Celestia was tired. She didn’t really need sleep but the habit of winding down the day and ending up in a comfortable bed wrapped in the finest sheets her subjects could make had become so familiar that her body longed for it. Add that to the severe emotional draining she had experienced today and she had decided that sleep was a perk that mortality just didn’t get to horde tonight.
She had clung to Luna far longer than she ought to have. She had grown weary and sleepy in her one sided embrace. Luna had held fast and allowed her older sister the time but once the embrace had been broken she had taken one look into her eyes and called for the guards to escort her to her room.
“No dreams tonight,” she promised. “You shall rest well.”
Not too reluctantly Celestia allowed herself to be dismissed.
The Solar Tower was not far from the apartments. Outside the on duty guards had finished their investigation of Fizzlepop’s fight. They had left and now the royal engineers were replacing the few marble floor tiles that had been damaged in the scuffle.
Under normal circumstances Celestia would have at least given a casual greeting to the pair of ponies. She knew, without being too vain, that a word or even a simple smile from her could mean the world to a pony who would otherwise never see her in person again, but this evening she was simply not willing to expend the extra energy.
If not for the silent guards on either side of her she feared her wings may have already been dragging along the ground. It was then that she became aware that the guards were saddled right alongside of her and we carefully pressing their bodies against hers. Guiding her. Helping her. Painfully aware of her current state. As quickly as she could she glanced left into the face of one of the guards. The white stallion was walking unerringly forward his eyes focused in the distance.
“Apologies princess,” he said. “I’m a little clumsy this evening.”
She nodded wordlessly.
They were soon upon the last hallway. The guard to her right stopped walking with them and positioned himself at the entryway. He nodded slightly as the pair continued on. “Princess,” he said.
Celestia leaned hard on the remaining guard and her right wing dropped considerably. Their hooves were muffled on the thick carpet that ran the length of the hallway up to the double doors marked with her familiar sun cutie mark on either side. She was tired but reached up with her hoof tracing the golden sun that was set into the wooden door. The rune of protection traced into the gold flashed briefly then faded as the door unlocked.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Good night, Princess.” He replied.
Without thinking Celestia ambled over to the a small rack in the entryway. There her four golden shoes joined eight others just like them. Her golden crown came off next, she placed it with practiced care on it’s stand, her golden peytral following a moment later.
The thick carpet soothed her bare hooves as she left the entryway and stepped in her living area. She turned a slow circle taking her room in. She frowned hating everything about it. The white marble walls and floor. The gold filigree along the baseboards. The red silk of the upholstery. The warm yellows of the light shades. Stylized suns everywhere. There carved into the floor. Stamped on the table cloths. Painted onto her ceiling.
Her appreciation for her little ponies was wearing paper thin. That wasn’t fair for it wasn’t their fault today went pear shaped. Today was supposed to be nice and relaxing, and for the most part it was. Six solid hours at the same table with her family was heavenly. A little reward that she was able to give herself for a job well done.
But now thanks to this business with Captain Armor and Captain Fizzlepop things were just more confusing and complicated. Twilight and her feelings of anger. Cadence with her simple maturity and wisdom. Luna and her now vacant throne. If she had had any tears left to shed tonight she’d be shedding them.
She padded over to the back of the living area where a narrow staircase lead to her personal chambers. Somehow she was able to climb them without stumbling. She was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief as she entered her room. Dark purple curtains were pulled tightly closed as she entered. The only illumination the golden glow of her horn.
Her body once again fell into familiar routine, her eyes not even needing the light that her horn provided. She pulled her mane back and tied it up in a simple bun. Keeping it out of the way as she delicately brushed the cookies, milk, and wine from her teeth. She filled a small cup and drank deeply without swallowing. She swished vigorously enjoying the feeling of the water flowing around her teeth. She lowered her head and carefully spit the spent water into her sink.
The action broke the spell of her stupor and she watched it slowly disappear down the drain. With a frown she sat on her haunches and stared at herself in the mirror and, not for the first time, was disgusted with what she saw.
Her tired eyes studied the lines of her face hoping, wishing to be able to find some flaw or blemish that would betray her state of mind. The slight discoloration under her eyes was a good start but her body, not really needing sleep, and constantly renewing itself, just didn’t wear down like a mortal body would have. No bags had actually developed under her eyes and she knew that if she wanted she could sit there and watch her body repair itself and be good as the day she had gotten it, long ago. She enjoyed looking pristine, it wasn’t simple vanity, but she couldn't be seen running the country in such a state. Her little ponies needed her to look ready and be ready for anything. The problem was that when she looked perfect ponies expected her to BE perfect.
The constant crying today, more than she had done in several years actually, had wreaked havoc on her throat, eyes and nose. Even though it was mending her snout was still tender to the touch. Even the softest tissues stung as she tried to clear her sinus. There must be a better way she thought. A slight tickle in the back of her mind had her acting before she could think. She sniffed mightily and snorted with her entire breath. With a loud horking noise she drew the phlegm and mucus from her nose to the back of her throat and with a mighty hack she spat the disgusting mess into the sink.
She blinked, shocked. The slimy ball of muck sat there refusing to be sucked down the drain. She couldn’t believe her eyes. That mess had somehow come from her was unthinkable. That she had actually done that! What had she done!? How had that even worked!?
She sat bewildered.
Harsh laughter began to ring in her ears. Laughter that was all to familiar.
“I can’t believe you did that!” The laughter intensified. “That was glorious!”
Celestia gagged, the taste still on her tongue. She grabbed a bundle of tissues in her magic and carefully fished the offending object out of the sink. A disgusted shudder started at the base of her tail and ran up her spine and she had to fight to dismisses it. The thought of it touching even her golden magical aura giving her the jibbles and she shuddered again. She wrapped the tissues around it and incinerated the offending package with a burst of heat.
That taken care of she leaned over and turned the faucet on all the way and repeatedly filled her mouth and spat several times. The laughter continued. “I wish somepony had been around to see that!”
Despite her tiredness Celestia chuckled. “I wish I’d have seen it. I’m not even sure what I did.”
“What you did was step off of that lofty pedestal for a moment,” the voice retorted, in a pout. “Honestly you whine and mope that no one TREATS you like a pony but when do you ever ACT like anything but a princess? Can you even imagine how you could have made Raven’s day if she had seen you do that? She would have loved it!”
Celestia had finally succeeded in getting the foul taste out of her mouth. She did have to admit, her sinuses we completely clear right now. In fact should couldn’t remember the last time she could breathe so cleanly through both nostrils.
It was true that Raven would have been overjoyed to see Celestia do something mundane and pedestrian. She would have shared a wonderful laugh with her princess. The voice agreed.
“Then after that wonderful laugh, that’s when you pounce. Capture those lips with yours and trap that laugh between you for all time!” Celestia sighed, that didn’t take long.
“I don’t feel that way about Raven, Daybreaker.” She levitated her robe from her closet and wrapped it around herself. Carefully threading her wings through the slits. Daybreaker moaned suggestively as each wing pushed through.
“Last time I checked ‘feelings’ weren't a requirement for coupling. The populace expects you to have a dalliance or two. She’s attractive, you’re attractive. Let her warm your bed for a night.”
“Then what?” Celestia snapped back.
“I know two handsom stallions who happen to be in shouting distance that could spice things up.”
Celestia seated herself at her vanity and bean to brush her mane. “I don’t want a relationship with Raven.”
Daybreaker shrugged, how Celestia knew this escaped her, “Send her away, fire her, behead her,” the last suggestion was offered with casual indifference. “You’re the Queen now, WHO CARES?”
Celestia’s magic winked out and her brush fell to the floor. Her hooves shot to her eyes so she didn’t have to look at herself in the mirror. “I don’t want to be Queen,” she whispered.
“Since when has it mattered what YOU want?” her shadow mocked.
She carefully raised her eyes and there she was staring at herself in the mirror. Fanged teeth framed by a sadistic grin.
“Whore,” she accused. The mirror flashed a scene of herself and Raven engaged in her bed. Their lips locked, their bodies writhing.
Celestia cringed but didn’t look away.
Piercing yellow eyes set in a field of black. “Slut.” Daybreaker spat. Her mirror flashed again this time to the guard barracks. Tables and beds lay ascue on the floor. Stallions spent, scattered along the debris. Mares used, propped up in vulgar positions. Herself clad in leather, a saddle placed scandalously on her back, stirrups dangling at her sides, and a silver bit pulled tight in her mouth. Whip and riding crop held aloft in her golden aura.
Her fur an angry white with orange fires burning just beneath the surface. “Pervert.” She smiled. Her mirror flashed again. Twilight, young and impressionable. Her cheeks red in a bright blush. Celestia's hoof caressing her flank.
Celestia scowled.
A fiery mane of hair and a tail to match, blazing bright. “Despot.” Daybreaker continued changing tactics. It was always a chance taunting Celestia with images of Twilight. Sometimes it was enough to break her, at others it steeled her resolve.
Her mirror flashed again. The nobles and Celestia sat fat and happy high in canterlot. Her subjects starved around them, dying in their fields, devoured by beasts and monsters. Sieged by bandits and enslaved by griffons.
“Murderer.” Daybreaker continued, her voice excited. Once again her mirror flashed. Dragons fell from the sky parts of them burned to ash, or their wings sheard away as they tumbled to the earth. A steady rain of ash fell within mixed with beaks, talons, and feathers. Large swaths of land carved into great valleys filled with fire.
“Home wrecker! Oh this is new!” Daybreaker laughed. Cadence and Flurry sat in each other’s embrace crying as Shining Armor walked away from them, abandoned them. He found his way to Celestia and the pair embraced passionately.
Daybreaker began to giggle her laugher becoming more unhinged. “You refuse to look away? Excellent, you shouldn’t shy away from what you want.”
Celestia took a deep breath. “These are whims not wants, passing thoughts nothing more.”
Daybreaker put on a soothing voice. “Oh Celestia you don’t have to lie to ME. I’ll never tell anyone. After all your secrets are my secrets. And we wouldn’t want anypony to know what you really want would we?”
“This is NOT what I want.” She said again her ire rising. “You don’t know what I want!” she snapped angrily. Her eyes narrowed and her mane began to whip angrily back and forth.
Daybreaker’s giggling stopped. Her black eyes filled with compassion. She placed an armored hoof against the mirror. “You want your ponies to be safe.” she stated.
“It would be so much easier if ponies owned this whole planet.” Celestia whispered.
“You want the nobles to care about all ponies and not just themselves.” Her fiery mane began to cool.
“One or two beheadings a decade would set an excellent example!” Celestia answered, her voice rose.
“You called several favors and made many promises to get Night Court reinstated,” her coat cooled to an alabaster white.
“She didn’t even last 10 years! She didn’t even try!” If she had tears left they would have been burned away as her fur grew hot. Her silken robe burned away in an instant.
“Cadence doesn’t know how lucky she is.” The black in her eyes and all but faded away. Leaving behind the mirror a colder more subdued Daybreaker her coat a frosty white tinged with blue. Her mane and tail an ethereal snow flurry of blue and white. A frozen dead star cutie mark adorned both her flanks.
“I have wanted a foal of my own for CENTURIES!!!” Celestia screamed. Her mane burst into an orange inferno.
Daybreaker was barely audible now the next statement a whisper. “Not just a foal.”
Celestia nodded. Her eyes eager and crazed. “I want love! I want somepony to love me and care about me. I want to be important to somepony. I want somepony to care about ME! Not the throne, not the country, not the princess. About Celestia! About me!”
“Take it.” Daybreaker pleaded. “It’s yours already. You have the power. You can TAKE it.”
Celestia's black eyes met her counterparts. “You know I will not.”
“No one could stop you. The whole world couldn’t stop you.” Dayberaker’s mane and coat began to warm.
“You’re wrong.” Celestia said as her own coat and mane began to cool. “It only takes one to stop me. Myself.” She was too tired to smile.
Daybreaker sat at her vanity and waited until her mane had returned to its blazing glory. She sat for a moment then gleefully clopped her hooves together with a childish giggle. “I’ve NEVER come that close before Celestia! Not since Nightmare moon!” Daybreaker was genuinely happy then, like a foal on Hearth's Warming morning. Her laughter continued and Celestia might have found it endearing if she didn’t know what unleashing Daybreaker would actually mean for the world.
“That was wonderful.” Daybreaker continued. “I’ve forgotten what IMPULSES you can unleash.” Her voice grew husky and she began to pant heavily. Clesetia could only roll her eyes as Daybreaker’s hooves began to roam her own body. “I’ll be sure to keep your family close to me this evening Celestia. “ The ponies that Celestia cared for appeared around the Nightmare dressed as the playthings that Daybreaker so desperately wanted them to be. “If things keep up at this pace, I'll be free before the year is out.” She was about to cackle maniacally when her harem pounced upon her.
Celestia cursed. There was no way she’d be getting any sleep now. Not with the menagerie of familiar voices moaning in pleasure in her mind. There was also no way she would risk asking Luna for a last minute dream, least she become aware of her shame. Luna still thought that Daybreaker wanted to burn the world to ash, that she only craved destruction. How could she explain to her baby sister all the thoughts and vulgarities that Daybreaker subjected to her day after day?
Unable to rest she instead made her way to her private desk. Using her hooves and mouth she put several pieces of parchment, quills, and ink on the surface. She found that refraining from using her magic made her concentrate more on what she was doing and it made it easier to ignore the orgy going on in her head.
She began to sketch. Simple shapes at first. She filled several pages just getting use to the quill and the feel of drawing with her mouth. She had never had a talent for art, it was mostly just the next thing she did to distract herself form Daybreakers debauchery.
Still she threw herself into the act and before long a simple sketch stared back at her from the parchment. Two simple wireframe ponies walked blissfully along a tropical shore one large one foal sized. A mother and child enjoying a moonlight stroll she decided as she resized the orb near the top of the page.
She spent the morning hours refining the scenery until it resembled a moonlit lagoon with a mother and daughter strolling along merrily. Once her sketch was done she pulled charcoal sticks from her desk and filled in the color by hoof. Chalk was dreadful in the mouth after all. She furrowed her brow in concentration, not that the art itself was hard but focusing her mind on keeping Daybreakers activities to a minimum.
It wasn’t really a masterpiece but she was proud of the job she did. The mother had become Cadence and Flurry Heart strode easily by her side. She put birds in the sky and fish in the lagoon for good measure. Finally just before she was to raise the sun she finished and Daybreaker broke into her thoughts, as she always did.
“Make <huff> no <huff> mistake <huff> Celestia,” she panted. “One <huff> day <huff> this <huff> world <huff> will <huff> burn!” Celestia waited patiently as Daybreaker finished with her fun very vocally. “But not before I’m satisfied.”
In nine hundred years Celestia had never found a rebuttal good enough to answer her shadow. She simply walked to her balcony and lit her horn. Her magic called out to the sun and it began it’s slow rise over the valley. She held her drawing before her face and with another burst of magic burned it to ash. Her eyes remained fixed on the faces of the mares and she resolved, as she did every morning, that she could burn parchment, she could burn pictures, but she would never, ever allow herself to burn away her world.
End of Part One