"Anonymous, lad, are you sure this'll work?"
"Timmy, we got this. Each of us got skills not to be reckoned with."
"True, but I'm sensing a low probability of success here."
"Hey, just leave the pessimism to me, 'kay bud?"
Around the corner, two guards approach from down the hall. The minute they get into place, the cockatrio roll in with a surprise attack and turns the two into stone. At the end of the hall, three more dogs spot the assault and gives chase, spears raised.
You quickly grab one of the chicken-headed beasts, glide over the cowering statues and deal a swift knockout kick to the center dog as the other two are petrified. Exhausted, the flapping cockatrice drops you and collapses. The angry creature screeches at you and flies off.
"Hey! For your information, I'm NOT fat, I'm pleasantly plump!"
You and Team Monstar move out, heroically fighting your way through the maze-like corridors of the kingdom. As far as you're concerned, TEAMWORK is more effective magic.
Eventually, you all reach the dangling arena of the Killiseum, where a small army of angry dogs block the exit. All of you take up the entire battlefield like a chess board. A group of guards line up in a wide row and chuck their jagged, rusty spears your way. All of a sudden, Alpha lunges in and swipes the sharp projectiles aside with his enormous paws, roaring and pounding his chest in triumph.
"Woah, Alpha join fight now?" you ask.
"Alpha owe 'hoo man'. Save life." he states.
"Oh. Well welcome aboard, then."
He fist bumps you and charges into the battle head on.
Alpha has joined the team.
"Let's go, squad! For GLORY!!!"
And so it began, an epic battle of will, of strength, of extreme AWESOMENESS! The battle raged for years, for generations, for EONS!!!
For at least a good four minutes until it was finally done. But no time to bask in your collective badassery, another round of goons approach.
However, you get an idea. "Tim, I need you to tear off their armor!"
"WHAT?!" he gasps. "I-I can't do that, that's BARBARIC!"
"We're ALL barbarians deep down, Timmy, this is our freedom we're talking about! Find your inner beast! Plus, you've been pussing out the moment we started."
"No, no. I shouldn't. I can't. I SHANT!"
Ash steps in and pushes you aside. "I got this, guy. Hey, Tim, I heard one of those mutts make fun of your little monocle!"
"They did WHAT?!?!"
Gone from sophisticated to savage in a microsecond, the livid timberwolf gallops into wild mode and pounces upon guard after guard, slashing their rusty armor clean off with his splintery paws and bathing them in his slimy, sap-like saliva.
"MOST GLORIOUS!!!" Tim bellowed ecstatically, clawing away at his fearful victims.
Overhead, the flash bees swarm through the sea of guards to shock and amaze and STING their way to victory, leaving the cragadiles to tie up their dazed opponents.
"We've stripped them of their resources, men!" you exclaim. "Today, we feast on BISCUITS!!!""
"Ack, gross!" Ash gags. "These taste like burnt rubber!"
"No, my little dragon. It tastes like VICTORY!" you declare, taking a large bite out of the dusty confection, regretting your decision the minute you carry out the act. "Bleh, AND burnt rubber! Ugh, we probably shouldn't eat these."
"H-Hey! Is anyone out there?!" a coughing voice echoes nearby. Up ahead, you all rush towards the light tapping of a metal door leading to a small, dark cell. There, a little figure sways about with woeful moans.
"D-Don't worry, we'll get you out of there!" you holler. "Okay, there's a weak spot somewhere on this wall. If I can channel all my chi and raw awesomeness and merge them all together in one swift move, then my calculations would suggest that-"
Alpha cuts you off, stomps forward and punches a gaping hole into the wall with a loud BOOM.
"......t-that works too, thanks dawg."
As the dust clears, a weak Starlight crawls out of the gloomy cell coughing, to your shock and horror. Her once vibrant, pink coat has now been reduced to a tinted, pale mess.
"Star!"
"Anon!" the battered unicorn wheezes before collapsing in your arms.
"Star, what happened to-"
Tears begin to pour out of her eyes as she pulls you into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm so, SO sorry!" she sobs out loud. "I couldn't control myself and I saw what I had DONE to you and I-I thought I-"
"Hey, hey, it's okay." you motion the group to continue on as you console the guilt ridden mare, warmly rubbing her mane while she cries into your chest.
"W-When you fell into that abyss, I.....I thought I'd never see you again. And then, that MONSTER stole my magic and left me here to rot!"
"Pfffft. Pal, it'll take ALOT more than that to get rid of me, ya know." you scoff. "Look, that wasn't the real you roping me into a deadly game for my life, ultimately tossing me into a foggy, seemingly empty abyss that I unrealistically survived. That was ALL on spooky spells."
"'Spooky spells' that I wasn't strong enough to face on. We should've gotten out of here when we had the chance. I was a fool thinking I can convince DOGS to experience the magic of friendship."
"Starlight, you being 'foolish' is just you being YOU. You're the kindest, strongest, funniest, craziest pony I've ever met. You're my best friend. Never have I ever met somepony as smart, cunning and beautiful as you-"
"You.........y-you think I'm b-beautiful?"
"Of COURSE I do! I love yooooooooou're beautiful personality."
You sit there awkardly as the stunned mare stares at you not with tears of grief, but of joy. "T-Thank you." she sniffles. "Guess I know what it feels like to be mind controlled, I have a MAD headache."
"Sucks, doesn't it?"
"Extremely."
"Will kicking Fang's tail make you feel a bit better, huh?"
Starlight wipes away her tears with a little smile. "M-Maybe just a bit." she smiles.
"That's the OP unicorn I know dearly. Can you stand?"
"I........I-I think I can." Glimmy grunts, feebly wiggles out of your grasp. As she takes her first step, she flops to the side and immediately loses her intense battle with gravity. "Carry me?" she sighs in defeat.
Like a clingy child, the weak little pony wraps her hooves around your neck as you pull her close into your arms.
"Heh, my hero." she giggles.
"All in a day's work, m'lady."
"So, what's our next move?"
"Step 1: Save Star."
"And step 2?"
"Honestly, I thought we'd be creamed at this point, but, uh.......kick more tail?"
"Eh, works for me." Ash shrugs, flying off with a heavy battle axe.
Soon, an ear-splitting ring spreads throughout the land.
"Squad K-9, they're heading your way." Fang states in a sinister tone.
On cue, a pack of spiky metal carriages roll into the courtyard, blocking the entrance leading to the hall of the midget king's lair.
Before you could think of the next move, a large, lumpy mound of dirt slinks past your feet and dips under the barricade. Soon, Mortar the maulwurf bursts from the soil and angrily ripping the carriages to shreds, giving you a clear opening. Taking it that the gang has things completely OUT of control, you carry your damsel in distress through the carnage. Glimmy clings on tighter as you maneuver through the intense war going on throughout the enormous castle.
Approaching the lair's tall doors, you two find stumble upon a small pup confined to a thick chain wearing a big cone hiding the poor creature's face.
"Oh, Kibbles, he DIDN'T!" Starlight gasps.
She clumsily turns to face you with a sad whimper, displaying possibly the cutest, commercial worthy puppy pout in all of Equestria. Like, Academy Award winning sad.
"Awww, let's get this thing off for you." you coo, snapping the chain with mighty force. "Now, where's that pint sized tyrant at?"
"I-In there." Kibbles states. "He had the guards bring in some heavy machiney things."
The ground starts to vibrate the closer you approach the boss stage. You could here a low whirring sound behind the wall. Suddenly, a wide beam of blood red energy pierces a huge hole between the metal doors.
"Okay, maybe we should call it a day." you squeal.
"Oh, NO you don't!" Glimmy hisses, staring daggers at you. "The Anon I know doesn't just give up because it's the smart thing to do. We should buck up and GRAB life by the tail!"
"You're right, you're right.......we got this."
"Not literally, Anon." the unicorn sighs.
"Wait, what are you talking about?"
A guard yanks Starlight by the tail through the gaping hole, along with you, and tosses you both before the villainous Lead Dog, Fang. "Ah, my two BEST champions!" he cackles. "Didn't expect to see you two here so soon."
"Mmm, that's very delicious, more BULLSHIT please!" you grunt in the guard's tight grip.
"What do you WANT with my magic?!" Star growls.
"What everyone else wants in this miserable world," Fang hisses. "POWER, desires that I have been denied for TOO long now."
"But.....you have your own KINGDOM!" Starlight exclaims. "Isn't that enough power for you?"
"Is ruling a land full of morons worth being proud of?" Fang retorts. "This kingdom is the laughingstock of all kingdoms."
"He kinda has a point there, pal." you shrug.
"I've spent years entertaining these fools with violent matches to keep them at bay while searching this lifeless land for magic strong enough for me to take what's mine. Fangett T. Dog shall be a loser no longer."
"Heh, Fangett..." you snicker.
"So, basically, you just wanna LOOK good." Star says.
"Indeed, correct." Fang nods.
"Ugh, you're weak and generic motivations are torturing me deeply!" you wince.
"A shame I have to destroy you." the dog sighs. "You would've made an decent, more COMPETENT soldier."
"I'd rather rip every individual pube out of my scrotum with salad tongs than be on your scummy side!"
Fang's staff glows a bright red aura that surrounds itself with crackling electricity that courses through the pup's veins. His once tiny body now slowly towers over you as he approaches, menacingly aiming the staff directly at your rapidly beating chest.
"Someone get me a towel," the now tall Fang says with a sickening grin. "this is going to get MESSY!"
Just as you're about to be gutted by the discount lightsaber, a pebble bounces off the beast's nose, followed by another slightly larger one that pokes him in the eye. As Fang hunches over, you and Starlight spot a fearless Spirit stomping on the dog's fuzzy back. "BAH DAH!" he roars.
"SPIRIT!" you two exclaim.
Out of nowhere, a group of extremely thick vines burst forth from the rocky floor, the powerful impact tossing everyone in all directions. A dazed Fang crashes into a marble pillar and gets buried under the falling debris.
"Mr. Jammers?!" Starlight laughs in excitement. "You're ALIVE?"
"Alive and still kicking tail!" you cheer.
The valiant vine flings away guard after guard right off the lair's balcony. Soon, Wallflower leaps in, rolled up newspaper in hoof, shooing away the remaining dogs in the room before helping you two up.
"You guys need a hoof?" she pants.
