“Hey Twilight,” I text as I prep for landing, “picking up Applejack now. You want to meet us in the city or my airport?”
“My friend wants to see the city, so would you mind driving and giving a tour?”
“Absolutely. You want to meet at my airport or in the city?”
“Perfect! She says she looks forward to it! We’ll meet at your airport.”
“Good to hear. Look forward to seeing you again.”
“Same here!”
“Boeing 265AK, the wind calm, nobody behind you. Runway 8, cleared to land.”
“Cleared to land runway 8, Boeing 265AK.”
Autopilot disengage.
50.
40.
30.
20.
10.
Touchdown. Spoilers up, brakes on, 2 in reverse.
40 knots, disengage reverse thrust.
“Boeing 5AK, turn left on A, taxi Tac Air via A, hold short runway 2.”
“Left A, A to Tac Air, short of runway 2, 265AK.”
When I pass G, tower calls, “Boeing 265AK, cross runway 2, taxi via A to Tac Air, monitor ground .9.”
“Cross runway 2, A to Tac, Ground .9, 265AK.”
Once parked, I leave the APU on since Applejack’s on her way and it’s late afternoon, so most people still “aren’t home yet.” In other words, my turnaround time is quick, so I’d much rather leave it on.
“Applejack! So great to see you!” I say as I open my arms for a hug.
“Howdy, sugar cube!” She exclaims hugging me tighter than a python, the smell of her hair a rather refreshing one.
“Thank you for joining me. Means a lot.”
“Glad to be here. Thank you kindly for inviting me. It’s always nice spending time with you!”
“Aw, well thank you. You don’t get air or motion sick do you?”
“Seasick, yes. Airsick, no.”
“Ok, good. There’s no turbulence forecast, but you never know. I don’t want you to remember flights with me by being sick the entire time, especially because this is the first time you’ve flown with me.”
“Nah. It’s fine. I’ve flown in small planes a few times and never got sick. I’ve only been seasick once, and knowing who my pilot is might help too.”
She pauses as I take care of the fees. I let her go ahead of me as we climb the air stair to board. She then sighs in relief and says, “looks like ‘ya have a proper airplane this time, so I trust it’ll be kind to me” as she pats the fuselage right next to the entry door.
“Don’t you speak about Airbus like that.” I say after retracting the air stair.
“Well, I’m sorry that I don’t feel comfortable on an airplane that’ll fly itself into the ground!”
“Say what you want. That was pilot error as much as a technical… fault!” I say grunting out the last two words to shut and lock the cabin door.
“Yer’ namesake was pilot error. Too many computer doohickeys. Yer’ slave to a machine.” She responds as I squat down to arm the door.
When I stand up again, I respond, “That was also a deciding factor in the MAX. Pilot error was, probably intentionally, overlooked, but Boeing deciding to go towards heavy computerization in their airplanes was something that I wasn’t comfortable with. Even so, I was always skeptical about the MCAS, and I guess my suspicions were right. MCAS was designed to be minimally invasive, until someone at Boeing decided it should intervene automatically, with very roundabout ways of only partially disabling it.”
“Still, I trust Boeing more than Airbus.”
“I won’t argue with that.”
By the time we finish that conversation, we‘re all ready to go. Applejack chooses to indulge in some first class luxury, leaving me a solo act for the hourlong flight to Gusty Garden.
“Fort Smith clearance, Boeing 265AK, IFR to Chicago Gusty Garden.”
“Boeing 265AK, full route clearance available. Advise when ready to copy.”
“Go ahead, 265AK.”
“Boeing 265AK, cleared to Chicago Gusty Garden via FSM Q23 RZC J105 BDF TOBBY.SODOR7. Maintain 12,000. Razorback departure 120.9. Squawk 0422.”
“Cleared to Gusty Garden via Fort Smith, Q23, Razorback, J105, Bradford, TOBBY, SODOR Seven Arrival. Maintain 12,000 on departure. Razorback 120.9, squawk 0422, Boeing 265AK.”
“Boeing 5AK, readback correct. Expect departure heading from tower. Ground .9.”
“265AK.”
“Fort Smith Airport Information Alpha, 1910Z. Wind variable at 4, visibility 10, sky condition: broken 8,000, scattered 12,000, few 25,000. Temperature 7, dew point -2, altimeter 30.02. ILS and Visual runway 26 in use. Landing and departing runway 26. Notices to Airmen. Restricted Area 2401-Alpha and Bravo active, Surface to FL300, sunrise to sunset. Restricted Area 2402-Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, not active, refer to NOTAMs. Advisory: all VFR aircraft contact clearance delivery prior to taxi. Various tower lights out of service in various quadrants. Advise on initial contact, you have information Alpha.”
“Fort Smith Ground, Boeing 265AK, information A, taxi.”
“Boeing 265AK, Fort Smith Ground. Runway 25, taxi via A, hold short runway 2.”
“A to 25, short of runway 2, Boeing 265AK.”
“Boeing 265AK, cleared across runway 2. Taxi to runway 26 via A.”
“Cross runway 2, A to 26, Boeing 265AK.”
As I check to make sure flaps are set to 10 instead of 5 for the shorter runway, autopilot is set and programmed as necessary, and maintaining a healthy taxi speed, we reach the hold short.
“Fort Smith tower, Boeing 265AK, short of 26 at A, ready for departure.”
“Boeing 265AK, Fort Smith tower, runway 26, line up and wait, pending IFR release.”
“Line up and wait 26, Boeing 265AK.”
“Boeing 265AK,” tower calls about 35 seconds later, “runway 26, cleared for takeoff, fly runway heading.”
“Cleared for takeoff 26, runway heading, 265AK.” I respond, and gently advancing the throttles forward, I use a rolling short field technique to ensure adequate takeoff run.
80 knots.
V1
Rotate.
V2
Positive rate, gear up. Flaps 5.
Flaps up.
“Boeing 265AK, contact Razorback approach. Have a good flight.”
“Stop the plane!” AJ shouts bursting into the cockpit and shaking me violently.
“Fu-u-u-u-uck, A-a-pp-l-le-j-a-a-ck!!” I shout as her shaking transfers to the yoke.
“I forgot my phone!” She shouts as she heads back to the cabin.
“Boeing 265AK, we need to return to the field. My client forgot her phone.”
“N265AK, roger. Are you still planning on flying to Gusty Garden?”
“Affirm, can you amend our flight plan for departure in 45 minutes?”
“Boeing 265AK, on request. Would you like the visual or shoot an approach?”
“Boeing 265AK, let’s do an approach.” I reply as I configure the aircraft.
“N265AK, squawk VFR, turn right heading 310, vectors to AYUWU. Contact Razorback Approach on 120.9.”
“VFR, 310, Razorback, Boeing 265AK.” “Razorback approach, Boeing 265AK, heading 310 for AYUWU, ILS 26 Fort Smith.”
“Boeing 265AK, Razorback Approach, roger. Proceed direct AYUWU, slow to 150 knots, traffic inbound to Fort Smith a CRJ-900 turning 5 mile final on the DME arc.”
“Direct AYUWU, in sight, 150 knots, 265AK.” Flaps 10. “Approach brief. ILS Z runway 26 into Fort Smith. Primary navaid Fort Smith Localizer on 111.3. Approach course inbound 256. 8,000’ of runway available. TDZE 446’. Airport Elevation 469’. Circle FSM 10 DME Arc north of the localizer from AYUWU at or above 3,100 until established on course inbound. Once established, descend to 2,700, our glide slope intercept and final approach fix. Follow glideslope to ILS minimums of 653 and 2400 RVR. Missed approach point intersection of glideslope at 653. If environment is in sight, continue to land. If not, if we have at least one piece of the environment in sight, we can go to 550. Missed approach procedure, climb 2,500 direct to Jembo NDB and hold. Identify FSM VOR? I-FSM LOC? Jembo: GK? Check. Check. Check. GPS overlay can substitute, but good to know we have our primaries. FAF identified by FSM R-118 and 7.0 GPS. To avoid the restricted area, offset course by turning when we cross FSM R-075 instead of 076. Approach brief complete.”
Vref set. Lower landing gear. Flaps 15.
“N265AK, contact Fort Smith Tower, 118.3.”
“Over to tower now, 265AK.” “Fort Smith tower, Boeing 265AK at OCEXA, ILS 26.”
“Boeing 265AK, Fort Smith tower. Report WIZER inbound.”
“Report WIZER inbound, 265AK.” Flaps 25.
“Boeing 265AK, previous aircraft reported wind shear on short final.”
“Roger, thanks, 265AK.” Flaps 30.
Just under 2 minutes later, I get the FAF. Timer set, “Tower, Boeing 265AK at WIZER.”
“Boeing 265AK, runway 26, cleared to land.”
“Cleared to land 26, Boeing 265AK.”
1000.
100.
Minimums.
Minimums! Minimums!
Runway and environment in sight. Autothrottle disengage. Normal maneuvers, normal descent to land. Autopilot disengage.
50.
40.
30.
Suddenly, a heart-stopping drop precedes a loud “Windshear! Windshear! Windshear!”
“Power!” I shout out of habit as I shove the throttles forward.
20.
10.
“Max!! I found my phone!” She shouts bursting into the cockpit again and waving her phone in my peripheral.
“God damn it.” I whisper as I shove the throttles full forward, initiate a climb and clean up the airplane.
“Tower, Boeing 265AK going missed, as published.” I say cleaning the aircraft up.
“N265AK, roger…? Do you want to try again?”
“Negative. My client actually does have her phone after all. If able, we’d like to get our clearance to Gusty Garden once established in the hold, 265AK.”
“Boeing 265AK… roger. Fly the published missed, maintain 3,000.”
“As published, 3,000, will report established, Boeing 265AK.”
“I’m awful sorry, sugar cube.” She utters feebly sitting down in the right seat.
“It’s fine. Just don’t scare me like that when we’re 5 feet off the deck.” I respond, which makes AJ redder than ever.
Track to GK/Jembo. 3,000. 200 knot speed limit.
“N265AK, contact Razorback approach.”
“Over to Razorback, 265AK.” “Razorback approach, Boeing 265AK, missed approach at Fort Smith, as published holding at 3,000.”
“Boeing 265AK, Razorback departure, roger. Report established in the hold.”
“Will report established, 265AK.”
A few minutes later, we begin our first proper racetrack circuit, to which I report, “Razorback, Boeing 265AK established.”
“N265AK, roger. Contact Fort Smith tower for your clearance, 118.3.”
“Over to tower, talk to you soon, 265AK.” “Fort Smith tower, Boeing 265AK, established in the hold at Jembo, clearance to Chicago Gusty Garden.”
“Boeing 265AK, contact Razorback Approach, they’ll get it for you.”
“Over to Razorback, 265AK.” “Razorback approach, Boeing 265AK, clearance to Chicago Gusty Garden.”
“N265AK, Razorback approach, contact Fort Smith tower, 118.3, they’ll get it for you.”
“We’ll try again with Fort Smith, but they’ll probably give us back to you, Boeing 265AK.” “Fort Smith Tower, Boeing 265AK, Razorback wants you to take our clearance.”
“Boeing 265AK, Fort Smith tower. There is no flow into either Chicago O’Hare or Midway. Contact Razorback approach on 120.9.”
“Roger no flow, we’ll let ‘em know, 265AK.” “Razorback, Boeing 265AK, Fort Smith insists you take our clearance, as there is no flow into Chicago area airports at this time.”
“Boeing 265AK, cleared to the Gusty Garden Airport via as filed, except expect FL310, climb and maintain 11,000, squawk 0214.“
“Cleared to Gusty Garden as filed, 11,000, expect FL310 instead of 350, squawk Valentines Day, Boeing 265AK.”
“N265AK, readback correct. Proceed direct Fort Smith.”
“Direct Fort Smith, climbing 11,000, Boeing 265AK.”
“So sugarcube, are you gonna woo me with a fancy Valentines dinner?” Applejack asks as I initiate the climb.
“No. You said nothing fancy, remember? Especially since it’s not just the two of us. I want to beat dinner traffic, which in the city tends to start at 15:30 for a day like this. Plus, if you ask me, commercialization of holidays is a bunch of bullshit.”
“I‘m with ‘ya on that.”
“Wait, you hate the holidays like I do? That seems unlike you.”
“Gift giving is always fun, don’t get me wrong, but the biggest thing I look forward to at the holidays is being with family.”
“Been like that since I was in middle school,” I nod in agreement. “Of course, with my disownment, that all changed, but that’s NHNT.”
“NHNT?”
“Neither here nor there.”
“Now wait an Apple pickin’ minute! Yer’ family disowned ya?!”
“Yep.”
“Oh. Well, okay… Um, have ya’ been told about the portal to Equestria?” She asks nervously, desperate to change the subject.
“No. Don’t know who would tell me.”
“Basically, 6 of us have pony twins in an alternate world of various sapient creatures. In Twilight’s case, she’s a unicorn-turned-alicorn, currently the reigning Princess of Friendship.”
“Uh huh.” I respond a little more than skeptical. “So you’re telling me that there exists an alternate universe where Twilight is a pony princess?”
“Eeyup.”
“What does that make you then?”
“My counterpart’s an earth pony. No horn, no wings.”
“Okay. What about the others?”
“Uh, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are Pegasi, Rarity‘s a unicorn, and Pinkie’s an earth pony. Sunset Shimmer is a unicorn, but she doesn’t have a human counterpart that we know of. She’s the only one of her, if ya’ take my meaning.”
“Interesting. Kind of makes me wonder what that would make me.”
“Knowing you, ye’d probably be a Pegasus.”
“With broken wings.”
“Kind of like Scootaloo. Her wings are too small for her to sustain flight.”
“Scootaloo’s a Pegasus?”
“Eyup. All three pony types are covered with her, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, they call themselves.”
“Cutie Mark?”
“In Equestria, when a pony discovers what they’re meant to do or what makes ‘em special, a cutie mark appears on their flank.”
“Does that mean that if I went to Equestria, I’d have a silhouette of an airplane adorning my ass?”
“Maybe.”
“So where’s the portal?”
“That I don’t know. I assume Twilight – our Twilight, has one at her house, but if there are others, I have no idea.”
“Hmm.”
“Boeing 265AK, climb and maintain FL230.”
“Climb to 230, 265AK.”
“Who knows though, sugar cube. If you were to walk through that portal, there is a slight chance that you may not even be a pony.”
“What other species could I be then?”
“Dragon, Griffon, Kirin, even a Changeling.”
“Wouldn’t I like to know.” I say as I monitor the airplane in the climb.
At cruising, Applejack asks me, “Sugar cube, I don’t wanna bring up any sour apples, but would you mind telling me about y’all’s gettin’ disowned?”
“It’s fine. Not much to tell there, I wanted to go into aviation. The family tried everything in their power to get my head out of the clouds. I attempted suicide because they refused to listen to me. They found out and severed all connections to me, since apparently, I hated myself enough to attempt suicide. As far as they’re concerned, I never existed. I was never born.”
