The princesses were expressionless.
Shining Armor’s jaw had fallen, and he stumbled backwards in shock. Flam’s mouth was also gaping open, but the corner of his lips were turned upward into a smile.
Nopony uttered a single word. A single syllable. A single noise.
Until the Royal Guard standing by the door burped.
“Excuse me, sorry,” he apologized, covering his mouth. “Totally ruined the atmosphere. My bad. Please, continue your stunned silence.”
“Wow,” Flam eventually whispered. “Just… wow.”
Shining Armor shook his head. “I… I can’t believe this,” he said in a hushed voice, each sound a struggle. “I got drunk… broke up with my wife through a letter… had a love affair with Flam… and straight up kidnapped Apple Bloom. There’s no way to justify any of that.” His head dropped, with his ears hanging the lowest they’d ever hung. “Tartarus, here I come.”
“It was quite the night,” Princess Celestia stated, flying down to Shining Armor and Flam’s level. “Honestly, I’m not sure how to process it.” She looked back to her sister and Twilight. “I think us princesses need some time to discuss what we just witnessed. Guard, please take these two back to the dungeon.”
The guard saluted, then grabbed onto the chain connecting the hoof cuffed ponies. Flam cooperated and started walking, but Shining Armor planted himself in the castle. He looked at his wife, who was intentionally not looking at him. There were tears running down her eyes.
“Cadance!” he cried out to her. “I promise you, I don’t remember any of that happening! I know you weren’t trying to torture me by sending making me to that stupid party. Ugh, this is all Blueblood’s fault!”
“Yes, because Blueblood forced a copious amount of drinks down your throat,” Luna replied, rolling her eyes.
Shining ignored her and continued. “Please. I love you so much, honey. I wasn’t being myself. I would never cheat on you!”
“Except you did,” Luna scoffed. Cadance was still crying. “I do not believe you are helping your case.”
The guard pulled on the chain, knocking Shining to the floor. “Alright, come on,” he sighed. “It’s time to go. We wouldn’t want you embarrassing yourself. Well, more.”
The armored pegasus continued to pull on the hoof cuffs, dragging the prince across the ground. Shining tried to grab the carpet in a desperate attempt to not be sent away, but it slipped through his big hooves.
“Please!” he sobbed, as his body glided along the crystals below him. “Cadance! Twily! I’m sorry!”
The doors shut in his face.
“I had a night like that once. Lots of good drinking, lots of bad decisions… Granted, nothing as bad as kidnapping a little filly, but, you know, to each their own. I did accidentally buy a planet, though.”
The Royal Guard would not stop talking.
Since he had been in the room with the princesses, he was witness to the memory spell, and now could not stop chatting about it, much to Shining Armor’s chagrin.
“It was a night to remember,” the guard continued. “I named my planet after my ex, Acrid Cherries. We don’t talk anymore.”
Shining Armor pressed his muzzle against the table. The rapid words coming from the armored stallion’s mouth were echoing throughout the dungeon cell, meaning there was no escape from the barrage of sounds. The prince tried to cover his ears, but to no avail.
Haven’t I been punished enough? he thought as he pulled on his mane, leading to whipped cream and glass shards on his hooves. Worst. Day. Ever.
Flam noticed his companion’s dismay, and waved his non-cuffed hoof at the guard. “Hey, friend! Could you maybe give us a minute or two? There’s a lot for us to process, and we need a time.”
The guard thought for a moment. “Well, I can’t leave you two alone without losing my job, but I can stand at the opposite side of the room.” Flam nodded at the suggestion, and the guard moved away, finally going silent.
“Thank you so much for that,” Shining Armor sighed, lifting his head from the table.
“Hey, anything for you,” Flam said, patting the prince on the back. “How are you holding up?”
“What do you think? I upset my wife, and we just watched ourselves spend an entire night getting drunk and making horrible decisions!”
“To be fair, we’ve been making some pretty horrible decisions today, and we’re sober.”
Shining Armor gasped, then banged his head on the table once more. “Oh my goodness. You’re right. It’s not the alcohol. We’re just always terrible!”
“Stop being so pessimistic,” Flam scoffed. “Last night wasn’t all bad. There were some good things that came out of it. Like our…” He hesitated. “...friendship.”
The unicorn prince sighed, but didn't say anything. Flam bit his lip.
“So, dumb question. Was our relationship exclusive to last night, or--”
Shining Armor covered Flam’s mouth. “Look. Against all odds, I really have grown to like you, Flam. I’ve gained respect for your line of work, and I’ve appreciated your ability and willingness to calm me down and help out through every wacky scenario the day has thrown at us. Truly, I can see why we hit it off last night.”
“But?”
“But I’m already committed to Cadance and Flurry Heart. I love them infinitely, and I don’t think there’s anything that could change that. I’m sorry.”
Flam smiled and opened his mouth, but was interrupted by the guard.
“Are you kidding me?! You’re turning down this stud of a stallion?! Have you seen his mustache?!”
“Wait until you see it’s natural color,” Flam chuckled, then turned back to Shining Armor. “Don’t apologize. I’m not upset. I mean, how could I be? Now, I’ll actually have the memories of our night together!”
Shining Armor started laughing. “It’s like you said: last night was both great and awful! You were great! Throwing up in Blueblood’s fountain? Incredible! But kidnapping a filly and everything that followed? I could do without that.”
Flam gave Shining Armor a hug. “Maybe Equestria won’t think so anymore, but to me, you’re still a lovable leader.”
“Thank you.”
“I am rooting for you two so hard,” the guard whispered as the stallions embraced.
As they let go of each other and grinned, the door to the dungeon opened, and Princess Luna walked in. Without saying a word, she levitated a key into the lock pad, and opened up the cell. She did the same with Shining Armor and Flam’s hoof cuffs.
“It has come to our attention that you haven’t eaten in hours,” she stated, not even hinting at the slightest emotion. “You shall be given thirty minutes for food in the Canterlot Dining Hall, and then you must report to the throne room, where we shall discuss your fate. Is that clear?” The stallions nodded. “Good. Guard, please do not leave their side.”
“Yes, ma’am!” he replied with a salute.
Luna began to leave, but turned around right as she was about to open the door. “Be grateful your wife and sister are princesses. If it were up to just Celestia and I, we might’ve reached a different verdict.” She left without any further explanation.
“That was… ominous,” Flam said. “But, hey, free food! Everything’s better with food!”
“There has to be some sort of catch,” Shining Armor thought aloud. “Although, I’m too hungry to think of it. Guard, please, take us to the dining hall.”
“You know, we should probably learn your name, since you’ve been around for a while now.”
“Eh, it’s Boomerang Throw,” the guard sighed. “Not the best name in the world. Most ponies just call me Boomer.”
“Well, then, Boomer, let’s eat,” Shining Armor said, walking off. “Come on!”
As the trio of stallions walked toward the dining hall, they were hit with a flood of delicious aromas.
“Mmm… roasted carrots,” Shining Armor mused, sniffing the air. “Strawberry crêpes… Hayburgers with fries…”
“Don’t eat those,” Flam cautioned. “You don’t want cannibalism added to your list of charges.”
Shining Armor looked down and groaned. “Why am I even still wearing this dumb costume?! We got caught! It didn't work!”
Flam smirked. “Is it stuck?”
“It’s stuck,” Shining sighed. “It was made for a child. What did I expect?”
As the two laughed, Boomer opened the door for them, revealing a giant room with a long table covered in hundreds of food choices. There were appetizers, entrees, desserts, drinks, everything they could ever imagine.
And at the other end of the table sat Prince Blueblood.
“Surprise!” he said, sporting a devilish grin.
Shining Armor turned the other way and bolted. It was the fastest he had run all day.