//------------------------------// // End of the First Nightmare part 1 // Story: Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures // by Spettro138 //------------------------------// After being frustrated with Zesty and Flambe over the deplorable state of their food storage, Chef Ramsay heads back upstairs to their kitchen to check the state of their walk-in cooler. Gordon almost immediately found moldy and rotting food items as he pulled out a moldy avocado from one bin and then countless bunches of collard greens in a box on the bottom shelf that had gone bad and turned slimy. "Damn, a lizard in a desert wouldn't eat this, and this here is just completely rotten through and through," he replied completely disgusted. "Er, no offense Spike my boy." "None was taken," Spike chuckled. "Though, deserts are fun to run around in. I love sand baths." "And here are what the packages claim to have fresh turnips, but when you open the package.....oh my god!" he exclaimed as he saw the slimy rotting blob that used to be a turnip. Pulling out a few more boxes, he found more food items that had been rotting including a box of moldy potatoes and a box of mushy tomatoes that had gone bad days ago. Chef Ramsay was struggling to keep his composure and not throw up as he was forced to power through the rancid odors that permeated through the entire walk-in cooler. "All of this shit fucking makes me gag," he lamented. Going back into the kitchen, Gordon fully intended to attempt to get answers from Zesty and Flambe, knowing full well that he probably wasn't going to get a straight answer. "Flambe! Zesty! What the fuck is that?" Gordon said as he presented one of the moldy avocados to the middle-aged mare. "I don't, I don't use these," Flambe stumbled trying to reply. "These are mine." "So you keep your own groceries in there? fuck." Gordon tried to rationalize. "How many times a day do you go into that walk-in?" he asked one of the other staff members. "About a hundred." "A hundred?....disgusting. Fucking disgusting," he stated disappointed as he reached into one of the boxes for another item for them to explain away. He pulled out the bunches of greens that had turned slimy. He waved it in front of their faces trying to get them to speak. "I...believe that was the collard greens leftover from my cousin's wedding" Zesty muttered. "They are leftover from your cousin's wedding? Oh my god." Then he pulled out the rotten turnips in the packages that had become rancid and ripe. "Do you have any idea how bad a turnip needs to go before it gets that's bad?" he asked the mare unbelievingly. "Touch it, just touch it." Zesty Gourmand was starting to get more and more irritated as time went on. "WE ARE NOT SERVING IT HEATHEN! WE ARENT USING IT," she snapped. "No disrespect, but what the hell would you know what's being served?" he retorted accusingly. This is not funny. I am fucking pissed off at the lot of you. But wait...just wait. It gets even worse. I can't wait for this fucking excuse." He then pulled out a bin filled with squid that had been sitting for days. "Do you have any idea how bad squid needs to go to get that color?" He smelled one of the pieces of squid as his eyes watered in protest. "Smell that," he commanded to Flambe and Zesty who reluctantly obeyed. He saw Zesty's eyes water as well as she began to cough. "That smells absolutely rancid. How long has that been in there idiot?" "It couldn't have been in there for more than two days Miss Gourmand," Flambe replied. "Oh, fuck off! Two days?" Gordon retorted. "WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" Flambe simply shrugged meekly as he attempted to defuse the situation. "You don't fucking care do you?" "Of course I care." "You don't give a shit!" Gordon growled. "Says who?" Flambe retorted. "That walk in there is a disgusting mess. You all should be ashamed." "Hair in the food!" Gordon looked around for who had just called out. "Who said that? Who said that there was hair in the food?" The manager Lemon Drop trotted over to Gordon and sat the dishes in front of him. Gordon was beginning to steam as he saw a clump of somepony's mane hair in one of the dishes. Even Spike began to step back slowly as he saw Gordon get madder and madder every second that went by. "That's fucking it. I'm closing this place down until I can work out something for all of you to fucking abide by." Gordon barked. "Lemon my darling, can you go out there and apologize to every customer? "You dare to direct my own employees around-" Zesty started. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU. YOU UPPITY BITCH!" GORDON ROARED. "YOUR PRINCESS ORDERED ME TO FIX THIS PLACE BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT! AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! " "I think Luna gave us the authority to arrest any restaurant owners who cause too many risks to the public," Spike whispered. "Did you want to do that here?" "Not now, but I'll keep that option in the back of my mind," Gordon quietly answered back. "Somepony may need to face some heat." Gordon then turned to Lemon who jumped slightly from his gaze. "Lemon, if you please." "Yes chef!," Lemon replied fearfully before dashing into the dining room. In the dining room, Lemon got everyone's attention including Twilight and Applejack who were preoccupied with speaking to nobles. "May I have your attention, please? We here at Subtilité Du Goût apologize for any inconvenience to you wonderful ponies of Canterlot tonight, but we are shutting operations down. We are not worthy to continue this service." Twilight and Applejack looked confused as they followed Lemon back into the kitchen as the customers began to leave angrily. "Can we close that door, please? It's just going to keep getting hotter in there and more stuff is going to go bad." Flambe said. Spike and Gordon were taken aback by Flambe as they gave him an incredulous look. "What else can get worse that hasn't already gone bad?" Spike asked loudly. "Exactly, tell us. Just tell us." Gordon asked barely keeping his calm. "I have no idea." "And now, in the last sixty seconds, you suddenly start to give a fucking shit about what's going to go wrong? You got lazy. All of you got so lazy. And yet you just cannot accept it." Having Flambe and Zesty walk outside of the restaurant with him with Spike, Twilight, and Applejack in tow, Gordon was determined to have a serious chat with them to attempt to get to the heart of the issue. "You look like you are just done with all of this aren't you?" Gordon asked Flambe. "For the night?" "No not for the night. I mean just in general. You look like a spent force." Gordon said thoughtfully. "No, I haven't. If I have I would have left her a long time ago." "Well, at the very least, you are being a good son, but from what I understand, not good enough," Applejack chimed in. Zesty glared at Applejack. "How did you-" Zesty started. "We aren't stupid Miss Gourmand," Twilight said. "I don't know what problems could have arisen for you to treat your own son the way you do, but its obviously hurting your business. " "If Granny Smith treated us and our business the way you do to Flambe, our farm would suffer," Applejack added. "I suggest you two tell us the truth. I am your princess and she is the Element of Honesty," Twilight stated sternly. Zesty seemed to deflate as a look of defeat slowly came on to her face in place of a look of defiance. "She thought all of this could work. She thought that this was all easy, just because of her experience as a critic and I told her it wasn't going to be easy. Especially with her condition making the food so damn bland." "She's a supertaster right?" Twilight asked. Zesty then looked at Twilight with a venomous glare as if she was daring her to speak. "How could you possibly know that?" Zesty questioned accusingly. "I took great lengths to keep that information a secret." "A what?" Spike and AJ asked. "It's a fairly rare medical condition where the tongue tastes things with an intensity far greater than the average tongue. Normal things for us would taste overwhelming for a supertaster." Twilight explained. "That is not the customers' problem! You should be catering to your customers, not to yourself Gourmand!" Gordon barked. "And you Flambe. If your mother is doing all of these things, why aren't you stepping up?" Flambe just stood there with a frustrated look and shrugged. "All the pressure, all the tension, everything is just building on top, especially with me not getting paid in what- months now?" Flambe tried to explain. "There's a reason why you haven't been getting fucking paid in months! Do you ever stop and ask yourselves? You all are making SO many mistakes that you don't have any idea what's right or wrong now! And you are allowing him to do it Zesty!" Zesty began to look more and more broken and defeated as time passed hearing everything that she was hearing. "YOU BOTH ARE DESTROYING EACH OTHER! AND I'M AMAZED THAT YOU'VE MANAGED TO STAY OPEN FOR THIS LONG!" "Even I cannot be everywhere, doing everything, and checking produces-" Zesty started. "Why did you buy a restaurant when you haven't even worked in one?" Gordon shouted questioningly. "Any fucking yahoo can be a critic Gourmand. Heck, everyone back on Earth considers themselves a critic, especially with how connected everyone is through our internet. But you need to learn special skills to run a restaurant." The entire group just stood there for ten uncomfortable silent seconds, until Flambe decided to break it. "I have no idea what to do next, I don't have a clue," Flambe admitted. "For the first time in my life chef...I don't know what to do," Zesty agreed tiredly. "Well that makes three of us," Gordon added. "Cause as of this moment, I have no fucking idea where to start!" Applejack stepped forward and jabbed Zesty and Flambe in the chest with her hoof. "I highly suggest to you that you first work on being a better family," Applejack urged. "A mama should not be treatin her colt the way you do Gourmand. And a colt as big and strong as you look like Flambe, should be the boss and taking the bull by the horns. Not cowering in a corner like a little newborn filly. How do you think mah brother became my business partner? He may not say much, but he's certainly a lot bolder than you are." "I totally agree with that Miss Applejack, 'cause I see only two things here. A chef who has checked out and given up, and an owner who's not only in fucking denial, but who's also so damn narcissistic it's nauseating." Leaving Zesty and Flambe outside with their pressing thoughts to meditate on, Gordon, Twilight, AJ, and Spike started on their way back to Canterlot Castle to recoup for the night. Mostly though, to get some real food that they could actually stomach down. It was roughly around ten o clock when they left the restaurant. Not that many ponies, except for the more hardy night-going tourists were strolling about the streets, so the group made it back to the castle without too many issues. Gordon, Twilight, and the rest of their group had just arrived back at the castle while Rarity was busy playing up her charms to one of the White-Tailed Deer Nation's diplomats, Lord Blackthorn. A tall buck with ebony black antlers, piercing blue eyes, and a broad muscular physique. He and his son had volunteered to stay behind and assist any way he could with Equestria's mysterious famines while his brethren returned home. After having a quick dinner with the others, Gordon went to bed with many interesting thoughts on how he was going to properly resolve the issues that his first Kitchen Nightmare had brought to him. The next morning... Fed up with both Zesty and Flambe, Chef Ramsay had devised a plan to get everything once and for all out into the open. With a bit of permission from Celestia, Gordon was allowed to use one of Canterlot's community centers to gather Zesty, Flambe, and most of her staff for a little test. Gordon directed them up to individual speaking podiums above a gallery where he could speak with all of them. Twilight, Spike, and Applejack came along to try to keep everypony orderly. "Okay, Zesty and Flambe. Each of you is going on trial. A mock trial of course, but still. So what we are going to do is one at a time, you are going to come down here to defend yourself. Keep in mind that whatever you say is guaranteed to not have any negative repercussions on your job. Got it?" They all nodded as Gordon called one of them down. "Zesty, I want you to go first," Gordon asked politely. "Oh, very well. Though I fail to see how this...mock trial of yours is going to help our problems." Zesty grumbled. She trotted down to the gallery below beside Gordon where most of the staff was able to see her. "Now, Miss Lemon Drop. What would you say are Zesty's weaknesses?" "She uses discipline to an overt extreme with the staff. She needs to tone down her anger in front of the restaurant. She needs to tone it down in the back kitchen and let us work properly. She is far too cruel with the staff." "I have built my reputation on being firm with everyone I encounter, but I do not see myself as the cruel tyrant you are making me out to be." "You are being cruel cause you threaten us and you take your "firmness" to an insane level!" "Tread carefully Miss Lemon..." Zesty retorted in a dangerous tone. A glare from Gordon and Twilight made sure Lemon was able to proceed without any interruptions from Zesty. "Unorganized, Mismanagement, No follow-through, even when her scoldings of the staff are warranted." Zesty then made a face that set off Lemon's temper. "Don't give me that look, Gourmand, you know, you bucking damn well know!" "I am simply one pony Miss Drop, I cannot be everywhere at once. If my job was just to manage and be the owner, and sit in my office and take care of my bills, I would have everything handled, and I would be out on the lobby floor directing all of you." "Then why may I ask hasn't it been like that? I walk out of the room for a moment when there is a rush of customers and I find you futzing with the noble ponies." "Because nopony is being a proper host for my restaurant. If somepony were to do that, perhaps I would be going around checking produce and inspecting that walk-in cooler. Last night was an eye-opener for me and I certainly will endeavor to do things a little more carefully." Gordon then tried calling Flambe to give his own assessment about his mother, not knowing how quickly things were about to turn on their heads. Flambe did his best saying what everyone else was saying about Zesty, but as a predator, she took the advantage of his uncertainty and went in for the kill. "You would have been fired and thrown out into the streets a long time ago if you were in anyone else's kitchen. Why aren't you taking the initiative to display your passion to the world that you lost? For a chef, you have always been....above average at the very least. You are the one who wished to follow in your father's footsteps and become a chef. I simply gave you a small character-building push to become a chef, but I certainly did not force you." "Okay, maybe this is the wrong way around," Twilight thought aloud. "I think so as well. Why don't you get up Flambe and swap places with your mother?" Gordon agreed. "Let's go. Because it's just starting to shift to you, my boy. You also have got to take some responsibility for your own actions that have to lead up to all of these problems." Zesty trotted up to the podium where she fully intended to get into a shouting match with Flambe, but once again, Gordon and Twilight's presence pacified any rage that might have been building up. "I shall continue. Why are you letting go of your disloyal ingrate? Why?" "I feel like I do all of this work, and I don't get any credit for it and I don't really show my true passion anymore cause of all of the problems that have come up working in a restaurant with a menu that is extremely large and filled with inedible food that most ponies can't even stomach." Flambe explained. Slap Chop simply scoffed and snickered. "You have got to take responsibility too dude," she said with a sarcastic chuckle. "It's not just hers and it's not just yours, but at least take some of the responsibility for the restaurant like an actual stallion." "I don't have the time or money to go-" he started. "YOU ARE THE CHEF YOU SNOT-NOSED CHILD! TELL ME YOU WANT TO MAKE A MENU! If you truly wish to make a change in my restaurant, stop being a ball-less gelding and do something useful for once in your life!" Spike did a spit take while drinking from a water fountain and tried his best to hold back uncontrollable laughter while Twilight and Applejack's pupils shrunk from the language Zesty used. Flambe as he stood in the awkward silence, felt the blood drain from his face. Gordon decided once again to pick the conversation back up. "You are a chef young man. You just really need to find your voice in all of this!" Gordon encouraged. Flambe nodded in agreement before going back up to the podiums to wait for what else Gordon had in mind for that day. "Let me tell you something," Gordon began. "You need input, from another source. Going over to the front door of the community center, Gordon opened the door, letting in what appeared to be dozens of various ponies from all across Canterlot, including Sir Fancy Pants himself. Having just been knighted by Celestia, Fancy sought to attend any important events that he might offer assistance in. Gordon stepped forward and shook his hoof firmly, welcoming him to his little mock trial. "I'm not sure how much ponies know each other here, but this is Sir Fancy Pants," Gordon said. 'Another fucking ridiculous name, but I'll let it slide since this guy is actually a very pleasant person.' Gordon thought. "And Fancy Pants has brought a rather large group of his friends along with him. These ponies are here to represent the city of Canterlot. You may recognize them. That's because all of them have dined in your restaurant Zesty." Spike turned to Twilight in confusion and tried asking Twilight for answers. "May I ask how Gordon knows Fancy Pants?" "Apparently he was with Rarity yesterday at the diplomatic summit with the White Tail Nation. Rarity introduced the two when we came back. I think you were already asleep on my haunches," she giggled. They turned back to Gordon, looking forward to where he was going with all of this. "Ladies and gentle colts, the owners and the staff all need to hear about your recent experiences when you went to visit Subtilité Du Goût," he instructed. One by one, ponies came up to the speaking podium down in the gallery all having problems that they had when they visited Zesty's restaurant. Fancy Pants came up first. "I cannot fathom if you were having a bad day or not Miss Gourmand, but when my wife and I had our meals served to us at your restaurant a few weeks ago, we were quite flabbergasted to find dead flies in our food," he explained calmly. "We just...as Lady Pie would put it, "Split out of there like a banana". It was, unfortunately, appalling, to say the least." "Zesty, do you have anything to respond to that?" "I...am ashamed and I apologize for dishonoring you Sir Pants," Zesty attempted at remorse. "Thank you Fancy Pants, next please?" Another pony identified by Twilight as Jet Set approached the podium. "The food and the service at your eatery have been more or less subpar Miss Gourmand. I went there with my family and when we ordered our food, all of our entrees came out at different times, making it very difficult to enjoy our meal." "We have had that problem for quite some time," Flambe agreed. "Food sitting on the line and not getting delivered to tables immediately. It's probably because we are just so short-staffed." "It's not the customers' problem that you are short-staffed." Gordon hissed. "It's not just the service. Next please." Spike recognized the next pony as he ran up to her. It was an older mare with a blonde mane and wearing a purple dress shirt. Twilight identified her as Harshwhinny as Spike shared a short hug with her before allowing her to go up to the podium. "My experience at your restaurant was beyond subpar Miss Gourmand. I don't know what possesses you to make food without flavor in such a manner, but it's rather disrespectful to the profession of cooking. I was forgiving the first night around and decided to give you another chance. And yet when I come back, I find the food is not only still bad, it's even worse. I suggest you either change your act or go back to being a washed-up food critic." Zesty was getting cold sweats as she was facing a wave of humiliation from all of her mistakes. "....I am quite sorry for that experience that you were forced to endure Pamela," Zesty replied meekly "You lost the privilege to call me that a long time ago Gourmand." Harshwhinny retorted as she stepped off the podium. Trotting around the large crowd of ponies and over to Spike she gave the dragon a small smile and a gentle pat and a peck on the head by one of his green scales. "It is good to see you again Mr. The Dragon." Harshwhinny greeted. "It's not every day I come to an event that involves my favorite Crystal Empire Champion." "What's that about sugar cube?" Applejack asked the alicorn. "That Harshwhinny seems to be awfully touchy-feely with Spike." "Apparently, after the Games, Spike and Rainbow saved her from a Minotaur team that was disqualified two years ago for cheating. They've been stalking her and hurting her ever since. So I don't mind if she gets just a little bit friendly with Spike as long as it's within reason. The poor mare got PTSD from those thugs. That's probably why she looked so disheveled and rough when she first arrived in the Empire." "Are ya looking into the damn varmint that ordered those goons around?" AJ asked hopefully. "Ah, wouldn't mind caving their skulls in mahself with a few well-placed bucks." "Oh yes, Princess Celestia sent out an investigating team of ponies to look for them. Cadence took it personally upon herself to send the minotaurs to work in the Crystal Mines below the castle. She figured it might serve as a proper punishment." The mare in question was speaking to Spike about the things he has been doing alongside Gordon the past few days. "Can you stay for the royal banquet?" Spike asked the orange mare hopefully. "I want you to meet the rest of my friends and the princesses." "I'd be honored my little friend," she replied cheerfully. "Now...are you going to leave her waiting or are you going to introduce me to the Princess here?" For the next fifteen minutes, Zesty Gourmand was pelted with accusations and stories that made her feel worse and worse by the minute. "I can tell you one thing Mr. Interviewer...it is true what they say. The truth does indeed hurt," Zesty said to Gordon's interviewer. "This feedback, this morning has been pivotal. I hope, you all will be willing to give Subtilité Du Goût one last chance," Gordon requested. "On behalf of the owners, and the team, I'd like to say a big thank you to you all. I appreciate you all showing up." The ponies then began making their way back out the door and vacated the building, leaving Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack to discuss their upcoming plans for Zesty's restaurant. "I suppose...if it means jeopardizing my own health to get my restaurant back on the map and restoring my reputation. I suppose I will have to do what your Chef Ramsay says and change the face of my eatery entirely." Zesty admitted. "Whatever it takes...."