//------------------------------// // Tarpan // Story: The Neighanderthal // by Mr. Grimm //------------------------------// Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sat on a bench on the playground of Ponyville Elementary, thinking up new names to call their fellow students. As usual, Diamond Tiara would dictate, and Silver Spoon would write them down so that they could remember them for later. “See that fat kid over there?” said Tiara as she pointed to a portly gray pony who was nibbling on a cookie. Spoon looked up and adjusted her glasses. “You mean Truffle Shuffle?” she muttered. “From now on we’re calling him Sir Eats-a-lot,” said the pink equine, “You got that?” “Yes,” said Spoon, as she scribbled away in the notepad. Tiara scanned the crowd of foals to pick out a new target. She placed a thoughtful hoof to her chin as she squinted. “Let’s see,” she murmured to herself, “Hmm…How about that dork with the glasses?” She looked over to see Spoon giving her a hurt frown. The filly sighed and rolled her eyes. “I meant the dork with the buck teeth, not you.” Spoon flipped through the pages of the notepad for a moment. “Twist? I thought we called her Lisp-Lips.” “I got a better one,” continued Tiara, “Her new name is Candy-cane Creep.” Spoon raised a nervous eyebrow. “That…um…I think Lisp-Lips sounds better…In my opinion, anyway.” Tiara narrowed her eyes at the grey filly, who shrank back, though it was not that threatening of a glare. “I don’t care what your opinion is, we’re calling Candy-cane Creep.” “Of course we are,” sputtered Spoon, “It’s just, well, I don’t get why we’d call her that.” “Because I said so,” said Tiara. This was how she finished all her arguments with Spoon, so they now had time to notice that the playground had suddenly become as empty as an unguarded cookie jar in a cafeteria. All except for a large, unusual-looking stallion who was lumbering up to the bench. He snorted and growled, sounding more like a wild animal than an equine. Spoon was instantly terrified of him. Tiara, however, regarded him the same way that she regarded everypony else at school: with irritating contempt. “What are you looking at?” she snapped. The stallion now stood only a foreleg’s length away, and looked at them with what seemed to be confusion. He began to let out a series of garbled sounds, as if he were trying to communicate. “Shut up!” sneered Tiara, “If you can’t speak Equestrian, then you don’t belong here!” The shaggy-coated stallion then noticed the notepad in Spoon’s trembling hooves. He reached out with a pillar-like foreleg and plucked it out of her grasp. “Hey!” cried the enraged Tiara, “Give that back, you woolly idiot!” The stallion looked at her and glared. Though he couldn’t understand her words, he was clearly able pick up on her insulting tone. He barked at her condescendingly in his mysterious language. Tiara did not take kindly to this, as she wasn’t used to being yelled at. She was about to embark on a tirade of nasty childish insults when a lasso suddenly appeared around the stallion’s outstretched forelimb. The creature dropped the notepad, reared up and let out a surprised whinny, kicking his massive forelegs in surprise and anger. “Gotcha!” came a victorious southern drawl, “Get away from them young’uns!” Tiara and Spoon saw six ponies over by the swings. An orange earth pony in a Stetson held the other end of the lasso in her mouth. The stallion whirled around to face them, and let out a menacing bellow. Twilight Sparkle cringed as she saw the pony expose a mouthful of huge, square teeth in an angry grimace. “Just gimme a second,” Applejack murmured, “I’ll have this--WHOA!” Twilight and the others gaped as Applejack was yanked forward. The stallion had pulled back on the rope, sending her tumbling to the ground. Before she could get back to her hooves, the stallion started running. Applejack yelped as she was dragged along the grass, narrowly avoiding a collision with the slide. “Oh no you don’t!” came the tomboyish voice of Rainbow Dash as she took to her wings and soared towards the fleeing creature. Twilight watched in awe as the Pegasus dove to tackle the powerful beast. Both parties tumbled to the ground as she made impact, but were up in a moment, glaring at each other. “Alright buddy, you wanna go?” Dash growled through clenched teeth, “Then let’s--” Her words were suddenly cut off as Twilight stepped in front of her. To her relief, the stallion didn’t try and run off again. Instead he seemed to be standing his ground, ready to attack if he had to. The purple unicorn tried her hardest to look as non-threatening as possible, though she was scared out of her mind as to what the creature could do if he grew angry at her. She slowly raised a foreleg and pointed at herself. “Twilight Sparkle,” she said, loudly and eloquently. The stallion’s defensive stance relaxed a little, though he still seemed wary of his surroundings. Twilight smiled as he did the same as her, pointing a hoof to his brawny chest. “Tarpan…” he grunted. Twilight looked back at her friends. They had gathered around behind her, looking just as cautious of the stallion as he was of them. “Twilight,” whispered Rarity, “What do we do now?” “I’m working on it,” the purple unicorn muttered through a grin. Very slowly she reached out for Tarpan’s hoof, which still had the rope wrapped around it. The stallion’s eyes narrowed as he backed away, murmuring something under his breath. Twilight paused and drew back, still giving the creature a smile. Tarpan raised the rope to his mouth and bit down on it with his teeth, sheering through it like a stalk of celery. “That was mah good rope,” grumbled Applejack. “Tarpan,” said Twilight, waving her hoof back towards the street, “Could you please follow us?” She knew he was unable to understand what she was saying, but hoped that he would at least get the gist of her gesticulations and tone. Tarpan seemed to comprehend what she meant, but seemed hesitant. “Come on,” said Pinkie Pie, who somewhere in the chase had taken off her Canter Claus costume, “We got lotsa yummy food!” She paused as she rubbed her belly and licked her lips, “I bet you’re hungry!” As if by some subliminal messaging on Pinkie’s part, Tarpan’s stomach let out a thunderous growl. “Yeah,” said Twilight, taking advantage of the situation, “If you’re hungry, I can make you something to eat.” The purple mare pantomimed eating a sandwich as she spoke. But much to their dismay, Tarpan craned his neck down to the ground and began grazing. The six ponies frowned, as they had been taught as foals not to eat grass that grew wild. There wasn’t anything hazardous about it, it was just not considered proper etiquette, especially when eating it off of other pony’s property. “Well, there goes that idea,” huffed Dash, “Got any more?” “Just one,” sighed Twilight, sounding not at all enthused about it. “Meet me in the library within the next ten minutes. And please hurry, because I don’t know how he’s going to react to this.” “Um…React to what?” whispered Fluttershy. Twilight answered her question with a bright flash of purple light. When it vanished, the unicorn, as well as the odd stallion, were nowhere to be seen. Spike jumped out of his chair as a blinding flash of light appeared in the center of the kitchen. There stood Twilight, along with a bizarre-looking pony he’d never seen before. The stallion swiveled his head around, confused and frightened. Spike gave a questioning glance at Twilight, who immediately rushed over to his side. The dragon looked back and forth between the two equines. “Uh…Twilight,” murmured the dragon as he raised an eyebrow, “Who’s that?” The purple mare smiled uneasily, pulling him aside. “His name is Tarpan,” she whispered, “We have no idea what he is, or where he came from.” Spike was now more confused than he had been moments ago. “Wait, we? Who’s we?” Twilight hushed him by putting a hoof to his mouth. “Just wait a minute,” she said quickly, “You’ll find out.” She looked over her shoulder at Tarpan, who was still shaken from the teleportation. The unicorn was thankful that he hadn’t flown into a full-blown panic. However, her relief soon vanished when the stallion spotted Spike. Tarpan’s eyes became very wide, and a threatening sneer spread across his muzzle. Spike noticed this and was understandably nervous. “Twilight,” he breathed, “I--” Before the dragon could finish, Tarpan charged across the room, knocking over the table and chairs as he went. Twilight barely had enough time to throw up a force field around her friend. Tarpan crashed into the glowing dome head on with such force that it made the whole kitchen rattle. “What the heck?!” Spike cried as Tarpan collapsed to the floor in a heap, “He…I…What?!” The purple reptile stared in open mouthed shock at the now unconscious equine before turning to Twilight. “I…don’t have any explanation for that…” Twilight said, unsure just how to react to the situation. Spike continued to stare at her, even when her friends came barging in with his not-so-secret crush in the lead. “Twilight,” called Rarity, “You should have at least…oh my…” She raised a hoof to her mouth as she saw the unmoving form of Tarpan crumpled in front of Spike. “Spike!” she gasped, sounding positively shocked, “Did you…?” The young dragon looked at her, back at Twilight, and finally, at Tarpan. “… WOULD SOMEPONY TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON?!”