“Stupid class, stupid school, stupid princess of ‘friendship’.”
“Um, are you talking to yourself...again?”
Anon glared at her classmate next to her. That blue punk of a griffon named Gallus. Why couldn’t he just let her brood in peace like everyone else?
“Shut up!” Anon hissed in anger, glaring even harder at the confused griffon.
“Anon!” Princess Twilight shouted from the front of the class she was teaching, “What have I said about disrupting my class?”
Everyone in the class looked up from their assignments on their desks to the green filly sitting in the back. Some of them were even snickering behind their hooves at the little filly’s expense as she was made the center of attention.
Anon sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes before droning back her answer in monotone, “That it’s rude, and counterproductive to a healthy learning environment.”
Twilight nodded in satisfaction and went back to illustrating on the chalkboard the lesson she was in the middle of lecturing. Anon groaned to herself and went back to doodling in her notebook and ignoring her teacher’s words. The notebook was full of nothing but dick drawings. Gallus, who watched the disgruntled filly’s exchange shrugged and went back to his own work, which involved actually paying attention to the class’ lesson.
Anon snorted as she put the finishing touches on a particularly veiny cock, the amusement of doing so wearing thin, even for her. Setting her notebook aside, Anon looked off into the distance and thought about how her life had gotten this way.
It was bad enough that the ‘Princess of Friendship Bullshit’ had to go off on a drunken bender and ‘accidentally’ rip a hole in the space-time continuum in Anon’s toilet back on earth while she was in the middle of taking a leak, thus dragging her happy ass to ‘Magical Horsey-Time Land’. Honestly, it wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen to her on a Sunday night. That honor goes to the time that involved two kegs of beer, three of her best buddies, and a random encounter with Samuel L. Jackson.
Anyhow, Anon wasn’t always the way she was. Oh no, she was always an asshole, it was the ‘filly’ part that was the difference. After many apologies were made by Princess Twilight Drunkle, she had vowed to send Anon back home, no worse for wear. Although, she probably shouldn’t have tried to do that while she was still nursing a hangover.
The magical backlash of the spell had hit Anon like a freight train, and before she knew it, human-male Anon had been transformed into to cute, little filly Anon. It was of no surprise that this would elicit a, very justifiable, tirade of swears from the now earth-pony filly directed at the purple princess. The least Anon thought she could have done was give her something cool like wings or the ability to shoot lazer beams from her forehead, but apparently, it just didn’t work that way. At least Anon got the satisfaction of watching the hungover princess groaning in pain from her shouting the whole day.
Either way though, Anon was trapped in Equestria until Twilight figured out a counterspell to her fuckup, which left Anon in a very peculiar situation. Every pony, griffon, changeling, dragon, and donkey that she ever came across always thought she was an ‘adorable, little’ filly instead of a grown-ass man like she should have been. She eventually got over that, and even came to terms with the fact that mini-Anon between her legs was gone until Twilight found that counterspell. The only thing that made it worse was that everyone still thought she was still just a filly in age, which meant the cruelest fate for Anon. No alcohol.
As much as Anon wanted to drown her problems in booze, she was constantly kicked out of every bar in Ponyville. Even Pinkie’s secret underground one she turned the Cake’s basement into. Even though Equestria’s prohibition had ended years before she was even born. She kept saying, ‘That’s just what the government wants you to think.’. Anon was sure Pinkie’s stuff was laced with paint chips after that and never even tried to sneak into her bar like the others afterwards.
*Briiiiiiing*
Twilight looked up to the clock and nodded, “Ok, class. It’s lunch time. Just remember, I want you all to read chapter twelve in your lesson books and write up a three page essay on what you read.”
A collective groan issued from the class as they hopped up from their seats and piled toward the door to get out and meet their friends for lunch. Anon and Gallus in particular got up together and filed out of the classroom last to avoid the congestion at the door. Once out, and giving the Princess of Bullshit a snort in her direction from behind her backside, Anon followed Gallus to their usual hangout during lunch to meet up with the rest of their crew.
“So, what did you learn during class today?” Gallus asked out of the blue as the two roamed the halls at the School of Friendship.
Anon glanced up to the griffon and cocked on eyebrow, “What do you think? I’m not even supposed to be here, so why should I care about bullshit like ‘friendship lessons’?”
Gallus cocked another eyebrow at the brooding filly. Before Anon was admitted to the School of Friendship, she had actually been going to the Ponyville schoolhouse. Granted, it wasn’t her decision in the first place. Twilight had enrolled her there as a way to help keep the little filly out of the multitude of trouble she got herself into in town and give her something to do while she worked on the counterspell. Needless to say, that idea did not go so well. First, Anon argued with Twilight about how she was technically just a man trapped in the body a thirteen year old filly, and that going back to school was bullshit. Then, came the argument that starting at such a basic level of education when Twilight told Anon what kind of classes she'd have was double bullshit. Regardless, Twilight held firm and Anon found his second week as a filly not only trapped in a different body, but in classroom full of retarded ponies that couldn’t spell misogyny.
Cheerilie did her best to accommodate the circumstances, but Anon’s constant interruptions in class and ‘sunny’ disposition all together proved too much for the seasoned educator. And thus, that was the fastest that Anon had been kicked out of any school at the record of one-and-a-half weeks. Twilight wasn’t too happy to hear about this, but Anon didn’t care. It just meant that she had extra time to plan how to raid Twilight’s liqour stash without getting caught for the sixth time in a row. Of course, the Princess of Bullshit wasn’t about to give up on the young filly, and a wicked grin appeared on her face the next time she and Anon sat down to talk.
Anon wanted to burn Twilight’s castle down when she produced the already signed enrollment papers for her to be admitted to the newly formed, School of Friendship. Yet, no matter how much Anon bitched or complained, Twilight held firm. Now, here Anon was, trapped in another institution. Only, this time, Twilight had her friends conspire against the poor filly to both make sure she got her education and reign in her antics. It’s been three weeks and Anon hadn’t been able to get away with much under the mares’ constant scrutiny to the point that she was now calling ‘triple bullshit’.
In any case, Gallus and Anon reached the courtyard at the center of the school, where most of the student body was enjoying the gloriously, sunny day with their little cliches for lunch.
“Hey, Gallus! Anon! Over here!”
Anon groaned at the overly peppy hippogriff that shouted from their usual spot on the other side of the courtyard. Said hippogriff was fluttering above their spot in question and was frantically flailing her limbs about that caught everyone else's attention. Anon wished that today would be the day that that bird-horse hybrid’s flailing was actually her having a stroke that she’d die from. Anon usually didn’t wish that kind of thing on people, but the hippogriff’s constant over-enthusiasm had worn her patience down in less than two days. If Anon had access to a shotgun to blow her own brains out, she would.
“Come on, Anon,” Gallus bumped his flank against the exasperated filly’s with a chuckle, “You know Silverstream will only get louder if she thinks we didn’t hear her.”
“I know,” Anon grumbled before falling into step behind the griffon.
Silverstream squeed and flopped back into her seat as Anon and Gallus came up to the patch of ground their group of friends usually claimed for lunch. As usual, Gallus took his seat beside the orange dragon and was already digging into his ham sandwich he pulled from his lunch bag. Anon remained standing and glanced about the group of individuals that looked back up to her with eager smiles.
It was a strange group in Anon’s opinion. There was Gallus the griffon, munching away at his sandwich. He wasn't too bad, so Anon could say he was somewhat like a friend of her's. The orange dragon to his right was named Smoulder, chowing down on priceless gems like they were crunchy candy. She was kind of a bitch in Anon's opinion. Next was Silverstream, the hyperactive hippogriff. Who was practically bouncing in her seat in anticipation to see where Anon would seat today. Or more specifically, if Anon would sit next to her. Yona the yak was just about as excited as the hippogriff, but at least she had the decency to not blast Anon’s eardrums out everytime she talked.
That just left two others, and whom were the oddest pair, and were currently nuzzled up against each other. Ocellus is a changeling. Nothing wrong with that, but Anon grew up with an intense fear of bugs as a kid. So, everytime Anon found the changeling staring back at her with those big ol’ buggy eyes, she couldn’t help but shudder and back up a few paces. That just left Sandbar, the only other equine in Anon’s circle of ‘friends’. Really, the only one she didn’t have too much issue with. Though, he and Ocellus had been dating for a while now, which made it a bit difficult for Anon to hangout around the other earth pony. Hey, Papa and Mama Anon did not raise no bigot. It’s just that most of these other individuals were just a little too eccentric for Anon’s tastes. Especially the hippogriff.
Regardless, Anon did what she always did and carefully positioned herself a few paces away from them all and their little half circle before rummaging through her saddlebags for her lunch bag. Silverstream and Yona frowned, but they didn’t stay sad for long as they went back to having a conversation with themselves. Anon let out another groan as she fished out the plain salad that Twilight had packed for her that morning.
“Damn it! Why is it always fucking salads and hay?!” Anon grumbled much to the others around her’s chagrin. Looking to Gallus as he tore another bite out of his sandwich, Anon got a smile on her face, “Hey, Gallus~! I’ll trade you my lunch for the rest of your sandwich, deal?”
Gallus was in the middle taking another bite when Anon spoke to him. He closed his beak and looked from his sandwich to the container in Anon’s hooves full of colorful greens.
Without another thought, Gallus hefted his sandwich further out of Anon’s reach, “No deal.”
“What the fuck?” Anon frowned, stomping a hoof on the ground, “I’m giving you a whole salad for ‘half’ a sandwich, dude!”
“Sorry, I’m just not feeling up to eating pony food today. Besides, you need your greens to grow up into a big filly one day,” Gallus said with a smirk before taking another bite of his sandwich.
Smoulder giggled and bumped claws with Gallus. Anon gritted her teeth and fumed over the continued ‘short’ jokes those two kept bombarding her with. It wasn’t her fault that the body Twilight forced her into was vertically challenged.
“Hey, friends shouldn’t tease friends about something like height!” Yona spoke up, “It not friend Anon’s fault that she as small as sickly cedar tree.”
Anon leveled a deadpan expression toward the yak and offered her usual sarcasm, “Gee. Thanks, Yona. That made me feel so much better about my height.”
Yona smiled. Oblivious to Anon’s intended remark, “Yona always here to help friend in need.”
Gallus and Smoulder busted out laughing, much to Anon’s chagrin.
“Ah, come on, guys!” Sliverstream scooted closer to Anon to hook an arm around the filly, “We’re supposed to be inclusive to everyone and not judge others, like Anon here. Professor Fluttershy said that ‘kindness in words are just as important as kindness in actions’!”
“Lesson twenty-eight, section five in Fluttershy’s lesson plan,” Ocellus pointed out with a smile, “Good job remembering, Silverstream.”
‘Fucking nerd,’ Anon thought to herself with a roll of her eyes.
While Silverstream was gushing over her accomplishment, Anon slipped out from under her grip and resigned herself to the meatless lunch that the Princess of Friendship had forced upon her. It was fresh, and overall, not half bad in taste, but Anon missed being able to chow down on a nice, thick, juicy hamburger with all the fixins’, including extra bacon. Looking back up to Gallus as he devoured more of his sandwich, Anon thought about all her favorite dishes back on earth. Most of them very greasy and meat based.
Triple bacon cheeseburger, spicy italian sausage, hot wings, medium-rare steak.
“Uh, dude? You’re drooling again,” Gallus said.
His words snapped Anon out of her stupor and she felt the stream of drool seeping through her fur on her chin from her open mouth. Quickly wiping away the slime with the back of her foreleg, Anon chowed down on the salad, if just to get her mind off that train of thought. She swallowed the last bite, but even still, it wasn’t completely satisfying. All of her ‘friends’ were chatting away, but Anon didn’t feel up to mingle. So, she reached back into her saddlebags and tried to find her notebook. No, not the one full of dick pics, her schoolwork notebook. Twilight forced her to come to this school and if she caught Anon slacking off in her grades, she’d lose her allowance. Anon hated how the cunt of an alicorn was treating her like she was her daughter or something, but Anon needed the money for sweets since she couldn't get her hooves on alcohol. Stupid Equestrian ‘Foal Labor Laws’.
Anon’s eyes widened as her hoof bumped against something in her bag. Fishing it out, she was surprised to find her weed stash hidden in there among her school things. Anon almost panicked until she remembered why it was there. Twilight was doing her bi-weekly check up and wellness assessment with her the other day. Which meant that she was making sure that Anon was cleaning her room in the castle like she was supposed to. Not wanting the Princess of ‘over-cleanliness’ to find her stash, she slipped it into her bag and hid it in Spike’s room. The little faggot never had to deal with this shit from the alicorn, and no way was Anon going to have one of her only stress relievers taken from her.
“Hey, what’s that?”
The shout made Anon jump and fumble with the precious cargo in her hooves. Thankful that the baggie full of herbs avoided touching the ground, Anon let out a breath of relief before leveling a disgruntled look toward the hippogriff that shouted in her ear once again. The shout had also garnered the rest of the half circle of friends’ attention and to the baggie in Anon’s hooves.
“I-it’s nothing,” Anon tried hiding the baggie back into her saddlebags.
“Woah,” Gallus whistled as he regarded the baggie with interest, “I didn’t think ponies had this stuff.”
“What, what?” Silverstream got up in Gallus’ face to ask her question, “What is it?”
“Ooooh! Funny looking herbs,” Yona smiled.
“Hey, wait a minute…” Sandbar pondered as he looked at the baggie.
Ocellus gasped, “Anon! You’re not supposed to have that!”
Silverstream was getting more anxious with everyone around her already in the know except her. Something that you should never do to this particular hippogriff.
“Will someone puh-lease tell me what Anon’s got there?!”
Anon tackled the hippogriff to the ground and shooed away the curious eyes of other students with a withering glare.
“Shut up, you freakin’ Nark!” Anon hissed through her teeth in Silverstream’s face.
“What? All I wanted to know was what was in the baggie,” Silverstream said while pointing out said, exposed baggie on the ground between the group.
Anon gasped and quickly hopped off the hippogriff to snatch up the weed before anyone else saw it.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a hook-up, Nonny~?”
The condescending tone came from none other than Gallus as he hooked an arm around Anon’s withers. Anon threw the limb off of her with a snort.
“Why? You gonna nark on me?” Anon challenged the griffon’s smug smile.
“Pfft, as if,” Gallus said while crossing his claws over his chest, “If I knew you had a hook-up, me and Smoulder would have cut the ‘short’ crap a long time ago.”
Anon raised an eyebrow in intrigue, “Really? You guys are cool?”
Smoulder spoke up this time and gave her own smirk, “Dude, we’re the ones that brought ‘cool’ to this school.”
For the first time since meeting this ragtag group, Anon felt a certain kinship in the fellow connoisseurs of the great, green herb. It was getting a little boring having no one to share in the experience after all.
“You know, I’ve been feeling stressed since second period,” Anon insinuated, then addressed everyone in the circle, “You all up for a little R & R? Silverstream, if you promise to keep this quiet and between us, you can join us.”
Silverstream, just feeling excited to be a part of the group, squealed in excitement. Anon, Gallus, Smoulder, Silverstream, and even Yona got up to follow the green filly to somewhere more private to finish their ‘lunch’.
“Hold on!” Ocellus got up from her seat to stare at Anon, “Equestria has outlawed cannabis products, with the exception of medical applications, for over eighty years now. Anon, I don't remember you ever telling us you had a condition for needing such a thing. Don’t you think Headmare Twilight would be severely disappointed in you?”
Those damn, creepy bug eyes. Anon just couldn’t look at them, but she wasn’t about to back down.
“Come on, Ocellus. Don’t be a fucking Nark.”
“Anon, she’s right,” Sandbar stood up to stand beside his girlfriend, “That stuff’s illegal in Equestria for a reason.”
“You too, Sandbar?” Anon groaned, feeling like the seafoam-green pony would have been on board for a burn from the first day they met with how ‘mellowed-out’ he always seemed.
The little standoff looked like it would end in a certain little, green filly getting grounded (again), were it not for good ol’ Gallus stepping in between the opposing groups, “Ocellus, Sanbar. Griffons have been smoking weed ever since King Grover’s reign. Where do you think you ponies even get your weed for ‘medical applications’?”
Ocellus and Sandbar looked like they wanted to say something, but they had nothing to argue with against that statement.
Taking advantage of his momentum, Gallus looped around to spread his wings across the backs of the pony and changeling couple in a gesture of comradery, “Besides, I used to smoke that stuff all the time with Grandpa Gruff and the other griffons, and you don’t see me like one of those pony PSA’s?”
True, Gallus was a ‘Blazing Master’ and Anon was glad to see someone that could possibly match his level. The only issue was getting the two Narks to join in on the fun. All they needed was a little nudge, and Anon knew just how to do it.
“Come on, guys!” Anon smiled with a chipper tone, “I promise, this stuff is good shit. Not laced as far as I can tell, and organic. Hell, this almost beats the stuff back home. Besides, everyone else is in. Why don’t you try it, and if you don’t like, I promise I’ll get rid of my stash for good.”
Ocellus and Sandbar looked conflicted. Anon had them, peer pressure was such an awesome thing. Anon had had her fair share of it on both ends to know just what to say to young, impressionable minds like these. Once they tried it, it was almost a guarantee that they’d see just what they’ve been missing. Plus, if they said that they didn’t like it, Anon was already planning on Gallus to hold her stash from now on. No way was she giving up her hard, earned stash. Knowing a fellow pothead always came in handy.
With eager faces bearing down on them from their friends, Sandbar and Ocellus looked to each other and nodded in agreement. They were only doing this to get Anon to throw her stash away.
“Okay,” Sandbar spoke up, “We’re in, but we’re holding you to your promise, Anon.”
‘Gotcha!’ “No problem, I am a filly of my word after all. Now, come on. Let’s go before lunch is over.”
--o0o--
Seven students hid behind the bleachers of the school’s track & field. All of them high as fucking kites and none without a smile on their face.
“Damn, Anon,” Gallus said between taking drags from the carefully rolled joint, “This shit is good. Who’s your seller?”
Anon took the joint out of Gallus’ claw and took her own hit before answering, “That hippie chick that hangs out with Fluttershy. ‘Treelover’, or something like that. She’s got a growhouse out in the Everfree somewhere. No one's willing to go in there to try and bust her. Not that she’s ever been caught for selling.”
“Cool,” Gallus simply replied before rolling onto his side from his back, “Hey, Smoulder? How you doing?”
Smoulder was lazing about under the lowest set of bleachers where it was hotter from the beating sun. Anon even made the joke of her being a lounge-lizard. She replied by flipping Anon the bird.
“You know, dragons are extremely resistant to almost everything, even this kind of stuff, but you’re right. This pony knows how to grow her weed.”
“Yona feel like she sitting on cloud,” Yona called out, a glazed, bloodshot look in her eyes.
Anon smiled, “Yup, cloud-9 to be specific.”
“What cloud-9?”
“You’re already there.”
“...Woooow. Yona say cloud-9, perfect.”
Silverstream, both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, was cuddled up next to Yona stroking the yak’s fur like it was Saddle Arabian silk. Though, more surprisingly was after a few minutes of taking her first hit, she hadn’t said a word. Only giving hums of acknowledgement whenever someone addressed her.
However, there were two that Anon had kept her eye the most to see how they’d react. Her anxiety over what they’d do once stoned, a major concern. However, those fears were unfounded as the two sat cuddled in a similar fashion as Silverstream and Yona, with the occasional nuzzles shared between them. Although, it seemed that Ocellus was definitely a lightweight as she was so high out of her gourd that it seemed like she wasn’t even aware of where she was at the moment.
“Hey, Anon?” Gallus asked to get the green filly attention, “Has the bell rung for school yet?”
Anon thought about it for a minute, but couldn’t recall such a thing happening. With a shrug of her shoulders Anon replied, “Who fucking cares.”
Gallus thought about it for a minute before agreeing and going back to dozing on his back. Anon, stuck the joint in her mouth and took one more drag before passing it off to one of her fellow potheads and newly formed potheads.
“Ahem!” That is, until someone had snuck up on the group and interrupted them with a clearing of their throat.
Everyone, even Ocellus, even though she was only blearily aware of what was going on, jumped at the sudden interruption. Standing before them, with a very disapproving look on her face, was the Princess of Bullshit in all her purple glory.
“Aaah, busted,” Gallus said in defeat.
Anon tried to find a way out of this, but the joint, still in her hoof. And every one of her friends being strung out as they were was just about as damning as it could get.
So, following in Gallus’ sentiments, she could only think of one way to sum up this predicament, “...Shit.”