I decided to pay absolutely no attention to the trio of pony heads that tried to peek in through Cheerilee's windows. And, somewhat later, when I left, I carefully ignored the fact that my three rescuees were trussed up with the Cutie Mark Crusader Who-Knew-Whats sitting on top of them, staring down with rather severe expressions.
The three adult ponies loved me so much they worshiped me. I didn't know if there was a word to describe how the CMCs felt about their teacher.
We arrived in Canterlot as the sun set, and the palace staff had made arrangements for me to meet the Princesses - a couple of times, as I had several different issues to deal with, with them.
Firstly was a quick meeting with Princess Luna and the Pillar mother and daughter, Alabaster and Marble - the latter of whom was once again in the seapony form the poison joke had repeatedly given her. She was in a wheelchair, with a damp blanket covering her lower half, but didn't seem to be taking any pains to hide her fins this time. Before I could ask, her mother shoved a wooden box, about the size of a couple of large pizza boxes stacked together. "Here," Alabaster stated. She glanced at the Princess. "Are you checking, Your Highness?" At Luna's nod, Alabaster turned back to me. "It took a rather extreme amount of trouble to locate and acquire - but I am firmly convinced that you will find that this book's information is at least as valuable to you as your stated price."
It was my turn to glance at Luna, who nodded. "She speaks the truth, at least so far as she understands it."
I nodded, then turned back to the Pillars. "In that case, I will arrange for, as you put it, the curse on your house to be removed. When I do, I recommend that you remember the punchline to the old joke: 'Itemized bill: Hitting it with a hammer, two bits; Knowing where to hit it with a hammer, nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight bits'."
That earned me a glare. Alabaster rose up to put her forehooves on the back of Marble's chair, but the daughter whispered something to her, there was a brief conversation, and with a snort, Alabaster hopped back down and left the room without another word.
Marble glanced at the Princess. "I would like to talk to Doctor Missy for a few minutes, Your Highness; there is no need to trouble you with the details, if there is somewhere else you would prefer to be." Luna glanced at me, I shrugged, and the Princess left to wherever it was that Princesses went between meetings.
I looked at Marble with a raised eyebrow.
"The short version: I want to surrender to you."
I blinked, and frowned. "There is no need - the cure is yours for whenever you ask, and when the curse is removed, you shouldn't need it any further."
She smiled a little. "That is only the single battle. I have been... collecting information on you - and I desire the entire war between you and my family to stop. Unfortunately, Mother will not stop. She sees you only as a mere cow who has humiliated her entire family, and will stop at nothing to destroy all that you hold dear, and then you. I believe that if she does so, you have both the ability and willingness to sweep our entire House away, with neither compunction nor remorse. I do not understand the nature of your power - only that you have it, and that at least some of it comes from an accurate oracle or prophet - something else my mother would not stop until she got her hooves on."
This... wasn't anywhere near the direction I had expected this talk to go, but I was at least glad for having put as many layers of security over BLUE WELL and the other Dairy projects as I had, and tried to rally to the conversation at hoof. "What, exactly, are you proposing?"
"For one thing - I need to make a clear and permanent break between myself and my mother. Her tactics have served our family well in the past, but they are precisely the wrong ones for dealing with you. I am quite aware of her species preferences, and that if I ceased to be a unicorn, she would consider me lost - so I am going to tell her that the cure no longer works on me."
"I'm not going to be able to support you in such a deception."
"Yes, we know you avoid lying - except when lives are at stake. This lie will prevent a vendetta between you and my house from destroying many lives - is that not worth bending your commitment to the truth?"
I frowned. "It would be - but the chain of causation between the lie and the lives saved is tenuous and weak... and I haven't even started trying to think of some other, less deceptive plan to accomplish the same end. Not to mention that with the lie you describe, your mother might go to extreme measures to find a way around - including kidnapping you and stealing a sample of the cure, just to be sure it really doesn't work."
"Then perhaps I will simply tell her that I have come to prefer being a seapony to a 'true' unicorn, and that if she tries to turn me back, I will find a way to get myself cursed again. You wouldn't need to be involved in that at all."
"Now that you have told me of it, I already am. I consider 'lying' to be a specific case of a more general act: that of deliberately distorting somepony else's understanding of the universe."
"It wouldn't be a lie, or a distortion - exactly. When I was first transformed, I hated everything about this shape - even just swimming. But now, after some time with it, I've... well, I may not be especially fond of it, but I've gotten used to it."
With a rather strong effort, I kept all expression from my face. "Yes," I said, "I've read that is a common reaction of ponies magically turned into other things." I tried to turn the conversation to another direction. "You do realize, I hope, that even if I accept your 'surrender', I'm not going to trust you one whit. You did try to arrange to have me killed, and so on."
"I quite understand. About the best I'm hoping to get out of this is for you to think of mother and I as being separate individuals - and that I have no plans to share in her guilt in anything she does from this point forward."
I considered. "That," I finally said, "is something I can work with. If no further evidence arises of collaboration between the two of you, then I'll try to treat you as an innocent - well, as innocent as any other pony I know has acted unethically but hasn't been convicted and has no connection to a given incident. But I suggest that you stay as far away from your mother as possible."
"I will not even be returning to our Canterlot residence. I have discussed certain aspects of this with Princess Celestia, and will be taking employment inspecting Canterlot's reservoir, so that I will not need to touch the family's funds even for basic support. It will not endear me to most of my family's traditional allies, who see anything resembling manual labor as being beneath nobility - but what I lose from them, I may more than make up for in sympathy from others, as I act as 'such an inspiring role-model', 'making the best of' my situation, and all that. When I eventually inherit my full title from mother, I could end up with even greater support amongst the Barn than mother ever did."
"That's... nice for you, I'm sure. If you'll excuse me, I seem to have a book to put somewhere safe before my next meeting." I felt a rather strong urge to wash my hooves.
"Princess Celestia - how long has it been since you visited a certain brown alicorn who lives with a tree almost as large as all of Canterlot?"
"You've seen Terra?" Well, at least I finally got her name. "How did you find her?"
"A very nice dodge - but you haven't answered my question."
"Perhaps... a year. Maybe two."
"Put another way - not since Princess Luna returned?"
"I suppose not."
"She saw the change in the moon. I'd suggest both of you go say 'hi'... sooner, rather than later, given how easy it is for an immortal to find a reason to postpone things."
"I will take your advice under advisement."
"Good - in the meantime, there's the matter for which I sent the message to request this meeting. Three ponies with a massive love-potion overdose - and I was the first being they laid their eyes on."
"So I read. It should be possible to cure them; there is a risk, but it is a small one, and the main difficulty is the energy required for the disenchantment. Using magic to remove love is much more difficult than inducing it."
"Actually... I wanted to talk to you about that."
"About what?"
"About whether altering their minds that way is the right thing to do."
I got a very cold glare from her. "I had thought better of you, Missy. Surely you are aware that the affection they are showing you is not real, and they have their own lives to return to."
"Your Highness - would you be willing to let me remove the love you feel for your sister?"
"That is an entirely different thing - that arose naturally, not as the result of magic."
"And no magic was involved in bringing Nightmare Moon to remember Luna's love for you?"
There was a brief pause. Finally, she said, "Perhaps I should allow you to explain what it is you have in mind."
I nodded, thankfully. "I'm not saying that we need to leave them as they are - just that we may not need to change them. From what I remember of psychological texts, the most important thing to consider in an intervention is whether a condition negatively impacts their life. It's the difference between a pony who likes making checklists, and one who can't function without making them. If any of these three are still competent to make their own decisions and direct their own lives - then do we have the right to alter their minds against their will?"
"If we do not, then the way that they previously thought will not come back. Their original self would want us to return them to that state."
"And if we do, then the way that they think now will go away, and not come back. And the self they are now would want us to return them to this state. Is it so completely unambiguously obvious that having them the one way instead of the other is better than the other, so that we shouldn't even consider the possibility that we're wrong?"
"I am guessing that you have something in mind?"
"Possibly. I'm hoping for your advice - you have much more experience in various legal matters than I do, which I'm presuming includes determining whether or not a pony is competent to handle their own affairs."
Her eyes sparkled. "I believe I may be able to find something. Tell me more of these little ponies..."
"Hello, Navy," I said. Princess Celestia was seated on a small throne, and I was reclining mostly on my side, on a floor pillow. I wasn't exactly happy with this plan - but I had asked for Celestia's help with this, and this was how she'd decided to intervene.
The blue mare was trembling in place, looking from me to the Princess and back. For once, the wordsmith was tongue-tied.
I continued with the script Celestia had given me. "We have been discussing how to deal with you. Some of the suggestions have been to return you to your previous life, or," I casually rubbed a forehoof down my ribs and onto my udder, "whether I should consider allowing you to-"
I was interrupted as Navy blurted out a cry of "Madre!" and dove through the air at me.
Just as her muzzle surrounded one of my teats, Celestia calmly said, "Sleep," and with a glow of alicorn magic, Navy collapsed. Celestia glanced sidelong at me. "I believe the results are clear enough?"
I nodded, as I pulled myself out of Navy's mouth. "If she has that little self control, even right in front of your royal presence - change her back."
"Hello, Blanche," I nodded at the white pegasus. She wasn't trembling, but was rather tense, all four hooves planted widely. "We have been discussing your case, and how best to deal with you."
"Am I to be... punished?"
Celestia answered, "No, my little pony. I do not believe you have done anything of your own free will which deserves punishment. I would like to undo the magic which has affected your mind-"
"No!" With a sudden leap into the air, Blanche spread her wings. The Royal Guard spread their own - but Blanche dove away from the Princess, tucked and curled and broke through a stained glass window.
Both Celestia and I sat there, bemused, as the sounds of a full-fledged chase came from outside. As the noises faded into the distance, Celestia said, "Well - I certainly wasn't expecting that."
"I told you she was fixated on getting me to pay attention to her, no matter what it took to get my notice."
"You did. I assume that when she is captured, you have no objection to my curing her?"
I pursed my lips as I looked at the window. "I think you mean 'if' she is captured, but yes."
"Hello, Brick."
"Hello, Missy, Hello, Your Highness." The unicorn gave a bow to me, then to her - this meeting was already going rather differently.
"Princess Celestia and I have been discussing what we should do with you."
"Have you decided yet?"
"Not quite yet. The Princess has suggested that we counter the charm which makes you love me."
"If that's what you decide, then I'm sure it's for the best." She gave a brief shudder. "But... I'd rather you didn't."
I glanced at Celestia, who raised an eyebrow at me. I turned back to Brick. "One thing we're trying to figure out is what would be best for you, personally."
"Can I say what I think about that?"
I nodded. "That's what you're here for."
"Okay." She took a breath, then let it out. "Before the pool - I was pretty much a slacker. No real goals, just kind of grazing through life. Navy and Blanche almost had to drag me to go along with their project. If you turn me back - I'll probably go back to doing that sort of thing. But since I learned the truth about Missy," and her eyes sparkled, "from the moment I first open my eyes in the morning, I try to think of what I can do to make her happiest with me. I've put more effort into studying in the last few days than I did in all of college put together. Just from what she's taught me so far, I already know that I can make more of a difference than I ever thought I could before - and I have so much more I can learn from her, to do even more with my life."
My eyes widened, and then I double-facehoofed. "Holy shamoly, we've got a cure for akrasia!"
Celestia politely inquired, "Huh?"
I started to inhale to speak, but Brick beat me to the punch. "The state where a pony knows they really should do something, but somehow just don't get around to doing it. One particular form of it is usually called 'procrastination'." She looked a bit smug at having the definition so ready - a feeling she might be entitled to, since I'd only mentioned it once, in passing, to Navy, while Brick had been working on a paper-and-pencil puzzle I'd given to her.
Brick looked at me. I looked at Celestia. Celestia looked like she had indigestion. "I am not happy," she said. "Leaving a spell in place for a long period is not a choice to be taken lightly. There may come a time when it has become such a part of the pony, that it can no longer be removed." She looked down at Brick. "I am going to want a full psychological evaluation to determine whether or not what you say about yourself is accurate. And if I ever decide that this enchantment does you more harm than good, I will immediately remove it. Is that clear?"
Brick said, "Missy?"
I had to clear my throat a time or two before I said, "I have no objection to what she said."
Brick's smile was an instant of pure joy.
My frown was an instant of pure disgust.
I was looking at the first few photographs of the pages of the book the Pillars had given me - and was seriously debating whether I should burn the whole thing.
The book was the scientific journal, for lack of a better word, of a pony from a few centuries ago. Whoever wrote it, was a unicorn whose talent was transformation magic... and who wanted to know what some of the limits of such magic were.
Like what would happen if he turned a pony into water, and then someone drank her.
Or if a pony were turned into a tree, who had a branch removed. Or a branch grafted in from another tree.
Or what would happen if a pony were youthened to precisely one day old - and then youthened by a further 48 hours.
There were charts. Plots. Careful recordings of every aspect of every experiment, and the results.
There were precise diagrams of every result.
Some ponies ended up with absolutely no detectable harm done to them. Not even after a full dissection.
Some weren't so lucky.
I put the papers away. If nothing else, my possessing this text meant that nopony else had it. It was even possible that, buried somewhere in the pages, was information that could one day be useful.
I was still very, very tempted to burn the thing.
The Princesses and I were sipping hot chocolate in a sitting room, with the foot-long sliver of Ursa Major bone on a table between us. Luna had been especially disturbed to learn that the Star Beast was dead - she said that she could guess the exact date that it had happened, but hadn't paid attention to the reverberations that had happened to her night sky, as she'd still been encouraging the stars to get used to her being in control of things again. (Or, at least, that's the way she put it.)
And once that had been talked over - the three of us allowed ourselves a fairly relaxed chat about anything and everything under the sun and stars.
"I do not," I declared at one point, "want to baptize anyone else in that pool. Even if Brick is doing better - a one-out-of-three rate of improvement isn't worth abandoning all respect for ponies' mental integrity."
At another, Luna said, "Art thou ready to swear eternal personal fealty to either of us, yet?"
"I'm not even ready to swear eternal fealty to your government."
"And yet thou dost direct an increasing part of its functions."
I took a sip before answering. "I'm entirely willing to consider the possibility that, one day, the best interests of Equestria would be served by the two of you no longer being associated with its government. And if that day ever comes, I will work for that goal as diligently as I work for any other. But - unless there's one of those extremely implausible situations philosophers like to dream up, such as 'what would you do if a madman said they'd kill an innocent if you did that', if such a day even looks like it may come, then I have every intention of being clear and upfront with both of you about why I'm thinking what I'm thinking, well before I even make any preparations for taking such an action. If my reasoning is right, then I'd hope you see it too, and would voluntarily step down; and if my reasoning is wrong, then I'd hope you could point out the flaw."
"And if thou couldst not gain our agreement?"
"Then I would do everything I could to minimize the harm done to the innocent ponies - but would still work according to the dictates of my conscience, not to the dictates of a particular government."