//------------------------------// // Breaking Down // Story: Learning To Live Again // by Speedy Quill //------------------------------// I found my dreams filled with a horde of Discords. They were flying around in circles, laughing at me. I couldn’t help but be annoyed at the endless laughing. The only thing worse was that they kept inserting phrases of conversation from our encounter the other day. “You’re one of the dull ones now.” “You’re still trying?” “Why did you have to ruin my fun?” “I can’t wait to see you suffer.” I was grinding my teeth after a few minutes of this and began firing energy bolts at the horde. They simply vanished one by one, laughing all the louder at my attacks. “Why so edgy? Did I have an effect on you?” I turned to find one remaining Discord. He was sitting in a chair, reading a newspaper. “What are you doing here Discord?” “Am I really here? This is a dream after all.” “Don’t play dumb with me.” “Honestly! I don’t think I’m the real Discord. I think I’m just a dream version.” “You really expect me to believe that?” “It doesn’t matter to me. It’s your dream.” He set the newspaper down and smirked at me. “So why do you think I’m here?” “That’s what I just asked you.” “Let’s assume I’m not real then. Answer the question.” My brow furrowed as the frustration built up. As it did, more Discords popped into existence. They all began laughing and chanting. “You’re a pony now. You’re a pony now. You’re a pony now.” I covered my ears. “Shut up already!” The main Discord stepped forward. “My, my. Having a little trouble with reality?” I glared at him. “What are you talking about?” The crowd inched closer. “I can’t wait to see you suffer.” For the first time I felt something other than annoyance or frustration. A chill ran down my spine as their words landed. The main Discord nodded. “There you go.” Before I could say anything, a loud, thunder-like noise echoed through my dreamscape. The Discords faded as my world grew dark. —————————— I woke up, discovering the noise to be a knock at my door. It took me a moment to form coherent words. “Come in.” The door opened. I expected to see Rain Cloud but was surprised by a thin stallion instead. “Good morning sir. Are you ready to begin your day?” I rolled over in my bed. “Does it look like I’m ready? Who are you anyway?” “I’m Gold Feather. I’m your aide for the day.” “Do you guys normally switch off like this?” “I presume you mean Rain Cloud? Yes. We switch every other day. That way we don’t get overworked.” “Lucky for you two. I’ve got to work all day, overworked or not.” I sat up and stretched. “What’s on the agenda?” “A few committee meetings, a ribbon cutting for a new fountain, and your imminent death.” I froze, staring at the side. “What did you say?” “A few committee-“ “The last thing you said.” “The luncheon with Manehattan’s mayor?” That’s not what he’d said....was it? I stood up and walked towards the door. “I need some breakfast before all of this. How long do I have?” “Forty minutes.” “Long enough.” I walked through the halls, shaking off my dream. I must have misheard Gold Feather. I was still groggy after all. —————————— The meetings went by without any trouble. Committees had become my bread and butter. Gold Feather was leading the way towards the fountain I was opening. “Celestia has a speech written already. Though some of the wording will need to be switched around for you.” “I read it already. I think I can switch out the words myself.” I could tell that surprised him, but he didn’t break his gaze from the path ahead. “Oh...alright. Well we should be there in just a minute.” I did my best not to chuckle. He’d been like this most of the day. “You seem a bit tense Gold Feather.” “What makes you say that?” “You’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding eye-contact today.” “I’m not-“ He cut himself off before he could argue. I finally saw his eyes turn toward me. “You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve only ever heard of you until today. Celestia usually doesn’t require Rain Cloud or myself past breakfast. Usually just a briefing in the morning, you know?” “Haven’t helped out in a while I take it?” “Our days are usually filled with going over the schedules for the whole month! So when she told us we’d be helping her Right Hoof....we were surprised. We know little about you. And from what I can tell by looking at you, you’re not exactly...normal.” I grinned. “Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. And your honesty too. I could tell Rain Cloud was a little wary around me, but she also seemed...curious.” Gold Feather smiled. “She’s been curious about things ever since she started working here. Curiosity is a young pony’s default.” “She doesn’t seem that young.” “She’s younger than me at least. I’m dreading my next birthday.” “You don’t look much older than me!” “I’m closer to forty than I’d care to admit. I’ve just gotten lucky with my looks. Hopefully they hold out. You look closer to Rain Cloud’s age. Mid-twenties?” I couldn’t help chuckling. “Around there.” We turned a corner, and the fountain came into view. There was a small crowd already. I wondered if more would come. Gold Feather stopped, signaling for me to as well. “Are you ready for death?” I froze. “What?” He looked at me, obviously puzzled. “I asked you if you’re ready for the speech...” I stared at him for several seconds before answering. “...Yes. I’ll be...fine.” Gold Feather looked at me for a few seconds. I did my best to put out an air of confidence, but something told me I wasn’t selling it. Gold Feather looked over towards the fountain. “You know I really should make sure they’re ready to turn the fountain on at the right moment. I might need a few minutes.” He looked at me again, a knowing look in his eye. “Will you be ok waiting?” I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll just...collect my thoughts.” Gold Feather gave a curt nod and walked towards the fountain. I sat down for a moment and tried to remember my breathing exercises. I can’t wait to watch you suffer. Why was this coming up today? I had been dealing with my new body for a little now. Surely I wasn’t hung up on something like my mortality, was I? I was like everypony now. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm my mind. I had a speech to get through right now. Discord’s mind games had to be put on the backburner. Surely Celestia had done that a time or two. It must be possible. “Are you good?” I opened my eyes to find Gold Feather in front of me. I nodded. “Yeah. I can do this.” I trotted forward to a pedestal situated in front of the fountain. Ponies eyes were beginning to lock on to me. I cleared my throat and began. “Good afternoon everypony! I apologize that Celestia couldn’t be here herself. She’s been called to the Crystal Empire for a family matter. But she’s left me the great honor of dedicating this fountain today. Not only does this bring new beauty to the area, but a wonderful-“ You’re one of the dull ones now. “-reminder of the unity between all ponies. The statues commissioned for the center of this fountain depict a unicorn, an earth pony, and a pegasus holding hooves in friendship. A marvelous piece of art for-“ You’re going to die. I felt another chill run along my spine. “-all to...enjoy. So, without further delay, I dedicate this fountain.” I motioned to the nearby maintenance pony, and he turned the valve connected to the fountain. It sprang to life with water raining down into the basin. Everypony began cheering and stomping their hooves. I did my best to compose myself. I could feel the sweat beginning to roll down my head. Gold Feather quickly approached. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing!” He flinched. I hadn’t meant to yell. I took a deep breath and tried again. “Nothing. Can we just head back towards the castle?” “Of course. We have to get ready for your lunch.” “Damn. I forgot about that. Is there anything else on the agenda?” “Actually no. It’s one of the first light days there’s been in a long time.” “Good. I think I’m not feeling well. But I can make it through the lunch.” “Are you sure? The mayor would understand.” I shook my head. “I’m fine.” “You’re limping! Did you step on something?” “No I’ve had that for a while.” “Really? That looks painful.” I looked back at my leg as we continued walking. I was hobbling along like my first day out of Everfree. Definitely acting worse than usual. “Damn leg. Come on!” I tried to walk more gracefully, but the effort caused my knee to buckle. Gold Feather jumped in front of me and kept me from hitting the ground. “Sweet Celestia! You weigh a ton! I mean...are you okay?” “Does it look like I am?” I looked around and noticed a few sets of eyes following us. I stood up as quickly as I could and brushed myself off. “Let’s just get back to the castle.” ———————————— Gold Feather had the lunch postponed as soon as we arrived. I tried to argue, but I was feeling more drained than ever. My leg was still causing me grief as we walked through the halls. “Are you absolutely sure there’s nothing else I need to be doing today?” “Positive. I’m going to get a doctor here to have a look at you.” “I don’t need a doctor.” “Your opinion doesn’t matter right now. You’re leading Equestria at the moment and we need to make sure you’re not about to die on us.” “Do you guys get this stubborn with Celestia?” “She’s over a thousand years old. She knows better.” Gold Feather helped me to my room, and I collapsed on the bed. Without another word, he left. I groaned at the thought of having a doctor in here. “The last thing I want is an exam.” ‘POOF’ “Now, now! I assure you I’m fully licensed!” My eyelids flew up to reveal Discord in a doctor’s coat. He flashed a mischievous grin and held up a tongue depressor. “Now open wide! Let’s see what the fuss is about.” I sat up and glared at the draconequs. “YOU!!” He dropped the depressor in surprise. “There’s no need to shout.” “This is all your fault!” With a snap, the coat disappeared, and a chair materialized. Discord sat down and summoned a cup of tea. “What are you blabbering about?” “All day I’ve been hearing your voice! What have you been up to?” “Hearing my voice? That sounds lovely! What was I saying?” “Don’t act like you don’t know! And let’s not forget you showing up in my dreams last night.” Discord began laughing. “Dreams? I don’t have any control over that realm. That’s Luna’s territory. I’m flattered you were dreaming of me though.” That made me pause. Had it really just been a dream? “But...if you weren’t...then...” I fell back on the bed again. “What did you do to me Discord?” He paused mid-sip and set his cup down. “Don’t you remember? I altered your anatomy? An extremely painful process? I really think you’d remember something like that.” “Can you be serious for a few minutes?” Discord lowered his head to my level and smiled. “I told you it was a lesson. Sometimes getting what you want isn’t always the best.” “The voices?” “Your guess is as good as mine. Though I would guess it’s that brain of yours. It’s panicking over its new mortality.” “I don’t care about being mortal.” “Your mouth is saying that. Your head obviously disagrees.” “So you’re saying that deep down-“ “You’re terrified of dying.” I let it sink in. He was right. Everything that had happened since my dream had been this deep-seated fear. “I’ve faced countless enemies. I lived in that damned forest. I’ve nearly died several times! Why should I fear death now?” Discord finished his tea and snapped it away. “Because it’s coming whether you want it to or not. You’re not quasi-immortal anymore. Two days ago you had centuries ahead of you. Now you’ll be lucky if you have eighty years at most. You never once considered the fact that being one of them would mean giving up your greatest advantage.” He snapped his claws and a bottle appeared in front of him. It contained a clear liquid in it. “Such a fragile thing.” I didn’t like the look of that vial. Something felt ominous about it. “What...is that?” He dangled the bottle in front of me and smiled. “This is your life-force. Or at least the extra from when I changed you.” “The extra?” “Bottled immortality to put it simply. We couldn’t have it go to waste now, could we?” He tossed me the bottle and I clumsily caught it with my hooves. I stared at it, shocked at the sight of my own life in front of me. “Why would you give it to me like this?” “Call it a last temptation.” “Temptation?” “If you drink that, you’ll regain all those lost years. Centuries of time, all for you.” I glared up at the draconequs. “You’re horrible, you know that?” “Thank you!” Discord stood up and snapped his chair away. “Well I think that covers my good deed for the month.” “Altering my biology and driving me insane counts as a good deed?” “Well I could just turn you into a cockroach if that will make you feel better.” “Why are you doing this to me? What gives you the right to toy with my fate like this?” He leaned in close once again and whispered. “Call it a trial run. I’m interested to know what you’ll choose.” He stood up straight and snapped his claws. ‘POOF’ I stood there for a moment, making sure I was alone. My gaze was locked on the bottle in front of me. I grabbed it with my magic and sent it over to a drawer. It tucked itself into a corner as the drawer shut. “A last temptation...” That had to be the most wicked act of them all. Dangling that sort of gift in front of me was cruel by so many standards. I sat on the bed and sighed, letting all the events of the day sink in. ‘Knock Knock’ “Come in.” The door opened to reveal Celestia. I jumped from the bed and grinned. “Welcome back! How was the Empire?” “It was...interesting. But I thought there might be somepony else you’d want to see.” She stepped aside to reveal my favorite alabaster unicorn. I felt my legs tremble a little at the sight of Rarity. Rarity ran forward and pulled me into a hug. “It’s so good to see you dear!” I wrapped my hooves around her. “I’m so glad you’re safe.” Celestia smiled and began to retreat. “We can talk later Shade. I’ll give you two sometime alone.” She shut the door behind her, leaving just Rarity and me. I felt my grip tighten around Rarity as the tears began rolling down my cheeks. Rarity pulled away, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?” The tears continued. “Nothing. I’ve just...had a bad day.” “What happened?” How was I supposed to explain it? What could I say? The longer I took to answer, the more worried she looked. “Please tell me Shade. Whatever it is can’t be that bad. I mean...it’s not like you’ve got something terminal, right?” Terminal...that wasn’t entirely wrong. The tears increased and I began to full-on cry. I collapsed on the bed as Rarity pulled me into her hooves. She let me cry into her shoulder as she whispered words of comfort in my ear. Through the blubbering I slowly told her everything. She never said a word. She took it all in without ever commenting on Discord, the dream, or the voices. She just held me and continued to let me know that everything would be okay.