“-and that’s when you woke up” clearance finished explaining to Dagmire
“Oh. Well I’m ready to go and do stuff now. Months fly by when you are stoned after all” Dagmire said
“You were only frozen for a day” Gilda said
Dagmire smiled knowingly under his mask at nothing confusing Clearance and Gilda
“Welp I wanna go do something” Dagmire said brushing the rubble off and getting up
“About That...” Gilda said while pointing towards the flaming bar
Dagmire pulled out a super soaker and shot a tiny stream of water at the charred building and to Gilda’s confusion the building shook off the soot and fire like a dog
“Nice” Clearance said
“I’m going to go to bed.” Gilda said exhaustedly as she quickly hugged Dagmire and flew into a cloud
“...do you think we could have a normal day today?” Clearance asked
“Honestly you deserve it bud. I’m going into town though” Dagmire said
“Thanks man” Clearance said before entering the bar and cleaning the cups
Dagmire pondered how to make his grand entrance into Ponyville and decided to flip a coin to decide. The coin stopped mid air as a lightbulb appeared over Dagmire’s head as a particularly potent idea came to mind
The sun was shining over Ponyville as the residents walked around following their routines as usual. Twilight was exiting the library as she went off to meet her friends for the day when suddenly she spotted a strange contraption across the road.
“Uh Twilight? What’s that?” Spike asked worried
“It looks like a catapult... with a giant bit loaded in it?” Twilight said in confusion
The contraption suddenly shot forward as it released its payload and launched the massive coin towards the middle of town
The massive coin spun wildly as it sailed through the air and eventually found a resting place at the town square. And by a resting place I meant burning crater. A giant face was looking to the sky and to the horror of nearby ponys the coin started shaking violently. The coin bent with a horrible screeching noise and exploded into a shower of coins with Dagmire in the centre of the wreck. He pulled out a small handful of confetti and threw it all in one direction instead of in the air
“I’m back bitches!” Dagmire shouted into the wind as the gold fell around him
And now we ignore the whole “I can’t believe you’re alive” thing from the elements and we skip ahead a day so i can ACTUALLY WRITE A FUCKING STORY AND POST IT! SO PEOPLE CAN FUCKING ENJOY SHIT!
...sorry. I got a bit worked up there. It’s just been so hard to come up with the start to this chapter so I just decided to skip a bit for the stories sake. Anyway here’s Wonderwall
“You know we really haven’t hanged out with each other much. I wanna change that” Dagmire said to Fluttershy as they walked to the carousal boutique
“I think I would like that” Fluttershy said
“Great! I’ll see you in a bit!”
“...was that a pun?” Fluttershy asked
“Yes. Yes it was” Dagmire said remembering last nights events
Dagmire speed walked away and returned to the bar to relax for a while
“No I don’t want to sell alcohol to children. Please stop” Dagmire overheard Clearance say
“But what if-“
“No buts.” Clearance said interrupting apple bloom
“How did you get in here?” Dagmire asked the small filly
“Ah saw a strange shadow across from twilight’s house and we thought to investigate it and when we did-“
“Hey are you giving that filly alcohol?!” A random pony said from across the bar
“No we are trying to-“
“I want to see your manager!”
With the key word triggered the pony was quickly thrown out of her chair and ejected from the bar
“Oh. Forgot about that.” Dagmire said
“What was that?” Apple bloom asked
Dagmire picked up the filly by the scruff of her neck like a cat and calmly took her outside
“Hey!”
“We don’t serve minors. No offence but this isn’t negotiable” Dagmire said sternly
Apple bloom walked away dejectedly
“Ok. So let’s head over to Fluttershy’s ho-“
“Dagmire the lady is back!”
“(Sigh) damm it Karen” Dagmire said as he spun on his heel and returned to the bar
When Dagmire looked inside he saw a very angry Karen covered in many different foods and drinks
“-il have you fired-“ the Karen tried to say before getting hit in the face with a pie
“Ha! Classic!” Dagmire said gaining the attention of the enraged beast
Instead of using words the Karen simply screamed at Dagmire and lunged at him with a fury known only to demons of the underworld...and soccer moms. Dagmire reflexively spun around and kicked the maniac in the head causing her to crash through a table
“You come in my house, insult my friends, and try to get him fired?” Dagmire said
The Karen screamed
Dagmire stomped a floorboard causing the other end to fly into the air launching Karen, she came back down and hit another floor board causing Dagmire to fly forward and grab the top of her head. He spun around and threw the demon out of the bar at top speed.
“AND STAY OUT!” Dagmire shouted after her
He slumped down to the floor and took a breather
“You ok?” Clearance asked
“Yeah. I could go for a snack though.” Dagmire replied
Deep in the ruins of the frozen crystal empire something was stirring. A simple twitch of life among the death so prominent. Two red eyes shined through the snow bank encasing them as a sinister smile worked its way on to the owner’s face. Slowly but surely the crystal heart began filling the empire with warmth and the promise of protection from the storm. The long wait would soon be over and eventually he would be free...
Dagmire felt a chill up his spine as he sat up. Clearance looked concerned at his friend as he looked into the distance
“...clearance?” Dagmire asked
“Yes?”
“Where are the kids?”