Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, by definition, I am the most insane mare to walk the planet. My name is Homemaker, and I am a mother of three toddlers. My daily routine makes me insane already, but my three little darlings are definitely the ones who push me out of the world of insanity and into it’s astral realm. But, any mother with toddlers will tell you that is the case.
I have a three year old, a two year old, and an eighteen month old. Nervous Nellie is my three year old- vivacious, curious, and always asking me the question “Why?” Too many times per day to count. She’s usually quite sweet, but when she gets worried, or throws a tantrum… Well, we nicknamed her Nellie for a reason- because when she goes off, we always say “That was a Nellie of a tantrum.”. Crater Crush is my two year old, and he is in the throes of the terrible twos. He’s leaving messes wherever he goes, throwing toys everywhere, and giving titanic tantrums for unexpected reasons. Crater Crush too was aptly named- because he leaves things around the room as though a crater exploded, and he tends to crush many of his brother and sister’s toys. My youngest, Sea Storm, is possibly my most calm child. But, being eighteen months old, he’s getting into everything now. We named him for the color of his coat and the tiny white swirl of a mane he had as a baby- like a foamy wave. But he too lives up to his name- because he can start crying at the drop of a hat and not stop for hours.
Before I entered parenthood, I helped design homes. I loved seeing whatever design entered my head coming to life. It was absolutely beautiful. It was food for my soul. I was following my passion, and I adored it. My husband, Large Build, ran a moving company for ponies moving across Equestria, and we were lucky enough to be able to occasionally work together. But when we found out we were expecting, we both agreed that I would take time off until I felt ready to go back to work. The day my Nellie was born, I looked into the eyes of the best thing I ever brought to life. It was more satisfying than any design I’d ever created. For a while, I really considered giving up my career. But as I got caught up in the whirlwind of parenting a newborn, I found myself longing for more. I missed the old days when I would see the joy on a client’s face when they saw what I could do for their homes. I felt… Unfulfilled. Watching my baby change and grow was a different kind of fulfillment, certainly. But I longed for a career, something to get me out of the house, and help me flourish personally and professionally.
And then, I got pregnant again.
Raising one baby was a challenge, but having two babies in the house under a year old was a game changer. I got so caught up in the whirlwind of everypony else’s needs that most days it washed over me like surf, and I was caught in the riptide. I was, frankly, drowning. Certainly, as Nellie grew, some things got a little easier, but with her older age a new set of challenges came. I had thought that I would take six weeks off from work to take care of a newborn, but six weeks turned into three years very quickly. And when my now-eighteen month old was born, I was in a constant state of turmoil. One child needed a toy fixed, another was crying, the last was hungry. And my husband came home from moving carts of other ponies’ belongings some nights where he wasn’t able to physically move for hours. It was me, with three kids, and a husband who always tried his best to emotionally support me, but wasn’t always able to physically help me with my kids.
In short, I was doing it on my own- especially when he needed to work extra hours to support our family.
Having no life outside of your children is taxing. You long for adult conversation. When your kids are older, you can take them to playgrounds, and interact with other mothers, and when your children are newborns, you can go to Mommy and Me classes to find others in the same boat. But I had three kids, a juggling act for which I was often times unprepared. My three year old and two year old could play on the playground certainly, but I’d have to watch my eighteen month old, and I didn’t like feeling like I couldn’t keep my eyes on all of my children at once- and with everything they do on a daily basis, that’s understandable. Pretty much the only time I spent out of the house was going to the market, and even then I usually had a child or two with me. It was utterly exhausting.
Little sleep, not eating enough, head spinning constantly with the needs of others- it’s no wonder mothers are considered insane. And mothers with toddlers are a special kind of crazy. We suffer in ways others might not imagine- like when our children push us to the absolute brink of patience with sometimes demonic behavior before reverting into an angel. They frustrate us, confuse us, try our patience, and make us absolutely crazy.
But there’s a flip side to all of that- the beautiful moments. The feeling of my children snuggling up with me after clambering onto the bed in the morning, for no other reason than to be near me. When they come to me for comfort after a nightmare or a bad fall- knowing that I can take their pain away. When they learn something I’ve been trying to teach them, and I feel as though I may burst with pride. When they hug me for no reason and I feel their love. And when I see their beautiful smiles after I told them something or helped them with something, and feel like somepony switched on a light inside of me and made me glow. And hearing that one word- the one I treasure most- “Mommy”. There is no words that can describe that feeling.
Am I insane? Most definitely. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My name is Homemaker, and I am the insane mother of three children- and I absolutely love it.