//------------------------------//
// Chapter 19: Unforgivable 
// Story: The Lone Wolf of Equestria 
// by JNKing 
//------------------------------//

The sun was setting as the train pulled into Ponyville. Logan didn’t even wait for the train to finish disembarking. He yanked at the doors before bashing the window open and jumping right out. The glass shards embedded in his head. He embraced their pain. At least it was something to focus on aside from the gaping wound in his heart.
He looked around frantically. Where was it? he thought desperately. Where's the Ever-Free?
He closed his eyes and let scent take over. THERE! The mossy smell of freedom. Of something that wasn’t controlled by these damn equines.
He followed the scent blindly. He thought he heard someone call out his name, but he didn’t care. The scent grew stronger. Then it enveloped him. He opened his eyes to find himself standing right at the entrance to the forest. Yet even the safer area wasn’t enough to ward off his loneliness. 
Well, he wasn’t completely alone. He had his mother. But she had gone to a place where he couldn’t follow. He stared down at her body. 
In wolf culture, a wolf’s body had to be put to use. As they had aided in life, they wanted to aid in death. With that in mind, Logan went to work. 
Slowly, carefully, he skinned the body, combining it with the material from her own cloak. Normally, such a matter would require tools, but his lightning did the job well enough on its own. At first, he started fastening her fur into a jacket, until he remembered the jacket Kodo had made for him. With that in mind, he adapted, wrapping her fur tight, and turning it into a scarf. Then, using the nearby river, he cleaned her bones, taking the rib cage, and sharpening them into a set of six claw-like blades. The remaining bones – the spine and legs – he sewed and combined with his father’s jacket, turning it from a simple clothing item into armor, protecting his chest, arms and back so that another attack like Luna’s would not be his end. The remains he burned. The work was simple, and it gave Logan something else to think about. But in all too short a time, Logan found himself sitting back, watching the flames slowly consume the remainder of her body. For a moment, doubt struck him; shouldn’t he save her remains, for a replacement organ or meat? Then logic banished those thoughts: he didn’t have the resources to replace his organs with hers, and even wolves found cannibalism to be horrifying. 
With nothing else to do, he let out a howl. A howl of mourning. A howl of grief. A howl that said, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t prevent this.”
As the howl faded, Logan felt his ears shift, hoping against hope that the woods would echo back with his mother’s cheerful howl. Telling him she was okay. That this body was just an illusion, and that she’d be coming out of the trees any second.  
Instead, it was an equine voice that answered his call. “Logan?” 
Logan turned his head. It was Apple Bloom. She looked around the forest, her ears flattened, and looked warily at the new armaments he had. 
“I… tried to talk to you,” she said. “But you just ran off in a frenzy.” She looked around. “We shouldn’t be in here right now.”
Logan just looked away from her. The blood lust wanted him to list her as an enemy to. 
She doesn’t understand you. She’s not pack. Attack!
NO!His head shot up, dashing away the dark thought. She’s a pup. She was a victim; she’s innocent.
Innocent?! his dark thoughts demanded. NOTHING IS INNOCENT! NOTHING UNDERSTANDS! THEY ALL NEED TO PAY! THEY NEED TO SUFFER AS WE SUFFER!
“What happened?” Apple Bloom’s voice came back. He looked again. She was closer. She noticed his mother’s form, still visible beneath the flames. “What were you doing with that; is that…?”
Logan put out a paw, blocking her from the pyre. Apple Bloom stared at him in confusion, taking in the new scarf around his neck. As she looked down at the burning wolf and then at the scarf, understanding finally dawned in her eyes.
“Oh…!” she whimpered, covering her mouth with her hooves. 
“Don’t,” Logan almost growled, restraining himself to a low mumble.
After a bit of a surprise, Apple Bloom’s bow drooped, much like her ears. Instead of speaking, she nuzzled up next to him, and watched the flames somberly.  
Logan let her nuzzle at him, even as his eyes drifted away. His eyes focused on the water close by. He couldn’t see his reflection. He didn’t want to. He already knew what he was; a miserable, lonely wolf, alone in the world. 
His head tilted back, and he howled again, causing Apple Bloom to jump back. 
His head slumped back down. But then, a howl answered back. 
Logan shot up, his tail wagging. “Mom?” he asked. He howled again. “Mother!”
The howl answered him. He wasn’t aware of Apple Bloom’s frightened expression. He didn't even notice how the howl didn't translate to anything. He pitched head first into the forest.
“Logan, no!” she yelled, running after him. “Those aren’t your wolves!” 
He didn’t listen. She didn’t understand. “Mother!” he howled again. 
There were more howls. It sounded like the whole pack was there! He picked up his pace.
“Logan!” Apple Bloom screamed.
Logan's ears tracked the howls to a small clearing. He jumped out. 
“Mom?” 
But what he was facing wasn’t his mom. 
They looked like wolves, but they were only wood. Three of them in total. With glowing green eyes and teeth made of sharp rocks. They bore down on him, with the stink of mildew overwhelming his senses.
“Logan!” Apple Bloom’s voice echoed back to him. “Those are timber wolf howls!” 
One of the timber wolves glanced toward the sound of Apple Bloom’s voice. But his gaze was then drawn to Logan as the flesh wolf pounced on the first timber wolf close to him. 
All Logan could think was, Not pack. Traitor. Fight! Kill!
And kill, he most certainly did. Kicking one of the wolves away, Logan’s jaws latched around the neck of the first timber wolf. He shoved it right over the wolf that noticed Apple Bloom’s voice and into a tree. Logan put his new blades to use, slicing the timber wolf’s head clean off and smashing it into the rest of its body. He smashed and smashed until even the bark was just mulch. Another timber wolf lunged for him, but Logan spun to his forelegs and kicked like a mule. He hit it hard enough to explode it into rocks, bark and leaves. 
Apple Bloom raced out into the clearing. Her shriek as a timber wolf went for her made Logan’s ears prick up. He dashed into the wolf attacking her. His jaws latched around the fake wolf’s jaw, and he tore it off with a sickening shuck. The fake wolf fell to its back, and Logan dug right into its chest, sending stick and leave organs everywhere.
The piles that used to be the wolves glowed green and flew together. Logan just rushed onto the pile forming and clawed and bit at it. The taste of dead leaves got in his mouth, but he just spat and continued his work. Despite him clawing away at it, a giant timber wolf formed out of the bark. Its rock jaw clamped around Logan’s leg, and yanked him off its back, hurling him straight into a boulder on the other side of the clearing. Lightning flared around him, protecting him from repeating the experience with Luna. Logan pulled himself back up as he saw the timber wolf turn for Apple Bloom. Big mistake.
Howling in anger, Logan rushed right at the thing and bit into the top of its head. Pulling straight backwards, Logan started snapping the tree sticks holding the timber wolf’s head to its body. Then, yanking downward with a howl that was more of a scream, Logan caved the timber wolf’s skull straight into its neck. 
He didn’t stop there, either. He stomped, bit and tore away, knocking the compost dead tree bits everywhere he could. A few bits still glowed, but then Logan’s eyes glowed, and he blasted lightning with reckless abandon, scattering the last bits of compost into ashes.
As he briefly coughed out a bit of stone and leaves, Logan finally got a good look at his foe. Nothing but a few dead leaves and ashes. Everything else had been stomped into the dirt or sped fearfully away into the trees. He growled. Was that it? 
He barked and snarled at the trees around them. Seeing birds fly from one tree caused him to jump at the bark. He tore and ripped branches away from the thing. At least this dumb tree was putting up a fight. At least until he uprooted it. As it fell to the ground with a crash, Logan looked around. He needed something else to kill. Something to quell the pressure in his heart. It was pushing outward. He was surprised his body didn’t explode from the feeling. 
He had to kill something. More somethings. His ears pricked up as he heard a sound. He whirled around, ready to destroy whoever it was. Then it fully came to him: crying.
He wasn’t crying, so who was…
Then Logan’s vision cleared. Apple Bloom was huddled against a tree, sobbing her eyes out. Her eyes were locked on Logan will pure fear. Like she was next on his list.
He took a step towards her, but the voice of reason came back.
Pup! Innocent! Don’t hurt her!
That single step towards her caused her to whimper and curl up even tighter into a little ball of yellow and red. Logan frowned and backed away from her. His eyes cast up. He found himself locking on a plum of slowly whitening smoke. 
His mother’s body,he realized. 
The energy faded from him, causing him to shift to his haunches. 
She was gone; the body burned.His jacket? His new scarf and blades? They were the only things he had left of his parents now.
His head bowed. He turned away, ready to wander off into the forest. To just kill. And kill until he couldn’t feel anything. Until he was just like those dumb fake wolves. Unable to feel grief. Unable to feel sorrow. Unable to… able to…
Logan slumped to the ground, and howled one final time. And his howling devolved into whimpered keening. He curled up into a ball, as sobs replaced the keens, racking his body. 
Apple Bloom looked up at him, and her crying quieted by a bit. 
“Mom,” Logan whimpered. “Dad...” He tucked his head and broke down. 
For how long he sat there whimpering and keening, he didn’t know. 
When he came to his senses again, it was with a scent. A scent drifting towards him out of the mildew and moss of the forest. A scent that was way too close to his mother’s final resting place for his liking. His back fur stood on end and a growl escaped his throat. 
He rose to all fours and walked back to Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom flinched away from him but he just grabbed her by the nape and carried her in his jaws. 
The scent grew stronger. He was going the right way. Or the wrong way, considering how he felt towards what was at the end. But either way, he eventually reached where he had burned his mother’s body. And there she was: Celestia. Accompanied by Luna. 
Celestia had her head bowed, in some show of respect. To Logan, it was an insult. Luna was the first to look up, her eyes widening as she saw Apple Bloom in his jaws. Logan set Apple Bloom on the ground behind him. 
“Stay,” Logan growled at her. Apple Bloom nodded numbly, still looking at him with terror. 
Logan turned to the two princesses. Luna was glaring at Logan. Celestia just looked depressed, staring at the faint smoke drifting up from the ashes that had once been a wolf’s body. Her face still bore the scars from his attack; it almost looked like they were trying to heal, but Celestia wasn’t letting them. Logan’s tail gave a sad wag; the anger and blood lust still alive in him reveled in anything negative happening to her. She deserved every last bit of it. And worse.
Logan rose to two legs, drawing his blades as he advanced on them. 
Celestia frowned, but didn’t look at him. Luna, on the other hand… 
“Our sister is entitled to mourn, just as you are,” she stated, before taking in the red scarf and blades, “Did you…” her eyes widened in disgust and horror. “You... beast! How could you desecreate your own mother...?” 
“Get out,” Logan snarled. 
Celestia’s frown deepened. “I just wanted to…” she started to say.
“OUT!”
Luna caught his first swipe. Her foreleg started to bleed golden ichor where Logan’s blades sunk into her. As he tried to follow up with another swipe, she forced him back, as lightning flared from his form. Celestia, snapped out of her funk, tried to step in, only to get slashed herself, quickly backing up. Luna’s eyes flickered white, and she blasted Logan back.
“How dare you…?” she roared, but he just bellowed back.
“GET OUT!”
His lightning swirled around him like a storm, nearly blasting Luna again, but Celestia stopped him with a shield. He bashed at the shield with a scream of rage.
“Please,” Celestia begged, “This isn’t the time for this…” 
“OUT!” he wailed, punctuating each of his words with a strike to her shield, “GET! OUT! GET! OUT! GET! OUT!” 
“BITE THY TONGUE, WHELP!” Luna snarled, “YOU DESECRATE YOUR OWN DEAD, AND YET YOU ACCUSE US OF…!”
Logan howled again, as lightning flashed from his eyes, and the demonic grin returned. As Luna’s jaw dropped, Logan bashed through her shield, the shards dissolving into sparkles as he launched forward. His jaws fastened around her face, causing the younger princess to yell in pain. She punched at him with her front hooves, he stabbed at her neck with his claws. The two railed on each other, Luna trying to shake Logan’s grip on her head, and Logan trying to tear right through her neck, when…

“ENOUGH!”

Luna stumbled, and Logan just gave another roar, shoving Luna aside as he spun to confront the source of the voice. It was Celestia.
She didn’t look angry. She didn’t even look annoyed. 
She was stern, but under that… she looked tired. 
Logan rushed at her again, but she simply deflected his blow and encased him in a golden shield. As Logan shattered the bubble around him, Luna jumped behind him, and the wolf turned, snapping at both of them as they both raised shields to block his attacks. He couldn’t fight one without turning his back on the other. For a moment, he glared at both of them, his claws aimed at their hearts.
Waiting for the next move. 
“Listen to me. Both of you,” Celestia began. “I don’t want this to get any further out of control than it already has.” 
She sighed and turned to Logan, who bared his teeth at her. “I… well, I don’t want to speak to you from behind a shield, Logan. Please. Just… let me speak.”
Tentatively, she let her shield down… and he lunged. He knocked her to her back and slammed her head into the ground. Luna started to charge, but Logan raised his blades up. At the same time, Celestia raised a hoof in Luna’s direction.
“Wait! Wait!” Celestia screamed, indicating both Logan and Luna. Luna skidded to a stop, but her horn was still alight, and her eyes gleamed silver in rage.
Logan snarled at her, but he didn’t move to attack Luna nor to finish off Celestia. The white alicorn took her chance while she had it.
“Please, Logan,” Celestia begged, wincing as Logan turned his bloodshot eyes on her, “I know you’re grieving and confused and angry at me. You have every right to be. But you don’t have to go through this alone. We can help you. I am truly sorry for every last bit of pain and suffering I have caused you, and I take full responsibility for everything. I mean that.” Her look became pleading. “Please. Let me help you. Anything you need, I can help you with. Just don’t push me away.”
“Open the portal,” Logan said, “Let me go back. Back to the others.” 
“But…” Celestia whimpered, “You could die.”
“I don’t care.”
Celestia’s ears flattened and her eyes widened in horror. “You don’t mean that. Anything else, but please. Do not ask me to open that cursed portal again.” 
Logan growled and shoved her away. His look of hatred didn’t falter, even as he turned away from her and Luna, and started to go back to the forest.
“Please,” Celestia said, getting back up, “I can...”
“This, Celestia…” Lightning flickered in his eyes as he spoke, “This is unforgivable.”
Thunder boomed overhead. Luna’s eyes widened, and even Celestia paled as Logan turned away from her.
“Logan…” she whimpered, but he whirled around. This time, however, when he spoke, it was far from the booming barks and roars he had traded with Luna. It wasn’t even backed up with lightning and thunder. It was just a flat statement. 
“You killed my mother.” 
Celestia closed her eyes, tears streaming from her face. “I…” she tried to say.  
“Both my parents are DEAD now. Because of you.” He took a step towards her. “The last of my pack is beyond my reach, and you’re going to write them off just so you don’t have to live with my death on your hooves?” 
“I…” Celestia repeated, but Logan wasn’t done.
“You. Are. PATHETIC.”
“Now, you listen here, wolf…” Luna shot back, but Logan just cackled darkly. 
“How convenient!” Logan snapped right back. “Passing me off to the thugs again, eh Celestia?”
“I am no pony’s ‘thug!’” Luna declared.
“Rape my mind and break my bones all you want,” Logan snarled at Luna, his words bringing shame and horror to Luna’s gaze, “But your bad guy routine won’t ever make me think Celestia’s better.” He scoffed as hesitation and regret flashed across Luna’s face. “Then again,” he added, “Maybe it’s just second nature to you; Celestia controls what you don’t destroy.”
Luna’s shame deepened as she noticed Celestia staring at her with frustration and anger. The frustration faded to sorrow as Celestia looked back at Logan. 
“Logan, please,” Celestia begged, “I didn’t…” 
“You don't get it, do you?” Logan asked, “I can never trust you. I can never trust either of you after the crap you pulled.”  
“You attacked our sister!” Luna sighed before glancing at Celestia with shame. “Our actions were… disproportionate, and we are deeply sorry for the pain they caused. But that does not excuse…” 
“The ability,” Logan enunciated, “To control. THE SUN!” He glared at Celestia. “And yet you hide behind children.” He scoffed and turned away. "That says more about you than your words ever could." 
Celestia went green at that statement. Her tears mixed from the ichor still leaking from her cuts.
“I… I’m so sorry, Logan,” Celestia whimpered, a far cry from her normally regal self.   Luna saw her sister’s horrified expression, and her shame deepened.
“As are we,” she admitted, “For everything.”
They both looked up, hoping for even a bit of neutrality on Logan's face. But instead, they were greeted with a look of hate; shining as brightly as ever. He walked back to Apple Bloom.
Luna looked back at Celestia before trying to follow after him. 
“W-We have already apologized for our actions!” Luna insisted. “What more do you want?!”
Logan didn't look at them. He just looked down at Apple Bloom who stared back up at him with large, watery eyes. 
“I’m taking the pup home,” He said softly. “And if either of you cross my path again with nothing short of news that I can see my pack again?” He looked back. “I don’t care if I can’t kill you. I will keep trying until you kill me.” 
Celestia flinched, but Logan just picked the filly up like a mother wolf with her pup and began to walk away.
As Logan walked past them, Luna blocked his path. “One condition,” she started to say, but Logan brushed past her with a huff. She stared after him in shock, before the anger returned. “Stop regarding my sister like night soil!” Logan walked away as Luna yelled at his receding back. “No matter what you think, she has done absolutely nothing but stand up for and protect thee thus far! She is the kindest mare in Equestria, and does not deserve this!”  
Logan looked back.
“Her kindness tore a pack apart,” he said in a dead voice. He indicated his mother’s ashes again. “Stand in the ashes, and ask the ghost if her kindness mattered.”
Luna fumed, but Celestia finally spoke up. Yet her voice was no longer regal or hopeful. It was just as dead as Logan's.
"Let him go, Luna," she said, her head bowing in shame. "We've done enough to him."
Luna briefly looked back, only to find the wolf already leaving; headed towards Sweet Apple Acres. Luna sighed, and walked back to her sister, putting a comforting wing around her as the princess of the sun sobbed.  
For a time, Logan walked in silence. Just as he reached the gates to Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Bloom began to squirm in Logan’s jaws. He looked down at her in surprise. He’d almost forgot he’d been carrying her. 
“Logan, can ya please put me down?”
Logan set her back on the road. She looked down, her ears flopping back. 
“I… I’m sorry if I said anything to make ya mad, Logan,” she mumbled.
“Apple Bloom,” he said. “Look at me.”
She looked up at him, and he shifted himself down to her level. 
“You did nothing wrong, you hear me?” he said. “Don’t ever think you did.” She started to look away, but he nudged her cheek with his paw, making her look at him again. 
“Meeting you and your friends was the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said. “You’re what made this whole thing bearable. I would’ve gone feral a long time ago if you weren’t there to let me know there was hope in this world.” His own ears flattened, and his nose touched her hair. “Thank you.”
Apple Bloom nodded. Her eyes turned back to the forest. “So,” she mumbled, “That was Myst’s Rage?” 
Logan’s ears flicked as his lectures to her and Twilight returned to him. His eyes cast downward. 
“Yeah,” he admitted, “That was Myst’s Rage.” He let out a puff of air. “I wish you didn’t have to see me like that.” 
Apple Bloom nuzzled his neck. “I’m sorry ya can’t see your pack again, Logan,” she whispered.
Logan closed his eyes, and nuzzled her back. For how long they stood there, taking silent comfort in each other's embrace, Logan didn't know. But eventually, they separated. 
Apple Bloom walked through the gate and up to the farm house’s porch. As she reached the door, she glanced back at Logan with a questioning gaze. He nodded, and she walked into her home.
With Apple Bloom’s safety assured, Logan began the trek back to the Ever-Free. The royal sisters were gone; probably flew back to Canterlot.
And good riddance, his inner darkness whispered. 
Yet, as he walked into the Ever-Free, he passed by that zebra he had seen the Crusaders with.
Zebra… as in... a species different from ponies... 
Logan froze. His eyes tracked the zebra as she headed into town. 
There were other species, he realized. Which could mean... others like Celestia! 
A plan started to form in his mind. He had a new destination. He turned towards the forest, already planning to head out. 
But his body had other plans; with the emotional and physical toll taken on his body, he only made it a few steps into the forest before exhaustion caught up with him. He pitched to the side, nestling into the den like roots of a tree near the borders of the Ever-Free, and fell into a dreamless sleep.