Dear Cheese Sandwich,
Look, I am happy that you got your laugh back, well not really, but you know what I mean. I however, am not happy with the pollution that your factory is producing. Seriously though, the sky around your factory is horribly polluted and all that shit is spreading across Equestria. I am not sure if you know we have environmental laws in this country but we do and violating them is an extremely serious crime.
If ponies or other creatures from abroad travel here and see polluted skies because of your factory, our tourism numbers could drop and creatures from around the world, albeit inferior ones, will think that I am not doing my job in taking care of the country and I certainly don't want to be seen as a lousy leader who doesn't give a shit about her country. Because of this, I have decided that a very stiff fine shall be necessary.
For the damage you are doing to the atmosphere, I am fining you 250,000 bits. Since you are a business owner now I am certain you can afford it. Also, there are many reports of the products produced at that factory winding up in landfills and that too is unacceptable. It is unacceptable because outside of my sister, a very special pony destined for Alicornhood and myself, those things will take longer to biodegrade than most ponies will live. Because of that, I am fining you an additional 250,000 bits. Third, I am fining you 1,000 bits because of me being inconvenienced by having to send you this letter and last but not least, 55 cents for the cost of the postage. Now pay up in 72 hours or I will seize that precious factory of yours.
On a final note, I am demanding that you shut that thing down until you can cut your carbon emissions by 95%. Failure to do so will result in your factory being permanently shut down. Now get your flank out and start making ponies happy the old fashioned way rather than ruining our environment and ripping ponies off with overpriced junk that winds up in landfills. Now you have a pleasant day, ok?
Protecting Equestria's Environment,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Seriously, you are fining me over 500,000 bits over all of this? I have always heard what a greedy bitch you are but the part of me that believes that all ponies have good in them refused to believe it. I know now that you truly are the greediest pony in all of Equestria. Ok, I get it that you want to make sure that factories are not polluting our air but doing your best to put a pony out of business is not the way to go about it. You just need to lighten up and think of funny ways to punish these ponies rather than fining them into oblivion. You could simply send out ponies to throw banana peels in front of them so they would fall. Wouldn't that be more satisfying?
Thinking You Need to Lighten Up,
Cheese Sandwich
Dear Cheese Sandwich,
Fine then. You, that assistant of yours and all your employees can come up to Canterlot and pay me a visit. Once you get here, we can go to the courtyard under my balcony and you can take part in one of my favorite pastimes. Hell we can even invite the whole city and all of us can make the whole city laugh! I know you'd be certain to enjoy it!
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Thank you so much for helping me realize what my true purpose in life is. Going out and making ponies laugh is much more satisfying and wonderful than simply producing items such as rubber chickens in a factory is. Speaking of the factory, Princess Celestia was initially going to fine me over the damage it did to the environment but has decided to let me off the hook but is now demanding I go up to Canterlot so I can take part in one of her favorite pastimes. I'm not sure what it is but it certainly couldn't be that bad could it?
Your Friend,
Cheese Sandwich
Dear Cheese Sandwich,
No, don't go up to Canterlot to take part in Celestia's favorite pastime. I know what it is. I know that she will either execute you because she loves public executions or flog you mercilessly because she finds such punishments funny. Just pay the fine, I'll even help you raise the funds because I don't want to see you suffer through what Princess Celestia finds funny. I don't know how we will raise all the funds to pay that fine but I'll do it because you're my friend.
Your Friend,
Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
So you are looking to get Cheese Sandwich out of having to come up and take part in my favorite pastime? Well too bad, I know you won't be able to afford to pay that fine and I am much too excited over the prospects of flogging some idiot in the town square under my balcony. Thanks to you though, that shall now be TWO idiots getting flogged. Now you and Cheese get your flanks up here ASAP or I will see to it that your parents lose their rock farm and turn Limestone and Marble loose on Fluttershy again, got it?
Ready to Torture You,
Princess Celestia
Dear Bitchlestia,
You know what, fine! I have known this for many years but this right here is proof that you are an even bigger bitch than Twilight ever was. I know you delighted in what my bitch sisters did to Fluttershy and will probably get a lot of joy in seeing it fine. Just spare Cheese, ok? You can flog me twice as much if you want but please don't hurt my friend like that!
Hoping You Won't Hurt Cheese,
Pinkie Pie
To the Irrational Mare Foal,
Fine Pinkie, I won't hurt your friend but your punishment is going to be severe, very severe. I will say this though, you better be glad Twilight doesn't find you attractive because if she did, I would extend your life and make you her sex slave for the next 3,000 years. Have fun getting flogged for hours on end Pinkie!
Ready to Flog You,
Princess Celestia