THE LIST OF THINGS THAT ARCANE CATALYST MAY NOT DO AT LOONEY BIN'S ASYLUM FOR THE INSANE
-Arca is not allowed to magically alter the printing press to make all our outgoing mail get sent to his cell because 'he felt lonely'.
-Under no circumstances is Arca to find out this is an asylum. He thinks it is a resort hotel, keep it that way.
-Electroshock therapy is not a 'new spa treatment', and Arca is not allowed to encourage staff to join him.
-Padded walls are not to be used for pillow fights.
-Conjugal visits are not allowed anymore until somepony figures out how to explain what that really means to Arca.
-Razzle Dazzle is not allowed to attempt the above explanation until she pays for the cleanup of the flock of birds and swarm of bees Arca summoned.
-The asylum does not have any secret rooms, puzzle doors, dark cults, or anything else one would find in an Ogres & Oubliettes campaign.
-Monitor Arca during feeding times, lest he mix the drinks and food into a potion of varying danger and effectiveness.
-Arca is no longer allowed to purposely act out in order to receive a dose of the 'Happy night-night needle' sedative.
-He is also not allowed to brew his own.
-Arca has used several methods to attempt escape. Be on the lookout for any of the following, and similar plans:
-Although playing Beethoofen's 5th symphony on the bongos was an impressive feat, Arca is not allowed to play music during sing-along hour unless it has lyrics.
-Death metal is no longer allowed during sing-along hour.
-You know what, Arca is banned from sing-along hour.
-Following 'the incident nopony wants to mention', Arca is no longer allowed within 50 feet of a yogurt cup.
-If The Duck is within 50 miles of the building, and you will know as Arca will become agitated, nothing will hold him. Leave him on the front steps of the building, hide in the basement, and pray.
-"Crazy-hooves Joe said I could" is not an excuse for breaking the rules.
-Double-dog dares are not excuses, either.
-Straightjackets are not to be used for any of the following:
-Princess Celestia is allowed to visit Arca at any time, provided he is aware of her visiting.
-Even though 'Mister Splinters' is completely tame (somehow), no timberwolves are allowed for show and tell.
-If Arca has to ask, he probably shouldn't know.
-If you have to ask Arca, you probably don't want to know either.
-There are not ninjas in the building. And if there were, the fact that anypony knows they are here means they aren't doing their job.
-No, Arca is not a ninja. That certificate was written in crayon.
-Arca can be placated with candy, but only in an emergency. Celestia help us if he has a sugar rush.
-Brain surgery is not an option. Under all that crazy is one of the smartest minds in Equestria. Even if that mind is highly unstable.
-Do NOT tell any new staff that Arca doesn't age. The thought of working with him from day one until retirement is enough to make the staff as crazy as the patients.
-If Arca claims to have lost 'something important', put the building on lockdown until it is known how dangerous the thing is.
-If Arca is concerned about something, it's usually worth fixing.
-Just because half the patients beat their heads against the wall, Arca is not allowed to do it to "fit in with the cool colts."
-Trying to kill a spider is also not an excuse to headbutt a hole in the wall.
-Arca is no longer allowed at the morning workout after replacing the usual music with a techno rave.-Arca is allowed to disregard all rules on this list at his leisure
-Arca is not to edit this list, even if he asks Celestia to change it for him. Sorry, your majesty.
-Arca is not allowed to prove dark magic works through tinfoil hats. That just makes things worse.
-No selling potions to any patients or staff, or brewing potions on site.
"Why does it cut off right here, Celestia?" Twilight looked up from the torn, singed piece of paper. Celestia had given her one of the older lists from an asylum that had long since been shut down.
Celestia gazed out the train window as the royal coach rattled along on its way back to Canterlot. "Allow me to answer your question with a question. What happened to Looney Bin's Asylum for the Insane?"
"That's easy," Twilight replied, sitting up and adopting a lecturer's posture. "it's one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of that place. There was a massive explosion and fire that burned the whole place down without any injuries. It had to have been deliberate since no pony was hurt, but the only pony alive at the time capable of precise magic on that big a scale is you, and you weren't involved."
Celestia sipped her tea, wondering if Twilight would put two and two together. Maybe just one more nudge in the right direction… "And after today, and reading that list, which was the only document to survive the fire, can you really say I was the only pony who could have detonated the place?" She watched as Twilight's eyes widened, the pieces finally fitting together. "Yes, before news of the explosion and fire even reached me, Arcane was marching into my throne room in a tattered straight jacket and carrying that paper. Once he heard that last rule, he decided that with nowhere to sell potions, his 'vacation' was officially over. The staff mounted a defense to try and stop him, but… well, you know the rest. I'm surprised it took him that long to snap."
"Wait," Spike chimed in, setting his sapphire cupcake aside. "You say that like you knew he was going to blow the place up."
"Oh, I did." A chuckle escaped the lips of the solar princess. "That place was covering up several crimes against equinity: illegal and inequine 'treatments', subpar sanitation, staff without proper credentials… they hid it well enough that I couldn't take direct action… so I simply sent them a new patient. One that only one place has been able to hold. The rest took care of itself, nopony was hurt, and that horrid place had to rebuild under my supervision for compliance to health laws."
Twilight shook her head slightly, allowing the information to settle. "Okay, I definitely believe you now that he's that powerful. But what facility can hold Arca, if that place couldn't?"
Celestia grinned. "The only place that can hold Arcane isn't even aware it's holding him. Rainbow Falls."