura asked.

“Yeah, don’t you know any Equestrian history?” Wind Thrasher asked.

Aura smirked, “No offense, but not everyone can be as big of a bookworm as you Wind Thrasher.”

“I beg to differ,” I said as I knocked on the arched wooden door of the library.

The door opened to a small purple and green dragon, “Oh, hello. Is there something I can help you with?”

“I need to speak to the Minis…I mean librarian, Twilight Sparkle. See my friends and I are new in town and need some help with something, we were told Twilight might be able to help us,” I replied to the little dragon

“Twi” The little dragon called out, “Some new ponies in town wanna speak with you”

“Thank you Spike” Twilight said from behind Spike, “What seems to be the issue?”

“I think it might be better if we speak in private, it’s a little weird,” I replied, feeling a little nervous.

“Weird? Believe me, Ponyville has seen its fair share of weird. I’m sure it’s nothing anypony would be surprised about,” Twilight said with an innocent smile.

Ugh, I’m gonna look like a psychotic kook in front of one of the Ministry Mares in public and probably make a fool of myself. Well, here goes, “I’m from another world that’s the same as this one, but it’s like two-hundred years give or take into the future in a post-apocalyptic wasteland riddled with terrifying monsters, radiation, and deranged ponies, griffons, and zebras. The reason I came to you for help is because where I come from, you’re one of the greatest political figures and scientists of the past and accomplished great feats and I was hoping you could help me get back there so I can save ponies from an eventual catastrophe.”

She gave me a surprised stare and her left eye twitched, “Uh-huh, yeah, let’s talk inside.”

We all walked inside and Wind Thrasher looked around with bright eyes, “So many books.”

Then Twilight shut the door, “You’re what!?”

“From another world, didn’t you hear what Shadow said?” Stardust asked sarcastically.

“Yes, I’m aware of what she said, whatever your name is. It’s just impossible,” she replied.

“My name is Stardust, and in case it wasn’t apparent, the short one is Shadow. The other two are Wind Thrasher the pegasus, and Aura the griffon,” Stardust said pointing out my small stature. Hmm, he hasn’t done that in a while.

“If it’s so impossible, then how are we here?” I asked.

“Okay, it shouldn’t be possible, unless it was a spell cast by somepony with an incredible amount of magic,” Twilight said.

“Are you familiar with a draconequus by the name of Discord?” I asked, trying to get to the point of how we got here.

She facehoofed in horror, “Oh-no, not him. I thought The Elements sealed him in stone again.”

“Maybe here, but not in our world. Well, technically he’s in a ceramic lamp, but he’s still able to use some magic to mess with us. In our world, I pulled the switch on the lamp and ended up in what he calls TV Land,” I explained.

Then a blob appeared on the floor, “I think that’s enough sharing with the class Shadow.”

“Discord!” Twilight shouted, “Don’t you lay a claw or lion paw err whatever else you have on them!”

Discord snapped his claws and Twilight’s mouth disappeared, “Now, you’ll get that back when you learn how to ask nicely.”

“How convenient that you show up now,” I said angrily.

“I know right? So dramatic for a children’s show, you’d almost think more adults watch this than children. Anyway, time to change channels, you’re all a bit too old for this kiddy show.”

“What! No!” I shouted.

“Too late…”

“Fuck!” I shouted as my plastic hooves hit a clay setting, “Great, now were in some cheaply produced creep show as foal’s toys.”

“Yeah, my mouth isn’t even moving, it’s like an animated mouth shows up in front of my muzzle when I talk,” Stardust said rubbing his face.

“Oh great, another pastel colored place,” I said as I looked at the old pony and young buck standing in front of us.

“Hey Morty, check it out. (belch) Another freakin’ universe came to us this time because I’m a genius and you’re just a winey piece of (belch) shit,” the old pony with the wild hair said.

“Ah geeze Rick, this is freakin’ me out,” the twitchy young buck said.

The old pony belched, “It’s cool, that weird chimera monster thing’ll get em’ outta here in a sec. Everyone knows if they reference us too long they’ll get sued.”

The next thing I knew we were in a circle of what looked like salt with Squirrel and Moose, “Just stay in the circle and you’ll be safe, ghost can’t pass that barrier,” Moose said.

“Let’s go fry this bitch’s bones,” Squirrel said as they both walked out of the front door of the run-down house we were apparently standing in.”

Once again, we found ourselves in what looked like a colorful garden inside of a brick building. Is that a river or Sparkle-Cola?

Discord stood before us dressed in a purple suit with a cane and top-hat, “Hello my loyal playthings, welcome to my very own candy factory.”

“Why do I feel like these candy flowers are gonna do somethin’ weird to me like turn me into a mare?” Stardust asked.

“It’s not, but that is a creative idea,” Discord replied and then snapped his lion paw.

I looked over at Stardust and noticed that he’d suddenly become a lot more…feminine, “You had to say something didn’t you?”

“AHHHH! I wanna go home!” Stardust exclaimed, grabbing at him…herself in certain areas in dismay.

“Careful what you wish for Stardust, there’s a lot more where that came from,” Discord remarked.

“Just let us out of this place,” Wind thrasher demanded, with a tear in her eye.

“Oh, but the fun is just beginning,” he retorted.

“What do you mean?” Aura asked.

Then music started to play and Discord began to sing, “Come with me, and you’ll be, in a WORLD of pure chaos and devastation. Take a look and you’ll see into my master plan and preparation,” he began to dance around the candy garden as he continued, “We’ll begin, with an evil grin, cascading through the universe of my creation. What you’ll see, will defy, logical explanation. If you want to be in paradise, just bite a candy mushroom and chew it, anything you want to do it. Want to change reality, just leave me to it. Muahahahahaha!!!”

“Why is he singi…” I started to say.

Discord put his claw on my muzzle and teleported us to a boat in the Sparkle-Cola river, “Now it’s time for my reprise,” he said and took another breath as the music continued to play, “There is no, life I know, to compare with pure chaos. Living with it I can be free, to be truly MEEEEEEEEEEE.”

I can’t take this crap anymore, “What the hell do you want from me!? This damn TV Land of yours is a living hell.”

“Oh, the answer is simple, I’ve already told you. Just put the pieces together and figure it out, and enjoy the ride along the way,” he said as he raised his claw again”

“STOP DOING…” I started to say.

There is a fifth dimension where I used to live, beyond that of which is known to ponykind. It is a dimension as vast as outer space, and as timeless as an antique rug your cat has probably ruined while you’re watching this. It is the balance between light and darkness, between arcane science and zebra magic. It lies in a pit of ponykind’s fears and the summit of their knowledge. This is a dimension of chaos, an area of which I, it’s almighty creator calls. The Shadow Zone.

Episode #2077: The Direction of Misdirection

It is the distant future, many years ago, and a group of friends found themselves in a quaint neighborhood with inhabitants who could do no wrong, but could also do no right. Everything was as ordinary as ordinary could be, young foals playing in the park in the center of the small community, mares cooking dinner for their husbands when they came home from the office, and a death dog barking at the mailpony. Will the four friends prevail in the end, or will they fall prey to their innermost misgivings about themselves?

“Why the f***k is everything in black and white?” I asked as I looked around at the pre-war era neighborhood, “And where the h**l did Discord go this time?”

“I don’t know about all of that, but I’m still stuck like this and have a nagging urge to make a casserole,” Stardust said, in his newly acquired feminine voice.

Aura sighed, “Too bad for Wind Thrasher, she was so close.”

“Close to what?” Stardust asked, confused about Aura’s remark.

Wind Thrasher blushed with her normal pony face and her eyes moved sporadically as if she was trying to come up with a well-crafted lie, but only had ten seconds to do so, “Um…uh…”

“Well, what is it?” Stardust asked again.

“CASEROLES!” she exclaimed, attracting the attention of the whole neighborhood.

“Casseroles?” Stardust said with a tilt of his/her head.

“Yes, I love to make…casseroles,” Wind Thrasher awkwardly replied.

Stardust immediately looked delighted, “Really? That’s awesome! When we get out of here do you think you could make one for us?”

“I’d make one for you anytime. ‘You’ as in ‘all of you’ I mean,” Wind Thrasher said anxiously.

“That’s all beside the point,” I said, interrupting their weird conversation about food, “We need to figure out this place.”

“It’s pretty simple,” Stardust said, “There’s no color, the cul-de-sac goes in a circle for some reason, and the foals playing on the playground in the center creep me out with their unnaturally happy expressions.”

“That’s sort of a blunt way to put it,” I replied, then turned to a young filly playing on the swing-set, “Excuse me, can you tell us where we are?”

The swing slowly came to a stop as her orange curled mane came to a rest from blowing in the wind, then she smiled, “Don’t be silly. This is Pleasant Lane, the keenest street in town. Everypony, knows this place, and wants to live here, but we only have six houses so they can’t. Wanna play with me?”

“There’s a town around here? How could there be if the road doesn’t go anywhere?” I asked.

“Of course there’s a town silly goose. How could there not be? If there wasn’t then there wouldn’t be a neighborhood. So, wanna play with me?” she replied.

“I’m sorry, I can’t play with you right now. My friends and I need to get out of here,” I said, answering her question.

“Why don’t you wanna play with me?” she asked.

Why does she keep asking me to play with her? I don’t have time for fun and games right now, “Because my friends and I have something really important to do, so we need to get out of this place.”

“Can we be friends? Then you won’t have to leave, and you can stay and play with me forever,” she said.

I turned to Stardust and said through my gritted teeth, “I’m gonna f***in’ back hoof this little b***h if she doesn’t stop asking me to stay and play with her.”

Stardust sighed, “Allow me,” then she stepped closer to the filly, “Look kid, we’re not gonna play with you. We got important stuff to do that thwarts playing with children. All we wanna do is leave, but don’t know how.”

She only smiled, “Hey, do YOU wanna play with me?”

Stardust turned and walked away as we followed, and I asked quickly, “Where are you going?”

“Away from her,” she replied.

“Why?” I stupidly asked again.

“So I don’t ring the little b****’s neck.”

Aura snickered, “I’d say cruel but I was thinking the same thing. Also, what’s that bleeping sound every time we curse?”

“It’s Discord, probably did it in this world to annoy us,” I replied.

“So what do we do now?” Wind Thrasher asked.

Aura looked around, “There seems to be adults around here in the houses and in their yards, we could ask them some questions and hope they aren’t as creepy and intimidating as the kid.”

“Yeah, but there’s so many, maybe we should split up and talk to them separately,” I suggested.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Aura said with a nod.

“Second,” Stardust said, “I just hope none of them are as goody two-horseshoes as they seem. The world can’t be so innocent all the time, it just makes for a boring life. To be honest, I’d go f***ing insane if I had to live here for the rest of my life. I might even kill everyone.”

“You wouldn’t kill the children,” Wind Thrasher said.

Stardust stopped and put a hoof on her shoulder, “We all have our limits. Kids who look like they’re going to murder me in my sleep, that’s my limit.”

Wind Thrasher looked a little heartbroken, “That’s so horrible, but,” she sighed, “I guess I could see where you’re coming from. It’s not like their real anyway. I guess we should go our separate ways and talk to the adults.”

“Alright then, Aura, you talk to those ponies in those two houses. Wind Thrasher you take those two, and Stardust you take the last two. I’ll talk to the other kid in the park, and the mailpony. Also, that dog over there seems familiar, I’m gonna go check it out,” I said.

“That doesn’t sound fair,” Stardust protested, “You don’t have any houses to check out at all, mainly just another one of those weird kids, a mailpony, and a dog. When did you learn how to talk to animals?”

I scoffed, “I don’t talk to animals, I just recognize the dog from somewhere for some reason, and at least I didn’t make you talk to those kids.”

“Fair point,” Stardust said with a bit of a shiver as he looked at the park again.

We all split up to our assigned houses, and I was coming up on the mail pony, “Excuse me.”

“Woo! Golly did you give me a quite the startle. How can I help ya miss?” the mailpony replied.

“I’m sort of new around here, and I was wondering if you could give me directions out of town,” I said in the cheery, uplifting voice these ponies are accustomed to.

“Leave? Who in the blue blazes would wanna leave? Pardon my Prench,” the mailpony asked.

“I would, I have somewhere important to be.”

He gave me a ‘whatever’ look and waved his hoof, “Important? Please, this place is the best gosh-darn place in the entire world. Whatever ya got goin’ on elsewhere I’m sure will resolve on its own. Stay awhile and settle down, it’s really a great up-and-coming neighborhood. I should know, I deliver the mail here every day.”

I guess this guy is hopeless, maybe he can answer some different questions about this place though, “What’s up with that dog over there?”

“Oh, him? Dogs hate the mailpony, everyone knows that?” he replied with another wave of his hoof.

“Okay then, why is everything in black and white?”

He looked extremely puzzled at my question, “I don’t understand, it’s always been this way as long as I can remember. There hasn’t been color here ever. Just apple pies, honey-do lists, and good old-fashioned family values.”

“It’s always been this way?”

“Of course, also I heard ya usin’ some particularly foul language over there near the children. You should have your mouth washed out with a bar of soap young missy, or at least learn to watch it. You don’t want the youngins learning all sorts of colorful language like that and being disrespectful. When they start young like that, tons of awful things can happen that land the little buggers in jail when they’re older. I’m surprised you’re not behind bars right now,” the mailpony replied.

“I’ve technically been in jail before, but I was actually innocent,” I said not thinking about what could’ve come next.

He gasped in surprise, “To think I sullied myself talking to the likes of you. Everypony in jail says they’re innocent, but that’s usually because they’re guilty of something.”

“The only thing I’m guilty of is hating this place. Now can you tell me how to get the h**l out of here or not?”

“Shame on you, word’s like that should never be spoken in polite company, good day to you missy,” he said and then walked to the next mailbox in a huff.

Geeze, what a prune, “Ugh, this is gonna take forever.”

I walked over to the park again and approached the young buck sitting alone on the seesaw. He looked up at me and his creepy smile Stardust hated so much and said, “Hello, wanna play on the seesaw with me? I asked the new filly over there, but she was really mean to me and said she only wanted to play with you because you’re new to this place too.”

I thought about it and figured I might as well do what the kid wanted and sit on the seesaw, he might actually give me some straight answers if I cooperate, “Yeah, sure, I’ll play with you. You’re not annoying like she is.”

“Annoying, don’t say that or I’ll think you’re mean too. That’s not a nice thing to say about somepony,” he said as I positioned myself on the other side and slid backwards up the seesaw, sending the buck’s side upward.

“Alright, I’ll be nice. It’s just that when I talked to her earlier, she didn’t want to answer my questions and wasn’t listening to what I was saying,” I said in somewhat of a defense of myself, “So, how long have you lived here?”

“I’ve always lived here, I can’t remember not living here. I think my family moved here when I was really little, but I’m not quite sure,” he replied.

“Are there any other kids your age here that you play with?” I asked.

He looked sad again, “No, I’m the only one, and the adults don’t let me do everything that I want.”

“Well, that’s part of being young, you have boundaries set by adults most of the time keep you safe,” I said, trying to cheer him up.

“That’s not what I mean. They don’t let me go anywhere, I wanna go places and meet new ponies,” he said, his voice still filled with melancholy.

“Do you know how to leave this place?” I asked, hoping to get some sort of answer.

“No, so I just stay here and play in the park by myself until the day comes when I’m big enough to leave on my own. My neighbors went on vacation once, but I was asleep when they left, so I didn’t get to see when they left. It made me feel sad because it’s bad luck to not see somepony off when they leave on a trip,” he explained.

I thought about the detailed innocence of this kid in a world created by Discord, there’s gotta be some part of him that has this innocence like this. On second thought, he gender-bent Stardust, “Have you seen a strange creature around here anywhere with a lion’s paw, a bird claw, and a bunch of other strange things?”

“No, the only strange creature around here is my neighbor’s dog. Anyway, I should get off the seesaw and go home, supper will be ready soon and I don’t wanna keep my mother waiting,” he replied.

I stopped pushing up on my side of the seesaw and stepped off, holding my side with my magic and gently letting it down, “There ya go kid, I’ll see ya later.”

“Bye, see ya next time then,” he said as he ran home.

I watched as he ran, and saw which house he went into. I once again saw the familiar dog barking again, so I approached the white-picket fence it was chained behind. When I got up to the fence the dog stopped barking and looked at me, it was a strange dog, it was a Wasteland dog. When I looked at the name on the dog house it read ‘Rawr’ just like the death dog I met in the bramble, “Rawr? What has Discord done with you, you’re so tiny?”

“Bark!” was all the response I got from the canine, and a tiny terrifying growl.

“This is hopeless, I’ll never figure a way out of this f***ed up place,” I said to myself as I trudged back over to the park to wait with the others.

I sat on a bench in the park to wait for the others to finish talking to the adults when the same filly from earlier came up to me, “Wanna play with me now.”

“No, just please leave me alone.”

She stuck her tongue out at me and said, “Fine!”

Then Stardust sat next to me on the bench, “This place is the worst, I couldn’t get a single straight answer about anypony in the neighborhood. However, I did get a pretty spectacular piece of pie from some mare who’s cheating on her husband, I’m not allowed to say who though, even if she didn’t tell me in the first place.”

“I agree. All I figured out is that the mailpony has a giant stick up his a** and that there’s a kid here with some serious depression issues,” I replied.

Then Aura walked up, “Y’know what? It might just be easier to get out of here if we just killed ourselves, that’s if this current trash heap we’re currently stuck in wasn’t so d*** safe about everything. I thought this was supposed to be some old-timey place where toys were burning kids, and adults were taking drugs that caused their children to have birth-defects.”

“So, no luck for you either?” Stardust asked.

“Not a bit, and apparently one of these places is vacant. I’m pretty sure somepony lives there though, there’s furniture set up and everything,” Aura replied.

Then finally Wind Thrasher showed up with a sad look on her face, “Hey guys.”

“What’s wrong Wind Thrasher?” I asked.

“I failed, and by the looks on your faces, you didn’t have any luck either. I don’t care how horrible The Wasteland is, this place is worse, and I wanna go home and be normal, and have Stardust be a stallion again,” she replied.

“Thank you for caring about my hard situation so much, but I’m adjusting to it. Although, I’m afraid to try going to the bathroom, I don’t wanna get hit by one of you for abusing your gender,” he said uncomfortably.

“When ya gotta go, you gotta go,” Aura said plainly.

“Oh, thank the Goddesses, I thought you’d be angry with me. I totally asked to use the restroom at one of the houses I was at, these ponies are really nice. A little too nice sometimes, but eh…” he…err she replied, and then was met with a kick to the stomach by Aura.

“Weirdo!” she said as Stardust gasped for air.

“What happened to ‘when ya gotta go, you gotta go’? I thought you understood,” Stardust said through breaths.

“I DID understand until you made it weird. Just shut up and start thinking of ways to get us the h**l out of this place,” she retorted.

“You’ll never figure it out,” the little filly said from behind us.

“What?” I asked quizzically.

“Well, Shadow, I’m saying that you’ll never defeat me,” she said in an all too familiar voice.

“Discord,” we all said in unison.

“The one and only. Welcome to the most pleasant place on television Pleasant Lane! Not one of my favorite places, but somewhere I could get you cornered, and mess around with you a little,” he said, his masculine voice still coming out of this tiny filly. I should’ve known he’d be disguised as somepony so innocent, but I never trust a filly with a curly mane who smiles like that.

“I give up, I’ll help you with whatever evil scheme you want no matter how disastrous it ends up being, I just want out of this place,” I said, surrendering to the cocky draconequus.

“Really?” (FLASH!) “You won’t betray me and end up leaving me to rot somewhere?” he asked as he transformed back into his real form.

“Yes, whatever you want,” I replied.

“Shadow, you can’t be serious. Haven’t you noticed what he did to me?” Stardust asked.

“I know, but do any of you see another way out of this? Cause all I see is us getting thrown around another dimension like playthings by The Lord of Chaos,” I replied, “Or at least part of him.”

“Oh, but the best part…” Discord said, “…And what I want is as simple as delivering a package. That is your job isn’t it?”

“What does that matter? What, you want me to deliver something for you like a post card or something stupid like that?” I asked.

He smiled a mischievous grin, “I want you to deliver, me.”

“Um…what?” I asked in response to his answer, “What do you mean by deliver you?”

“I think he means literally Shadow,” Stardust said, “Remember what he is in the real world? Just a desk lamp shaped like a draconequus holding a lightbulb.”

“It seems one of you isn’t COMPLETELY incompetent,” Discord said with another grin, “I want to be free from this awful existence. Do you know how boring it is just watching everyone all the time? Sure, I can take them here, or send them to another dimension, but what fun is that after two-hundred years?”

“You’re sick, I wouldn’t help you get out of that lamp ever, even if I had to stay in this place for the rest of my life. All you’d end up doing is making The Wasteland worse than it already is,” I said.

“Make The Wasteland worse? Now why would I do a little thing like that?” Discord asked.

“Because you’re evil,” Stardust said, “You gender bent me and terrorized Equestria years ago.”

“So, what? I made it rain chocolate from cotton candy clouds once and took the virtues of the only six mares who could save all of them from my reign of so called terror. I honestly think Celestia looked better with clown hair rather than that freaky flowing mane. In all reality, I’m not evil, just a trickster with nothing to do. I’m just disorderly.”

I thought about it and contemplated the consequences, “What would you do if I helped you escape the lamp?”

“I’d gladly live out the rest of my immortal days in the fifth dimension reading the classics and enjoying some mildly flavored teas. Now, if you believe that then you’re a bigger idiot than I thought you were,” he replied.

“What, would you, do?” I asked again.

“What do you think I’d do? From what you’ve experienced so far in my world, tell me what I’d do in The Wasteland,” Discord asked.

“You’d do absolutely nothing…” I answered, only really guessing.

“You’re only half right. As a thank you for helping me escape this lamp, I’ll refrain from corrupting The Wasteland further than it already is, honestly it’s gaudy how it’s overcluttered with all that death and destruction,” he explained.

“Really? You’d leave The Wasteland alone? You wouldn’t even try to change anything?” I asked further.

“You think I’d try to help and make things better? I unfortunately don’t have the power to do that, I’m only a small piece of one whole. Out there in the real world, all I’d have the power to do is something as simple as putting some random bottle caps oddly in an office desk or a restroom medical kit,” Discord answered.

“Fine then, let us out of this Goddesses forsaken place and I’ll take you with us and figure out how to get you out of the lamp. Then you can do as you please, as long as you don’t make The Wasteland worse once you make yourself complete. Just leave it alone,” I said.

“Shadow, what the hell are you doing? We can’t trust him, he’s The Lord of Chaos, for all we know, yes means no,” Aura said.

“I think Shadow is making the right decision,” Stardust said, “Think about it, if she doesn’t get out of here, then eventually Aquila will gain control of her body and cause extreme catastrophe worse than the likes of him. In comparison, he’s the lesser of two evils.”

“But, what if he IS lying?” Wind Thrasher asked.

“Then I guess I underestimated the word of The Lord of Chaos,” I answered, then looked back at Discord, “So I guess we have a deal.”

“It seems we do…” he said raising his lion paw.

For a moment I thought I was going to find myself in another strange world made up by Discord. But when I opened my eyes, I found myself laying next to the desk where Discord’s lamp was resting. I got back to my hooves and looked back at my friends who were also just waking up, “You guys okay?”

Stardust rubbed his head, “I had the strangest dream…” his eyes went wide and he started to feel around his body, “OH thank the Goddesses, I’m a Stallion again.”

“And I feel like my old self too,” Wind Thrasher said, “It was nice to be a normal pony for a while again, but honestly it felt strange. I forgot how hard it is to hear things when you don’t have enhanced hearing.”

“I guess that wasn’t a dream then,” Aura said looking over at the lamp, “How long were we out?”

“About five seconds,” I heard Oricalcos said from the door, “Shadow turned on that lamp and you all passed out for a few seconds.”

I looked over at him, “Really? It felt like we were in there forever.”

My uncle looked over at the lamp, “Whatever is inside that lamp tried to use its magic on me too, but I’m more powerful.”

“Whatever, we’re out of that thing and I made a deal with Discord so we could leave. We’ll take the lamp with us when we head out,” I said looking back at it.

My uncle came over to me and used his magic to slowly pull me away from the lamp, “Discord? No way, if he is in that thing, then you aren’t getting anywhere near it.”

Discord’s voice quietly echoed out of the lamp, “Hey, she made me a deal.”

Oricalcos looked at Discord and frowned, “Too bad, if you are Discord, then I know what you are. Star has enough problems with strange magic and doesn’t need you to make her life worse, whatever she promised you I’ll take over.”

“Hmmm, I guess I can live with that, as long as I’m reunited with the rest of my soul. You have a deal; the only question is how are you going to transport me? I won’t fit easily inside a saddle bag. It seems casually sitting around like this all the time has caused me to gain some exponential volume,” Discord said.

Oricalcos smiled, “Easy,” his horn glowed and a moment later the lamp shrunk to the size of a keychain. He lifted it up and walked over to where an old satchel was laying and put Discord into it, “Easy as that, and I won’t have to listen to him talk.”

“Are you sure that’s going to work?” I asked, “Also how did you make him smaller?”

“Normally, no unicorn should be able to manipulate a Soul Jar, but my magic is different. The spell is easy, also whatever you promised him I’ll be able to do, his magic can’t influence me and he can’t do anything to you while he’s with me,” Oricalcos said turning to head back to my mom who was sitting on the bed, still tied up and glaring at us with a gag in her muzzle.

“I guess I can deal with that,” I said, “So, what do we do now?”

“We sleep,” Aura said, “We need a few hours of rest before we set out again.”

“Hey, Oricalcos doesn’t that gorge thing mess with your magic too?” Stardust asked as I walked over to Aura who already set up a spot in one corner for us.

“It does, but I can deal with it better than most. Shadow and my sister will have a harder time than me. Though if I get too close to it my body could disappear,” he said, “Now sis, be a good mare and go to sleep, if you don’t make trouble for everypony then I might take the gag out.”

“Oh, please, anything but that,” Aura commented, “All we need is for her to blab on about evil this and evil that, and I’m gonna destroy you all…”

Mom just glared at him then laid down as best she could with her restraints. I couldn’t help a small chuckle as I nestled up to Aura, she wrapped a talon around me and pulled me close, “Get some rest Shadow, you need it.”

I closed my eyes, “You too love.”

“Thanks shorty,” she said as I drifted off to sleep, doing my best to forget the world we just left.

“Shadow get up NOW!” Oricalcos yelled pulling me out of a very nice dream.

I woke up with a startle, looking around trying to find my uncle in the darkness, “Uncle Ori? What’s going on.”

“All of you get up and get your weapons!” Oricalcos yelled again as lightning blasted across the sky illuminating his body.

Stardust yawned asking, “Oricalcos, what’s wrong?”

“There’s bloodwings flying over the motel! There’s only twenty or so, normally I could deal with them easily, but it’s storming outside and the lightning is making it impossible for me to leave this room.”

“Shit,” I said getting up and pulling Misery out of my saddle bags, “If there’s Bloodwings outside then we have to deal with them before they get in here. We’ll have a better chance with them out there.”

“I agree,” Aura said lighting up her spear, “Ain’t no rest for the wicked. Let’s go kill ourselves some bloodsuckers.”

“As long as I’m not one of them,” Wind Thrasher said.

Stardust started to chuckle, “I don’t think any of us could kill you Wind Thrasher, now c’mon.”

“I’ll do what I can from in here,” Oricalcos said, “Good luck.”

My friends all headed out into the storm raging outside. Right away Stardust started to open fire, Wind Thrasher took to the air alongside Aura. I started to head out the door when something slammed into me, knocking Misery from my magical grip. I was slammed into the wall then felt a pony fall on top of me at the same time Oricalcos yelled, “Grim get off her!”

I heard Misery being picked up from the floor then the body was thrown off me. I couldn’t see a thing, so I reached into my bags and pulled out my goggles and mask. As soon as I had them on everything came into focus, Oricalcos was standing next to me blocking mom who was standing next to the far wall, Misery on the ground next to her.

“Grim, don’t do this,” Oricalcos said.

Mom just smiled and ran her ropes over Misery’s sharp blade. Her bindings fell away in a second, the sharp edge cutting through the ropes like butter. She then reached up with a hoof and pulled off her gag, “Ori, you’ll pay for doing this to me,” she picked up Misery in her muzzle and said around the handle, “Both of you will.”

“Star, get out of here. I can deal with my sister, help your friends,” Oricalcos said.

I wasn’t going to argue with mom holding that sword, “No problem, just don’t kill her.”

He nodded and I headed out the door, but not much farther as Oricalcos yelled as a flash of lightning illuminated the doorway, “Not NOW!”

I looked back and saw his body turning into shadows. Mom ran past him brandishing Misery, “I’ll finally take care of you!”

Wait a second, mom wasn’t a fighter, she was a magic user. What did she know about using a griffon sword. I side stepped her clumsy charge and used my magic to rip the sword away from her. My magic was a little clumsy, but at least it still worked. I pulled my weapon back to me and shook my head, “Worst escape attempt in history.”

She tripped and landed in the mud, “Why can’t I just kill you!?”

I heard a screech from overhead and saw a bloodwing diving toward me. Now I saw what my friends meant when they said the ones in Stable 9 were smaller. This thing was twice the size of the ones from Wind Thrasher’s Stable and a lot slower. I jumped aside and brought Misery around to cut open its belly as it flew by. The monster screamed and slammed into the ground, its guts leaving a trail behind it. I looked back at Mom, “I don’t have time to deal with you right now. If you can’t tell, we’re under attack by monsters. Either stay here and die or help us kill them.”

“And how can I help you when I don’t have a weapon or my magic?” she asked getting to her hooves.

“Be creative, I’m sure you can think of something. Just remember if you try to escape you won’t get far before one of us finds you,” I said turning to watch as my friends fought the bloodwings.

“Star, bring her back here so I can tie her up!” Oricalcos yelled from the room.

“Sorry, I can’t right now Uncle Ori,” I yelled as another bloodwing flew toward me, I switched out my blade for Dream Walker and opened fire on the monster. It fell as a bullet flew through its head, “If you can get to her between lightning flashes then fine with me, but if not then just tell me if she tries to run.”

Mom walked over to stand next to me, a frown on her face, “No point in running, with no weapons or magic I won’t get far. For now, I’ll help you out, that’s until all of these monsters are dead.”

I looked over at her confused, “Really?”

She rolled her eyes, “Right now, killing you isn’t as important. Though if a bloodwing gets you, I won’t care much.”

I grinned, “Well at least I know not to count on you to watch my back.”

“Can I at least get a weapon?”

“Sorry, but no,” I said then I ran toward my friends who were still fighting the monsters.

“Then I don’t know how I can help until you let me use something,” Mom yelled as she followed me.

“I suggest you shut up Grim and use that big brain of yours to figure a way out of this,” I said as I swapped Dream Walker for the Plasma Rifle taking aim and firing at another bloodwing that started to dive toward me. My shot blasted it right in the face turning it into green goo in seconds. I side stepped the splatter and entered S.A.T.S. taking aim at three bloodwings that were going after Aura who was in the middle of fighting another. I fired, hitting two in the head, the third going down with one of its wings melting away.

Lightning cracked and illuminated the sky for a second and I saw more bloodwings in the sky, way more than Oricalcos thought. I looked back at my friends, “We have to get out of here now, there’s too many.”

“And where do you plan on us going?” Aura yelled back flying down to land next to me, “If you haven’t noticed, those things can fly and bloodwings will chase us.”

“I don’t know, but we don’t’ have any other choice, we can’t fight in the open,” I said taking aim at another that was trying to grab onto Stardust as he flew toward us, “Hook up to the Skycarriage and let’s get out of here.”

“She’s right, we can keep them at bay while we fly, let’s go,” Stardust said heading toward the Skycarriage, “Wind Thrasher do whatever you can to keep them away. Shadow get your mother and throw her into the Skycarriage. Aura get Oricalcos, see if he can use your shadow to keep him safe from the lightning strikes.”

Everyone started to move as I fired at another bloodwing who was trying to go after my mother who was hiding next to the motel, “Time to leave Grim, if I were you I’d cooperate, if you don’t I’ll just leave you to the monsters. Since I’d rather not see you sucked dry, please make this as easy as you can.”

She looked over at me, “You’d really leave me behind?”

I rolled my eyes and moved closer until I was a few inches away, “Listen, I don’t have time to deal with you right now. My friends’ lives are in danger because of those monsters, and if it comes between keeping you alive or them, I’ll chose them any day. You may be my mother, but as far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t mean much to me anymore. Now get your ass in gear and move.”

She rolled her eyes too, “Fine, but I’m only doing this because I’d rather not die. Also, I’ve told you before, I’m not your fucking moth…”

I turned around, my temper at its max and slapped her, “Shut the fuck up, I’m so sick of you going back to the same bullshit. If you were as smart as I know you are, you’d have at least looked deeper into who I am. I’m sure you know a spell that could tell you that I’m related to you at the very least. The only reason you’re fighting me on this is because you’re just a stubborn bitch who doesn’t want to admit she wrong. Now get the fuck into the Skycarriage.”

“Shadow duck!” I heard Wind Thrasher yell right as I was finishing my statement to Mom.

I ducked and twisted just as a bloodwing flew over me and slammed into Mom. I lifted my Plasma rifle and fired on it, killing it instantly. Mom rolled with the monster then skidded across the muddy ground, finally stopping a few inches from the edge to the San Palomino Gorge. Seeing that she was okay as she started to get back to her hooves I looked back at Wind Thrasher, “Thanks for the save Wind Thrasher.”

“No problem,” she said turning to face ten more bloodwings flying toward her and my friends. She grinned and I could see even though my goggles that her eyes were glowing a soft green, “Let’s see if this trick works on you as well as it did on the ones in my home.”

Then she opened her muzzle and sent out a wave of sound. At least I think she did, I could barely hear it, but something was flying right at the oncoming bloodwings. At first, I was wondering what in the Goddesses name she was doing then I saw that they had stopped as soon as her voice slammed into them. Every single one of them landed and started to sniff around, their own eyes the same color as Wind Thrasher’s.

She stopped her silent scream then said, “I’m not sure how long that will hold them off, hurry.”

Aura was just getting to the Skycarriage, she looked over at Wind Thrasher asking, “What did you do?”

Wind Thrasher smiled a little, “My Bat DNA was from an alpha, I can make a sound that could control the blood bats in my stable. These ones aren’t the same kind of creature, but they did mutate from the same animal. I figured I’d try it. I can’t control them like the ones from my home, but from what I can tell, their ears can’t make sense of other sounds around them. In other words, I turned off their sonar. It won’t last long though, so let’s go.”

Stardust was already hooked up to the Skycarriage, he turned toward me yelling, “Get Grim now!”

“Right,” I said turning back toward my mom who was still standing on the edge of the Gorge.

She looked over at me, and I could tell that something was wrong, “I don’t think I can move.”

I walked closer to her, “What do you mean? Just get over here and stop playing games.”

She glared at me, “I’m not, as soon as I moved my hoof I heard something crack under me. I think the ground will fall into the gorge at any time. I need a flyer to get me off this spot…”

She didn’t even get a chance to finish what she was saying. The ground under her cracked and she fell back toward the black opening. I dove for her and took hold of her hoof right as she went over the edge, “I gotcha.”

She was hanging there looking up at me with terror in her eyes, “Why…did you save me?”

“Because you’re my mom, now hold on tight,” I said starting to pull her up.

“Shadow, I’m coming for you, hold on,” Aura said from behind me.

As she spoke the ground under me started to slide and I realized in horror that I too was about to fall into the gorge just like my mother. If Aura didn’t hurry, we’d both die before she could grab us, “Hurry Aura, the grounds giving way!”

I could hear flapping, but even if she flew as fast as she could, it wouldn’t be fast enough. The ground slid faster and I started to plummet into the gorge, head first. Mom’s eyes got wider as she fell back, but she held on tight. Right as my rear hooves slide away from the ground I felt a talon take hold of me. Mom screamed and her other hoof came up to hold onto me as we swung over a deep black pit.

“I gotcha shorty,” Aura said.

I looked up at her and saw that she was holding on to my left rear leg with one of her talons. I couldn’t help smiling as I said, “Good timing, now can you pull us both up?”

“Yeah, but it won’t be easy,” she said, “The ground is soft from the rain and the winds coming out of that gorge make it impossible for me to fly over it. Just don’t struggle.”

“I’ll be as still is possible, just please don’t drop us!” Mom said.

I couldn’t help a small smile of satisfaction at my mother’s fear. It was kinda nice to see her on the other end of it for a change. I looked up again at Aura as she started to slowly pull us up then my smile fell as I saw yellow eyes coming out of the gloom behind her, “Aura…there’s a bloodwing behind you, drop us NOW!”

She looked back and saw it then looked back at me, “I can get you up quick enough, I’m not letting you go.”

“You have to…” I started to say but Mom cut me off.

“Don’t tell her to drop US!”

“Shadow I can do this now stop moving,” Aura said.

The glowing eyes started to move faster, the shape of the monster taking form as it leapt toward Aura. I tried to call on my magic to stop it, but it wouldn’t work. I wasn’t going to watch as the Griffon I loved die as she tried to save me and my mom. So, using my free hoof to pull Misery out saying, “I love you.”

Her eyes went wide as I used my other rear hoof to kick off the wall of the gorge, pulling my other leg out of her grip. My body flew back and as it did, I threw Misery into the face of the oncoming Bloodwing. The blade sank into its head and the monster slammed into the ground then flew over the edge of the gorge. Falling into its black depths, along with my mom and myself. I felt gravity take hold and all I could do is smile as I started to fall. I ignored my mother’s panicked screams and just looked up at the beautiful icy blue eyes of the griffon I loved with all my heart.

“SHADOW!!!!!” Aura screamed as I fell.

I just watched as her eyes turned to pinpricks of blue, “I love you Aura Bloodtalon,” I said one more time as her eyes were swallowed by the darkness of the San Palomino Gorge. The Wasteland always wins in the end, I cheated death one too many times. I couldn’t outrun it forever, at least with my death…my friends would live, Aura would live and Aquila will die with me, trapped at the bottom of a black pit… “I love…” I tried to say one more time, I never finished my last words as my body slammed into something and everything was gone…

Huntspony: In combat, you do 50% more critical damage against mutated Wasteland animals!

Interdimensional Cable: Because of your knowledge of other universes in the multiverse and their strange cultures and inventions thanks to The Lord of Chaos, you now gain +3 to overall intelligence and have a gained 25% chance of finding Wild Wasteland themed weapons, locations, and scenarios!