Usually, there's more to a victory than just winning. You have to have a strategy and go for the opponent's weak spot. That's why they call me a god. They say I don't need a strategy. They say I don't have to do a thing. They say my thing is not doing a thing. I've been turned into a stereotype. I'm not a stereotype. I'm Luigi, number one sidekick to Mario!
"You've been turned into a stereotype?" Pinkie jolted me out of my interior monologue, which she must have heard. "What do you mean?"
I sighed. "Well, Pinkie Pie, a few years ago, someone posted a video of me winning without doing anything in the game Mario Party. Many more videos like it followed. Now I'm being either laughed at or praised due to the phenomenon known as Luigi Wins by Doing Absolutely Nothing."
"At least it isn't about you losing by doing absolutely everything, right? Besides, it's just a video. It isn't real."
"You've got a point, Pinkie. But still, I've always been the number two. I just want to be the real number one at something."
"Maybe you will! You might be able to get the Energy Spheres from Ember without any help at all! Ooh, we're here!" Pinkie stopped twirling her tail like a helicopter rotor and set me down on a volcanic island. "Ready to find those Energy Spheres?"
"Oh, yeah! Let's-a go!" I was scared at first when I learned that I wouldn't be with Mario, but with a pony like Pinkie Pie, I couldn't help but feel like my bro was still with me. Pinkie's optimistic, adventurous, and always ready to help, just like my bro.
We walked around the Dragon Lands, searching for Ember, when we heard someone groan. "*yawn* Ugh... Who would be crazy enough to wander around at this time of evening?" A young orange dragon was waking up. "Professor Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here?"
Pinkie replied, "Hi, Smolder! Sorry if we woke you. Luigi and I are looking for these neat blue orbs that glow super bright!"
The dragon girl, Smolder, said, "Don't mean to disappoint you, but Ember found some. I can't let you have any of them, because she told me to guard them as she slept."
I said, "But we need them so my pals and I can return to our home planet!"
"Hold on. Home planet? Is one of your friends Kirby?"
"The pink ball that eats stuff to get powers? That's him."
"I told Ember about him, and she seems to kinda respect Kirby. How about I make you a deal on Ember's behalf? If you can somehow beat Ember or wake her up, then you could ask her yourself about the orbs."
I scratched my head in thought. "Hmm... Maybe we can do both at the same time!"
"You're gonna attack her while she's asleep? Not a good idea."
"While she's asleep? I was thinking in her sleep." I turned to Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie, can you find a way to my homeland, the Mushroom Kingdom? When you make it there, I need you to find someone named Prince Dreambert. He looks like he has a pillow with a red pillowcase for a head."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie took off, as if she knew exactly what she was doing.
After what seemed like forever (but was actually about fifteen minutes), I began to nod off, but something woke me up. I heard Pinkie Pie ask, "Uh, how do you land this thing?"
A male voice replied, "It's a missile, not a rocket! You can't land it!"
"Then hang on! We're coming down with a bang!"
"Wha--?" I turned towards the voices and... "Mama mia!" I watched in horror as a pink missile with Pinkie Pie's face came right for me, with Prince Dreambert hanging on for his life.
"Dive, Pinkie! Dive!"
BOOOOOOOOOM!!!
The Pinkie Pie missile exploded just feet away from me. "Sorry! The Missile Ability is super hard to control! Anyway, why did you need Prince Dreambert?"
I began to answer, but Dreambert stopped me. "I'm getting a dreamy vibe from this place... It's a Dreampoint! Luigi, do you need to become one with your dreams?"
I nodded. "That's right. Smolder was told by Ember not to let us have the Energy Spheres, but since Kirby is our friend, she made us a deal: If we can wake up Ember or defeat her in battle, then we can ask Ember herself."
"So it appears you do need my help. Pinkie Pie, have you ever entered the Dream World before?"
"I've had lots of dreams before, but I've never actually went into a dream. It sounds fun, though."
"Then I believe you will find this a most interesting experience. When Luigi falls asleep on me, you will see something quite strange. You should know what to do. If not, then one of Luigi's partners can assist you. Luigi, get yourself situated."
Dreambert transformed into a pillow, and I laid my head on him before sending out a blue mouse Pokemon with minus signs all over it. "Negation, if I talk in my sleep, then do as I tell you. It will help Pinkie Pie in the Dream World."
Negation was confused for a moment. "Mi? Mi... Minun." He eventually agreed to do so.
"Okay. Good night, Negation..." I slowly drifted off to sleep...
I appeared in front of Pinkie Pie. "What do you think of the Dream World, Pinkie?"
"It looks so much like the Dragon Lands! Except, it looks like Discord had a little fun here."
Prince Dreambert appeared in pillow form. "That's because it is the Dream World. There are endless possibilities! As for it looking like the Dragon Lands, Luigi's dreams are affected by his surroundings. When at rest, his brainwaves are the exact same wavelength as those of the Pi'illo people, whom I am one of. That allows him to open up a portal to the Dream World when he sleeps on a Pi'illo. Furthermore, Luigi is sleeping on a Dreampoint, where the sleeper becomes one with their dreams, thus making a visit to the Dream World very easy."
"That was a little confusing, but I think I understand. Since Luigi's sleep patterns are the same as the Pi'illo people, he can open up dream portals, and this is even easier in a Dreampoint, where the sleeper and their dreams are one. But since Luigi is in the real world, dreaming, why is he here? Is this like how Luigi looks in his dreams?"
"That is correct. Meet Dreamy Luigi. He has many tricks up his sleeve, as you may soon see. Now, let us search for Ember!"
"Okay. Let's-a go!"
I said, "Hey, that's Mario's line!"
"I know, that's why I said it! Since you two work together all the time, and now you're separated, I figured I'd fill the role, if that's okay with you."
"Well, Pinkie, you do kind of remind me of my bro... Okie dokie!"
Dreambert warned, "Look out behind you, Pinkie!"
Pinkie turned around. "Oh, hi, dragon!" Oh boy, here it comes... "Oops, I mean, 'Hi, dragons!' ...Wait, 'dragons'?! Uh oh..." Yep, it wasn't one dragon; it was thirty of them. That's how the Dream World works. "Um, hey, dragons. Can we go by?"
They looked nearly identical, except for one thing: There were twenty-nine orange dragons and one red one, which was likely the leader of the pack. He said, "There's no way we're letting you wimps go by! That is, unless you actually think you're awesome enough to beat me, Garble, and my awesome team of super cool dragons!"
Pinkie panicked, "How are we gonna beat all of them?!"
Dreambert grinned. "With the power of Luigination. Dreamy Luigi, become one with Pinkie Pie!"
"Oh, yeah!" I jumped high into the air before zooming into Pinkie Pie's body, giving her a Luiginary glow.
Pinkie asked, "Whoa, what happened?"
Dreambert replied, "As I said, Dreamy Luigi became one with you. He entered your body, increasing your abilities. You are now much stronger, and enemy attacks are less effective against you. You can also perform special moves known as Luiginary Attacks."
"Luiginary? That sounds super fun! I wanna try one!"
"Very well. Dreamy Luigi, you know what to do."
I concentrated, and some blocks appeared over Pinkie's head. "Ooh, what are these?"
"Those are Command Blocks. Hitting one of them allows you to perform an action of some sort. The orange block with the mushroom is the Item Block. The blue one with the Luigi constellation is the Luiginary Attack block. Since you want to use a Luiginary Attack, then hit that block."
Pinkie hit the Luiginary Attack block. "Now what do I do?"
I sent my thoughts to Pinkie: "You've got a bunch of options. What form do you want me to take?"
"What form? Gee, that's tricky. Hmm... How about a ball? Everything's better with balls!"
"All right. Head far away so we can prepare the attack."
We ran about a thousand yards from the dragons. "What now--whoa!" Pinkie jumped in surprise as I jumped out of her and landed in her outstretched front hooves, curled into a ball shape. "Huh, I was expecting something more..."
"...Surprising? Your expectations are about to be met. Throw me."
"Whatever you say!" Pinkie threw me away, in the direction of the dragons, and I multiplied into a small ball made of Luiginoids, my clones. "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!"
"You ever balance on a ball before? Roll us towards the dragons, running over any Luiginoids you see. They'll be added to the size of the Luiginary Ball."
"Sure thing, Dreamy Luigi!" Pinkie rolled us towards the enemy group, picking up any Luiginoids she saw. Good thing I didn't have to tell her what Luiginoids were.
As we got near, I said, "Now, kick us towards them!"
"Got it!" Pinkie Pie did as she was instructed, and we rolled right over the dragons. "Yippee! Steeeerrrrrike!"
"You missed me, so it isn't a strike!" Garble was still standing. "You want a strike, I'll show you a strike!" He shot a huge fireball into the air before catching it with his claw. "Get a load of the burning bowl!" He then tossed the fireball at us.
I warned, "Hit it back!"
"But I don't have a hammer!"
"You have hooves! With my aid, you can do it!"
Pinkie began to protest, but she stopped herself. "...Good point." She bucked the fireball right back at Garble, who was burned to ashes. "Uh... did I overdo it?"
Dreambert shook his head. "That was merely his dream incarnation. You only woke Garble from his dream. That being said, you can unleash all your might on Ember's dreamy variant! At worst, Ember will only have had a nightmare about being defeated by a heroic duo, that duo being you and Dreamy Luigi."
"Whew, that's good to know. I thought that was the real Garble who'd entered the Dream World somehow."
"A very unlikely story, unless Garble has a friend who can create a dream portal like Luigi can. Now, let us continue our journey!"
We found a figure standing atop a cliff. Its face was hidden, for its back was toward us. "Humph. So what if you beat Garble and his group of lowly dragons? They're not even strong enough to be mid-bosses! Your real challenge lies before you. But first, you must reach it."
Pinkie turned to me. "Not that I don't trust you, but will this be as easy as beating Garble?"
I glanced above the figure, towards the sky. Then I looked back at myself. "I have a feeling that she has something special planned for us, but reaching the challenge won't be a problem." I pointed at the sky. "See that whirlwind?"
"Yeah, but why does it look like it has a face?"
"See how both it and I are glowing?"
"What about that?"
Dreambert explained, "Remember how Dreamy Luigi entered your body and powered you up?"
"...Does that mean I'm not the only thing he can enter?"
"Yes. To be precise, he can possess certain objects known as Luiginary Works."
I nodded. "Pinkie, watch me go into that whirlwind!" I quickly whooshed into the whirlwind, so it had my face. I was also given a clear view of the figure's face. It was Ember, the one we were looking for.
She frowned. "A whirlwind with a mustached face? Not my thing."
"Prince Dreambert, you know what to do."
The Pi'illo nodded and flew away.
"Negation... help..."
"Mi?"
"Scratch... nose..."
"Mi Minun? Minun, mi mi."
Oh boy, I feel a big one coming on... "Ehh... Uhh... Achoo!" I launched a blast of wind that should have blown Ember off her perch. However, she hung on by shoving her staff into the ground.
Ember grimaced. "Bless you, green one. Did you really try to bring the challenge to you in order to save yourself the effort? You'll have to try harder."
I sighed. "Pinkie, do you see anything around here that looks like my face?"
"Well, what about that constellation like on the block?" Pinkie pointed to the sky, this time towards the left.
"Great job, Pinkie. Watch this." I zoomed from the whirlwind into the constellation, and... I just came back out.
This made Pinkie, of all ponies, deadpan. "So, you went in, only to come back out?"
"Nope. Wait for it..." Suddenly, more Luiginoids came from the constellation's stars. "I'm as numerous as there are stars in the constellations. Or should I say, Consteluigis?" I almost said 'Waka waka waka,' but that would've made it more corny.
Pinkie burst into laughter. "Ha ha ha ha! Consteluigi! That's a good one!" After Pinkie calmed down, she asked, "Anyway, what are you all gonna do?"
"Seeing the situation that we're in..." I noticed that the cliff seemed a little thin and likely to crumble if enough weight was put on it. I turned to my clones. "Luiginoids, it's time for the stack formation!"
"Okey-dokie!" "Oh, yeah!" "Let's-a go!" "Come on, bros!" The Luiginoids chattered as they climbed on top of each other, until they had formed a tall stack.
From within the stack, I called out, "Get on top of us, Pinkie!"
"You got it!" It didn't take too long, because Pinkie bounced up to one of the higher Luiginoids before climbing. "What's next? I don't think we can reach Ember from here."
"Again, anything is possible in the Dream World! Anyway, we need to get under the ledge she's standing on."
"All right. Luiginoids, onward!" Pinkie directed the clones where I told her. "You sure we can still reach Ember? Not even a jump with this could reach her."
"Careful what you say, Pinkie! I need you to squash us down." Pinkie did so, until the stack was half its original height. "Now, let go!"
"Okay, here we go!" Pinkie released the stack, and... BOI-OI-OING! "Wheeeeeeee!"
We bounced incredibly high, like a spring. Meanwhile, Ember was patiently waiting for us, whatever she thought we were doing... "Wha--?!" We blasted through the weak ledge, slamming into Ember in the process. "So, you finally made it. But do you really think lots of you will be able to beat one me? Think again! This is MY dream, and now, I dream of crushing you! Beware my true power!"
Ember raised her staff in the air, and it began to glow brightly. I returned the Luiginoids to the Consteluigi before warning Pinkie Pie, "Something big is about to happen!"
"You don't have to tell me!" Pinkie Pie was violently shaking all over. Her Pinkie Sense was tingling, and it was tingling wildly.
We braced ourselves as the staff glowed brighter and brighter, until its light completely consumed Ember... and it kept growing brighter. We had to shield our eyes from the ever-growing light. Then suddenly, something knocked us away. We looked back at what had struck us, and Pinkie was dumbfounded. "My Pinkie Sense never fails me, but I still can't believe this!"
Ember was now towering over us, easily fifty times her original height. "You have no chance of defeating me. I am the master of my dreams!"
I grinned. "But you forgot one thing: I am the master of Luigination!"
"Luigination? Is that what allowed you to possess the whirlwind and the constellation? I'm not impressed. If you can't even threaten me with something intimidating, then don't even bother fighting me."
"Whatever you say, Ember." I turned to Pinkie. "This isn't a first for me in my dreams. It's a good thing that Luigination can do more than let me possess stuff. This may not make sense, but the truth is, I can also possess myself!" I twirled around and struck an optimistic pose. "This is for my big bro!"
"Negation... hold L..."
"Minun! Miiiiiiiiii..."
Pinkie watched in awe as a whole bunch of Luiginoids zoomed into me. "Mario!" "Big bro!" "My bro!" "This is for my bro!" "Oh, yeah!" "I've got to make my bro proud!" "I'll do my best!" At first, it seemed like nothing was happening to me, but I quickly began to change in size.
Ember raised an eyebrow. "So you're that willing to battle me, huh? You just might be worth fighting."
When the Luiginoids stopped increasing my size, I was the same height as Ember. "I'm here for one thing, and one thing only: The Energy Spheres. If you won't give me them, then I'll have to use force!"
"I prefer force, so you are in for a beatdown!"
I turned to Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie Pie, climb your way to my hat."
"On it!" Pinkie bounced from my shoe to my shoulder and finally to my hat, which I promptly adjusted.
I turned to Ember with a determined face. "Let's-a go!"
Dreambert said, "First, we need to find a weakness. How can we exploit her skills and our environment?"
I said, "There's a volcano nearby. Maybe lava could hurt her?"
Pinkie protested, "No way! Dragons bathe in lava! They're pretty much fireproof!"
Dreambert replied, "True, but every dragon has its weakness."
"Enough talking! Let's get this over with!" Ember suddenly dashed forward and grabbed me. "I think you should take a bath in some lava, you cowardly, mustached monkey!"
"Uh oh!" I tried to wiggle free like when Giant Dreamy Bowser grabbed me, but Ember's grip was much stronger. Before I knew it, Ember had thrown me high into the sky. "Whaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaah!" I wailed. My landing wasn't any better; I fell into a live volcano. "Yeeooooow! Hot, hot, hot!" The burning lava on my rear launched me back to where I was before being grabbed.
I tried to get up, but a sharp claw/foot pinned me down. "I'm going to make you wake up so terrified that you run away without even thinking and therefore hit a solid wall of stone!"
I gasped, "No... It can't end like this... We must get... the Energy Spheres..."
"Oh, you mean the precious orbs that I was going to have as a royal snack? Well, too bad!"
"Wait, you're going to eat them? They're made of metal and pure energy. They should taste awful to dragons."
The tip of Ember's staff was inches (or feet, to the regular-sized onlookers) from the back of my neck. "Pure energy? All the better for me to consume it, so I can become so strong that no dragon can overtake my status as Dragon Lord!"
Before Ember could blast me, Dreambert spoke up. "What's that? It appears to be a very small shooting star!" Said object flew right by the prince. "Whoa! Even if it had made contact with me, I probably would not have been hurt by such a minuscule object."
Ember followed the object with her eyes. "Ugh, it's a flash bee... I'll exterminate it!" She then crushed it in her hands.
I could swear I heard a high-pitched squeal. "Pinkie, can you get a closer look?" I asked.
"Already on it!" Pinkie bounced from the ground up to Ember's closed claw, using her knee as a footstool. She took a magnifying glass out of her mane before she pried open Ember's claw to take a look. She gasped. "Oh no... Ember, you monster! That's no flash bee, it's..."
"Let me see." Ember stole the magnifying glass from Pinkie and used it like one of those special magnifying glasses that people use to study gems. "...Oh, it's that gray thing who claimed to be super strong."
I gasped, "Wait, do you mean... Hold on, is it a male?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with you?"
"If I had to guess, with all the clues... then you just crushed Pummel Fist, my good friend!"
Pinkie stayed in Ember's claw for a while before bouncing back down to me. "He says he's okay, and that he just flew by in the real world for some reason. That just influenced this dream. Oh, hang on for a minute." Pinkie bounced back up to Pummel for a while before bouncing back down. "Good news: Dreamy Pummel's gonna help us!"
Ember laughed boisterously. "You think something the naked giant eye cannot see can help you? Ha! You're a bunch of--Ow!" Ember grabbed her left eye in pain. "Oh, I hate it when something gets in my eye, but this is just unbearable!" Ember cringed so much it seemed like her eye was impaled by a pointed, burning log, like in The Odyssey. Yeah, I know famous literature. Got a problem with that?
Ember backed off of me, allowing me to get up. "Whew, thought I was going to be knocked out for a moment there."
Dreambert said, "How odd. Unless the dreamy vibes deceive me, Dreamy Ember is already weakened and ripe for defeat. Dreamy Luigi, you know what to do! It's time for Finishing Bros! ...Or in this case, Finishing Bronies."
"Okie-dokie!" Pinkie on my cap, I planted my feet firmly on the ground, ready to leap. "Ho... HAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I jumped incredibly high, to the point that I could grab one of the stars in the sky. "Pinkie, time to go sky surfing!"
"Woo hoo!" Pinkie took the hint and jumped on the star that I grabbed, taking on a surfer pose. "Surf's up... WAY up!"
"Let's-a go!" I flung the star like a Frisbee at Ember before spinning out of control due to lack of gravity. "Go for the weak spot, Pinkie!"
I pushed myself through space to get back down to the ground, and I slowed my descent by spinning around. Green Cyclone! When I got to the ground, I waited for Pinkie Pie to ride the Super Star into its target. Closer, closer... "Here comes the wipeout!" Pinkie rocketed right through Dreamy Ember's chest, causing the dreamy Dragon Lord to erupt into a starry explosion.
"Oh, yeah!" I jumped up and winked at Pinkie as she soared away. "Oh, here I go!" I emitted a green light before all of the Luiginoids made their way out of my body.
"Wahoo!" "Yeah!" "Let's-a go!" "Ya!" "Oh, yeah!" "Come on!" "Oh!" "Ha!" "Yes!" "Let's-a go!"
When I returned to my normal size, Dreamy Ember was nowhere to be found, and Pinkie was bouncing with glee. "Oh my gosh, that was so fun! Dreamy Ember was all, 'Roooooaaaar!!!' and you were like, 'Let's-a go!' And I rode the star like, 'Here I come! Whoosh!' making Dreamy Ember go, 'NOOOOO! BOOOOOOM!' And the best thing was that you actually won by doing absolutely nothing! I mean except for throwing the star, but still!"
I looked down in sadness. "That's why I don't like the stereotype. I actually want to do something helpful to win a fight. Because I didn't do much, the only one who won the fight was you, Pinkie. I want to make my big bro proud of me. I want him to see me as a true hero. Heroes actually do something, so I wasn't a hero."
Pinkie pulled me closer. "What do you mean? Of course you're a hero! You stood up to Ember, who had our Energy Spheres! Even if you didn't hurt her, you tried to attack her. So you didn't do nothing! And even if you did win by doing nothing, just know that sometimes heroes don't need to do anything to win! Better yet, sometimes they may need to do nothing!"
I smiled. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks for the revelation, Pinkie."
"No problem! Besides, doing nothing is fun! We get to watch as the bad guys defeat themselves, or see the rival completely blow a spell! Plus, we had an awesome adventure together! We've got to do that again sometime!"
I nodded. "Maybe we will, if we ever go into the Dream World again and find another giant boss. Right now, though, we've got to get back to reality."
"Okay. See you later, Dreamy Luigi!" Pinkie bounced into the Dream Portal.
I waved my cap as Pinkie left. "Be sure to come back again sometime!"
I felt something small land on my shoulder. "Pinkie wasn't the only one who beat Ember. Your friendly neighborhood Dreamy Pummel Fist also had a role! A Focus Blast-boosted punch to the eye was what Ember got for not only squashing me, but also insulting my strength!"
I woke up to Ember gasping. "That was the worst nightmare I ever had!" She turned her sights to me. "You! You were the one who ruined my dream by waking me with a start! I would've killed your dream incarnation had that pesky friend of yours not been around! I'm gonna burn you alive, and your little pony too!"
Smolder stopped her, saying, "Hold on! All they want is the Energy Spheres, and you're threatening to burn Luigi alive? Just because his dream incarnation defeated dreamy you? That's kind of a cruel and unusual punishment."
"You don't know the half of it. I am the master of my dreams, and I was defeated by a cowardly plumber, a pink pony riding a star, and a microscopic midget! Do you know how humiliating that is?! I'm the Dragon Lord! I won't stand for that! These fools must be punished!" Mama mia, another boss fight? And so soon? Good thing real world me is healthy and at full power...
"This time, you're the one who's gonna be punished!" Cue the record scratch as Pinkie stomped on Ember before launching her out of a party cannon and into a wall. She followed through by bashing Ember with my hammer. "I'm sorry, but we didn't come all the way out here just to leave empty-hooved and roasted! We won't let up until you hand over the Energy Spheres!"
Ember pulled her head out of the rock wall. "In that case, you'll never let up! I will not yield!" Ember breathed a stream of fire at Pinkie, who blocked it with a stone slab.
Smolder exclaimed, "Whoa! You almost killed Professor Pinkie! I can't put up with one of my teachers nearly being killed!" Smolder turned to us. "You know what? Just take the Energy Spheres and leave. I don't want to see my professor being hurt."
Ember glared at Smolder. "I am not giving up my gems! As the Dragon Lord, I deserve to enjoy them!"
"How can you enjoy them if they taste terrible? Believe me, I don't think it's worth it."
"Oh, yeah? I'll prove that it's worth it!" Ember took out an Energy Sphere. "Now, down the hatch!" Ember chomped on the Energy Sphere, and her eyes opened wide. "...AAAARRRGH! I broke my teeth on this morsel! If it's that hard, then I don't want it." Ember shoved some Energy Spheres into my hands. "Here! Take them and get out of here! You're not worth the hassle."
Well, it felt kind of nice to win by doing absolutely nothing this time.
30/45 Energy Spheres obtained