Gallus took a deep breath, followed by an equally intense exhale. "Okay. I know Headmare Twilight told you about my Hearth's Warming... outburst. I didn't want to, of course, but it's been a lot to keep in all these years, and then I got put into a situation where it was in front of my face the whole time and no one would let us leave so I could just take care of it by myself like I normally do—"
"Gallus," Starlight interjected, knowing that it wouldn't do him any good to get heated from the jump, "It's okay. There are no judgments in this office. In fact, if you want my opinion, right now, I think you did the right thing. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt to bottle up that magnitude of grief for this long. But I think I can imagine where this is going. Please, continue."
"Yeah, that's what everycreature keeps telling me," Gallus said. "That I wasn't wrong to finally get it out there. And for a while, I agreed. It felt good to get it out in the open. At least with my friends. Especially since... well, after it happened, I thought they'd treat me differently. You know, with kid gloves, or pity." The tiniest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his beak. "Instead they just... treat me like the friend I now know I've always been to them. Even Smolder still gives me no mercy with her snark." His expression scrunched. "Which is good, cause so help me, if I were to find out for a second that she was going easy on me..." He scoffed. "I'm getting off track, here, aren't I?"
Starlight smiled. "Good catch. Your individual relationships with the other students are things we absolutely can talk about in a separate session, if you want. But this one's about you. Don't cheat yourself out of this opportunity. Don't avoid why you came here."
"Right." Another deep breath from Gallus. "So, one of the "positive" things about keeping how I felt about all of this in," he said, making air quotes with his talons, "was that I'd force myself not to think about anything remotely related to it. I'd distract myself with something else, go for a quick fly, you know, the usual stuff. Over time I'd have to do that less and less, until I was finally able to fool myself into thinking I'd moved on."
Starlight nodded.
"But ever since that night..." Gallus raised his talons in front of his eyes. "Now that I've thought about it, I can't stop. And nothing works to distract me anymore. Everything I do or say gets put through this... this filter, this gate, with my mind asking me how I'd handle the situation if I had a normal life. But since I haven't..." He growled. "Needless to say, I was sent here because it was finally getting in the way of my classes."
Gallus slumped backwards into the cushions, wiping his eyes.
"When you think about it, really think about it, family as a concept is... it's just everywhere. And I miss mine. I miss my parents, I miss the idea of having parents, or even a brother or sister or whatever! I have for years, and..." His teeth clenched, and he growled again, now visibly straining.
It was a tactic that Starlight had seen before. "No keeping in your words," she said, leaning forward. "No more bottling your feelings! You know where that leads, now! Tell me the first thing that comes to you."
"Fine! I'm jealous of those who have their families! I'm mad at them!" Gallus leapt to his feet, throwing up one talon. "I told myself that's just what the world dealt me, and it wasn't anyone's fault, but I'm starting to ask why all over again. Because, really, why? Being a griffon's hard enough!" His voice cracked on the words. "We hurt each other enough! There are a million ponies and changelings out there with cushy lives, why couldn't the universe have taken a couple of them!?" Gasping for breath, his fist hit Starlight's desk on the last sentence. "S-sorry about that."
"It's mahogany. Cheap and easy to replace," Starlight said, desperately trying to lighten the mood the tiniest bit—but still containing the worst hunch about where this was all going.
"Heh. You wouldn't make a half-bad griffon. But... do you see what I'm getting at? I'm... I'm terrible. I'm a terrible creature. I know no one deserves to go through what I have, I know these feelings are wrong, I know losing someone I love doesn't automatically entitle me to them... but I can't stop them. I can't stop being angry at everyone and everything! And..." He looked away. "I can't stop hating myself for it."
Starlight finally sighed in response, her heart twisting in knots as the words hit close to home.
She hated when her hunches were right.