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// Intermission: Morning of the Trip to the Griffon Lands 
// Story: Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures 
// by Spettro138 
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Gordon began to stir as the soft golden rays of the morning sun steadily shone on his face. The gentle warm feeling was relaxing and invigorating for his mind and body. It was probably the most restful sleep that the human chef had in a while. The list of luxuries of an Equestrian royal guest bedroom certainly was not short.  Silken sheets made from Crystallian Ice Worms, a blanket stitched together by the finest sorceress seamstresses in Canterlot and feather pillows stuffed with the feathers of Zebrican Crimson Ostriches accompanied by its own luxurious enchanted cloud pillowcase to give the occupant the best support possible. And to top all of it, it included a perpetual enchanted cloud mattress mixed with Mareuvian Wandering Spider web silk gathered by a mysterious pony obsessed with jelly foals, bowties, long scarves, and the color blue. No hotel he has ever been to could compare. The only thing that felt off to Gordon was that there was a strange pressure on his chest that went all the way down to his nether regions.

Daring to open his eyes, Gordon slowly opened them, and the first thing he saw right in front of his face was a curly mess of pink poofy hair. His confusion immediately skyrocketed as his brain desperately tried to understand what he was looking at. When he tried to lift his head to get a proper look at whatever it was, two massive lifted and stared back at him. The eyes were full of untamed energy and excitement as two words caused Gordon to throw himself out of bed.

"MORNING SLEEPY!"

"HOLY FUCK!"

He threw whatever it was off of him and rolled out of bed and onto the hard floor with a thump.

"Oooh! That didn't look like fun. Well, I did come to tell you that we are all packed up and ready to head out sleepy head. We're gonna see Gilda!" exclaimed the owner of the familiar voice.

Then the owner of the voice bounced off somewhere as Gordon began to process what had just happened. 

A few minutes later, Gordon got himself dressed into casual clothing as he made his way out of his room and started making his way towards the royal dining hall. The Daytime Guard had already switched out the Night Guard and begun patrolling the castle for the day. One of them was walking in the same direction as him. A guard mare with a wide gait and a dirty blonde mane. Gordon could swear that he had seen her standing guard outside of his room a few times, but it was difficult to tell if all the guards shared the same mane and fur colors.

Gordon came into the dining hall to find the Royal Princesses and the girls eating fruit salads with plates of sunny side up eggs served on the side. His team wasn't there, so he assumed that they were still asleep.

"Gordon, good morning. I hope that you had a pleasant rest." Celestia melodiously greeted.

"Oh sure, it's just my awakening that got a little precarious," he said as he looked at the oblivious Pinkie Pie with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, Pinkie has done that to me at least five times now," Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"Six times," Twilight added tiredly.

Celestia politely giggled with her hoof up to her muzzle before taking another sip of her morning coffee.

"Well, I hope a little bit of food before your long trip will help. Griffonstone is at least two days away by train and the next train to Griffonstone leaves at 3 in the afternoon. We would go with you since your mission is also political in nature, but Luna and I both need to be here when King Aspen's daughter Princess Cherry arrives. She's known to be judgemental and demanding, so everything must be set up perfectly.

"Ah, that's alright." Gordon insisted as he sat down at the table. "I'll make sure as to not have too much fun without you two."

"Be sure that you don't milord Ramsay," Luna said dreamily. "We wish to show you many eateries in our fair city that have not met our quota."

As he began to eat his breakfast, he started discussions with them on what to expect in the Griffon Lands once they finally reach Griffonstone. A little bit of information to prepare couldn't hurt."

"I wasn't allowed to go there last time, so I'm just a little bit in the dark too. But from what I understand, their city was completely in disrepair." the lavender mare explained.

"Yeah, when Pinkie and I got there, Griffonstone was a total dump," Rainbow said disappointingly. Griffons were living in rotting houses, their food supplies looked pretty low, and their city defenses looked really awful."

"There was a lot of messed up books, destroyed buildings, broken branches, it looked worse than a New Year's party at my house!" Pinkie exclaimed as she stuffed her face with fruit.

"Your house always looks bad after every party Pinkie darling," Rarity snidely remarked.

"True, but it's more fun that way!" 

"Regardless," Luna said to get the subject back on track. "Ever since our last skirmish with the Griffon Empire a thousand years ago, their country has been on the decline ever since. Even their most recent King Guto was unable to properly unite their nation and restore it to glory. More and more griffons have been moving permanently to Equestria to become citizens and they have become less and less trusting to foreigners."

"Even with Gilda, there's still a long way to go to getting Griffonstone to lighten up," Rainbow said.

"So a town filled with aggressive douchebags," Gordon reiterated. "Sounds like New York on a Monday morning. Or a typical Friday morning in San Francisco. Nothing I can't handle. I've dealt with all of them."

"All I can tell you is that we might not be able to help you once you head out of Equestria and into Griffon territory. That's why I'm sending Twilight and her friends to accompany you." Celestia stated.

"The biggest question though is who am I supposed to be helping and/or improving?" 

Celestia grabbed a scroll with her magical grasp and handed it off to Gordon who unfurled it and read the message inside. 

"We received that message from our Elite Solar Guard outpost there in Griffonstone. Apparently, the same mysterious afflictions affecting Equestria have also been affecting some remote cities and towns. One of our Elite Praetorians there fell ill after visiting a local bakery. I believe they called it Greta's Baking Company."

"Oh yeah! Dashie and I know Greta!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Since we have returned from the moon, we personally hoof picked out the best and brightest of our guard ponies to become our Elite Praetorians Gordon Ramsay. They go through the most rigorous training of body, mind, and spirit and learn war tactics that haven't been used since our suitor Lord Leo Neighdus was still alive. If something has caused them to fall ill, there is surely something horrendous there that deserves our attention. I must implore you to find whatever is causing this."

"I'll certainly give it 110 percent of effort," Gordon replied.

"Who is Greta?" Twilight asked. "I don't think you mentioned her."

"When we visited Griffonstone to help them with their friendship problem, Greta was Gilda's neighbor I think. Gilda tried being friendly with her, but she didn't like her at first. But after Pinkie's little baking lesson, they hit it off pretty well. From her last letter, I guess they have been doing okay, but that's been at least a month ago since her last letter. I hope everything is alright."

"Didn't you tell me that she was...uhhh...asking about me Rainbow?" Spike nervously questioned.

"Yeah, it's kinda embarrassing. Ever since she saw you in Ponyville, she's been wanting to properly meet you. Something about "seeking a potential relationship" with another carnivore, I dunno," she shrugged.

Spike and Twilight's faces heated up.

"Gilda's a big birdy, she'll be okay." Pinkie assured. "If she isn't alright, we will just have to do something about that."

Pinkie giggled mischievously causing everyone in the room to give her looks of concern and vague fear.

After breakfast, the Princess helped Gordon gather the rest of his crew as he started packing for their long train ride. Rainbow sent a message to her friend there in the city that they would be arriving soon. That way, they could have a guide throughout the city. Rarity spent the day buying cold-weather clothing for the entire group in the city before they had to head to the train station. She had enough money left over from the Spring business rush to splurge on many expensive things.

Twilight was in the royal library for a few hours reading up on Griffon politics in an attempt to be sure that she could be as diplomatic as possible when visiting a foreign land. Pinkie was holed up in the royal kitchen, baking a giant cake for Gilda and planning a party for her. She had learned that her birthday was a few weeks ago so she took it upon herself to plan something great for her. 

Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike remained in the castle as they accompanied Celestia for a few hours to observe her Day Court. It was relatively boring, listening to all of the whining politicians, some having ulterior motives which Celestia spotted almost immediately. Like every day, a few noble ponies even came in tried courting the Princess to gain a higher position of power. Each time, Celestia was forced to gently put them down and send them on their way. It concerned Applejack greatly for the Princesses' safety should a noble pony decide to take his advances a few steps too far.

The hours passed until it was finally time to head off to the train station. The sun was still high overhead and the temperature slowly began to rise. Gordon and his team gathered their equipment as they followed the girls back across the city. The princesses took a few minutes to see them off as they finally departed for the Griffon Lands far to the north. 

Next: Casing a Mad Griffon