“You can say that again,” Shimmer agreed with a sigh as she walked off hurriedly.
Well , guess she’s getting a jump on that then…or trying to avoid being seen with me, I reckoned as I saw the borderline burning glares of the masses.
“So, uh, what did Mr. D choose me for?” Derpy asked as she walked towards me but I just waved her off.
“I’ll tell you at lunch,” I said as I made my way towards my locker.
“Oh…okay,” she said sounding a bit disappointed, but I didn’t turn back to her, I had places to be. And let me tell you, that trip to my locker was arduous as all Hell since the entire student body apparently had bigger sticks up their asses than usual. I was met with shoulder checks, shoves, and ‘accidental’ foot trips that nearly brought my head to the floor.
Oh come on you bastards! I thought heatedly as someone actually stuck gum on my backpack. I’d been through this before after making Pinkie cry, but not to this extent. They were acting as though I insulted their god, pissed on their holy lands, and deleted their save progress on every game they owned. A girl even hissed at me, as in like an actual cat that wants to claw your eyes out.
I’m starting to miss the freaking rumor mill about dating Shimmer at this point! I grit my teeth. Barely an hour ago, the snickers and curious glances had gotten my goat, but this turnaround was so much worse. It’s like everybody in this place is Bipolar or something!
Anyway, I eventually got to my locker and the sight I was rewarded with when I got there was...well it was something I hadn't seen since my last school.
Huh, to be honest I didn't think any of the idiots here had the guts to do this. Props to them I guess.
My normally green locker had been marked up with shades of red and yellow from top to bottom. To add to the décor there were some rather spiteful words etched all around it...I mean, spiteful for a fifth grader anyway.
'You suck,' 'Go back to your old school,' 'You suck eggs,' 'You poopie head?' Really? That’s the best these assholes could come up with?
Sighing at the idiocy before me I just tried my best to match the colored over numbers on my lock to get my history books, and the rest of my morning class books so that I wouldn’t have to come back for them.
The last thing I need is any more of these pricks cornering me here, I grumbled as I saw their baneful looks at the corners of my eyes. I didn’t even touch your stupid statue! Whoever did is just using your gullible sheep nature to their advantage!
I finally got the door open and thankfully, nothing inside had been touched, though there were a few notes that fell out. I just frowned and left them where they lied. I didn’t need to see any more childish insults.
Whoever set up this frame job is gonna pay dearly, I thought as I stuffed my bag. Even if all I’ve got to channel are cartoons, crime dramas, or Phoenix Wright himself, I will not take the fall for this! Not Again! Never Again!
As past memories itched at the surface of my mind I grounded my teeth and pushed them back down, I needed a clearer head, even if it was impossible with all the brainlessness around me.
They all know somehow. Despite only being called to that useless bitch’s office less than an hour ago, they all know. Someone with influence spread the word quickly, and I have a feeling I know who… I concluded as the cattle chatted about me, threw paper at my back and glared into my soul.
*Slam*
I crashed my locker closed, silencing the annoying gossip as I turned and eyed them all down with a less than sane look. It worked on the one’s closest, who scurried away, but the rest just kept their distance and continued to watch me like I was in the zoo.
Cool it Bacon, getting pissed at them won't solve anything. I thought to myself, trying to get my breathing under control. Let them hate because nothing but the truth will change their mind. If they even want to change their mi-
"*Whistle* Dang man, I don't think I've seen you this pissed before."
Any semblance of calm I had managed to gain in that short few seconds was gone at the arrival of one of my frequent home invaders as I turned and scowled at her.
“Look Dash, I am seriously not in the mo-“ I cut myself off as something was off about her. She was somber and subdued, where earlier she had been all pumped and angry about the statue. I didn’t like this new look on her.
"I heard some guys in class were going to mess with your locker, but I didn't think they do it so soon. I was going to try and stop them but..." she said sounding guilty and drained of energy. I just raised a brow before I shook my head.
"Well...okay then. It’s not like they got to my textbooks or anything,” I shrugged. “I’m actually more surprised that you said it was a group of people. Didn’t think anyone else in this school had the guts outside of Shimmer or that Blaze bitch.”
"Uh, speaking about Sunset Shimmer. Are...are the rumors true?" she asked sounding hesitant.
“Oh for-NO! I told you this Saturday! I’m not dating Condiment Head!” I growled in annoyance.
"Not that one you dork!" Rainbow growled back in a surprising amount of anger I was not expecting, causing me to blink in surprise as she continued, "I'm talking about that rumor that you and that Sun-jerk wrecked the Wondercolt Statue!"
I balled my fists at the accusation as I stared her directly in the eye.
Wow. For someone who says they’re my friend, she puts stock into that BS? Typical. Absolutely typical…
“Is…is that a no then?” she asked as I trembled slightly in rage.
“What the hell do you think?” I replied tersely.
“I’m going to guess no then,” she said in relief as her shoulder’s relaxed. “That’s good to hear.”
“Oh that’s nice that I can assuage your dwindling IQ,” I grunted.
“Huh?” she asked caught off guard.
“I mean, there’s no other explanation that’d you’d even consider it if you weren’t getting stupider by the minute!”
“Hey!” she shouted in offense. “There’s no need to be such a-“
“I’m not the one who even considered Dazzling gossip as the truth, so that says more about you than me,” I grunted as I adjusted my bag and walked around her.
“Hey wait Mike! I just wanted to make sure! I mean sure Rarity and others heard through the grapevine from those jerks, but it sounded like something you might-“
I tuned her out as I hurried down the hall through the sea of bumping and prodding morons, feeling more anger than I thought I could at confirming my theory.
So Adagio was the source huh? The ketchup and mustard were dead giveaways, but spreading the info while I was still in the office is just plain obvious. I don’t know how I’m going to prove that, but those jackasses are at the top of the suspect list! Seriously, how stupid do you have to be Rainbow?!
I don’t know why Rainbow considering the possibility that I was guilty set me off so much. I guess I just expected too much out of some people.
LATER
The rest of the day up to lunch was...tiring to say the least.
It felt like my first day all over again, but times a billion. I ignored all my new brainless enemies in and out of the classroom as best I could, but it was pretty overwhelming. Especially since their threats and insults had less merit than a hamster squeak. Sunset was right, the student body’s collective ‘creativity’ left much to be desired. Still, uncreative or not, they served to bother and annoy me far past any level I’d reached in my old schools.
Speaking of Sunset though, she looked absolutely defeated. The entirety of History class, she didn’t even try to defend herself from the other student’s scorn. She didn’t snap back at their insults, she didn’t try to deflect the paper airplanes or spit balls flung at her, and she didn’t even look at me. All she did was stare a thousand yards into the distance as if her entire world had been destroyed and she was left to float in the remnants. It was like a train wreck, and I couldn’t stop gawking at her state.
Also, Twilight kept trying to speak with me as well, but I took a cue from my bully, and acted as thought I couldn’t hear her. The last thing I wanted was to hear her ask if the rumors were true or not, and I didn’t want to get riled up again. When the bell rang, Sunset stomped out of the door as if on a mission, but she never looked at anyone as she did so.
After a few more classes of rinsing and repeating the same process came lunch time, which had it’s own problems. The old lunch lady looked as if she didn’t want to serve me, and when she did, I got a cold burger, room temp milk, and soggy, squished tater tots, and an orange for some reason while everyone else got an apple.
Man, screw this extreme school spirit! I grumbled as I threw away all but the fruit from that meal and headed out to meet Derpy. Okay, just gotta eat this measly ‘lunch’ as fast as possible, explain things to Derpy, and look for any clues from that damn statue.
Aside from investigating the scene of the crime, I had no other leads, aside from tying up the Dazzlings and going Jack Bauer on them, but I didn’t want to go to jail thank you very much.
But of course, that all hinges on whether or not Derpy is as brainwashed as the rest of these morons…
Thankfully, our eating spot under the tree was vacant of any lynch mobs like it was on any given day, and the only one waiting for me was the cross eyed blond girl who, to my surprise, didn't immediately glare at the mere sight of me.
"Hi Michael! Are you on some sort of...orange only diet?"
"Uh...no not exactly,” I answered as I began peeling the pitiful meal. “Apparently even the lunch lady is a part of the Wondecolt Cult."
She giggled at that, and like all the other times I’d eaten with her, I marveled about how someone like her thrived in High School. She didn’t really have a sense of sarcasm, or any kind of negativity for that manner, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around how she could always be so optimistic and carefree. Especially since she claimed she had no real friends, was bullied constantly about her eyes, and was on the verge of crying when we first met.
She truly is a mystery, I pondered as she looked at me with a bright smile.
"So Michael, what was with that whole liaison thing Mr. D was talking about this morning? Is that some sort of fancy word for helper or something?"
I then gave Derpy a quick rundown on just what Mr. D had dragged her into, and why Sunset and I needed a liaison in the first place. I’d eaten the last of my orange by the time I concluded "...And that's why I need you to come with me to that stupid statue. Now I don't particularly care if you believe that I did it or not, just know I am willing to pay you if yo-"
"Oh sure, no problem, I didn't think you did it in the first place, so of course I'll help you out!" she interrupted with excitement.
"…Wait, for real?" I asked taken aback by her sincerity, which caused her to giggle.
"Yeah for real, I don't think you did it. It wouldn't make any sense for you to do it. And even if you did, you’re smart enough to not get caught anyway. So yeah, I'll be glad to help you in any way I can."
I could only blink owlishly at the bubbly answer after only receiving skepticism and scorn the last few hours.
"So you’re just going to believe me like that?”
“Yup!”
“Even though the rest of the school is acting like I just assassinated the Pope or something?" I said with my tone dripping in disbelief, which went over Derpy's head as usual.
"Of course, I trust you after all. Besides, this is the perfect situation to level up my 'Know How' stat to level five!"
I couldn't help but flinch slightly at my poorly thought out 'Levels of Knowing Someone' idea that she had somehow progressed in. Those other levels had come about due to me caving in to avoid making her cry for those days I avoided eating with her after The Party. But for her belief and optimism, I felt like she would deserve reaching the next level on my fake scale.
"There you are!” a familiar ticked off voice called out. Turning around I saw Shimmer looking like her old pissed off self, the defeated look on her face seemingly forgotten. “What are you and Lazy Eyes doing wasting time?!”
At her insult, Derpy hid behind me as if I was some sort of shield and I glared our bully down.
"Well? Are you two just going to stand there all day, or am I going to have to drag your sorry asses to the Wondercolt Statue myself?" she demanded impatiently with her hands on her hips.
"First off Condiment Head, nice to see you too, and second off, why do you need us? I figured you’d just say ‘Screw The Rules’ and go off on your own.”
"For your information Chicken Sauce, I’m not about to just throw away this golden opportunity breaking the rules that didn’t have to be given in the first place!” she shot back huffily. “And you and I both know we didn't do this, so quit being a pain and let’s get this over with!”
“You’re right, I know I didn’t do this, but the same can’t be said for you,” I said with eyes narrowed.
“Oh please! You were in the same room when Luna was throwing that crap around,” she argued.
“Yeah, and I wasn’t the one driving past the school at 1 in the morning,” I shot back and she balled her hands into fists and sneered.
“That has nothing to do with what happened!” she denied. “It was just a coincidence.”
“Oh yeah? Then why were you out there that late? Because I don’t buy the whole ‘driving around to cool my head’ bit.”
“But it’s true!” she shouted.
“Really? What were you cooling your head from then?” I asked as her face grew red, though not from anger, but embarrassment.
“I-I was…” she stuttered before shaking her head, “Look, it’s none of your business alright?! I didn’t deface the Wondercolt!”
“Riiiggghhhttt…” I drawled out causing her teeth to clench even harder, but before she could go on a tirade, I held my hand up. “Look Shimmer, I’ll be straight with you, I believe you.”
"You...you do?"
Ah crap, there's that damned tone again.
It was the same desperate, depressing tone that Sunset had back in the VP's office before Mr. D showed up to kinda save our hides, the tone I should have taken immense delight in hearing coming from one of my bullies, but instead made me feel conflicted, the same tone that made me certain that Sunset wasn't the culprit.
"Yes, I don't trust you as far as I could throw ya, but I know you didn't do it,” I admitted.
“Th-Then what was all that about just now?!” she asked upset.
“Just confirmation on my end,” I admitted. “I know you’ve worked with the Dazzlings before, but I just wanted to see your reaction to make sure you just weren’t a burned accomplice.”
“I don’t work for them!” she snarled before she closed her eyes and continued in a more even tone, “But I understand. Good to hear that you think it’s them too.”
“Well of course it’s them, it’s painfully obvious!” I said with a roll of my eyes. “And since I know you want to catch these jackasses as much as I do, I'm willing to put aside our differences and not full on hate you till we find out who framed us. In return you do the same for me, got it?”
She just stared at me, with Derpy trying and failing to hide behind my back, for a few seconds of contemplation before she looked down and nodded her head. To this I stretched my hand out towards her.
"Then we got a deal?"
Sunset looked at my outstretched hand before she took it in her own and shook it. After a few seconds we let go and stared each other down in mutual unease until I clapped my hands together and broke the silence.
"Good! Now first order of business, if we’re going to work together you can't go calling Derpy here anymore names. I'm sure that will be hard for you, but sacrifices and all that," I demanded and I felt Derpy perk up behind me.
“Really?” Shimmer said with indignation. “You’re going to lecture me about name calling?”
“Hey, what you and I call each other is fair game Condi, but she’s our only lifeline to Mr. D’s mercy, so let’s not piss her off alright?”
"Fine, I won't pick on your little wimpy friend,” she said with an eye roll. “I don't do repeat victims anyway."
Seriously, you actually refer to them as your victims? Why is your tough girl persona so clichéd?
"U-um I'm not his friend yet either,” said as she stuck her head over my shoulder. “I'm still six levels away from that, s-so…yeah.”
"'Six levels?'” Sunset asked with a quirked brow. “What the hell is she going on ab-"
"Okay great! Now that we're all set let’s go!” I interrupted to avoid that being used against me. And with that said I started walking off, with a dumbfounded Sunset and strangely cheery Derpy in tow.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Despite the majority of the students eating in lunchroom, we still had the displeasure of walking past those that ate elsewhere or just didn’t eat lunch. Sunset and I had received our fare share of death glares that day and were at least getting used to it, but poor Derpy shrunk and wilted at every look.
“Just ignore them,” I told her. “Remember, they’re looking at me and She-Devil, not you.”
She nodded at this, but still kept her head down as some jerk threw a sandwich bag at us.
"Ugh, I feel like its junior high all over again," Sunset complained as she hugged her shoulders in discomfort.
Hello interesting future blackmail material, a pleasure to see you again. Any chance you'd like to go on?
Sadly those hopes were dashed as she just kept her eyes forward in determination.
"I don't think I've seen this many people mad since that happened last year," Derpy shivered as she mention the mysterious event that seemed to plague the entire school body.
Okay, seriously what the hell happened?! Did someone die or something!?
"Well well well, if it isn't the newest odd couple of the school,” a smug bitchy voice said as we rounded the corner to the main entrance. Sunset and I groaned as we came face to face with Adagio and her posse, posing in front of the doors as if they’d been waiting comfortably for us.
Oh My God You Stalkerish Bitch! How do you act on info so fast?! I thought in frustration as Derpy once more hid behind me and Sunset bared her teeth.
Adagio's eyes seemed to brighten almost sadistically at the sight of Sunset's anger, while Sonata and Aria flanked her, frowning in our direction. Though only Aria’s seemed malicious.
Well obviously Sonata is the weak chain in their link. She just looks pathetically sad instead of intimidating, I observed and filed away for future plans.
“I see the vice principal decided to let you both out of the dog house for some 'quality time' together," she insinuated with her slasher smile.
"First off, I would be better off dead then dating this loser! And secondly, what do you whores want?"
"Now now Sunset dear, I wouldn't get too upset, after all, you’re already in enough hot water as it is. It would be a shame if you made things worse by causing another...incident with your fellow student now wouldn't it?" Adagio responded with her trademarked condescending tone and smug grin.
Sunset looked like she was going to say something else, but I quickly interrupted her in order to avoid causing a scene. As much as I wanted to chew the Rejects out and make them confess to their crimes, I also knew better then to do it while on the school’s bad side.
"Look Almond Drizzle, just go ahead and hurl whatever petty insults you have and get out of our way. We already know you’re the ones who did this, so there’s no need for a monologue. I can only take so much of your voice before it kills me.”
Her sight immediately landed on me, and I took great pride in the spark of barely hidden rage behind her false calm demeanor.
“Hmmph, aren’t you saucy today,” she insulted as her eyes narrowed. “But you’re sadly mistaken Bacon. Not even we would stoop so low as to deface the Wondercolt.”
“Uh Huh, sure, and the gossip just got spread quickly because you didn’t know it,” I rolled my eyes to which she smirked.
“For your information, Sonata just so happened to overhear your little shouting match with Ms. Luna before Mr. Distorted sent her away and…well, you can’t blame a gossip for spreading the truth…” she said with a chuckle.
"You lying bitch! I can't believe you would do this, after all I-"
"After all you what Shimmer?" Adagio interrupted with a heated glare of her own, "After you failedto get one measly student to follow the hierarchy of this school? Or was it after you ditched out on your role last week? Frankly, I don't see why you’re so surprised this happened."
Wait, she was supposed to be a part of The Party sabotage? I thought in intrigue at Dazzle’s poor attempt at subtlety. I looked at the about to explode Mt. Sunset and her dark red rage filled face and quirked a brow. Why did you ditch?
Shaking my head from that inquiry, I decided to deescalate everything before Sunset started clawing their eyes out.
"Yeah yeah whatever, I don’t care about your little turf war bullshit. So are you done with your moustache twirling or can we go?” I asked impatiently and her false calm broke as she got uncomfortably close to my face.
"Listen here Bacon, I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear to you. I rule this school, every student, every teacher, even the janitors and food staff are under my influence. So enjoy acting all high and mighty for now, because come next week when you fail to find some make believe scapegoat I'll be in the front row watching you fall," she threatened in a low tone. I responded by looking her dead in the eye and moving my face closer till our noses were practically touching.
“And this time next week, when I find whatever crony of yours did this and prove my innocence, I will be laughing my ass off at your failure and rubbing your defeat in your ugly, psychopathic face…More so than usual that is.”
She just sneered at my ultimatum as she leaned back and snapped her fingers, instantly drawing her two lackeys’ attentions.
Aw look at that, she's even got them house trained. How thorough of you.
"Come on, we’re done here."
With that said the queen bitch and her pawns shoved past us, not even trying to make it look accidental. Sunset started to turn around but I gripped her shoulder hard.
“Not yet stupid. You give in now and we lose,” I scolded her under my breath. She hyperventilated in anger for a few seconds before she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and brushed my hand off of her.
“Don’t call me stupid you prick,” she said as she started walking to the main doors without us.
"Yikes! Tha-that was pretty tense," Derpy stammered, still shaking like a leaf.
“In the grand scheme of things, not really,” I told her as I looked back at the retreating rejects. “It’ll get much worse before this whole thing’s through.”
“Oh…” she muttered, sounding like she was starting to regret being our chosen liaison.
As the Dazzlings got further and further down the hallway, I noticed that Sonata was looking back at us over her shoulder with that same weak look on her face. When she noticed, she quickly turned to face forward and started speaking to the others.
"So, uh, like what happened to the Wondercolt statue was like totes bad right Dagi?!” she asked in a voice much louder than necessary. Adagio turned back to her lackey and raised a brow. “But like, it seems like super expensive to do something like that. Like really expensive for just graffiti! I mean, like-“
“Yeah, yeah, we get it idiot!” Aria scolded as she shoulder checked Sonata, cutting her off.
“Yes, but don’t worry. Chicken Sauce will fry for his crimes,” Adagio said sounding miffed. And as Sonata recoiled from the other two, they rounded the corner and out of sight.
That was...interesting. I wonder why she said that in such a weird way? I thought as I looked to an equally confused Derpy.
“Quit gawking! We don’t have all day!” Sunset called from the doors impatiently.
“Yeah yeah,” I rolled my eyes as we made our way towards her.
She is kind of an airhead…but why would she say that loud enough for everyone to hear it? I pondered, but decided to file that info away for later, lunch period didn’t last forever.
Arriving at the statue, it was exactly as it looked in the morning, though yellow police tape now surrounded it, and the ketchup and mustard had been cleaned up to avoid ants.
“And here it is, the latest source of my ever increasing sorrow and madness, Emperor Glue Factory the second,” I quipped as I looked the prancing pony up and down.
This actually earned a slight bop on the back from Derpy who frowned at me.
“Show a little respect Michael,” she scolded which took me off guard.
“Yeah, we may not have done this, but it’s still despicable,” Sunset chided.
“Oh come on, you two as well?” I asked in disbelief.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand, but this horse means a lot to us,” Sunset huffed in annoyance. “Seeing someone vandalizing it like this is just as much a blow to some of us as if it were actually destroyed.”
“Yeah,” Derpy nodded in agreement. “The Wondercolt is an inspiration to always do your best and to never give up.”
“Okay for real, is this thing based a real horse or something? What did it do that was so great?” I asked holding my hands up defensively.
“Wait, you don’t know the story behind it?” Derpy asked in shock.
“No,” I admitted.
“Oh, well you see-“ she started but I cut her off.
“Alright alright, the horse is great and stuff, I’ll look it up later.”
"...Okay then," Sunset said in an eerily soft tone as she turned back to the hunk of rock.
For crying out loud, you'd think they’d have some armed security guards if this stupid thing is so precious! I mentally grumbled.
“Whelp,” I said clapping my hands together, “Let’s get this thing started before we waste any more time.”
“Agreed,” Sunset nodded.
“Okay, you and I will comb the statue. Derpy, since no one really wants to talk to me and her, why don’t you go ask some students if they know anyone?” I suggested pointing towards a group eating lunch on the steps.
“Gotcha!” she said giving a salute as she wandered towards them. When she was out of ear shot Sunset looked back at me.
“So, do you have any idea of what to look for?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “But there’s got to be something that points us to which of Adagio’s cronies did this since Ms. Bitch in the High Castle would never get her own hands dirty.”
“She has more than you think,” Sunset warned as we got to work.
We then started to intently look over the statue for any kind of clues and started taking pictures. While I doubted that the jerks behind this left anything obvious behind like a signature, I was looking for anything that stood out among the lewd pictures and insults. And thankfully, there was.
"Whoever does this sure isn't one for profanity, that's for sure."
My comment caught Sunset's attention as she stepped around from her side of the statue and asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Just check it out,” I replied, pointing to the scrawled words. “All these insults and nothing above what you’d find in a PG movie. No bitches, shits, and not a single f-bomb. I mean, they went through the trouble of drawing dicks and asses on the thing, but they don’t curse?”
“Hmmm, that is pretty odd,” she nodded in agreement before gesturing towards her side of the statue. “But also, check this out.”
Following Sunset around she pointed out one of the numerous lewd drawings and didn’t say anything else which caused her to look at me funnily.
“Don’t you see it?”
"Uh, yeah. It’s a poorly drawn dick," I said plainly and she sighed.
"Yes I know that, but look carefully at the lining of it. See how there’s no scuff marks or drips of paint? Whoever did this knew what they were doing and wasn't hesitant at all when drawing this, which means they are skilled with a spray can.”
"So that means whoever did this isn't just some amateur doing some quick prank,” I nodded as a lightbulb went off in my head. “The people who did this must at least practice regularly or something, so that means-"
"-We're dealing with a professional tagger." she finished my thought.
“Well, maybe not professional, since none of this is art worthy,” I pointed out and she shook her head.
“No, it’s professional because of how crappy it looks,” she argued and at my confused face, she continued. “Trust me, it takes real effort to make something look as though it took no effort. But the skill utilized betrays that illusion for those in the know how.”
“Okay, I think I see what you mean,” I relented as I looked over at the different drawings and sure enough, they all were without mess. “So a pair of professional taggers are our targets.”
“No, not a pair, just one,” she corrected.
“What? But Luna said there were at last two people out here? A guy and a girl,” I pointed out, but she shook her head.
“All of this is done by one person because no two artists share the same style,” she said pointing to the similarities of the words and the pictures. “Even if the other person copied them, it’d be obvious.”
"Huh...you’re pretty knowledgeable about all this art stuff for a petty bully," I commented as I stared at her in surprise.
"Hey! Just because I'm a bully doesn't mean I don't have hobbies of my own!" she said defensively.
"And yours just so happens to be being all artsy?" was my deadpanned response
"Wha-no I mean well...kinda?"
I shook my head slightly at Sunset's lame denial before looking back at the statue from top to bottom once more. The idea of one person doing the entire statue from top to bottom by themselves seemed pretty ridiculous, but since I didn't know as much about art as apparently Sunset did I just took her word for it.
“So if you’re right, then the other person was probably the lookout,” I theorized.
“Yeah, they’re more than likely the ones who spread the ketchup and mustard everywhere and wrapped the colt in toilet paper,” she nodded, taking the opportunity to not talk about her artistic side with me.
“Alright, but then which one of them put the underwear on the horse’s flank?” I asked pointing to the briefs which still adorned the statue.
“…You’ve got me,” she shrugged. “I mean, they were obviously stitched over it, so whichever one it was, they got sewing skills.”
“Sewing skills huh?” I asked as I peered at the boxers. “Hmmm. I’m no expert, but I do know some annoyances that are…” I then took a picture of the stitching, which was a pain with how high up it was.
“And the painter and knitter obviously had a ladder to reach the top, so one person was holding it steady while the other worked.”
“Not necessarily. They could have been using a step ladder so that the other person wasn’t preoccupied.”
I just gave her a questioning look at that.
“What?” she inquired.
"Uh, I don't know what kind of freaky step ladders you’re thinking of, but this statue is much too high for something that small."
“Much too small?” she asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, they couldn’t have reached the top without a painter’s ladder.”
“Sure they could,” she argued. “Plus, I don’t see any deep scuffs or scrapings from something that heavy, so they probably used a much lighter and easier to carry ladder, ergo, a step ladder.”
“Those things are for changing light bulbs in the kitchen, there’s no way!” I argued and she frowned at me.
“Maybe if that’s all you’ve been using them for!” she grunted back.
“That’s all you use them for because they’re too short Condiment Head!”
“Well maybe other people don’t have your stubby arms Chicken Sauce!” she shouted back.
“Oh yeah! Well tell me how they-“
“Uh, guys?” Derpy interrupted us and we both turned to her at once.
“WHAT?!”
“Eep,” she shrank from us, making me feel a bit guilty.
“I mean, what is it Derpy?” I asked a little more calmly. She relaxed her shoulders at my tone and said,
“I just got done asking everyone around here for anything new.”
“And?” Sunset demanded.
“Uh, they all still think it was you two that did it,” she admitted sheepishly and Sunset groaned and pulled her hair.
“Well, that’s not surprising. Stupid sheep,” I grumbled looking to the group in the distance.
“Yeah,” Derpy nodded. “They also said that what you did was an insult to artist’s everywhere.”
“Really? They think they’re all high and mighty on art? Because quite frankly, those doodles are better than those stupid ass $9,000 paintings that are nothing but dots on white paper,” I rolled my eyes.
“Wait a minute, that’s it!” Sunset said excitedly, jolting me and Derpy.
“What’s it?” Derpy asked.
“The Art Club!” she answered with pep. “The jerks that did this were obviously talented, and the club is full of all kinds of paints and supplies!”
“Hmmm,” I put my hand to my chin. “Does Adagio have cronies in these clubs?”
“I told you, she’s got fingers everywhere,” Sunset said in annoyance. “But if we can get inside their club room, we might be able to narrow down our suspect list.”
“Yeah, but getting in there might be a problem,” I told her.
“Why? You heard Mr. D, we have free reign of the school,” she asked in irritation.
“Because clubs are run by students, and if you hadn’t noticed, they hate our guts,” I pointed out and her eyes widened. “Even if the faculty cooperate, club members won’t, especially if Adagio’s got her claws in them. Not to mention they keep their doors locked when they’re not in there to avoid theft.”
“…Damn It!” Sunset spat and kicked the grass as she realized the truth of my words.
“So yeah, unless Mr. D can get us in when these artists aren’t around, that’s more than likely a dead end,” I sighed in defeat.
And while Sunset and I wallowed in one of our only leads seemingly drying up, Derpy piped up.
“Don’t worry guys, I have a great idea!” she said in her bubbly manner.
“Oh joy,” Sunset said sarcastically, but I ignored her.
“What you got Derpy?”
“Why don’t I just ask one of the janitors nicely for one of their master keys?” she said confidently.
We just stared at her in silent disbelief for a few seconds.
“Are you for real?” she said in disgust.
“What? It could work. Nobody just asks nicely anymore,” she stood her ground impressively, but I sighed at her optimism.
“Derpy,” I told her in all sincerity. “There is absolutely no way that will work.”
Later
"I can't believe that actually worked!” I cried out, dumbfounded at the smiling Derpy jingling a key around her finger.
“I told you, all you have to do is ask nicely,” she said, actually sounding a bit smug.
“I…I can’t…” Sunset stammered as her brain rebooted. I wasn’t faring much better. Derpy had literally only talked to the janitor for all of 30 seconds before he’d handed the key over to her.
“What…what did you tell them?” I asked, still in shock.
“That I really needed to get my art supplies and that I would bring it back quickly,” she said with a sweet smile.
“…Huh,” I concluded because I had been proven wrong.
I guess it helps that nobody is hating her right now. If Sunset or I had asked, he would have probably poured his mop water on our heads.
"Aw cheer up guys! Once we prove your both innocent, I'm sure everyone will stop glaring at you both in no time! Well...at least stop glaring at Michael, sorry Sunset,” she said chuckling nervously. And while Sunset gave her an annoyed look, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by her optimism.
I doubt they’d stop, even if I prove my innocence. But seriously are you just faking all this joy in the face of adversity to avoid falling into depression and hopelessness? I glanced over to Derpy's beaming face as she was seemingly ignorant to Sunset's glare, ...Nah, no one that perky can be faking it...besides maybe Pinkie but that's a whole new can of worms I'd rather never open.
And with our willing given goods, we followed Sunset to the Art Club Room. We entered the room no problem thanks to everyone associated being at lunch and well…it sure was an artroom alright.
Canvasses were everywhere, there were sketched drawings, ceramics, and the heavy scent of paint and clay was ever present.
“Huh, looks like they do all forms of fancy shcmancy art here,” I observed while looking over some sort of glass work.
“This is just the storage and supply room,” Sunset said. “There’s many different art clubs, like painting, sculpting or whatever, but they all share the same room.”
“Seems like it’d get crowded,” Derpy added.
“They all don’t work in just this room, they just keep their stuff here,” Sunset said with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh,” Derpy nodded in understanding.
“So you think there’s spray paint here?” I asked as I opened a cabinet full of paint brushes.
“Only one way to find out,” Sunset answered as she opened a drawer full of sketch paper.
“Oh, OH! I think I found a clue!” Derpy spouted excitedly jumping up and down, catching our attention.
“What? What is it?” I asked as I walked over to her.
“This poster is talking about that Tagging stuff Sunset was talking about,” she said cheerfully.
“What?!” she said as her head whipped around and she came closer.
The poster itself had graphic design made to look like graffiti and was announcing signups for the newest school district ‘Tagging Club’ to express the artistic beauty of only using spray paint.
“…That is just asking for trouble,” I shook my head. “You’ll get a bunch of yahoos who will start painting people’s houses and claiming it’s ‘for the art.’”
“They…they took my idea…” Sunset said breathlessly.
“Huh?” I turned to her and saw her looking hurt and upset.
“I suggested making this a club back in Freshman year, but everyone shot it down…”
I shared a look with Derpy over the betrayed looking bully before she snapped out of her funk and ripped the poster off of the wall and stuck it in her pocket.
“Uh…” I started but she scowled at me.
“It’s just another clue that will have a list of suspects,” she huffed.
“Y-Yeah, exactly,” I nodded dumbly before turning back to my liaison. “Good job Derpy.”
“Thank you!” she beamed. Nodding my head, the three of us got back to snooping, before Sunset finally found the motherlode.
“AHA! There you are!” she cried out in triumph as she opened a cabinet, which has two shelves devoted to spray paint.
We all gathered around the payload as she smirked.
“Okay, but how do we figure out which ones were used?” I asked.
“We match up the paint from outside and compare it to samples from cans with the same color of course,” she said like it was obvious.
“Wait, you can figure that out?” I asked in skepticism.
“If they’re the same brand, then yes,” she nodded. “I just need access to the chemistry lab and I can compare and contrast the chemical makeup compared to the base sample and-“
“Okay, okay, I believe you,” I interrupted her.
Honestly, I didn’t figure you for the sciencey type.
“It could take a few days though,” she said as she started spraying samples onto different pieces of paper. “There were many colors used, so I’ll scrape some samples after school.” She then looked at Derpy forcefully. “You! Meet me by The Wondercolt about 20 minutes after school lets out so I can scrape in peace.”
“Oh…Okay then,” she nodded meekly.
“And what do I do?” I asked.
“I don’t need your help for this,” she answered snootily. “You clearly wouldn’t understand the science behind what I’m attempting so you can go do whatever.”
“Really?” I deadpanned.
“Yes, you’d only be in the way at that point,” she told me plainly, just as the bell rang.
“Uh Oh, lunch is over,” Derpy stated the obvious.
“No duh,” Sunset rolled her eyes as she shut the cabinet door. “Now before we split, give me your phones.”
“What? Why?” I asked taken aback.
“So I can find you two without wasting time searching up and down the school, now give!” she demanded.
Derpy didn’t even hesitate in handing hers over, but I decided to be difficult, as was my passion.
“Yeah, I don’t think you need mine. I mean, obviously I’m too stupid for science so you’ve got this handled,” I snarked and her eye twitched.
“Just give me the damn phone before we’re all late!” she growled as I dangled it above her head trollingly.
“Ah, but you didn’t say the magic wo-“ Before I could even finish that sentence though, she’d jumped up, snatched the phone and started walking towards the door.
“Hey!” I yelled my objection and chased after her.
By the time we’d gotten out of the room, and Derpy had locked it behind us, she turned around and held our phones back towards us.
“Alright, I’ve got your contact info now, and you’ve got mine. Don’t call me unless you’ve got something or I’ll make you both regret it!”
“Yes ma’am,” Derpy saluted while I just sighed in defeat and took my phone back.
“Good, now don’t forget, 20 minutes after school!” she told Derpy authoritatively before turning around and marching off to class.
Derpy looked at me a bit nervously before she patted my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, it’ll all be fine,” she encouraged. “I’ll see you tomorrow Michael, I’ve really got to get this key back to the janitor!”
And with that, she rushed off leaving me all alone with my phone and the ever increasing student traffic.
I looked through my contacts and sure enough, S.S. was entered into my contact list, just above my cousin, and below Pinkie. Since I hadn’t saved any of Pinkie’s friends as contacts those two and my mom were really the only ones on the list.
My family, Pinkie, and one of my bullies, I sure am popular aren’t I? I snarked. I thought about changing Sunset’s contact name to something funnier, but then I realized, S.S. was good enough. She was either a boat, a nazi, or a Nazi boat with those initials, and I thought that would fit her fine. Let her bust her butt doing science stuff, there’s not much I can look into today anyway.
Still ignoring the countless unread messages from Twilight, Rainbow and any of the other unlisted numbers, I made my way towards my next class to finish out that terrible day.
THREE DAYS LATER, AFTER SCHOOL
Aside from the usual death glares, taunts, and having to suffer even more under the evil incarnate Coach Spitfire, nothing new occurred for the next three days. Sunset never contacted me, and Derpy was absent from our eating place as she was accompanying said bully. What was even stranger was that Pinkie and the others did not hound me as much as usual. Aside from their weak attempts to communicate with me, no one broke into my house, and if they saw me ignoring them, they didn’t push it.
I figured that it must have just been the miasma of hatred that surrounded me from the other students, and that they were smart enough to not get caught in the crossfire.
Just like The Party, these so called wannabe friends don’t take action when their own ass is on the line, I thought with disgust.
For my part though, I did come up with one bit of information when I reluctantly reached out to Rarity.
Not wanting to see her in person, I sent her the picture of the boxer stitching, and thankfully she didn’t misread the context and think I was sending her dirty pics. When I asked whether it was professionally done, she claimed that it wasn’t an average pattern, with far more decorative flourish than was necessary for underwear on a stone horse, so I took that to mean yes. When she inquired on more personal subjects surrounding the horse though, I ended the conversation.
It wasn’t until it was early evening on the third day that something changed. I was in my kitchen, prepping dinner and talking with my cousin on the phone. She only usually called me to complain about her own life since she hated her new school about as much as I hated mine. Though from the sound of things, all she had to deal with were overly optimistic and happy people, while I dealt with the exact opposite.
“You know, if all you have to deal with is people constantly smiling and being friendly, then I don’t think you have the right to complain,” I told her plainly.
“But they’re so creepy about it, no one is ever that cheerful,” she complained.
“I’d take your situation over Canterlot or Pinkie any day,” I told her truthfully.
“Ah, your happy little stalker you talk so much about? You should just ask her out already dude,” she teased and I scoffed.
“It ain’t like that, ugh! She’s a complete psychopath!”
“Heh heh, yeah whatever you say,” she chuckled at my misery. “But if not her, I’d say go for that chick you were with at the movies in that video I saw, the strawberry blonde.”
“That one is one of my bullies! I told you this!” I groaned.
“Yeah, but who knows, maybe this little investigation will mellow her out and make the two of you closer than before. You both do look cute together,” she trolled.
“Stop watching the Hallmark Channel! It’s not good for your health!” I chided her and she chuckled.
“Whatever you say Mike.”
“Ugh, is there anything else you needed? I was trying to make spaghetti,” I whined.
“Well actually…” she started but then my phone started beeping.
“What the-“ I pulled it away from my ear and saw that I had an incoming call from S.S. “Oh for-Now? Really?!”
“What is it?” my cousin asked.
“Condiment Head is calling. She’s probably got something, so I gotta take this,” I apologized.
“Okay then, no worries. I’ll chat with you later, you go and talk to your little girlfriend,” she giggled.
“Oh shut up you-“ I started but she hung up and I rolled my eyes.
You are so getting peanut butter in your hair for Christmas, I thought maliciously as I answered Sunset.
“What do you want?” I answered tersely.
“Bacon! I’ve made some headway, and I need your input,” she said without a hello.
“Oh now you need my help?” I asked sarcastically.
“Yes! I’ve gathered all the data I could, and now I need whatever you found to add to my board.”
“Your board?” I asked. “Like a detective suspect board?”
“Exactly! I need you to come over and help me set it up so that we can observe it better.”
“Come over? Like to your house?” I asked flabbergasted.
“Well duh,” she insulted. “Can’t exactly set this up at school.”
“But I don’t know where you live, and I was just about to make dinner,” I complained.
“I’ll text you my address, just stop complaining and get an Uber and get your ass over here!” she growled.
“But why do I have to come over? Can’t you just tell me what you found?”
“Listen, I am not going to relay this over the phone where you can’t see the connecting dots, it’s a waste of time and energy,” she said impatiently.
“Well I don’t want to pay a damn Uber to go to your house! Don’t you have a car?” I asked in annoyance.
“Oh yeah, what a great idea, risk having someone see you in my car after all the stupid rumors going around about us,” she spat in sarcasm.
“…And yet going to your house is perfectly fine?” I deadpanned. “Do you ever think before you talk Condiment Head?”
“It’ll be fine Chicken Sauce!” she grunted. “Just get over here so that we’re all up to speed.”
“Ugh, Fine!” I relented reluctantly. “What about Derpy?”
“Lazy-I mean, she isn’t needed, we’re not on school property. Now enough chit chat!”
And with that she hung up and a few seconds later, I received a text from her.
“Demanding prissy bitch,” I muttered to myself as I looked out all of my spaghetti ingredients forlornly. With a sigh, I took the water off of boil. “I am definitely raiding her fridge in retaliation.”
It was a unique scenario for me, being invited into the lion’s den of a bully, but I had no choice. Whatever weird investigative method she used, she had all the info, and we were both in the same boat. So reluctantly, I opened her address up to see how much it would cost me and…
“No way…” I gasped in shock as I saw the gps map for her house. Still in disbelief, I walked into my backyard, towards the back wall and took a peak over and my jaw dropped. There she stood in her kitchen, wearing shorts and a green shirt and drinking milk from a carton.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled as I hit redial on Sunset and put the phone to my ear. Sure enough, the girl next door picked her phone up, looked at it and scowled before answering it.
“What is it now Bacon? Can’t figure out how to use modern technology?” she insulted.
“Nope, I was just calling to let you know I don’t need a ride to your house,” I told her plainly and she stiffened.
“You better not be having Dash or any of her friends dropping you off! My address is confidential!” she threatened.
“Nope, in fact I could be over there in a minute if you’ve got a ladder,” I monotoned and saw her face scrunch up in confusion.
“Huh?”
“Also, you should really use a cup. Drinking from the carton is unsanitary,” I trolled. Apprehensively she looked through her backyard door, her eyes searching around until she saw my head peaking over and she stiffened. I just waved mockingly at her surprised face.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” she drawled.
“That’s what I said,” I nodded. “So about that ladder? Or since it’s you, I guess a step-ladder would do right?”
}FOUR DAYS REMAIN{