//------------------------------// // Dat Wonderful Shipfic // Story: Pleasuring Techniques and Other Weird-Ass Stories // by Regidar //------------------------------// "Well, I have nothing to do, better write a ship fic!" Regidar said, and he sat down and wrote the most amazing ship fic ever. "I shall need need to call you something magnificent, something... brilliant, but catchy," Regidar said once his masterpiece was completed. "I know!" Regidar got an idea suddenly. He then entitle his story. "The Incredibly Saucy and Controversial four way with Big Mac, Applejack, Princess Celestia, and Spike. *Warning: Contains Incest and Impregnation. MALE Impregnation. By the besterestest writer evah, Regidar*" "It just rolls off the tongue!" Regidar said, putting down his quill. Regidar then trotted off to go discuss the existence of humans with Lyra. While he was out, a rogue gust of wind blew his story out of his window, and through Ponyville, eventually landing in the Cake's Bakery. Pinkie Pie was climbing across the ceiling when she noticed the paper. "Ooh! A story! I love stories!" she said, completely disregarding the time she read "cupcakes", which had made her swear she would never read again, and floated down to the paper. After about ten seconds, she threw up. "Holy Celestia, who would write such a horrible thing?" Then Pinkie noticed the "By the besterestest writer evah, Regidar" part of the title. "Why, that perverted little colt! I'll get him for this! But first...." An idea Pinkie had lodged itself into Pinkie Pie's brain. And it was a good one. *** Rarity was minding her own business when suddenly, a giant leaf monster jumped out from behind a tree. "AAAAH!" Rarity screamed and fell over. Pinkie Pie took of her leaf monster costume headpiece and started to roll on the ground, laughing her plot off. "I got you good, Rarity!" Pinkie Pie then jumped out of her suit and landed next to Sweet Apple Acres, a good 3.5 kilometers away. "Hey, Applejack, you doing anything?" Pinkie Pie yelled. Applejack walked out of the barn. "No, not really, whadya want?" the orange pony responded. "Here, read this!" Pinkie Pie gave the earth pony opposite to her the story written by the extremely perverted colt who was mentioned earlier in the story. Applejack's reactions were extremely amusing. "What...." "I don't..." "How'd he know that me and...." "Spike and Princess Celestia did WHAT?" "OH mah, I'll never look at tea the same way!" "How in hell did Big Mac get pregnant from me?" "Well, what do you think?" Pinkie said, grinning. "Who wrote this?" Applejack said, with a look of disgust on her face. "Somepony named Regidar, I've seen him at the bakery a couple times, he hangs out with Lyra and Vinyl Scratch a lot," Pinkie Pie explained. "Well, Ahm gonna kick his plot so hard, Ahm gonna make Princess Celestia envious with the moon-reaching capabilities it's gonna have!" Applejack said, storming off. Pinkie Pie giggled, and ran off to find Big Macintosh. Big Mac was sitting down, having tea with Fluttershy in Ponyville when Pinkie showed up. "Here Big Mac, read this!" Big Macintosh silently scrolled over story with his eyes. He seemed mostly unphased, until he got to the tea part. It was rather unfortunate for Fluttershy to be sitting within spitting distance of Big Mac. While Fluttershy ran off to towel hot tea from her face and upper body, Big Mac stared at the horrible monstrosity that we have called a "story". "You're going to kill Regidar, aren't you?" Pinkie said, the grin sliding from her face. "Eeyup." *** Spike had just finished going to a "Foster the Pony" concert with Twilight, and was just stopping by Sugarcube Corner to get a snack when Pinkie Pie showed up. "Hey Spike!" "Oh, hey Pinkie!" Spike said. "Here, read this!" Spike picked up the story and read what no child his age should read. "What the..." "I would never do that to Applejack!" "How would I even..." "WITH PRINCESS CELESTIA?" "Oh my... that is NOT what you should do with tea..." "I can feel my innocence being sucked away..." Spike stared blankly off into space. Pinkie Pie then slowly took the story from the poor dragon's hands, and then bounced away to Canterlot Castle. *** "Well, Luna, that was... interesting," Celestia said, not sure of what to think of what just happened. "Well, I did show you the dark side of my moon..." Luna said, grinning like a maniac. "Please don't call it that," Celestia said, shuddering. Luna left the throne room, and Celestia turned around to see Pinkie Pie staring down at her from the cieling. "Oh, hello, Pinkie Pie!" "Hi Princess! Here, read this!" Princess Celestia took the story and read it while pouring herself a cup of tea. "Um, I wouldn't..." Too late. Pinkie wiped tea and royal saliva off of her face. "Who would write this?" Celestia demanded. "Um... it was a pony named Regidar, princess." "I SHALL DEAL WITH THIS AT ONCE!" *** Regidar and Lyra were discussing human subculture when Applejack showed up. "And they have a whole group called "bronies," dedicated to us! Isn't that just great-" Applejack kicked down the door of Lyra's house. "You sick little pervert!" she yelled at Regidar, then proceeded to buck him in the face. "Oh my gosh, are you alright?" Lyra said, bending down to check or Regidar. "How could she have possibly..." Regidar said, rubbing his face, two hoof marks over his eyes. Then Big Mac showed up, and shoved an apple down Regidar's throat. Lyra had to give Regidar the heimlich maneuver to dislodge the apple stuck in his throat. "Seriously, what is this all about?" Then, Spike came in and went up to Regidar, grabbed his neck, pulled him close, and said- "That hurt. On the inside..." Then he left. "Ok, Regidar. Explain." "Well... I kinda wrote a really saucy clopfic about Spike, Big Mac, Applejack and-" Regidar's eyes widened. "OH NO." "What?" Princess Celestia teleported into Lyra's house, and levitated Regidar over to the town square, where she tied him up and burnt him at the stake. Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie while Regidar died in horrible agony. "Pinkie, if you knew this would happen, why did you tell everpony about the story?" Pinkie's eyes slowly turned crazy. "No reason."