//------------------------------// // 1 Source of the Urban Legend // Story: Lilly Valley & The Forty Year Old Blank Flank // by Cyndaquil //------------------------------// Know also, O Princess, that in those selfsame days that Twilight of Canterlot did stalk the Equestrian Kingdoms, one of the few swords worthy to cross with her horn was that of Lilly Valley, flower Mare known to reside in majestic Ponyville. Forced to flee her homeland because she spurned the advances of a king and slew him instead, she rode west across the Everfree Forests and into the shadowed mists of legendry. -- The Celestial Chronicles Sometime Before Season 5 Ice water filled her lungs. Coughing, she gasped for air, only to suck in more of the cold wet. She flailed her hooves and by fortune or chance managed to find the tubs basin. Ms Harshwhinny pulled herself out of the bathtub, choking and vomiting water. She took some deep gasps of actual air before taking stock of her surroundings. She must have rolled over in the tub. That’s what happened. She had been asleep or unconcious and she tossed and turned until her head was under the water. It was lucky that the shock woke her. Lucky, except why was she in a bathtub of ice water, and how had she fallen asleep in such a place. The last thing she remembered, she had sought out a mare. What was the mare’s name? She tapped her brow, trying to think. Starlight Glimmer, that was her name. Sore and achey, she carefully pulled herself out of the tub. Her job required her to travel, and she had some minor business in an obscure village where Starlight was known to be head mare. The village was off somehow. There was something odd about it. All the ponies, they were Missing their… Her stream of consciousness interrupted by a dreadful thought, she looked upon her flank. She checked once, she checked again. She screamed in horror. She checked one more time. She checked five more times. It was gone! She didn’t even have one of those creepy equals signs in its place. Her cutie mark was gone. She was a thirty-eight year old Blank Flank. Two Years Later The forty year old blank flank was riding the friendship express on her way to Ponyville. After she had heard that Twilight had reformed that villain, she still waited a full year to confront Starlight Glimmer. Best to be sure the reformation wasn’t some clever ruse in a bid for even greater power. Ms Harshwhinny had still yet to be convinced that it was not. If only Celestia had agreed to send a contingency of guards with her. She looked at her flank, as she did compulsively now. The temporary tattoos she used to fool ponies never looked quite right. Often she felt like she was the one being fooled, like maybe everypony could see it was fake, and pitied her too much to say anything. The mare next to her thought she was peeking at the book she was reading. “It’s the seventh Daring Do book.” She told her. “Oh,” said Ms Harshwhinny, trying to pretend she wasn’t just starring at her own flank. “We’re reading the whole series in my book club.” “I see.” “We have one member in the club who really likes Daring Doo. I think they’re okay, but we should break it up with something else, right? I mean we’re not a Daring Doo fan club.” “Makes sense.” The two continued on quietly for a little while. “So what do you wish to read?” The other mare thought for a minute: “Mare-y Shelley’s Frankenstein, The Fall of the Stables Of Usher, Parasprite Cemetery.” “Oh, so this mare likes to be scared, Ms Harshwhinny thought.” The train entered a tunnel, and the lights went out. When they came back on, Lily was in the fetal position in her seat, chanting “The horror, the horror.” Caught off guard by this behaviour, Ms Harshwhinny looked around. No other pony was stepping in to help. Was if because she was closest? Did that one pony in seat twelve just role his eyes? Awkward, and uncertain Ms Harshwhinny eventually tried to stroke poor Lily’s mane. She inched in cautiously, like she was petting a timber wolf that might bite. After two strokes, Lily turned to face her, giggled a bit, then smiled. “You’re very kind.” Lily complimented. That pony rolled his eyes again. Ms Harshwhinny just blushed, not sure if this Lily mare was only messing with her. “I’ll be okay.” Lily spoke meekly. “My episodes haven’t killed me yet.” Now her tone was foreboding. After they passed the second last station, and there was nowhere else to go, Lily asked, “So what brings you to Ponyville.” “I’m going there to confront a pony who did me an injustice, and demand reparation.” “Wow.” “Are you sure it’s safe.” “It ought to be. I’ve already reported to her superior and scheduled an appointment via her dragon assistant.” After she mentioned the dragon assistant, it was really obvious to Lily who Ms Harshwhinny was talking about. “Oh. So what time is your appointment?” Lily asked. “Three o’clock.” Lily seemed to mull that over. “Book club is at one thirty. I hope Twilight and Starlight don’t rush for the appointment.” “Book club.” Now Harshwhinny was furious. “They both scheduled book club ahead of me. The couldn’t have cancelled, this wasn’t a little bit more important to them.” Lily shrank backward in her seat. She didn’t handle it well when other ponies were mad at her. “It’s a good book.” “You just said you’d rather be reading other things.” “Did I?” “Besides, I can tell you exactly what happens in this book. There’s a magic artifact. They never mentioned it before, and it’ll be forgotten in the next book, but apparently it’s the most important thing in the whole world. Daring Doo will go through the Criminal underworld to find it. She’ll acquire some plucky side-kicks along the way. She’ll brave a bunch of ancient booby traps, and just as she’s about to get the artifact, theres some last minute betrayal. It’ll probably have something to do with that guy who’s the surprise villain in every other Daring Doo book. Daring Doo will have to escape another death trap, then go get the artifact back. Maybe it’ll turn out to really be magic and the bad guy will have lost control of its power. Daring Doo wins, then this artifact goes wherever it needs to go and I repeat it is forgotten in the next book.” “Hey careful with the spoilers!” “That’s every Daring Doo book in the entire series.” “Aw, now they’re all spoiled.” Ms Harshwhinny seethed with anger. “What would it take for me to join you in this book club.” “You just have to read the book, and uh.. not hurt me. Though once or twice I didn’t finish mine, and just faked it. ” “Give me that.” She yanked the book from Lily’s hooves. “Hey, I still have two chapters left.” “I’m a speed reader, don’t worry about it.” Sure enough she handed the book back in twenty minutes, and Lily still had on hour to finish. Lily was almost always the host of book club. When they reached the cottage, Lily invited her inside. The cottage smelled of flowers. That wasn’t too surprising, Lily was a flower pony. She owned a flower shop, she has a flower cutie mark, she even smelled of flowers herself. Once inside, Lily offered Ms Harshwhinny some iced tea. “No thank you.” She said. “Are you sure you don’t want any iced tea? It’s really hot today.” “I’m not a tea drinker. Coffee perhaps, if it’s not so much trouble.” She spoke derisively, like she thought a cup of joe was more then she could possibly expect from this flakey mare. Lily wasn’t a coffee drinker, but she kept some around for company. Her percolator was meant for serving five ponies, but she made it anyway. While waiting for her cup, Ms Harshwhinny looked through Lily’s bookshelf. Under two rows of horror novels, were mostly books about plants. That wasn’t surprising but the focus wasn’t on growing the prettiest flower, it was which plants are poisonous or have hallucinogenic properties. When the coffee finally came, Ms Harshwhinny just grabbed it impatiently. There wasn’t even a Thank you. Lily returned to the kitchen, saying she had to prepare daffodil sandwiches for the book club. She offered to fix her something, and Ms Harshwhinny declined. “So what’s with all the books on poison.” Harshwhinny asked, across rooms. “Don’t mind those. Poisons are just a guilty pleasure. My real interest is in the drugs that effect your mind.” Ms Harshwhinny sipped her coffee and wondered if she ought too be making a run for it. She seemed to recall Glimmer being able to charm her somewhat, just before the bathtub incident. “You’re not a drug dealer, are you?” Lily giggled. “No, nothing like that. Although, ponies tend to think of drugs as… well specifically being drugs. Every pony feels happy when they smell a pretty flower, so maybe, that flower is releasing some chemical, which it evolved to make ponies want to protect and cultivate it.” “Aw, I see.” That actually was an interesting idea. She seemed a little off by implying that evolution carried any intent, but perhaps this pony wasn’t a total idiot. “So every-time I buy flowers, that’s how, I’m being manipulated. I thought it was just sweet-talking florists.” “Oh, it’s no worse then seeing a tasty apple and wanting to eat it. More apples trees mean more apples.” “I see.” “Lily breathed in and out.” “If you think that flowers have these effects on ponies, then why do you surround yourself with them.” She wasn’t kidding about being surrounded. There were plants at every window, and the building connected to a private greenhouse. “Oh you never really get away from nature. It’s better to understand it, and work with it.” Ms Harshwhinny held the coffee cup closer to her muzzle, as though trying to supplant the smell of the flowers with the aroma a fresh roasted beans. “That won’t help you y’know.” Lily sneered evilly. “caffeine is a stimulant. It makes breathing and blood-flow faster. You’re just getting more of it in you system.” She held up her own cup. “Perhaps the real antidote is in the tea.” Slowly, Lilly sipped her tea. “Do you feel it yet? First a calm comes over you.” “I feel it.” “Then a small upturn in your mood. You’re happier then you would normally be.” “I feel that to.” “Next it opens up your mind. You feel a creative spark.” “A spark?” “Yes, you see connections you didn’t notice before, you’re willing to entertain ideas you’d normally reject out of habit alone.” “I feel it.” Lily placed a hoof on Ms Harshwhinny’s leg. “And your mind is now open to suggestion.” “Yes, I feel it.” Lily rolled on the floor, and burst out laughing. “Silly mare. I made that last one up.” Special flowers or not, Ms Harshwhinny fumed. She was embarrassed, angry, and… strangely disappointed. “Ms Valley, what you did just now was absolutely awful.” “I know, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that you come off so stern and uptight, it makes me want to have fun with you.” Harshwhinny wouldn’t respond. She just sipped her coffee and fumed. “C’mon, cheer up.” The mare’s expression was stoney as a gargoyle. “C’mon. I wasn’t kidding about everything else the flowers do. First timers have to really try to stay mad while they’re inside this house.”
 “So you are a drug dealer.” Lily stuck out her tongue. The two were silent for a few minutes. To break the tension, Lily said, “C’mon, I was so over the top. You couldn’t have really believed by little joke was real.” “After what I’ve been through, I don’t know what to believe.” “Yeah, about that, you haven’t really told me the details. I even had to figure out myself that your issue is with Starlight Glimmer.” “She took my cutie mark.” Lily looked at her flank. “You already got it back right?” “Can’t you see that’s just a faded temporary tattoo.” Lily looked closer. She really couldn’t tell. “Stop pretending. I know everypony sees right through me. And it’s not just the mark. I’m not as good at my job anymore. I was on my way to being the right hand to the princess, now I think the only reason she keeps me around is out of pity. I lose forms, I can’t remember the information in larger documents. Even when I sped read that book earlier today, I lied. I’ve read Daring Doo before, and I was just brushing up on a few key points. I used to be able to speed read. Now I can’t even remember the name of the stupid magic artifact in that stupid book that I just reviewed.” “It was the Amulet of….” “Lily I don’t really care what it’s called. You were right that I’m a stern and uptight mare. I used to have skills to back up my bossy attitude. Now I act this was to hide, how inadequate I feel. Now I’m going to face Glimmer, the one who made me this way, and the truth is I’m terrified. I’m terrified of her. Around one thirty, the members of the club all appeared. The met on the trail and chatted on the way to Lily’s house. They didn’t talk about the book yet. That was reserved for when all the members were together. “Hey Rainbow, I like the blouse, and your hair is cute tied back like that.” “Thanks I guess.” Rainbow Dash blushed, supremely embarrassed. “last club meeting, Lily told me I’d look cute with my hare tied this way. I thought I’d surprise her by actually doing it.” She did a loop-di-loop in the air, then continued. “It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it last week, and I promised myself I wouldn’t chicken out, but I don’t know. I always feel different inside her house.” “It’s the flowers,” said Spoiled Rich. “My husband has been buying, what he calls special flowers from Lily Valley. Everytime I so much as smell one I get strange urges.” “Urges to do what.” Twilight asked. She looked around, to make sure nopony else could hear them. “I hug my daughter every day now, and with the odd way I’ve been acting, she actually wants to hug me back.” Everypony just looked at her, as though to say ‘Seriously.’ A purple blazer, a pink scarf, and some jewelry were neatly folded and hidden in Lily’s closet. Before you think that this is turning into one of those stories, remember that nudity is a perfectly normal fashion alternative for most ponies. Her hair was curled up, and she’d gotten a crash coarse on the not scary happy smily face. She felt strangely confident, like this trick might actually work. The final touch was washing off her temporary tattoo, and having lily, paint a pretty sunflower upon her flank. When the girls entered the cottage, Lily was already sipping tea with another pony. “Hello ladys. I’d like you to meet my cousin from out of town. Her name is Marigold Merryweather.