//------------------------------// // Entry 6: Smashing! // Story: A Very Happy and Sunny Life // by Wearin Hat //------------------------------// You know how sometimes things go right? Well, this daynight was not one of those daynights where that happened. I’ll make sure to tell you all about it after we play the Break-it-Down game. Alright, let me get myself psyched to do this…it’ll take a minute. My haul: a bouncy ball, a gold necklace with a jewel shaped like a butterfly, a safari hat, a yellow button, and a gold lyre. I know; it’s a weird stash. Alright chum, LET’S DO THIS! I’ll start with the button. Can you say winning? Cause this is totally a winning moment for me. I can’t say I have any yellow ones in my collection yet. There were a few in my old collection, but fire saw to fix that situation. Perceived value: priceless…to me at least. The bouncy ball is pretty disappointing for a find. It’s one of those that looks cheap as crap and is generically colored to capture a foal’s attention. I even tripped on this stupid thing. It’s pretty bouncy though, which is a good thing. Perceived value: five bits. I love the safari hat. It’s one of those gimmicky things that you (By that I mean ponies, not books.) wear during safaris. I’d wear the crap out of this thing if it wasn’t too small for me. Weird thing, it’s well made though, which means it won’t break the first time one of those zebra savages tosses a rock at it. Perceived value: fifteen bits. The gold lyre is probably the most valuable find this time. I mean look at it, it’s spectacular! Beautifully made and masterfully crafted with love and care. This beauty is even in tune…I think. I don’t know how string instruments work. I mean, I play a beast kazoo, but I wouldn’t call myself the new genius of this musical generation. Anyzoo, this thing is wonderful. What pony in their right mind would throw this thing out? Oh well, their loss. Perceived value: seventy bits. I find this last piece to be gaudy as anything else I’ve ever found that belongs to that seamstress. It’s all gold and clunky, which is kind of offset by the butterfly-shaped jewel in the center of the plate. I’m really at a loss for what to price this stupid thing at. At first I was under the impression that I had just found the source of my income for the rest of my life, but when I brought it home and got a good look at it I found myself verily disappointed. Stupid thing, you’d figure the previous owner would’ve at least had the manners to throw it in the trash rather than into a bush where I’d have to get cuts and scrapes getting it out. Perceived value: fifty bits. The lyre and button made this a very successful daynight and is only partially offset by the disappointment of the ill-fitting hat and the gaudy jewelry. I’ll take this crap to Twilight tomorrow and milk some more bits out of her. Alright, back to business as stated in the first paragraph. My nightday started off pretty fine I suppose. The bow-tie thing didn’t really fit all too well but it didn’t look like it was forced to stay on so I was able to roll with that. Normally when I go out that early, I get just a few strange looks as I suppose everypony has some sort of opinion about the strange stallion who never comes out during their waking hours. You can tell that this nightday was no different. Heads turned to my direction everywhere I went. I’m not sure whether or not it was the bow-tie thing I had, the fact that I hadn’t made a real public appearance since the fire, or the fact that my appearance approaches godlike levels of hotness. All I do know is that more than a few blasted mares kept their eyes on me. There was only one real pleasant part when a really nice stallion gave me a rose. A rose, can you believe it? I might start wearing bow-tie things a lot more if it means free stuff! Anyflu, I made my arrival to the dreaded Sugarcube Corner after a five minute trot. Luckily Pinkie Pie didn’t look present, however, she’s like the Spaneighsh Inquisition; you never expect her. I used my bits (The magic of my new bow-tie thingy didn’t seem to work on the fatty behind the counter.) to buy myself a small cake (I got a small as I didn’t want to end up like the fatty.) and I decided to sit and eat it in the shop. That was a mistake. I didn’t even get to start eating my blasted treat before I felt a pull on my tail. As Celestia deemed fit to have happen, there was a baby alligator clenching my tail in its mouth. You see, I have a seventh sense (My sixth being the ability to talk to fish that have fully paid their mortgage.) that allows me to predict oncoming annoyance. It never seems to work in my favor as it only activates just as the annoyance is occurring. Case in point, it only started tingling when I saw the pink tuft of a mane flash before my eyes. Pinkie and I shared a stare that I believe chased away some customers. I do not like Pinkie Pie. I do not like Pinkie Pie. I do not like Pinkie Pie. I DON’T FUCKING LIKE PINKIE PIE! Before allowing her the opportunity to speak, I kicked the alligator off my tail and began to make my way out of the establishment with gusto. That, however, did not stop her. No, she couldn’t just leave well enough alone. She appeared before me gibbering something vaguely threatening about me having to warn somepony named Gummy before I play tag with him. Yeah no, I wasn’t gonna endure her any longer than that. So, I introduced my cake to her face and started making my merry way home, though I could hear Pinkie giggling (She's insane.) through the icing of my cake. As I left, I could see several ponies rushing by me and could hear hushed voices talking to her, likely discouraging her from following me (Good advice.). Things only escalated from there as a group of mares tried to get in my way and look me down with their silly looks of anger. One of them, a grey mare with a black mane, got a good look at me and rushed away with what I recall to have possibly be a blush. I guess she couldn’t take the hotness (Few can.). The other mares stood their ground. At least they did until I didn’t stop moving. I’m guessing they weren’t up to the challenge of stopping the unstoppable. That’s not to say I wasn’t accosted, as I most certainly was. And to make things just ever so special it was by the one mare in particular that I could go the rest of my life without seeing. I know what you’re thinking; it has to be Derpy, right? No! You're being a stupid book, Booky! My encounter was with the rainbow colored lesbian that likes to pretend she's a superhero. Here’s how the encounter went: "Hey, what’s your deal?" (Cause, you know, she wouldn’t be a real lesbian if she wasn’t a tomcolt.) “My deal, not that it's any of your business, is that Ponyville leaves me alone and I leave it alone. Have a nice day, sir.” (Ain't I a stinker?) Her totally unnecessary reaction? Buck to the face, like, to the FACE! MY FACE! She followed that up by pinning me down and spewing crap from her mouth. In hindsight, it was very nice of her to put her face right in front of mine. It made punching her with my head so much easier. HISTORY LESSON! Daddy dearest may have never loved me, but the useless sack of crap at least taught me to fight back. You know, by fighting me. Such a good father he was, it’s just too bad I never got give him one last buck to neck before he ran away to Las Pegasus with a mare two years my junior. Why was that lesson needed? Well, my good friend, my fights with Daddy dearest taught me that while pain was nice, hurting your enemy wasn’t as good as paralyzing them. So I followed up my first hit with a good buck to the spot between her wings. I was rewarded with a delightful scream. Hm, I wonder if she’s into being dominated or being dominant…I guess it would've be in bad taste to ask her. Her reaction, while appropriate, is what ruined my nightday. She managed to close the distance really quickly and tried to tackle me to the ground, but…you know…she missed me...kinda. You see, when she skimmed my neck with her hoof, she ripped off my bow-tie thing (I hadn't even gotten a chance to name it yet.). I didn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. I responded as any mature stallion would and went to town on the first leg of hers I could get in reach. She won’t be walking without a limp for some time, that’s for sure. I’m not stupid, just ignorant, and this was not a time where my ignorance shined through. I’m very aware that the lesbian is the Element of Loyalty and thus would receive assistance before long. So I made like a leaf and got the fuck out of there at a casual pace. I think my hits did their job as she didn’t even try to pursue me. She just kind of curled into a ball and whimpered like a dog (Fitting.). Needless to say I was avoided on my way home and nopony came to see me. That’s what surprised me. I was expecting at least some sort of encounter where I would have to explain my actions. Luckily, I only acted in self-defense. Granted, I probably went a little overboard when I tried to break the lesbian’s leg, but she killed my favorite bow-tie thing and thus earned her punishment. My work went about as you’d expect it to after that debacle. I recall there being some commotion coming from the library as I went by. I was honestly a little curious as to why Twilight would be having guests that late in the daynight but I decided to keep going on my merry way. If she's into having orgies in the middle of the daynight then that’s her thing. As I said earlier, this daynight was the time of the week where I was to leave Carty and the organic crap at Sweet Apple Acres for Big Mac. That trip was boring as crap. I’m lucky Carty didn’t break down on the way there considering his tendency to do so. Oh well, that’s how the cookie burns I suppose. I had some time to think about Shirley on the walk back. It was really nice. As bitter as I am about being anywhere but my humble abode, I really do enjoy the sunrise. It’s so pretty. What I don’t enjoy seeing is that retard soaring high in the air on her mailmare duties. What really sucked was that she was out of reach of any rocks I could throw. Smart retard, real smart, I’ll be sure to get you eventually. That’s it for this daynight, thanks for listening. Your willingness to let me sit here and moan and groan about my life is quickly earning you brownie points.