After finishing his episode on Tartarus, Discord felt as if he needed a necessary break. Sure, there might have been a gap in time between the episodes for his series, but it felt like he was investing all of his time into it. Which, to some, might be seen as a good thing. But to others, if you solely are doing one thing over and over again and expecting the results to somehow be different, that’s just the definition of insanity. He needed a break. Possibly even a vacation, no matter how long it might last or where he’ll be going, he needed it.
Fortunately though, he had a backup plan to keep his viewers entertained. Ever since he asked for Starlight to assist him on his piece with Tartarus, he was wondering how she would do if she were to host an episode. Luna’s take on literature was a surprise hit, especially since it put a bit of a twist on the original formula that he and his viewers were used too. So perhaps if Starlight were given the chance to host, she could show her audience how she would do an episode while also revisiting an all too familiar topic.
That topic in particular being Royalty. More specifically, the ponies that refer to themselves as ‘nobles’. At one time, they were referred to as the ‘shrouded scumbags’ of Canterlot’s upper class, many of them have been finding themselves in hot water recently. It started a long while back with the unsuccessful attempts at running for Princess by Prince Blueblood and Spoiled Rich, but now has become the equivalent of a plummeting political trainwreck that was speeding downhill and already off the tracks that it was supposed to be on in the first place. Blueblood had jumped ship already, but many other ponies that were still consider themselves as nobles only made the problem worse to the point that RIO (Royal Intelligence Organization) had to open up an investigation into the conduct of the nobles, their affiliates and proposed policies.
Needless to say, many of them were not entirely amused by this and have been outright attacking the investigation and anypony involved ever since, despite the fact that not many of them had any idea what it was actually doing or how important the investigation actually was. Something like this was too big for anypony following it to pass up. As well as too big of a chance for Starlight just to simply ignore.
Before the episode did begin though, the draconequus did leave a bit of a notice for his audience. Just to make sure that they were on the same page. “Hello everypony, Discord here. You might be thinking… why exactly is Starlight here? Is she taking over for the show? Are you retiring like the princesses? Well, let me say that right now, I’m taking a bit of a well deserved holiday. So this week, Starlight is covering the piece that’s in store for you tonight. I hope you all enjoy it and try to not make her embarrassed just because it’s her first time doing it by herself… and no I don’t mean it that way. Get your mind out of the gutter, you idiots.”
After a few moments, the notice disappeared and now Starlight was sitting at the desk that Discord would usually sit at. However, instead of wearing anything particular or trying to be fancy, she was calm and relaxed and just be herself. Especially with her opening statement. “Good evening everypony. The nobles in Canterlot are unknowingly making the case that they know nothing about how the government while their policies hurt the country and they attack ongoing investigations. For more on this, it’s time to take a closer look,” A small transition into the next piece was seen as a few members in the crowd cheered for her before she began to speak again.
“Back in the day, when you would hear that somepony was noble, you would see them as being virtuous and honorable. Somepony that always has your back, like a comrade you would go into battle with,” An image of two royal guard soldiers fighting side by side was then seen as Starlight went into her next part. “But today when you hear the word noble, you think less of a comrade and more of an aristocratic douche who would be on the sidelines eating grapes and drinking wine while watching that pony fight their battles.”
The crowd began to burst into laughter as they saw a soldier being overrun by monsters, while there was a pony sitting in a laid back chair wearing a toga, leaf crown and eating grapes while holding a wine cup in one hoof. Just before Starlight added vocal impressions. “‘I thought you said you were going to support me!’. ‘Yeah, morally support you! I’m fine back here… Want some grapes?’” Some more laughter came after her impression as the screen changed back to what was a picture of several nobles in Canterlot.
“It’s crazy to think that in this day and age a group of ponies have changed society’s perception on something that’s supposed to be good and made it look downright awful. And to make things worse, the nobles themselves don’t even seem to see what the problem is. The policies that they’re proposing and the ponies that they’re bringing on to help them try to establish such policies are slowly corroding away at the pillars that make our government work,” As she said that, that was when Starlight brought up a perfect example. “It’s the equivalent of trying to fix a hole in the wall with a sledgehammer,” That picture was followed by an image of what looked like Carousel Boutique and a stallion repairman slamming a sledgehammer into the wall, while also making Rarity faint. “It not only doesn’t fix the original problem, but it also ends up making it much worse.”
More laughter began to echo from every creature in the room as the scenario as Starlight looked back at her audience and straightened up her shoulders. “Even with that in mind, many of these nobles don’t seem to know what they’re doing. One particular trend among some of them recently has been creating problems through policies that they propose and then later proclaiming that they actually solved them. Which is straight up ridiculous and yet, they’re still doing it. It’s like the movie ‘Brawl Bunch’, but instead of fighting each other, you’ll turn around to find a noble punching the crap out of themselves in the middle of Celestia’s garden.”
A new image of what looked to be a noble that had been working with Spoiled Rich was seen now, giving himself a left hoof to the face in front of the hedge maze at the garden as the crowd snickered and laughed at the clever imagery. “One day, they claim that the proposal would create jobs for those who don't have any and the next day, they take it back saying that its contents and policies would cripple the workforce. Seriously, I don’t want to see what would happen if those guys try to fight the reflections of themselves when they look at a mirror.”
The same stallion was seen in a new image, only to stare down himself as a scared servant in the hallway was watching him “‘I told you to stop looking at me like that! I got a mean left hoof and I’m not afraid to use it!!’” Starlight imitated the stallion to match the image as her audience cheered in agreement. “One of the reasons why that this train wreck is still going on this way and that it’s coming out like this is because these nobles have no sense or moral compass or any form of a strategy when coming up with something they want done. They try to present themselves in a particular way to the public and lash out at stories that reveal the truth because it goes against the image that they’re trying to present themselves as. Which had been on full display this week when this was announced on Monday.”
“Breaking news at this hour, the Royal Parliament has authorized an independent investigation by RIO, the Royal Intelligence Organization, into potential misconduct and political corruption by the Nobles and their affiliates as well as investigating all proposed policies they have or yet to have present to Parliament. Leaving many nobles infuriated and outraged.”
“First of all, and this might be just a nitpick, RIO sounds less like the name of an intelligence agency and more like the name of a vacation destination in Hayzil that’s most famous for its carnivals,” The crowd laughed as an image of party-goers and Carnival Dancers walked through the streets of the vacation destination that Starlight was referring too. “Secondly, this investigation will obviously make the nobles angry. Yet, that just shows that it is even more important because it allows for us to actually find out what the nobles are trying to hide. Which is ironic because the nobles are not exactly well known for hiding anything.”
That sparked a small chuckle from the audience as a few images of some nobles were seen on the left hoof side of the screen. “Seriously, if you bumped into one of the nobles with the fancy jackets on the street, they might end up accidentally spilling all the blackmail material that they keep inside that jacket,” The corresponding image had the small chuckle elevate into some applause and laughter once again as she looked back to the audience. “The combustible combination that is the sense of ignorance and impulsivity that they have is one of their biggest collective flaws. What doesn’t help though is that the nobles surround themselves with advisors and ponies who are in full support of their ideas and ignore the possible consequences. Even going as far as to say that they’re just straight up make believe like when this pony was proposing their own bill on trade… and find themselves on the receiving end of this comment from a committee member on the royal parliament.”
“Many ponies have been speaking out against your proposal because it says that they would be able to hurt the working and middle class, especially other creatures who are just starting a life in this country. Do you have anything you would like to say in response?”
“Well, I would like to start by saying that any notion that this proposal would harm the individuals you referred to are downright imaginary and falsified.”
“So, like your credibility…?”
That had many creatures in the room respond with an uproar of laughter and applause as Starlight looked back at his audience with a surprised expression. “Damn! There’s no possible way he could be able to come back from a savage burn like that. Especially when that is completely accurate. I betcha when he left that room, fire crews had to soak him down because his trousers were still on fire after that.”
The new image of a few firepony’s soaking down that noble as he left Day Court was seen next to support the joke as her audience continued to laugh. “It’s not just embarrassing themselves in public with false statements that have made the nobles suspicious, it’s also the fact that when it comes to policies, they have repeatedly held any details on what their propositions might do. They’re so tight lipped that even around reporters, they only say things like this.”
“If the nobles proposal doesn’t go through, do you think it's going to destabilize the equestrian economy?”
“I hope not.”
---
“Ms. Ivory Thread, when will we be able to learn more details about the nobles proposed plans for improving the City Legislature system?”
“In due time. In due time.”
---
“Ms. Rich, how will you respond to the growing concern that the nobles are trying to undermine Equestria’s government?”
“You’ll find out… You’ll find out.”
The last statement had Starlight baffled as she looked back at her audience. “What the hay is that even supposed to mean? You’re talking about proposals that might have an overwhelming impact on Equestrian Society and the world. You can’t talk about it like the teaser for the next Daring Do novel that’s at the back of the one you just finished reading,” The image of ‘Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone’ was now on screen as Starlight now began to pretend like she was a narrator of a book. “‘What exciting thrills, ancient secrets and adventures await Daring Do? Find out in the next book to the ongoing series, coming soon! How soon? …… You’ll find out.’”
More of her audience laughed at that tidbit as Starlight let out a small sigh. “The reason why the nobles don’t really share anything about their plans is that based on their reactions to those questions, they have no plans at all. They don’t have anything solid and concrete and will do anything in order to make themselves look like they know what they’re doing and they listen to whoever they read about in the newspaper or see in a show. If they were listening to Vixen News, they would go full steam ahead. If they were reading from the Canterlot Times, they would try to pump the brakes, and if they were looking at a products magazine, they’ll end up buying a bunch of jewelry.”
A new image, this time showing Spoiled Rich and a few of the nobles that were recently mentioned in the last clip, were now shown holding a ‘Noble Jewelry Party’ inside a room and made it look like it was a celebration for a birthday. All while Spoiled had a tiara on her head. Which was seen for a few moments and got another chuckle out of the audience, shortly before working her way back around to the main subject.
“And that reckless impulsivity that I had mentioned was on full display over the course of last week. First, it was attacking the investigation that was announced and trying to influence those who are involved, which qualifies as obstruction as justice. Then there was the fact that they were all set to go on a plan involving the trade proposal, but immediately had to withdraw that plan after Number Cruncher, the trade guy who credibility is ‘imaginary’, not only embarrassed himself, but has been labeled as a pony of interest to the investigation. I can go on and on all night about the numerous mishaps over the course of the week, but many of these plans, and their explanations for it summarize who they are in a nutshell,” Starlight continued to explain to her audience. “They make it genuinely difficult for you to focus on the fact that they almost did something disastrous and outright illegal as well as the fact that they probably did not have somepony check their grammar because of how quickly they released these statements.”
“This is the most recent statement that was made by Spoiled Rich. ‘After careful consideration, we have collectedly decided to withdraw our proposal for a FARE trade policy that puts our country first. We can’t do that when we have DIO breathing down our necks.”
Several members in the audience giggled and snickered at the grammar mistakes, especially considering that Spoiled Rich was supposedly supposed to be somepony that was well educated for her position. “Ms. Rich, first of all, it’s collectively. Collectedly sounds more like you were rounding up everypony that has the word ‘ly’ in their name,” The next image was a bunch of ponies in a pulled wagon with a sign that said ‘ly’ on it. “Secondly, the word fair is supposed to mean honesty, generosity and being civil. What she used in that statement is another word that refers to fee’s as well as having a secondary definition for a range of food for a particular type,” That was followed by showing the dictionary page of the word ‘fare’ on screen before looking back at her audience. “So in all honesty, we can’t tell if she’s trying to do an honest deal or if she’s trying to make a deal in the food industry.”
The crowd began to laugh uncontrollably at the next image, which showed Spoiled Rich in a set of overalls and having to work on a farm alongside that of the Apple Family as Granny Smith and Apple Bloom were watching. Hilarious to the point that Starlight felt the need to keep it up a little bit longer, before continuing with her next statement. “And third, the organization investigating you is named RIO. DIO is the name of a villainous vampire in a manga series from Sunset’s world that’s most prominently known for this.”
“ZA WARUDO!! TOKI WO TOMARE!!!”
That had her audience laugh a small bit, yet a lot of her audience was just as confused as Starlight was, which had the unicorn blink a few times before looking back at her audience. “Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t know where Discord gets a lot of these things,” The unicorn shrugged her shoulders and held her hooves up in the air, before putting her forelegs back on the desk and continuing to speak.
“While it might be good that the nobles stopped the deal that they were going to propose, it doesn’t mean that you can claim credit for solving the problems that you created and shower yourself with praise. A statement that was pushed furthermore while Princess Twilight Sparkle was covering for both Celestia and Luna while they were on their royal holiday.”
“Do you think that the nobles decision to call off their proposal was the right one?”
“Well, you see… It’s like some creature decides to set fire to wooden box full of paper and then putting it out themselves. They helped create the problem in the first place and then try to make it look like they were the ones who solved it. It’s preposterous, especially when the statements they put in this bill don’t actually reflect the truth.”
“Sure, yet, this was only a limited proposal.”
“Oh, right, I’m sor-ry. I just didn’t know that you could be able to legally make it harder for creatures to buy essential goods that they need in order to be able to thrive. That’s not a proposal. That’s an act of deceit on a grand scale and a criminal offense.”
“And you gotta admit, she’s right. Although, I personally don’t think it was necessary to use the Starswirl brand of sarcasm right there,” The image of Starswirl ‘eyeballing’ Twilight was now seen on screen as Starlight looked at it for a moment. “I think he can mostly do that himself.”
Now that she got that out of the way, Starlight went back to where she went off. “The evidence provided so far as well as their actions and the fact that they aren’t stopping what they are doing in light of the announcement for the investigation makes it all the more apparent that they have no idea as to the consequences of everything. Especially since many ponies on the team of the mare in charge, royal prosecutor and former head of RIO Lauren Order, was placed in charge. She has already called upon several important figures in order to interview them and some prominent names have already agreed to do so, like Prince Blueblood, Fancy Pants, Fleur De Lis and Filthy Rich. Which is very brave of them. Yet, it does not help that the nobles themselves don’t know what to do because some of them have released statements attacking the ponies who agreed to testify and calling them traitors.”
Hearing that had a few members in the crowd murmur to themselves for a moment, shortly before Starlight added on a bit more. “I don’t know about you, but I find that both ironic and stupid at the same time. Stupid in the sense that those ponies from RIO would probably like to have a word with you about your conduct… and ironic considering the way that they’re wanting to have Equestria remain the same and not change with the times makes them look like the bad guy, not Blueblood and the others,” She added on. “If Grogar were wanting to recruit any creature for his league of villains, he would have most of the nobles be potential candidates and treat it as if it were a job interview.”
The next picture consisted of Grogar, Tirek, Chrysalis and Cozy Glow standing behind a table while a line of ponies was in front of them. All with the desk stand that read ‘Villainous Opportunities- Now Hiring’ on the stone surface of what Grogar might call a ‘desk’. Which, was even more incentive for her audience to laugh as she attempted to impersonate Queen Chrysalis. “‘Let’s see here… Hatred for society, wants to crumble it from within… likes kite flying? That rules you out. NEXT!!’” This part, from the sounds of the crowd, was especially a hit considering that they were using Grogar, who was only revealed to the public in last weeks episode with Discord, and finding a way to make fun of him.
With that though, Starlight took the chance to address something else as she looked back at the audience. “The fact that the four ponies I mentioned earlier are agreeing to share everything that they know is courageous of them because they’re not doing it out of saving or protecting their reputation, they’re doing it because every creature has a right to know what’s going on. It’s a big step forward, including for Blueblood, who has been hard at work trying to change his image and show that he’s a better stallion that what every creature once thought of him several years ago. Because this investigation is not about trying to get a political advantage of any sort. It’s about trying to find the truth. Something that the nobles might describe as make believe. Only time will tell if this investigation leads to legal action, but one thing’s for sure. If a verdict is reached…”
“You’ll find out.”
That final comparison was met with a smile from Starlight as she looked back at her audience, who were giving one last final cheer and applause for her. “And with that, this has been ‘A Closer Look’.”
Next Morning
“STARLIGHT GLIMMER DECIDED TO DO WHAT?!!!”
Out of all the things that Tirek would wake up too, hearing the roaring screams of an angered changeling queen was one that had not happened until now. Grogar was out of the hideout for the next couple of days, leaving the three ‘frenemies’ to themselves and to not do anything too rambunctious while he was gone.
Of course, when he trotted out of the room he slept in towards where he saw both the former changeling queen and Cozy Glow sitting by the small ‘tv’ that was now theres after Discord did something about Grogar last week. And what they were talking about was not anything he expected. “Chryssy, it was just for a few seconds. Golly, are you really that upset just because Ms. Glimmy impersonated you.”
“That wasn’t an impersonation! That was DEFAMATION!!”
“Isn’t that what you did when you turned into other ponies?” The question from the pegasus filly had Tirek blink a bit. It was too early in the morning for them to be getting into petty arguments like this. “Besides, what’s so harmful about some ponies just joking around? Laughter helps keeps every creature’s spirits up.”
“What? Is that something that Pinkie Pie taught you!?” The former changeling queen remarked.
“Why yes actually, it is.”
“That explains a lot…” The centaur thought to himself as he decided to step outside to get some fresh air. Of course, as he was doing that, he still heard the sounds of both the queen and the filly arguing to themselves.
“What’s the matter with just a little bit of humor? It’s not like they’re intentionally doing it to harm any creature on purpose.”
“That’s not the point!! The point is that they could possibly make up anything and whoever is listening to them could believe it. By my old hive, I swear that they would believe them is they say that I accepted love in more than one format, you’re a child of anarchy and Tirek’s brother haunts him to this day!!”
“Pfft… like that’s likely going to happen…” Tirek mumbled as he closed his eyes. Trying to clear his mind for a bit and block out the voices of the filly and changeling. Unknowingly though… he found himself hearing someone else entirely.
“Tirek…… Tiiiiiiiiirek…… Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirek!!”
“W-what?” Tirek opened his eyes, looking around for a moment to find himself in the same place as before. But just as he looked up, he found one thing that he never thought he would see… or matter of fact, was possible.
His brother, Scorpan… as a ghost… floating about his head. “I’m haunting you!”
“AAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”