//------------------------------//
// Slight Learning Sensation-Prologue: Guess Blue's Back 
// Story: Super Pony Roomies 
// by TheManehattanite 
//------------------------------//


1


“So how’s your awful plan going?” Rarity asked as the Horseshoe Torch, one of Manehattan’s greatest living icons, descended in an arrowhead of flames before winking into Johnnycake Storm, wearing a stylish suit jacket and trotting towards her. The crowd ate it up. 

“Rarity, darling! Pulse poundingly great to see you too! Kiss-kiss!” 

“That bad, eh?” she smirked as they flawlessly went through the pantomime, purely for the cameras. 

“And are those Farriers™?! Finally came to their senses and asked the perfect pony to embody them, huh?”

“You devious little worm!” Rarity beamed, admiring her new shoes with absolutely no regret. “At least I’m getting so many compliments out of your desperate avoidance.” 

“As if I need an excuse to compliment your choices,” Johnny smirked, linking forelegs with her as they made their way down the not red but at least gold trimmed carpet and into the Canterlot Palladium. “How’ve you been?”

“Concerned and a little exasperated!” She deliberately bumped him with her shoulder as she effortlessly swept through the door he was holding open for her. The crowd was too busy looking at her to notice his slight wince. “We’re supposed to be friends. You should talk with me about stuff like this. And even if we weren’t? Darling, your ex? Come on!”

The upside to not dating Rarity Belle: near constant fun, intrigue and cutting-edge gossip, all tempered like high quality steel by a heart that genuinely cared about you as a friend. The downside: no, really, she cared. 

“Peter,” Johnny hissed through his now slightly glassy smile. 

“Oh, don’t pout. You’re just lucky he told me instead of Rainbow Dash.”

“Was that revenge for using your ensemble to duck this topic the last couple weeks?”

“You’ll know when I’m taking revenge, darling.” 

“Yeah, just schedule something with H.E.R.B.I.E., I’m sure there’ll be space after ol’ Vic blows it this year. For real, you’re brighter than any of the bulbs on Bridleway tonight.” He gave her a platonic cheek kiss. 

“Well, to be fair, half of them are in Damage Control bins right now.” Rarity glanced over her shoulder at him as they joined the ticket line. “Was that you? I distinctly remember hearing about something with a dinosaur on the radio.”

“Lyja,” Johnny muttered. “She’s been upping her game.”

“…with time travel?” 

“Don’t give her any ideas,” Johnny sighed. “Animatronic museum exhibit. Sue dragged me along to a board meeting for some reason and, well…” Hapless shrug. 

Rarity stifled a laugh at how well haplessness did and did not suit her new friend of a month and a half. “You’ll have her in the Stockade in no time, I’m sure.”

“Your artfully done lips to Celestia’s ears,” Johnny said without so much as a soupçon of enthusiasm. “It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t so…so…”

“Evil?” Rarity asked. The clerk blinked at her as she accepted their tickets. 

Rarity smiled back sweetly, because between Sassy Saddles, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle and now Johnnycake Storm she’d learned it was far easier to just act natural. Made it easier for other ponies to walk moments like this off. 

“Bipolar?” Johnny tried. 

“Well, she is your other ex, darling.” Rarity shoulder bumped him lightly but more sincerely. “Are you sure you want to talk about this? I don’t want to dredge up any bad memories, and from what I’ve been able to piece together that hag put you through the wringer.” 

“It’s okay, pretty sure I’ve got down which break ups were her fault and which were, y’know, mine.” He smiled at her expression as they were led through to the atrium. “No, it’s healthy, trust me.” 

“Crystal clarity you might say,” Rarity said with that merciless nuance and timing he’d come to (platonically!) love her for. “It’s not funny! Ugh, fine! Lyja’s bipolar. What does that mean exactly?”

“It’s like she’s picking her moments, but they never land,” Johnny said, frowning. Describing bad guys’ M.O was more Peter’s thing, but that was because his rogues were so basic. Watch;

I’m going to graft pipe cleaners to my back and name myself after an octopus!
I’m going to fall asleep in a cave on a magic beach like an idiot and name myself after what it turns me into! 
I’m going to make a chicken-snake suit and name myself after the other chicken-snake, because I have no friends to tell me people will still laugh at me! 

Say what you would about Mysterio, at least that guy had imagination. 

“Which is good because they don’t land on you, yes?” Her tone made it sound like he was a five year old who hadn’t grasped the concept of not sticking toy soldiers up his nose. 

“Almost wish they would.” 

“Ah,” Rarity said as she levitated her coat to the check girl. “The frequency, or as much frequency as you can have with constant surprise attacks.” 

“See, this is why we work! But, well, yeah. Back in the day she was all head games. Now it’s all cages and dynamite and rigged hair styling conventions. Like she took a seminar from that one coyote.”

“Please don’t compare yourself to that most distinguished of birds,” Rarity smiled, but was soon lost admiring the display cases full of legendary Royal Variety Performance outfits, including a few iconic skating outfits from that one phase. “Oooh, can you believe it, Johnny? One of my designs! In the first Pegasi of Paradise dance in over a decade! I feel like…oh, I simply must…I could honestly…!”

“Burst into flame?” Johnny grinned, sliding a foreleg around her shoulders. “Promise me you’re not going to go all Twilight Sparkle and start worrying about it. That curtain goes up and everypony in those seats is gonna wonder how this show ever took off without a Rarity original in there.” 

“You’d like it if I was a touch more Rainbow Dash, eh?” 

“You’re a sick animal, Belle.” 

The best part about sort of limping back towards Crystal? This nuzzle was purely platonic. The pitch perfect sardonic quality to his friendship with Rarity helped because otherwise, yeah, he’d probably be making actual horseshoe shapes torches to kick himself for not taking it further with an amazing mare like this…

Huh. Although! Since he was away from the FF more, working cases with Spidey or just keeping an eye on Yancy Street like he’d promised the Thing, he’d scheduled more power practice sessions at the Baxter Barn to keep his skills honed. Totally not to spend some (kind of) quality time with his big sister now that he was (kind of) living alone, whatever gave you that idea, no you’re in denial. 

Point being his flame constructs were taking off in interesting directions, especially his decoys! He could even now make two (kind of, if you didn’t look too closely) fully detailed Fake Torches. Maybe if he worked hard enough, he could make them do things!

Things like kicking him for settling for being Just Friends with his opposite number in the Elements of Harmony and possibly life itself, and for thinking about this when he was committing to kinda sorta thinking about maybe possibly winning back the only girl he’d ever really loved, because Sisters forbid he be satisfied with anything, and, wow, maybe living with Pete was starting to do something to his brain…

“Are you proposing or just trying to take my cheek off?” Rarity asked through the side of her mouth that still worked. 

Some ponies in the crowd were starting to notice them, or more accurately Johnny nuzzling her while staring into the distance with wide open but unseeing eyes. “…is it my fault that new scent is so addictive?” He paused to genuinely sniff the air. “Wow, what is that?”

“Perfectly legal!” Rarity’s eyes darted around the room like moths trapped in a Faraday cage. “I’ve never even heard of the Cauldron! Test ban treaty violation?! Pshaw, the very idea! Don’t tell Fluttershy.” 

Johnny shook his head. “Still can’t believe Flüttershy is real.” 

“You’re going to have to sit down with her one of these days!” Her smile could have been used in place of danger signs on an electric fence. “Careful though, Discord’s possessive.” 

“Uh, you stole one of my enemies already,” Johnny countered. “Turnabout: noun, fairness of play.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Oh, for pity’s sake, not this again.” 

“Yes! This again!” Johnny huffed, adjusting his jacket lapels to avoid becoming the fire in this crowded theatre. “Do you know how hard it is to find high quality rogues in the third most peaceful nation on the continent?! She and Namor teaming up was practically an FF Thanksgiving tradition! You don’t just horn in on that kind of hate!” 

“You’re more than welcome to take her back!” Rarity fumed. “I hope you and that slimy mane of hers are very happy comparing tips together!” 

“Y’know what, you’re right,” Johnny said, nodding solemnly. 

“Mmm hmm?” Rarity hummed patiently, because she knew him by now.

“Technically I should be mad at Princess Cadence,” Johnny grinned. “After all, you guys didn’t beat her.”

“Never change, Johnny,” Rarity smiled, fondly adjusting his lapels. Her eyes widened at something coming through the crowd towards them and her hooves began flapping all over his torso for hasty grooming, like a swarm of image conscious bats. “Except right now, because my partner is coming this way. My plus one needs to make an extra strong impression!” 

“I can set myself on fire,” Johnny pointed out to compensate for obediently lowering his head for her stylising hooves. 

“And if that was all it took, I’d have stepped out with the Great and Powerful Trixie.” Rarity spun him around so hard she almost broke his neck, casually draping his right foreleg around her shoulders like a phoenix-imitation stole. “I work with this mare and we’ve somehow managed to forge a mutual respect instead of destroying each other, so promise me you won’t cause a scene.” 

“Part of our mutual respect is you can see straight through pretty much any lie I tell you.”

“Right, right. Do your best?”

“For you.”

“You’re a gent.” 

Rarity used a hasty spell to polish the utility collar poking between his lapels, then mimed a double-take with the casualness of a cat pressing the nuclear launch button just to see what would happen. “Sassy! There you are! Excited?”

“Sassy Saddles!” Johnny said cheerfully, trying to maintain eye contact and scan the room for all possible escape routes at the same time. 

“Rarity! Visions and velour, a helpless Johnnycake Storm! And I didn’t bring you anything.” 

“You know each other,” Rarity sighed. 

“Relax, I’m paralysed with terror and Sassy’s too famous even if there weren’t so many witnesses.” Johnny’s face brightened slightly from the realisation. “Although the real crime would be not noticing that Mulelan/Cloudsdale combo halter! An original?” 

“Oh, sure, now you’re taking notice.”

“Sassy, please?” Johnny almost flopped to the floor as Rarity clasped her hooves together, desperate eyes as wide as she could make them under her tiara. “Please, please, please, please--”

“Relax!” Sassy held up a hoof. “I’ve settled for spearing him with glances and well-chosen words this long, why sully my horn now?” 

“You almost used a stapler once,” Johnny protested. 

“Yes, but you didn’t have the best partner I’ve ever had to hide behind then, did you?” 

“The Magic of Friendship!” Rarity sighed with relief. “And listen, I’m obligated by Harmony or some such to play peace maker between you two eventually, but let’s just have tonight, yes? We’re in Pegasi of Paradise! Surely it’s better if that’s the only memorable thing?”

“Of course, darling, of course.” Sassy embraced her, really more to hold her confidentially close. “Just promise me you two aren’t…you know…!”

“Purely her plus one,” Johnny assured. “Wouldn’t risk cutting myself off from Rarity’s advice for anything.”

“Praise Celestia!” Sassy smiled. “And in the spirit of the armistice, that’s a nice jacket for you, Johnny. Did you pick it out for him, Rarity, or…?”

“No, he’s proven surprisingly reliable in that regard,” the Element of Generosity beamed. “We’re quite the team. Speaking of, we’ve been having a go at my plus one all night, but Sassy Saddles…stag? Here?” 

“You know me too well,” Sassy grinned. “It’s interesting you’d bring Johnny out tonight, because I must confess to having a side project of my own.”

“Expanding our brand isn’t enough?” Rarity smiled back. “Confound it, woman, don’t you ever sleep?”

“A few chapters of Diamond Teal’s latest and a glass of aguardiente are all I need, thank you for asking.” 

Sassy fluttered a hoof towards a crowd admiring a case full of costumes inspired by Princess Celestia. A figure dethatched itself, heading for them. 

“I can’t believe it’s taken so long to get you two in the same room actually, Rarity, but I’m positive you’ll have a lot in common with--”

“Him,” Johnny squeaked, bubbles and mist erupting from his fruit juice glass as his temperature spiked. Both at the sight of who was coming towards them and what Rarity would do. 

The waiter just managed to catch it on the tray because it spun in the air for a few seconds as he whipped his hooves around her torso, trying to haul her into the shadows of a nearby alcove. 

“Him?!” Rarity roared, almost kicking the Torch backwards through the wall as she tried to lunge for--

“Haha, yes, yes, it’s me!” Prince Blueblood said, flicking his fringe to send theatre lights flashing between each expertly combed blade of hair and perfectly accent his horn. “No autographs, please. You can fulfil all your Blueblood needs via my personal catalogue, owning any number of merchandises bearing my distinctive signature for the low, low price of 99-gems-99!”

“Now Princey…” Sassy cooed. “We talked about this.”

“Ah, so we did.“ Blueblood nodded, completely oblivious to Johnny trying to keep Rarity in place and his forelegs in their sockets at the same time. A beat went by. “Remind me, old ice cream cake?” 

“There’re other brands you can plug,” Sassy beamed. 

“Really? Eh, taps a glass, Sassy dearest, but the tune is sadly a mite hazy.” 

“He’s a work in progress,” Sassy simpered. 

“I’ll show you progress!!!” 

“You don’t say!” Johnny wheezed, managing to spin Rarity’s enraged jaguar lunge back into the alcove with a technique Shang Chi had shown him. “Sassy, uh, quick conference before the show?!” 

“It’s Canterlot, Johnny, everypony here is fashionably early,” Sassy tutted. “Princey, sweetie? Show them your trick.”

“Hmm? Don’t have enough peaches and cream and there are more witnesses around than is strictly sanitary, but if you insist!” Blueblood reached for his bowtie. 

“No!” Sassy’s smile was scythe thin as she clapped her horseshoe’s in front of his face, eyes wide. Blueblood stopped blinking to admire his reflection in them. “Your other trick.”

“Ehrm, the one with the handkerchiefs and the parakeets d’you mean?”

“Rarity, c’mon!” Johnny hissed urgently, taking advantage of Sassy shooting down Blueblood’s list to loop his forelegs around hers, hauling her up to take away her leverage, hopefully without looking like he was doing something else. “Pegasi of Paradise! Reviews! Lucrative offers! Critical acclaim! No assault charges!” 

“Charges?!” Rarity almost sent one of her shoes spinning into the chandeliers as she peddled the air with her hind legs. “Bah! Accolades! The world’ll thank me for it! Celestia herself will give me a medal!” 

“She will give you pride of place on an E.U.P. watchlist!” 

Johnny’s ears lowered as he spotted a party coming down the nearby staircase staring at them, trying to spare muscle that wasn’t keeping Rarity in the lock to make his smile more charming. “Hi! Stuck canape! You know how it is! Sensitive disposition, the poor thing!” 

“Did you just call me sensitive?!” 

“You haven’t even touched him and you’re making more of a scene than I would, for Celestia’s sake!”

“But it’s him, Johnny!” 

“I know!”

“Good, so let me enlighten everypony!”

“Oh, that trick!” Blueblood cleared his throat, smile dazzling as cathedral marble even with his reading-off-cards voice. “Ahem! Who. Are. Your friends, Sassy?” 

“There we go,” Sassy sighed. 

Johnny and Rarity had frozen, the fashionista halfway out of the explorer’s grip and mouth agape from both the shock of Blueblood, Blueblood, acknowledging other entities and midway through her attempt to bite his leg. 

“This is my partner Rarity,“ Sassy continued, indicating them, “and that is Johnny Storm, one of my greatest regrets.” 

“The honour is entirely yours,” the prince said and nodded with terrible benevolence, made worse by the fact he meant it. 

“We’ve met,” Johnny said before he could fully appreciate the freedom and possibilities of a universe where this guy didn’t know his name. “You’re our landlord.”

“Minutiae and migraines!” Sassy moaned, hoof flying to her forehead. “Look, it’s a night in Canterlot, intrigue should abound, yes, but how many connections and coincidences is a pony supposed to take?”

“Well, he’s not my landlord,” Johnny corrected himself.  

Sassy accusingly pointed her hoof with enough force that he was pretty sure she’d meant to stamp it. “You just said he was!” 

“He’s the FF’s!” Johnny rallied, glaring from behind Rarity’s stunned head. “His granddad brought the Baxter Building before that water polo accident, or whatever it was.”

“I thought your nice doctor friend did?” Sassy asked, blinking. “Can’t see somepony as capable as your sister living in a piece of unreal estate that good and not being in the game herself, honestly.”

“She finds megalomaniacal dictators from other dimensions more personable, I guess.” Johnny shrugged but made sure he still had a good grip on Rarity’s shoulders. “Anyway, she and Reed own the Baxter Barn. Couple of floors under it, not the whole building. There’s still costs.”

“Ah,” Sassy said with that Don’t-Get-It, Don’t-Really-Care tone he’d gotten used to when he explained this. Sometimes it felt like the closest he’d get to being Reed outside of trying to explain buck ball to Pete.  

“Right. His family’s big into the explorer market too, entire linage running through the guild’s history like, well, veins! It’s impossible to get good supplies or aviation material without at least brushing up against his companies, so every couple of months he shows up outside the Barn and drops giant slabs of Totally-Not-Bribes about what he’d like from where to keep the rent down.” 

“Oh, it’s you Johnnycake, old petrol cap!” Blueblood said cheerfully. “I thought that hair looked familiar, didn’t recognise you without your rock monster.”

“National hero,” Johnny corrected sharply. He drove Grim Skies around the bend because it was easy and the bonds of family were just too strong, his antics bouncing off or dissipating like frost. But he’d bow to Gloam before letting an overgrown boarding school escapee in a pair of lapels diminish the old coot like that. 

“Oh-ho-ho-ho, please!” Ugh, that laugh. Like being run over by a bicycle made of livery, country estates and peacocks. It didn’t matter how many years, you’d never really forget. “Anypony could have opened that jar for her highness!” 

“What did we say about bragging, sweetie?” Sassy asked sweetly but pointedly. 

“Ah, hang on, I know this one, tip of my tongue.” 

Johnny stared as those unfairly blue eyes crossed in concentration then rounded on Sassy with ‘Seriously?!’ silently screaming out of every pore in his face. She gave an abashed but still rather giddy schoolgirl shrug. 

“You don’t remember,” Rarity said with the concussed hollowness of a collision survivor. 

“No, no, no, give me a minute, it’s coming!” 

“You don’t remember me.” Johnny tried to find a safe way to redouble his grip without the tectonic fury building inside Rarity liquefying his bones. 

“Oh, I assure you you’d certainly remember meeting me,” Blueblood grinned. “I’m a once in a lifetime experience.”

“Sassy!” Johnny called as Rarity’s horn sparked furiously. “Fire exit! Clear route! Please?!” 

“Don’t tell me they’ve met too,” Sassy groaned. “For Celestia’s sake, what’s even the point of watching the play then?” 

“Making sure everypony sees me seeing it,” Blueblood smiled. The smile and simplicity itself tone of voice reminded Johnny of that time he’d asked Rarity’s little sister why she always seemed to have matches. ‘Can’t do it with my horn yet!’ 

“Well…yeah,” he admitted. “And the girls are here on business too, I guess. Agh! That was my hoof! Nyagh! That was my other hoof!” 

“I! Know!” Rarity’s shoes almost struck sparks from the floor as he struggled to keep his hindlegs out from under them. “Let! Go!”

“This does seem a litre of Winkle’s Old Familiar.” Blueblood put a hoof to his chin. “At first I thought I was confusing it for Auntie’s dashed firebird, but no, there is something about that ferocity… Your partner you say?” 

“Yes!” Sassy called over her shoulder, holding onto the front of Rarity’s writhing shoulders while Johnny hung helplessly off her thrashing hind legs. “My, ahaha, highly sophisticated and reserved partner! Waugh! Rarity, for the love of lace!”

“Rarity? Hmm.” Blueblood’s eyes crossed again. “Blueblood, dearest, you know I love you but why can’t you…be…more…like…Twi…light…spark…no, thought I had it there! Ah well.”

“Grand! Galloping! GALA!” Rarity snarled, Sassy yanking her head to the side just in time to avoid getting poked in the eye. 

Blueblood reared back as if a meteorite had crash landed in front of him, almost knocking over a shelf of theatrical awards. ““Sun and moon! You?!” 

“Oh, give me a running start and I’ll show you exactly who I am!”

“Hey, who wants a nice cool refreshing glass of fruit juice!?” Johnny tried, half climbing onto her back to weigh her down. “Sassy, you still carry those sleeping tablets?!”

“Keep her away from my royal personage!” Blueblood squealed. He spun in place, trying to see a clear path through the crowd before lunging for Sassy’s skirts. “Sassy! Hide me!”

“Get out of there!” Sassy brayed, forced into Rarity’s face as she was shoved forward. Johnny took advantage of the avalanche crashing down on him to get an even firmer grip around Rarity’s torso.

The weight released as Sassy sprang to her hooves, rearing up and running in a frantic circle, Blueblood’s hind legs and thrashing tail poking out of the back of her dress like a mis-matched centaur. Somehow, holding onto a homicidal Element of Generosity didn’t seem so bad by comparison.  

“Bad canape,” he grinned weakly at the few flabbergasted ponies in the crowd who were staring at him and Rarity, instead of the rampaging Saddle-Blood 

Sassy’s runaway train weaving took her towards an indoor marque for the production, celebrities and journalists of various highs and lows scattering before her rearing forelegs. Rarity gasped and Johnny winced as her torso smacked into King Orion’s wing, leaving her dangling off the floor a little, while momentum sent her jewellery swaying and Blueblood skidding out from the shadows of her skirts to slam into a kiosk. Fliers for West Side Wings and The Last Matterhorn bloomed into the air. 

“Sassy!” Rarity cried, she and Johnny galloping over as the Oxford graduate with an MBA in management and design flopped to the floor like a used towel. “Are you alright?” 

Blueblood burst out of the debris, a Celestia plushie impaled on his horn. “After a fresh victim already, eh?! By my aunt, you’re insatiable! Somepony stop her!”

“Would you mind setting fire to some drapes?” Rarity muttered to Johnny as they helped Sassy into a woozy sitting position. “It’ll distract everypony while I change my name and run away to Vanhoofer.” 

He felt like he should have a hoof on her shoulder but Sassy’s head needed supporting, so he settled for a sympathetic smile. “I could set fire to his fringe instead?” 

“A true, true friend,” Rarity smiled. 

Then blinked. 

“Oh my. Isn’t that…?”

“The Masked Healer?” Johnny and Sassy joined in, squinting. Well, Johnny was, one of Sassy’s pupils was still the size of a bit and spinning. 

“Prince Blueblood?” asked the totem headed mentor character from the classic tale of ponies putting aside their differences to find and (spoiler alert) create paradise together that had warmed the hearts of generations since the 100th Celestial year.

“Indubitably,” the prince beamed perfectly, eyebrows waggling. 

“DESTROY!”

“Pleased to meet you. Exotic name! French?” Blueblood asked with Sassy Saddles instilled politeness and possibly hereditary obliviousness. 

Snikt. Then: “WUAGH!” 


***


Johnny, survivor of hundreds of sword and spear fights, flinched in psychosomatic sympathy as a scythe like blade sprouted from the beak of the Healer’s mask. The Prince only avoided a lethal third nostril between both eyes because the tip struck his horn, bowling 200 pounds of vanity muscle head over heels.

The Healer staggered away, mask vibrating. The startled crowd backed up uncertainly as he shook his head, instinctively trying to avoid that blade. 

Crowded, Johnny thought, and that thing’s got a long reach. Even the ponies near the exits’ll be crushed if there’s a panic. 

“DESTROY!” the Healer bellowed again, charging after the still rolling Blueblood, his green and gold snakeskin like robes billowing behind him and golden theatre lights flashing off his weapon.

…was that a glint of pink? 

“DESTROY!” 

“Diplomatic immunity!” Blueblood yelped, managing to finish his roll in a gallop, lunging for the lobby’s extra long front desk to avoid another swish. “I have diplomatic immunity! And influence! Money?! No, wait, not money. Several country estates? Perhaps an autographed collection of memorabilia for 99-gems-99?!”

He’d vaunted onto the top and was scuttling backwards to avoid the constantly pecking blade, staff tumbling from their swivel chairs as sparks rose from the ruined marble top, tickets and receipts flung almost to the chandeliers. 

“DESTROY!” 

“My proje-woggy-gect!” Sassy cried, clasping distraught hooves to the sides of her face. “Rarity, do something!”

“Me?” the other Unicorn said distantly, watching Blueblood desperately levitate an elderly Earth Pony’s walking stick into the path of the Healer’s blade, his Pegasus wife and granddaughter grabbing him before he collapsed. 

“You save people, don’t you?!” 

“DESTROY!” 

“Ah, right. Right.” Rarity’s blue eyes slowly drifted to track Blueblood’s progress as, walking stick now in bite sized pieces on the floor, he began snatching up random stationary to hurl at his attacker. “People.” 

What didn’t miss the Healer’s head entirely bounced uselessly off the glamorous wooden mask. Not to be deterred, even as he reached the end of the desk and toppled off, Blueblood began grabbing random items from stunned patrons still too close to the action, lobbing jewellery, drinks, hors d'oeuvres and pocket watches. 

“DESTROY!” 

“Je ne parle pas Français!” Blueblood squealed as a top hat became two perfect pieces. “So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! Adieu!”

The chase was circling back towards them. Johnny glanced at a nearby waiter, drinks tray held perfectly still from shock. “Hey, you bussing those?”

“No?!”

“Sweet, thanks.” He handed the kid a voucher for 50 gems, since the drinks would probably still be taken out of the poor guy’s paycheck, and grabbed the tray. 

“DESTROY!” the Healer roared triumphantly as his latest stab managed to strike the floor inches from Blueblood’s hooves, forcing him to trip onto his back like a helpless turtle facing an oncoming asteroid. 

“I NEED AN ADULT!” Prince Blueblood screamed to the ceiling. 

The beak swung down! And clanged off a serving tray so hard it almost forced itself back in. 

“DESTROY?!” the Healer howled, staggering. 

“Inside voice,” Johnnycake smirked, standing over Blueblood and trying to ignore the vibrations still shooting up and down his forelegs. 

“DESTROY!” 

The Healer lunged again. Johnny swung the tray to the side as hard as he could, smacking the blade off course and shoulder charging into the attacker’s suddenly exposed side to force him back. If he could get this guy off his hooves…the problem was the length of that blade…

“Johnnycake!” Blueblood cried in delight, throwing his quivering forelegs around his saviours’ closest hind leg. “I knew you had to be good for something, you glorious mutant freak!” 

Scratch that, the problem was motivation. 

“Get off!” Johnny wobbled from the sudden weight as the Healer shook his head, slicing a lobby plant to ribbons. “I’m trying to save you here!” 

“Trying?!” Blueblood fumed. “I don’t pay you for trying Storm, I pay you for doing!” 

“You’re not paying me!”

“Not with that attitude I’m not!” 

“For Celestia’s—” Johnny realised glaring at the fop was a bad idea when a single minded lunatic, with a knife for a nose, only needed seconds to recover and come charging at them like now! “—SAKE!”

It was actually pretty clever on paper. First thing that popped into his head, from years of having to handle a superpower that was more versatile than most ponies assumed, but also just as dangerous as they instinctively suspected. Super heat the middle of the tray so that it became molten or, another way of looking at it, soft. 

Okay, maybe not the most obvious thing for blocking an attack, but think of it like jamming a knife into molasses. Even the sharpest one would get stuck, right? Even thrust with the proportionate strength of a spider. So what they wound up with was the tip of the blade poking out the glowing centre of the tray, inches from Johnny’s face, and mercifully robbed of momentum as the molten mess glooped itself closed. 

Unfortunately, what they also ended up with, as the Healer reared back, was an only slightly shorter blade which was now sort of on fire and had a hammer of almost liquid hot steel on the end. 

“DESTR--”

“Pardon me!” 

The Healer whirled then toppled to the floor as a cyan corona yanked the piece of robe he’d been standing on out from under him. 

“I hate to do this to an Esperia original, but needs must!” 

Rarity half danced around the stunned figure, horn glowing as the other ends stylishly snaked around the Healer’s body, his sleeves wrapping his forelegs around his chest like a straitjacket. For good measure she levitated the blade into the air and rammed it into the floor, sending a not entirely unpleasant coldness shooting down Johnny’s spine. 

The Healer’s head flopped free of his mask and bounced off the carpet. His eyes were blinking, unfocused and seemed to be tinged pink. “De…stroy…?”

Rarity blinked down at the homicidal actor then up at Johnny, who could only blink back. They both looked down at the quivering Blueblood, trying to hide behind Johnny’s tail. Sassy trotted over and put a hoof on his back but could only stare at the other two. 

They all looked at the crowd, which was unfortunately looking back. 


***

The polite cough was like a gentle gunshot. All eyes jumped to Princess Luna, resplendent in a silvery evening ensemble and trotting up to the group around the downed Healer. 

“Filles and Gentlecolts, please give a round of applause for the Royal Amateur Dramatic Society’s pre-show entertainment!”

The crowd broke into relieved hoof clapping and stamping. Luna’s magic levitated the elderly Earth Pony’s repaired walking stick back to him and began rearranging the kiosks, as well as strategically re-positioning furniture to hide all the blade marks in the walls. Johnny hoof gunned and winked to add to the effect and for the sheer fun of it. 

“Oh, a pre-show!” Blueblood sprang back up as if somepony had pressed a button, beaming and using Johnny’s tail to wipe his hooves. “How very abstract! Marvellous!”

“Yes, precious,” Sassy mumbled uncertainly. She looked at Luna and gave a shaky bow. “Um, your highness.”

“Ms. Saddles. We adore your Sleek Yet Serine line. It really spoke to us.” Luna’s face was completely stoic as she levitated a small key with a pass dangling from it into Sassy’s grip. The pass had her cutie mark on it. 

“Perhaps you would be so good as to join me and my—” She made a face. “—nephew in my private box while I inform Board Treader’s understudy they’ll have to step up tonight. It’s the one with the guards. And large seats one can have a nice lie down on.” 

Sassy smiled queasily but gratefully, lashed the end of her tail slightly to get Blueblood’s attention, and joined the throng streaming into the now open main doors. 

“Ms. Rarity,” Luna smiled as the Element bowed, eyes sliding ruefully to Johnny. “Ms. Rarity’s plus one.” 

“Always a pleasure, your highness.” 

They hadn’t had this Mmmm,-Yes,-You routine long, but Johnny meant it. Sure, he could  be the cheeky as a button fire imp with Princess Celestia but wouldn’t have as much fun with it. It’d be kinda like having an insult contest with your mom. 

“Yes, he’s a wag.” Rarity self-consciously readjusted her tiara as Luna examined the semi-conscious Board Treader. “Um, your highness, if you don’t mind me asking. What was…all that?”

“Not at all, Miss Rarity,” Luna smiled. “It was unexpected. And is royal business.” 

“Ah.” 

“Yes. We are sorry for any inconvenience. Please take your seats and enjoy the rest of the night.” 

Johnny squinted. “This rando freaked out and tried to perforate that big—your nephew, and you’re just blowing off the ponies who saved him and snatching the case?” 

“Yes. We are.” Luna’s magic topped off Rarity’s knots with a larger one so she could haul the actor into the air with her like a stork delivery, taking flight over the crowd. “Goodnight.” 

“Hold on a minute!” 

“Johnny.” Rarity put a hoof to his chest, forcing him to both stop stomping after Luna and Flaming On in case he burned her. “I know, but if it was your family you’d get a tad…territorial too, right?” 

“Fair,” Johnny sighed. 

A beat as the crowd streamed around them, occasionally offering them a passing compliment for the most convincing fake struggle to the death they’d ever seen. 

“Plus, it’s Blueblood, right?” Johnny smirked. 

“There is that.” Rarity tried to hold in her giggles, partly from the adrenaline comedown, and offered her foreleg. “Mr. Storm.” 

“Ms. Belle.”

He took it and led her into the comfortable dimmed lights of the stage, looking for her seats.

But even if there hadn’t been something familiar about that pink sheen in the actor’s eyes, the supine expression on his face, whatever this was had butted in on his time with Rarity. Brought a blade into the same room as one of the best friends he’d ever make. 

Royal business. Okay. But he was going to find a way to make it Storm business as soon as he got back home. 

…man, why did Sue keep not letting him into the ad department? Storm Business. That was gold.


To be Continued