“Wake up!”
Pinkie 1665 flailed in her new bed, nearly falling off. She awoke to find Pinkie Two, still wearing the cape, jumping up and down on her bed excitedly.
As it turned out, the Pinkies had plenty of spare rooms lying around in anticipation of new Pinkie Pie recruits. Though it was literally just a room, it was several times larger than 1665’s old apartment. Much better location, too.
She looked over at her clock, wondering if she overslept only to find it was barely past five.
“It’s like five in the morning.” Pinkie 1665 was about to complain that the sun wasn’t even out yet, but then remembered that she was underground.
“Pinkie wakes up every day at 5:13 AM and from now on, so do you Pinkie 1665!” Pinkie Two kept up her bouncing with far too much enthusiasm. “You gotta start getting into more Pinkie-habits.”
“I do?” Pinkie 1665 had little choice but to come out of the covers through the onslaught of bounces. “I mean, just because Pinkie wakes up at a certain time doesn’t mean I have to. Does it?”
“Oh, it absolutely does. This is a vital part of your reformation! You gotta be as Pinkie as you can be.” Pinkie Two backflipped off the bed. “Today’s the first day of your Pinkie Pie training! If you wanna be part of our organization, you gotta work on your skills. Beating you up was way too easy. Come on!”
With that, Pinkie Two dashed outside. Pinkie 1665 got out of bed more slowly, rubbing her weary eyes. It was still too early to be Pinkie, but sleep deprivation was something she was used to. If anything, this was more than she normally got.
As she walked outside, Pinkie 1665 noticed the artificial lighting hadn’t gone all the way back up it. It looked like they dimmed it depending on the time of day, a dull red currently covering the distant ceiling.
“But wait.” Pinkie 1665’s brain was starting to work. “If it’s five thirteen now and you wake up at five thirteen then… how did get here in under a minute?”
“Oh, my little pony I have so much to teach you.” Pinkie Two was already stretching, getting ready for whatever training she’d prepared. “Trust me, one week of training and you won’t even give something as silly as temporal distortion a second thought.”
“I can really learn to do that kind of thing?” Pinkie 1665 asked.
“Yep! But the training is intense. One hundred pushups, one hundred sit-ups, one hundred cupcakes, followed by a ten-kilometer pronk every day! You gotta train till your hair become non-Euclidian and you can ignore gravity at will!”
“Uh- Yeah!” Pinkie 1665 worked up some enthusiasm. Who the heck wouldn’t want to be able to do that kind of stuff?
But her enthusiasm wasn’t enough.
The training was far more brutal than what Pinkie Two had just said a second ago. A hundred sit-ups sounded relaxing by the time she was done. She spent several hours trying to shatter rocks with her bare hooves, climbing up rock walls then trying to slowfall back down and trying to pogo-stick around with her tail.
The worst was trying to slide up the slide. Just trying the technique was exhausting. Pinkie 1665 was completely floored and she didn’t even get up a single inch. The real Pinkie Pie must have been some kind of cardio champion to do it.
She would have complained all that stuff was impossible, but then there were over a thousand ponies here who could do it all with ease.
Pinkie 1665 laid on the ground, her pronking muscles dead, her body trying to convert to pure sweat, her lungs in full revolt. Her muscles were going to be sore for days.
“Hm.” Pinkie Two stood over her, unimpressed and not tired at all despite going through the same regime. “I guess that’s as far as you can go for now. We can stop with today’s physical training.”
Pinkie 1665 finally got some relief from that. By now the artificial sun was fully powered up and the world was bright. Things didn’t seem so bad despite the pain. Even a strict workout regime would be preferable to her old jobs. Though, maybe that was just the Pinkie talking.
“Of course, that’s only one part of your Pinkie Pie training,” said Pinkie Two. “We need to reform your character too if you’re going to truly follow the path of Pinkie Pie. If you want to learn to be a good pony and spread laughter through the world, you need to learn to be more like Pinkie.”
Pinkie 1665 wanted to ask what she meant, but her lungs wouldn’t allow it.
“I only gave you the Pinktionary and the big book of Pinkies before, but I brought you the rest of them this time. Here’s Pinkie Pie’s autobiography, her manual biography, A book about the Pinkieverse theory, The Virtue of Laughter, Your Interdimensional Hair and You, and Screw Physics.”
Pinkie Two pulled out a stack of books from her mane and slammed them down in front of the still-floored Pinkie 1665. It was a lot of reading material, days’ worth. Yet Pinkie Two reached into her mane and started pulling out even more.
“Book, book, pamphlet, book, leaflet, the past eighty-three issues of the Pinkie Inquirer, a few of the more important newsletters, three more books, and a bumper sticker!” Pinkie Two slapped the bumper sticker across Pinkie’s forehead, which of course meant Pinkie 1665 couldn’t see what it said. “You don’t actually have to read the bumper sticker. The joke on it’s not that funny.”
“Ehhh…” Pinkie pulled herself up only to find herself surrounded by books on all sides. “I don’t think Pinkie would actually go through this many books.”
“Now you’re getting it, sister!” Pinkie Two bumped her flank up against Pinkie 1665’s, causing all the books and pamphlets to fall onto the ground.
Pinkie 1665 looked at a few of them. The subjects were awfully pedantic, though she knew that word wasn’t in the Pinktionary. There was a ‘present biography’, which listed every present Pinkie had given or received.
Then she got to a book literally called ‘Pedantic particulars of Pinkie Pie’s Parties’, which was just long lists of things Pinkie had ever done at a party, down to bathroom frequency checks and percentage of time sitting down.
“I’ve been detailing every facet of Pinkie Pie’s life since she was four.” Pinkie Two said rather proudly when she saw Pinkie 1665 go for the book. “I’ve listed everything Pinkie’s eaten since then, every hairstyle she’s had, every gift she’s ever given etc. etc. all vital information.”
“Do I really need to know every bathroom Pinkie’s ever used, though?” Pinkie 1665 flipped through the book. “I’m not sure how that’s going to help. I can’t believe I’m saying this but isn’t this an excessive amount of Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie Two choked back whatever her gut told her to say to that.
“Well you don’t need all of it,” she composed herself and said instead, “but it does help you become more Pinkie. Besides, we never know what information we’re gonna need for our research. You’ll understand soon enough, Pinkie 1665.”
“That’s another thing,” said Pinkie 1665. “I was thinking maybe all of us being named Pinkie Pie is a little confusing and 1665 is a bit of a mouthful. Maybe I should pick a new name for myself? I was going by Bubblegum Lollipop, though maybe I should pick an even newer one so it’s harder for Chrysalis to track me just in case.”
Pinkie Two chuckled at the suggestion.
“Oh, we’ve had that conversation a lot.” Pinkie Two wiped a tear from her eye. “Trust me, you’re a lot better off just calling yourself Pinkie Pie from now on.”
“Yeah, but if everypony is doing it-?”
“You get used to it.”
“But isn’t it a little weird to-“
“For all of us to be taking the exact same form? Yeah. It is. But it’s also fun! The most fun you can have for free!”
Pinkie 1665 couldn’t really object to that.
“The great thing about Pinkieopolis is that we don’t need to care about what’s weird here!” Pinkie Two took a few steps forward and gestured out towards the city before her. “We only have to care about what’s fun. And what’s fun is being Pinkie Pie. The more like her you are the happier you’ll be. Tell me you haven’t noticed that?”
“Well-“ Pinkie 1665 considered that. It was true that the more she acted like Pinkie the happier she was. “It just seems kinda culty and off you know? I just wanna make sure that I don’t have to keep the name Pinkie and talk and act exactly like her. Right?”
“You don’t gotta do anything except be less be less of a meanie-gus.” Pinkie Two pronked back and messed up Pinkie 1665’s hair. “You wanna pick another name, that’s fine. But you’ll probably come around to being just like Pinkie eventually. Everypony does. It’s more fun!”
“Well. I guess as long as I don’t have to…”
“But you will.” Pinkie Two winked at her. “But your job for today is to make two friends and do five nice things for other ponies. Gotta practice your friendliness.”
That, at least, didn’t sound like any sort of culty thing. In fact, it sounded like a good thing.
“I could do that.” Pinkie 1665 nodded. “I think.”
“Good. But you’re on your own for this part. I got Pinkie of Shadows things to get up to.” Pinkie Two flipped her cape so it hung in front of her muzzle, then backed away slowly. “Report back to me at sundown.”
Pinkie 1665 looked out at the town stretching before her. It would be good to get to explore it without Pinkie Two around, maybe get what was really what straight here. So, she trotted down the streets looking for someplace to find friends.
As she thought about it, Pinkie really did like thinking of herself as Pinkie Pie, basically thought of herself as such all the time. Maybe it was less of a cult thing and just part of the natural reaction to turning into Pinkie Pie. She could maybe live with that.
And making friends and doing nice things was hardly something Pinkie was opposed to. She was a lot more sociable when she was Pinkie Pie.
She got closer to the center of town and found herself surrounded by stores of all sorts. She passed on the movie theater, gift store, and library, mostly cause that last one was nearly empty.
Then she saw Pinkie Pie’s Candy Bar and Arcade. Calling it Pinkie Pie’s did not narrow down who owned it, but it seemed like a good enough place. She’d always wanted to see a real candy bar.
As soon as she entered, she heard a Pinkie Pie shouting.
“Gimme another kool-aid!” the Pinkie shouted at the bartender in a slurred voice. She was slumped over the bar, her muzzle bright red. Clearly, this Pinkie was drunk which honestly 1665 didn’t know how worried about that to be.
“You know kool-aid isn’t alcoholic, right?” The bartender asked her. “You can’t actually get drunk off it, Pinkie Seven.”
“Don’t tell me what can and can’t get me drunk!” Pinkie Seven slurred. “In the future, kool-aid is the most alcoholic beverage! And we have doors that you can open and close any time that you want. And we got magnets and shiny shoes and-“
Pinkie Seven slumped face first into the bar, unconscious, and began snoring loudly, a big of drool leaking out of her.
“Should I be concerned about this?” Pinkie 1665 asked the bartender.
“Nah, she does that. She’ll be fine!”
Pinkie 1665 decided maybe this wouldn’t be the best Pinkie to make friends with and not just because she was unconscious.
She scanned the crowd for a potential target, nearly all of whom looked identical. Really, only two stuck out in any way. They were still clearly Pinkie Pie, but more alternate than the others. One of them had her mane, dyed with purple and black stripes, let down and straightened out. This pinkie was covered in black jewelry and makeup. She had a black shirt and skirt on, with the words ‘fun is boring’ printed on the former.
The second one had her mane up in more of a bun and wore thick glasses, but didn’t have nearly as many accessories as her friend. A calculator strapped to her left hoof and a pin-on pocket protector (one with no pocket to protect) was it. It was nice to see two ponies that weren’t overly Pinkie Pie.
The two of them were sitting at a table near a ‘Sugar Rush’ pinball machine. The nerdy one’s attention slowly drifted towards its flashing light, but the goth got her attention back by hitting the table and giving her embarrassed friend a disapproving shake of the head.
The bartender Pinkie Pie zipped over to them on her swivel chair.
“Hey Pinkie!” She said to them. “You want some kool-aid? I know you do cause that’s what I want and we’re the same pony! Haha!”
“My name is Clementine.” Clementine, the one with the black hair and skirt, narrowed her eyes. “And I’ll have some extra bitter tea, hold the flavor, and your most sour grapes.”
“I don’t really know how to make tea extra bitter, but I’ll try. Maybe if I shake it.” The bartender zipped back to the bar on her swivel chair.
So there really were ponies here that didn’t use ‘Pinkie’ as their name! She needed to talk to these two right away.
“Hey!” Pinkie 1665 walked over to their table. “I’m kinda new here. I noticed that you two don’t call yourselves Pinkie Pie.”
“Yeah. Tangerine and I aren’t exactly fans of Pinkie Pie,” said Clementine.
“Well- wait, you’re not?” The idea was enough to distract Pinkie 1665 from her first question. “But how can you not like Pinkie?! She’s the nicest and smartest pony in the universe!”
“Pinkie Pie created us then left us to die.” Tangerine hit the table hard enough to nearly knock over the bitter tea. “She should rally us together into an army and then… then… uh! I dunno! Built a better mouse trap! Something other than sending us back into the mirror pool!”
“Oh. So you two are more clones.” Pinkie 1665 nodded. “I guess I can understand why you’d be upset about that episode.”
“Technically, I’m a clone of a clone of a clone,” Tangerine said rather proudly. “Triclone. Thrice removed from Pinkie. I know thrice isn’t in the Pinktionary, but you’re just going to have to deal with that.”
Tangerine smirked and bumped hooves with Clementine.
“We don’t self-identify as Pinkie Pie. We’re nothing like her at all. I’m a lot more sophisticated, for example.” Tangerine adjusted her glasses. “See that? Sophistication.”
“Yeah! And I’m a realist!” Clementine made an exaggerated grimace. “No cheery attitude here. Nope, I realize that the only balloons in life are black and filled with nails! The only party I want to go to is a pity party of one, or even a party of zero if I can pull it off.”
The two not-Pinkies bumped their hooves together.
“The only reason we hang out with all these other Pinkies surrounded by their lame-o parties that we totally don’t want to go to is cause we’re hiding from Twilight,” said Clementine. “If you have a problem with us not worshiping Pinkie Pie like the rest of you sheeponies then you’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Actually, I’m kind of relieved to hear all this. I was worried this place was going to be cultier the longer I stayed until I couldn’t take it anymore and had to run away in fear.” Pinkie 1665 chuckled. “But actually! I was thinking of using a non-Pinkie name too. They don’t like, throw you in the hole if you do something like that, do they?”
“First of all, we’re kinda already in a hole.” Tangerine adjusted her glasses and smirked. “But, yeah, Pinkie Two constantly forces all that Pinkie stuff on us.”
“She’s always telling us that we need to be more like Pinkie. She says our personalities are just us lying to ourselves out of spite and that we’ll never be happy unless we are more honest with our inner Pinkie nature.” Clementine pointed at her gothic hair. “She needs to understand that this is not just a phase, it’s who I am!”
“It’s like she wants us to be perfect little clones of Pinkie Pie,” said Tangerine. “To be fair we are literally perfect little clones of Pinkie Pie, but still! Just because we’re exactly like her doesn’t mean we have to be exactly like her. We don’t have to be some fun-obsessed-”
“Don’t say the F-word,” Clementine whispered harshly in her ear. “You might trigger us.”
“I mean,” Tangerine continued on, ignoring her friend, “as if I’d ever want to do something other than reading these incredibly thick books about ancient tax codes while eating eclectic foreign dishes with unpronounceable names. As if studying zebra legal history isn’t the most boring thing ever. It’s like I’d rather be reading pop-up books and eating candy and making balloon animals and- and-“
“Eh hehehe.” Clementine forced a smile, then grabbed onto Tangerine, pulling her aside to whisper harshly to her. “I think you meant to say all that stuff is for stupid babies, right? Adults love brussel sprouts and flossing their teeth!”
“I mean, do I want kool-aid more than this bitter tea?” Tangerine asked with a cracking smile. “Yes. Do I want to sing silly songs with simple succulent-?”
“You’re starting to alliterate! You gotta snap out of it!” Clementine gave her a shake. “Parties are totally lame. Pinkie is the worst!”
“No, I love parties!” Tangerine started to sob. She waved over to the bartender. “Pinkie 999! I want some kool-aid! Extra sugar and a balloon on top!”
“Tangerine!”
“Just call me Pinkie-e-e-e!” Tangerine cried and collapsed. “My name is Pinkie Pie! I only called myself Tangerine cause that’s what I was eating at the ti-i-ime! I hate tax codes. I just want to have fun! Fun fun fun!”
It looked like Clementine could hardly resist joining her friend in shouting ‘fun’ over and over again. She bit her lip hard, then breathed in and out for a moment to keep her calm.
“Don’t start! You’re gonna trigger me too.” Clementine stuffed some napkins in her ears to prevent herself from going full clone.
This was starting to get awkward for Pinkie 1665. She began backing away as Tangerine started jumping up and down on the table, knocking everything over.
“Come on! This is just a minor relapse!” Clementine pulled her friend off the table and tackled her to the ground. She was having trouble keeping Tangerine in her grasp but managed to start dragging her towards the door. “We’ll get you home and doing taxes in no time! You know how much you love doing boring stuff!”
“Fun! Fun! Fun!” Tangerine stopped sobbing by this point, instead switching to the same manic smile the other Pinkie clone had when she’d gotten like this.
Clementine managed to drag the struggling clone out the door. Tangerine continued to shout ‘Fun!’ over and over again until she was dragged too far away enough that she couldn’t be heard anymore.
“I’m not sure what to make of that.” Pinkie 1665 sat down at the bar.
“Ah, you get used to is,” said Pinkie 999. “They’re not so bad as long as you don’t let them near a replicator.”
“That’s not what I’m not sure about. I kinda got my hopes up over meeting a Pinkie who wasn’t totally obsessed with being Pinkie. But I guess you can’t really expect too much from a literal clone in that regard,” Pinkie 1665 leaned on the bar. “Hey, what’s your story? Why do you call yourself Pinkie Pie?”
“I’m what you call a Pinkiefied Pinkie, we’re Pinkie Pies who used to be something else but got transformed into Pinkie Pie,” said Pinkie 999. “Used to be a frog myself, but then Twilight cast a spell that turned me into an orange-frog hybrid and, well things get complicated but long story short one of Pinkie’s hair got caught in the teleportation machine and I turned into a copy of her. That happens more often than you’d think.”
“But like don’t you feel like maybe this place pushes you a little too hard to be a little too much like Pinkie Pie?”
“Oh yeah, Pinkie Two was super crazy-times insistent that I stay a copy of Pinkie and use her name and be exactly like her. She said being Pinkie was the best possible thing in the universe and that turning back would be a crime against Pinkie.” Pinkie 999 stopped to think for a moment. “Actually, she says that to everypony who gets turned into Pinkie Pie now that I think about it.”
“Okay, see. That’s something a cult would do. Like, do you really want to be Pinkie Pie, though? Were you not happy as a frog?”
“Well.” Pinkie 999 looked like she was only just now thinking of that for the first time. “Flies don’t taste as good, but I do like being smart enough to open doors. Also, my lifespan is eight times longer and I’d probably be dead by now if I turned back, but on the fourth hoof, I can now contemplate my own mortality. Do frogs have souls? Probably not.”
“I guess whether you specifically are happier isn’t the point,” said Pinkie 1665. “It’s just that a lot of things make me think this is a cult. It makes me think that Pinkie Two is some kind of dangerous megalomaniac whose obsession with Pinkie Pie is leading her to get involved with incredibly dangerous things that she doesn’t care nearly enough about to be involved with because her only actual priority is being surrounded by Pinkies!”
“Oh, all that stuff is totally true.” The Pinkie frog nodded. “This is absolutely one hundred percent a Pinkie Pie cult. Pinkie Two? Totally pushes everyone to be Pinkie Pie.”
“What?! But-“ Pinkie 1665 could hardly find the words. “But. If you know this is a cult why the heck aren’t you running away? Should we plan an escape together? Is Pinkie Two standing right behind me and I’m about to be killed?”
“No, silly.” Pinkie 999 chuckled. “I stay because being in a cult is fun!”
“Um. No?”
“Um. Yes?” Pinkie 999 cocked an eyebrow. “Everything good is unhealthy. Candy makes you fat, playing video games all day makes your muscles melt, sliding up slides causes long-term sight loss, being in a cult blows all your money, and has a high mass-suicide risk. But we do all those things anyway because they’re fun. Ponies wouldn’t join cults if they weren’t fun and a Pinkie Pie cult is the most fun cult there could be.”
“Look, I’m sure some parts of being in a cult are fun, but the bad is too bad! What about all the abuse and identity loss? There are serious long-term consequences!”
“Well hey, we’re frogs, right?” Pinkie 999 smiled like it was true. “None of us are going to live past the age of ten. If you only got a couple of years left who cares about what’s healthy? Just do what’s fun! Join the cult and eat as much candy as you can because Celestia’s charging at you full speed with her scythe and only oblivion awaits you because frogs don’t have souls!”
“I don’t- I don’t think most of that speech applies to me.”
“Huh? Oh right.” Pinkie 999 laughed, then went back to her work. “Well, I am just a frog that somehow learned to talk. Frogs are pretty stupid. You should probably ask somepony smarter than me about this stuff. Oh! Like Pinkie Two! She’s the most like the real Pinkie Pie and therefore the most perfect pony here. In my frog opinion, you should just do whatever she tells you to do.”
There was precious little doubt left in Pinkie 1665’s mind.
Pinkie had just gotten herself mixed up in a cult! She was being indoctrinated, brainwashed! Pinkie- or rather Bubblegum as she tried to assert in her own mind, realized that she was probably in danger. It was only a matter of time until the cake hit the floor at this point. She needed to get out of there before that happened. She couldn’t go back to chrysalis, but she couldn’t get wrapped up in a cult either.
“Uh- Look a fly!” Bubblegum pointed behind Pinkie 999.
“I don’t eat flies anymore.”
“It’s a candy fly?”
“Oh! Well then I’ll turn around for sure!” Pinkie 999 turned around to look for it.
Bubblegum slowly backed away from the bar before turning and running outside. Now she just needed a grand escape plan.
Being a changeling deep inside, her first thought was to assume a disguise and sneak out! She peeked around the corner and realized that she already looked identical to everypony else. Her disguise was already perfect.
Bubblegum cleared her throat and strolled out into the streets.
“Don’t mind me!” She waved at the other Pinkie Pies as she walked towards the exit. “Party! Woo! Fun fun! You know?”
“Hey!” One of them glared back at her. “That’s kind of offensive to us clones, you know. We don’t just shout ‘Fun fun’ all the time.”
“Did you say fun?!” Another Pinkie, perhaps the same one as before, poked her head out of a nearby barrel. She was quick to jump out of her hiding place and begin pronking up and down in place. “I love fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!”
“You’re not helping my point!” The first clone complained back at her. “And now you’re making me want to- to-“
The first clone sort of ran in place for a few seconds before giving in and joining the other one jumping up and down shouting ‘fun’ over and over. A second later, a third Pinkie clone got triggered and suddenly there was a whole commotion around them, the non-clones trying to calm them down before they got too out of control.
So keeping a low profile wasn’t going so well. But they were paying attention to the wrong Pinkie Pies! Bubblegum decided to take the opportunity to make a run for it.
She quickly reached the slide that lead back up to the exit. There were no stairs, only the slide and Bubblegum had never learned how to slide up. But this was the only way out.
Bubblegum sat down at the bottom of the slide, closed her eyes, and tried to slide up.
It didn’t work.
She closed her eyes and tried really hard to ignore gravity like all the other Pinkies. She tried believing in herself. She even tried believing in Pinkie Pie believing in her. But none of that canceled physics. How did the real Pinkie do it?!
“Pinkie powers go.” Bubblegum rubbed her temples. “Pinkie powers activate!”
This was probably why they needed all that science.
She tried instead clawing her way up the slide, but that thing was way too slippery. She’d get up only a few feet before gravity claimed her as a non-Pinkie.
“Oh no! I’m not Pinkie enough to stop being Pinkie!” She wined as she began sliding back down. “Wait! That’s it! Not being Pinkie!”
Bubblegum transformed into a pegasus Pinkie Pie and flew up the ledge, landing and turning back to normal Pinkie Pie as soon as she got there.
Now there was just the massive door that lead to the elevator stopping her. She took one step towards it and alarms started going off. The defensive party canons emerged from the wall and all pointed at her. For a second she thought she was confetti-toast, but the canons didn’t fire right away.
Still, all these alarms were going to draw somepony in seconds! She needed to figure out how to open the door. She ran over to it in a panic and found that it had a panel that needed a password to open it.
She really was locked in here. This really was a cult!
The vindication didn’t help her situation though. Bubblegum desperately hammered in obvious passwords like ‘Fun!’, ‘Party’ and ‘Twilight sucks’, but none of them worked.
She glanced back over her shoulder just in time to see Pinkie Two fall from the sky and land feet away from Bubblegum, her cape blowing in the non-existent wind.
In a last burst of desperation, Bubblegum pounded on the door, but not hard enough to open it.
“You’re not trying to leave, are you?” Pinkie Two glared at Bubblegum, stepping forward with menace.
Startled, Bubblegum fell to her flanks and scrambled backwards.
“No! I was just going out for a walk! Really!”
“Do you know what we do to little pink horses who try to leave?” Pinkie Two leaned in towards Bubblegum, forcing her down and against the wall, glaring the whole way.
“Uh….” Bubblegum looked around desperately for an escape route.
“Nothing!” Pinkie Two jumped back and threw her front hooves in the air, her face changing in an instant. “Hahaha! Can you imagine if we actually forced you to stay here? Absolutely not something Pinkie Pie would approve of.”
“Uh.” Bubblegum could only stare up at her, unsure of what to make of any of this.
“But hey, why are you leaving?” Pinkie Two leaned her hoof over Bubblegum. “You do realize that when I said a ten-kilometer pronk I meant multiple pronks that added up to ten kilometers and not going ten kilometers in a single pronk, right?”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just you all seem a little, I dunno, culty?” Bubblegum paused to make sure Pinkie Two didn’t have any problems with the accusation before continuing. “You’re more obsessed with being exactly like Pinkie than I thought you’d be. It’s creeping me out over here.”
“Yeah, I get that one a lot too.” Pinkie Two laughed before letting go of Bubblegum and shaking her head. “I guess I tend to assume that every Pinkie would want what I do too often. If you don’t want to be exactly like Pinkie that’s fine, but most of us do. We can’t really help it. Being Pinkie is too great.”
“I guess maybe you’re not as crazy as I thought you were for a second there,” said Bubblegum. “But I kinda want to get out of here and think about things some more. Could I maybe get some alone time to decide if I really want to stay here?”
“Oh, that’s fine. But spoiler alert, statistically speaking, most Pinkies do want to act exactly like her. You’ll probably change your mind and come back later, but probably isn’t definitely so you can go be Pinkie in your own way if you want.”
“Well, that’s a relief. There’s really no catch?”
“No, I don’t-“ Pinkie Two froze for a moment, then took on a more serious expression. “Oh, wait that’s right! I almost forgot about the catch. Thanks for reminding me.”
Bubblegum lowered her head and tried to back up, but Pinkie Two was quick to grab her by the scruff of her neck and pulled her in close.
“Don’t think I forgot about the radioactive waste.“ Pinkie Two glared into Bubblegum’s eyes. “I’m giving you a clean slate, but remember that I have hundreds of Pinkie Pies all over the world and I’m always watching. If you try to tell the real Pinkie about us or commit one more crime-“
Pinkie Two pointed at her eyes, then at Bubblegum, then the ceiling, then the floor. Next, she moved her hoof up and down like it was riding a wave, then suddenly smacked her hooves together, pointed up, made a digging motion, drew a circle in the air with her hoof, then a triangle and a star. Pinkie Two made an X over each of her eyes, then over her heart, cutie mark, mane, and finally stuck her tongue and made an X on that too.
“Okay. I don’t understand what any of that means, but I don’t think I like all those X’s at the end.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to. Have Fun!” Pinkie Two shoved Bubblegum into the elevator and pulled a lever on the side of the door. “Hope you come back soon!”
The door closed and the elevator lurched. It launched her upward, somehow moving far faster than when it had come down. Bubblegum found herself getting sucked towards the bottom of it. When the elevator reached the top of the shaft it stopped suddenly, throwing her up to the ceiling. Thankfully, this had enough padding on it that Pinkie merely bounced off it.
Bubblegum hit the floor, bounced off the soft Trixie dolls, then rolled out back into the storage lot, unharmed but alone. She brushed herself off and turned around to see the entrance was already closed off again. She ‘escaped’ but now the question was where to go and what to do.
She couldn’t go back to Chrysalis and she didn’t want to either. But she also didn’t want to go crawling back there so soon. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to go crawling back there at all. So then where the heck was Bubblegum supposed to go?
What she needed was time to think. Maybe go for a very long walk.
Maybe Pinkie Two would let her shut herself in a room down there until she figured things out? But then, a potential cult leader wasn’t the best person to rely on when deciding whether or not to join her cult.
Bubblegum, fearing Chrysalis might be looking for her persona by now, decided to turn into one of her lesser used aliases, Cloudy Skies. At least as Cloudy Skies she’d be able to walk around without worry.
Maybe it was just everything she’d been through lately, but Cloudy Skies suddenly felt fatigued to the point she had difficulty walking out of the storage lot.
The storage lot looked a lot rustier than she remembered. The rust stains on the cargo cars seemed to consume them completely. Really this place was more like a garbage dump than anything else.
She was glad to get out of there, but not glad to get back into the city. It was as dull and grey as ever, worse even. Maybe it was just paranoia, but all the ugly ponies she passed seemed to scowl at her, made her lower her head for fear that any of them might be one of Chrysalis’s spies.
It was beginning to rain. The rain was light but unbearable. Every tiny drop on Cloudy Skies back felt like an insult, made her want to grumble.
It was at that point she realized something was off, and not just that the entire city sucked immeasurably.
It was getting worse! Getting to be Pinkie Pie for so long must have raised her standards even higher and it would only get worse from here as Pinkie Two said.
Maybe she was right. Maybe there really was no way to deal with life now but to try and become exactly like Pinkie.
But…
There had to be somepony she could go to! Somepony like-
No! Somepony who was.
The answer was so obvious now. There was one pony Cloudy Skies should have gone to in the first place, years ago even.
She needed the advice of the real Pinkie Pie.
____________________________
Cloudy Skies didn’t make it all the way to Ponyville before turning back into Pinkie again. Everything felt so dissatisfying when she wasn’t Pinkie now. She did make it until nightfall before reverting to Pinkie Pie, but it was a long, painful wait.
Sure enough, immediately after she did, Bubblegum felt a rush of relief. The millions of little things she’d been paranoid and annoyed about didn’t seem like such big deals anymore. Her confidence started to come back, but in a way that wasn’t entirely good. It meant her theory about becoming more dependent on this form was correct.
By the time she found the real Pinkie’s house, it was a bit passed midnight and everything outside was still. Bubblegum didn’t dare move through the streets for fear of running into another pony but stalked through the shadows. She climbed up to Pinkie’s bedroom window and peered inside to find the pony fast asleep in her bed. Other ponies lived here, she knew, so the door was out of the question.
Her heart was pounding from the excitement. She was inches away from the greatest pony who ever lived!
Remembering that she was still Pinkie’s enemy killed most of the enthusiasm. Though, surely Pinkie would forgive her for the assault and also for breaking into her house if it came to that.
Bubblegum knocked on the real Pinkie’s window, but that didn’t wake the pony up. Next, the changeling opened the window and called out to Pinkie, but still no effect. Not wanting to yell too loud, she climbed into the room and walked next to Pinkie’s bed.
“Pinkie?” Bubblegum stood on the bed and looked down at Pinkie Pie, a perfect mirror of herself. She considered changing back to Cloudy Skies, but winced. She couldn’t do it.
Instead she went for the next level of escalation. She jumped on Pinkie’s bed and gave her a slight shake. Pinkie finally woke up and noticed Bubblegum standing on her bed.
“Oh no! Not again!” Pinkie yelled as she bolted upright.
“Shh! Don’t worry Pinkie! I’m not you,” Bubblegum reassured her. “I’m a changeling.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.” Pinkie calmed down and lay back on her bed. “For a second I thought I ate the wrong brownies again.”
“Huh. So you’re not angry about me breaking into your house at midnight?”
“I’m not? Oh, yeah that’s right I do have a problem with that!” Pinkie pulled the covers over herself and screamed. “Help! I’m being robbed! I think? Am I being robbed?”
“No! I’d never rob you. You’re like my hero.” Bubblegum put her hooves together pleadingly and bowed her head. “I came here because I need your help with something.”
“Oh! Well that’s not so bad.” Pinkie hopped off her bed and turned on the lights. “Though maybe you could use the door next time? And maybe don’t be me?”
“Well that’s the thing.” Bubblegum bowed her head low. “I was one of the changelings you fought back in Canterlot. I turned into you and it was the most amazing and fun experience of my life! I’ve wanted to be more like you ever since. I realized that I love making ponies smile. Now I don’t want to work for Chrysalis anymore. I want to be good like you are. But if I try to leave Chrysalis is going to hunt me down and the only other person who could help me is-“
She stopped herself before she blurted out Pinkie Two’s identity. The last thing she needed was another hit pony after her.
“Is what?”
“Is uh-“ Bubblegum barely managed to come up with an excuse. “Well they don’t exist!”
“Oh.” Pinkie nodded knowingly. “I can see how that’d be a problem.”
“Please.” Bubblegum threw herself at Pinkie’s hooves. “I’ve done bad things. I punched Fluttershy in the face. I sabotaged Equestrian industry and dumped toxic waste in the water. I nearly killed forty orphans and only stopped because a crazed vigilante beat me up. If you want to throw me in jail, I’ll accept your judgment and go quietly. I’ll confess everything I ever did. But- but you’re Pinkie Pie. You’re the smartest, nicest, and best pony in the world. You’ve helped so many people. Please, please help me.”
“Well of course I’ll help you!” Pinkie said almost immediately.
“R-really?” Bubblegum lifted her head and looked up at Pinkie with amazement. The tears welling up in her eyes only served to make Pinkie look more mystical and wavy.
“Sure! Helping you become good is way better than just throwing you in jail.” Pinkie grabbed Bubblegum and pulled her up to her feet. “Sides, I do this all the time. It’s not like you’re the first changeling I helped run away from Chrysalis, you know.”
Bubblegum couldn’t hold back her tears anymore.
“Thank you!” Bubblegum grabbed onto Pinkie and hugged her tight, sobbing. “You really are the greatest pony who ever lived!”
“Aw, thanks.” Pinkie gave her a pat on the back and then held her out at arm’s length. “Step one in the changeling reform process is getting a new identity. Maybe one that’s not me?”
“Hold on.” Bubblegum stopped her. “See, that’s part of the problem. You don’t know what it’s like being you!”
“I don’t?” Pinkie blinked in wonder. “Whoa, that is deep.”
“Okay, maybe you do. But you don’t know what it’s like to be you and then not be you anymore. I can’t stop taking your form anymore, being you is just too great. When I turn back or into somepony else it’s just blandflakes without the flakes, you know? Everything feels slimy and grey. I can’t be happy when I’m not you. And it’s getting worse. I’m not even comfortable changing my appearance anymore.”
“So you’re addicted to being me?”
“Basically, yes. I can’t be happy as anything else.”
“Well that is one doozey of a dooze. I almost feel responsible for this now. I had no idea I was so addictive. I should have a warning label or something. But how we gonna-“ an idea flashed across Pinkie’s face. “Oh! Maybe we can still make this work. This is just off the top of my head, but what if you pretend to be a me-impersonator, change your name to Bubblegum Lollipop and move to Manehattan where you help out with that orphanage.”
“Tried it.” Bubblegum shook her head. “It worked, but Chrysalis is probably already looking for Bubblegum Lollipop.”
“This is gonna be harder than I thought.” Pinkie tapped her temple but didn’t need much time to come up with another idea. “Maybe we could try to help you have fun when you’re not me! How addictive can I really be? So how different from me can you be?”
“I don’t know if I even can shapeshift anymore.” Bubblegum scrapped her hoof against the floor. “Like ever again. I don’t want to.”
“Can you try?” Pinkie leaned in with a pleading smile. “Just a little different?”
Bubblegum closed her eyes and tried to shapeshift. The thought of leaving her current form was like that moment before you jump into a pool of cold water but can’t seem to do it. She brought up more and more similar forms to Pinkie in her head until finally getting to one where she was just comfortable enough to take the plunge.
She took a deep breath and burst into green flames.
“Huh.” Pinkie looked over her new form. “Either I changed or you didn’t. Cause that looks exactly like I did five seconds ago.”
“My mane’s a slightly different color!” Bubblegum pointed to her mane. In her defense, it was a bit more red. “I- that’s the best I can do. I doubt I can shapeshift again.”
“It’s okay!” Pinkie gave her a pat on the back. “Maybe we can just work with this. Change you manually like Celestia intended with some cool accessories.”
Bubblegum was worried this would go about as well as Tangerine and Clementine’s attempt to do the same, but she couldn’t really bring them up. Pinkie reached into a drawer, in search of makeover fodder.
“Huh.” Pinkie gave the pacifier a curious look. “Mrs. Cake must have hidden this from the twins. Well they’re supposed to stop using these anyway so you can have it.”
“I uh- You want me to suck on a pacifier? I dunno if I’m into that sort of thing. “
“It’s a fashion statement.” Pinkie passed a thread through the pacifier to turn it into a necklace, which she threw over Bubblegum’s neck. “Yeah! All the cool rave ponies wear stuff like this. Maybe we could go for that kind of look for you. And it’d be perfect because raves are really the only thing you can do in this town at midnight that’s both fun and legal. How do you feel about techno?”
“Techno?” Bubblegum gave the pacifier a flick. “I don’t think I’ve ever really heard it. I haven’t really listened to a lot of music. I’ve been really busy working 24/7 and I don’t really enjoy stuff when I’m not you.”
“Let’s try…” Pinkie jabbed Bubblegum’s mane with a needle, causing it to straighten out and fall to the side. She pulled out some glowstick bracelets that she apparently always had on her and put them on next. “And let’s add some glowsticks for uh- Oh! That could be your name! Pacifier Glowstick! Cause that’s what you’re wearing.”
“Pacifier Glowstick?” Pacifier Glowstick looked down at her new necklace, unready to accept a pacifier as her namesake. “I’m not sure about-“
“Oh. Too long?” Pinkie continued with Pacified Glowstick’s mane, tying it up into pigtails. “Then we’ll just call you Pacifier Glow!”
“I meant the pacifier part! I’m not sure if I want that in my name.”
“Ah. I got ya. Pacifier to too long a word. Okay, we shorten it again to Pacific Glow.”
“I don’t know if Pacific is shorter than Pacifier, but I can live with that name.”
“See? This is pretty close but not me.” Pinkie turned Pacific Glow around so that she was facing a large mirror. “Is this good enough? Do you still feel like that cereal I’ve never heard of?”
“I mean-“ Pacific Glow looked in the mirror. She did look surprisingly different than Pinkie and not entirely bad. “It’s not horrible but-“
But not horrible was actually great!
“Oh, wait! If it’s not horrible that means it’s working, right?” Pacific turned excitedly back to Pinkie. “Normally I see everything as horrible, but not this! This is almost okay!”
“Yeah! See? You can be like me without actually being me. It’s as simple as pink, e, and pie.”
“It’s been years since I was excited
Pacific Glow looked at her hoof. The tingling didn’t go anywhere. This wasn’t really the same as the bubbly rush she got from being Pinkie.
“Wait. No.” Pacific bowed her head. “I just remembered that your hooves don’t feel fun. I mean, almost okay is a lot better than bad, but uh-“
“Well that’s why we’re going to the rave. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just try a comically large list of things until we find something that does work!”
Pinkie grabbed Pacific by one of her new pigtails and dragged her to the window. Before she could ask why they weren’t using the door, Pinkie jumped, pulling Pacific outside with her.
Pacific recovered quickly from the fall and looked around to see if anypony was watching. She figured if she was with the town hero, she’d probably be fine, so long as nopony asked why the two looked so similar. But she couldn’t stop feeling nervous.
Pinkie lead her down unfamiliar streets towards wherever this party was. Pacific Glow kept her head down the whole way, glancing at all the objects. Things weren’t entirely grey, but she didn’t have that bubbly feeling that permeated all things when she was Pinkie Pie either.
It wasn’t long before they got to what was the spot, as it was the only place around with the lights still on. Pacific Glow could feel more than hear the music, a thrum, thrum, thrum moving through the ground. A short line of ponies was waiting to get in, but as promised, Pinkie was able to walk right up to the front of the line with Pacific Glow, only to be greeted warmly by the bouncer.
“Pinkie!” He opened the rope gate for her straight away. “How are ya?”
“Check it out!” Pinkie grabbed Pacific Glow and held her so their faces were right next to each other. “We’re practically twins! Isn’t that crazy?”
“Uh-!” Pacific Glow wasn’t sure if drawing attention to that was a good idea, but Pinkie was a genius. She had to know what she was doing.
“We met in a dark alley, uh, rave club,” said Pinkie. “Yeah! The Dark Alley. Very exclusive. And when I heard the amazing backstory, she had I knew I had to party with her some more!”
“Yeah! I have a back story.” Pacific Glow chuckled nervously. “We all do, right? It’d be suspicious if I didn’t have one.”
“Pacific Glow is the greatest raver who ever lived!” Pinkie grabbed Pacific with one hoof and waved the other one out wide. “When she was just ten years old, tragedy struck! Her entire family died in a rave accident and she knew she had to become a rave master to make sure nothing like that ever happened again. She trained with a zebra monk, then a yak monk, then a minotaur monk, then-”
“Pinkie!” Pacific Glow grabbed Pinkie and whispered harshly in her ear. “Maybe you could talk me up a bit less. I can’t live up to that!”
“Right,” Pinkie whispered back before going back to the bouncer. “But that doesn’t mean she’s very good at it. Her talent is trying to be good at raves. Hehe. See ya later!”
Pacific Glow got dragged straight into the middle of the place.
Directly opposite of the fact that she was now pretending to be a rave master, Pacific Glow had never been inside one of these places before and her vague ideas of how it should look didn’t prepare her for how overwhelming it was.
The music was so loud it blocked out everything else in a flood of noise, were it any more intense it would likely break her ears. The room flashed with swirls and bursts of colors and lasers that pulled her attention in every direction, making it hard to focus on anything.
The whole place was a sensory overload, but that was giving her the familiar feeling of pretending to be Pinkie Pie. It was like all of this was picking up the slack for her faltering Pinkieness. Maybe Pinkie really was on to something.
“So do you like it?!” Pinkie Pie shouted in Pacific’s ear but compared to the blaring music it felt like normal speech.
She really wasn’t kidding when she said she’d never really listened to much music before in her life. It was hard to say if she liked this, but she could absolutely feel the pulse of the music like Pinkie said. It was almost impossible not to with this music.
“I’m not,” Pacific said, then realized she’d have to scream, “I’m not sure!”
“Well let’s try dancing!” Pinkie slid back onto the dance floor, a few other ponies making way for her. “Come on! Give it a try!”
Pacific Glow nervously looked at the other dancing ponies. Their moves were so varied and wild that she couldn’t find any pattern in it all to imitate. Her cover was going to be blown so easily. But despite her fear she did creep down next to Pinkie.
“I don’t know how to rave-dance,” Pacific Glow said it out loud, though given the noise of this place that was the equivalent of a whisper. “I don’t know any kind of dance!”
“Nopony knows how to dance at a rave! You just throw your hooves around like a maniac and hope everypony assumes you know what you’re doing.”
As Pinkie Pie she knew she could just jump around like a maniac, but as Pacific Glow she hesitated.
“You just gotta feel the beat!”
She could literally feel the beat crashing into her. She had to admit this kind of music was growing on her, though it was so different from anything she was used to. Pacific bobbed her head up and down.
“Maybe I could-“ Pacific lifted one hoof, preparing to make a step motion.
“Oh, pah!” Pinkie knocked her hoof back down. “As your personal fun expert, I can say you’re just overthinking this! Try to just copy me. You should be good at that.”
Pinkie hopped back onto her hind legs, rolled her forelegs, and bend backward. Pacific Glow took a deep breath and then did the same. After years of practice imitating the movements of ponies, this was effortless to Pacific Glow.
Even though Pinkie was making it up as she went, Pacific followed her moves so perfectly that anypony watching would have thought they rehearsed this all. Pinkie’s, and therefore Pacific’s, moves were so smooth and fluid, flowing seamlessly into one another in sync with the music.
She really could start to feel the music flowing through her, and not just the banging of the beat. For a moment, she lost herself and broke away from Pinkie’s moves, just feeling the music, letting its flow determine her moves
“You’re getting it!” Pinkie called after her.
She really was too! It was like the music was in her heart. Other ponies were looking at her like she really was some kind of rave master. Pacific Smiled wide and- stopped right there. She realized what that meant.
“Wait! This is fun! I’m actually having fun again!” Pacific Glow jumped around in a little circle, then glomped onto Pinkie, holding her in a tight hug. “I love this! Pinkie, I think I can be Pacific Glow! You did it. You really are some kind of genius.”
“And she lived happily ever after!” Pinkie waved in a random direction.
“I did?” Pacific Glow looked at the wall Pinkie was waving to.
“Yep!” Pinkie hugged Pacific Glow.
The End.