//------------------------------// // Rad: Phoenix Wrong: Disgrace Attorney // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// "Hahahaha! HA-HA-HA-HA!!" Phoenix cackled. He was very clearly not himself as he lay sprawled on the sandy metal floor, staring up at a superhero, a bounty hunter from space and his best friend. "Someone's scrambled his head. He's brainwashed, just like I was," Cap said. "Just like Bucky." "Thank you for that, Stevie. You trying to become Captain Obvious along with Captain America?" Cap frowned at Dan. "It's just, it's kind of emotional for me. This happened to my best friend, too. And me, a couple of times." Dan shrugged. "Well, there must be a fuck shortage cuz I ain't got one to give. Shield." Cap passed Dan his shield, a bit unnerved. Dan noticed his expression. "Sorry, Stevie, sorry. It's just, you know, kind of stressful since you were trying to kill me five minutes ago. And you trying to kill me a few days ago. And this idiot here trying to kill me right now." "It's alright," Captain America said. "I get that, too." "Hahahahaha!" Phoenix laughed maniacally again. "It doesn't matter what you fools try to do. You won't last long on this dead world. They're coming from all over the multiverse just for a piece of this action. And I'll charge a hefty sum for every bit of it!" "You want me to shoot him?" Boba offered. Dan waved down his gun barrel. "No, thanks, I got this. I appreciate the offer though, really, it's just this one is special. But I like where your head's at." "Suits me." "What do you mean 'they're coming from all over?' Where are 'they' coming from? And who's they?" Dan asked. Phoenix smirked. "Look around you. Paying audience members, Dan. They get to decide who fights who. It's only possible on a world like Equestria but when it starts, there's no stopping it." "When WHAT STARTS?" Dan asked, grabbing him by the collar. "Armageddon is a game, Dan! In the grand scheme of things, a dying world is the last place out of the realm of infinite possibilities where you can finally settle business. Revenge, Dan! The GenoHaradan are making tons of money by bringing people here and letting them die. A dead universe, Dan. The only place you can't be resurrected," Phoenix said. Cap looked around. "So all these people, they're all spectators?" Phoenix nodded, still smirking. "Here to watch the greatest heroes and villains and fighters do battle at the end of all things." "-do battle at the end of all things." "This planet is dead. Its reason for existing is long gone, so people from all over who can have come to give it a new one. It's a dead end in the grand dimensional tapestry, a blank spot where anything can happen. Even the laws of physics don't apply here in their normal ways; anything can happen. It's a great place to settle scores, buy and trade all sorts of things, it's the only place where people from any universe can really get anything done," Phoenix said. "No rules." "That's... that's absolutely fascinating," Dan said. "It's fascinating how... how little I care." "There's more than one place like this. There are others," Boba said. "Been to a few. Don't really care for them." "Why not?" Cap asked. "You seem like the kind of guy who'd like to... well, terminate things. On a permanent basis. Bounties." Boba simply said, "I prefer repeat business." "So, idiots like green bean here and the recycling bin we just blew up are going to keep coming?" Dan asked. "How are they getting here? Who is summoning them?" "Heh, no one's summoning them! What, you think someone would actually WANT a bunch of depraved, crazed, violent lunatics in Equestria? Who would possibly want that?" Phoenix asked. And as he did, Dan, Captain America, Boba Fett and Phoenix Wright himself all looked out of the fic at the audience. Yep, they're looking at you. And the author. Yeah, that's right, hi out there! The fic is saying hi to you! That's gotta be a first, right? Remember when this story was about ponies? Yeah, me neither. Let's check in on Rarity and the Doctor. But first, let's finish this scene. "So where EXACTLY are all these... wonderful specimens coming from?" Dan asked. But it wasn't Phoenix to answer. "The ones strong with magic, the arcane or more... ethereal forces, they usually come by land. And alone. Ones with tech or know-how show up in space, sometimes crash." Dan paused for a moment, then full-arm shrugged. "That doesn't explain me. I showed up here in the middle of the sky. The only tech I have on me is my phone and the only magic I can do is the thing where it looks like I took off my thumb." "OMAIGAWD HE TOOK HIS THUMB OFF!" "I WILL MURDER YOU WHERE YOU STAND AND YOU'LL BE DEAD BEFORE YOU HIT THE GROUND!!" Dan shouted at the audience member. No, not you out there- someone in the stands. Row 18, seat 27. "Oh... hey, that's my seat! Hey, did I win something?" "No, shut up. So yeah, kinda skeptical about THESE people having the power to show up here unless it was random. Like it was for me," Dan said. "Oh, you mean our lovely spectators? They've been coming in from the mirrors in the Stables and whatnot," Phoenix said. "Most of them, anyway. Some are refugees from the starships Rice has had Barro shelling since you disappeared. Like the bullet man says, magic-users get here by the ground while techies come from space." "One if by land, two if by sea," Steve remarked. "Or space, in this case." "And you. Where do you figure in all of this?" Dan asked. "Who, me?" Phoenix asked. And as he did, a bit of the old Phoenix, the true Phoenix, came through. "What have I done... I... a place like this needs order. It needs control. The Dark Magistrate, ruler of Neo-Olde Tokyo. Yes, Dan, I- "Fight it! Fight it, Nicky, come on!" "Sham... sham, it's the sham..." Phoenix struggled, painfully to say through the indoctrination. He pinched his eyes, veins in the side of his head bulging. "It's a sham?" Steve asked. Dan shook his head. "No. It's shampoo. It's that pink crap again." "Pink crap? That stuff is worth more than your life! It's liquid magic! Magic in a physical form with the potential to do anything, to change anything, to control the-" Phoenix blathered, reverting back to his brainwashed state. "You want me to shoot him?" Boba asked again. "I could just knock him out if you like." "Ha! You can't hurt me! I'm the Dark Magistrate! I've faced heroes ten times as heroic and powerful as you! The Steel Samurai, the Jammin' Ninja, all the after school specials in Japan couldn't beat me!" Phoenix said, cackling again. "What could any of you possibly do to hurt me?" Dan beat Nicky half to death with the shield. "Okay, let's get out of here." "Jeezus, Dan." "Just Dan, Stevie, now let's find an exit," Dan said. "Also, carry Nicky." But before they could leave, another old friend dropped in to see them. "Going somewhere, Dan?" Chris Redfield rappelled down from the ceiling to greet them. And he didn't have his gun this time. "Chris," Cap said, stepping forward, "Chris, Rice got to us. Please, you've got to fight it- he brainwashed us both." The anti-BOW specialist wasn't in his normal clothes, no, and to just spell it out for you, he looked like Wesker. Right down to the shades. But Chris just shook his head. "Oh, Rogers. You were easy for him to get to because your head's stuck in the past. I gave myself up willingly." "You what?" Cap asked. At the same time, Dan simply turned to Boba Fett and saw the man was watching Chris. Dan frowned at him. Chris flipped his hands, all nonchalant. "Come on, Steve. We fought HYDRA, Umbrella and Cobra for years. Among others. Even I know when the game changes. You have to adapt. To evolve." "You do realize you look and sound almost exactly like Albert Wesker right now, right?" Steve pointed out. "He and I do have a lot in common." "Do?" Steve said. "Not 'did'?" Dan slapped Boba Fett in the visor. "Hello? You just going to let him yap on like this? Shoot him!" So he did.