“I really don’t like this,” Sepia Byrd said aloud.
“Look, Pia, we agreed to this,” Gladys Gammon, her best friend, replied.
“No, I agreed to it, Gladys. You didn’t have to come.”
“Well, Richard is taking your kids out to look around and someone had to come with you before you eviscerated what’s her name.”
“Rarity.”
“Yeah, whatever. Look, I might have been raised Equestriani, but I was never a Royal watcher. Hell, I can barely name the ruling princesses, much less any of the rest of the major members of the Royal Family,” the gryphoness laughed. “And don’t get me started on having to remember the names of the cadet branches, either.”
“We had to know that in school,” Sepia noted.
“I never said I was a good student,” was Gladys’ response.
At the moment, the two were standing in front of Candelabra’s, a new restaurant that had just opened up. When the cabbie had dropped them off there, they had been informed that it was one of the poshest new places in town, so exclusive that unless you were a mover and a shaker, you could consider yourself blessed just to breathe same air that floated around the building.
As the cabbie headed off, both Sepia and Gladys rolled their eyes. Both of them had agreed long ago that they had no idea what it was with the native nation that held nobility in such high regard. After all, both had lived on Earth, and specifically the US, long enough to know that there were some notions that they held in high regard in the past that they didn’t do so much any longer.
“You sure you want to do this?” Gladys asked again.
Sepia pursed her lips. “DJ’s my friend. I already feel bad about going behind her back and meeting with her biological mother, even we were requested to. Besides, I generally get an idea what this is going to be about. Her grace is probably going to try to flatter and impress me, then try to get me to get on her side as to why I should insist that DJ go back to acting like a pony.”
Gladys laughed. “She’s clearly asking the wrong person, then.”
Sepia chuckled as well. “No kidding.”
The two went into the restaurant, and both were instantly reminded of Nicolette’s Rooftop, the poshest restaurant in the Atlanta area. They both went there after a successful business venture, and if it wasn’t for the pony orientation of things, as well as the fact that it was on the ground floor, they would have instantly thought themselves to be back that bastion of Southern fine dining.
A pony approached them. “Ah, welcome, welcome, welcome to Candelabra’s! I am your maître d’, Apertif!” Walking over to the main podium, he grabbed a couple of menus. “Don’t worry, we serve all species here. Now, would you prefer a window or central table?”
Sepia smiled. “Actually, we’re here to meet someone…er, somepony,” she stated, verbally tripping over her typical use of human terminology. “We have a breakfast appointment with Her Grace, the Knight of Generosity?”
Apertif blinked. “Lady Rarity? But she’s….” He blinked. “You…wouldn’t happen to be Mr. and Mrs. Byrd, would you?”
“Well, half-bird,” Gladys joked, “but no, neither of them.”
“I am Mrs. Byrd,” Sepia replied, “And as to Mr. Byrd, that would be my husband, but he was unable to make it, so I brought my business partner with me instead.”
“But…you’re a pony! Isn’t Byrd a human name?”
“Ah, that.” At that, Sepia suddenly had a really bad feeling about how this was going to go down. “Yes. I changed my name to human customs when I married my husband.”
“Ah. That makes sense; her grace told me that you were human, so my sincerest apologies,” Apertif said. “Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to the table.”
“Thanks,” the two replied, falling in line behind him. Both Gladys and Sepia gave each other a look; they were thinking the same thing.
The trio walked to the far side of the restaurant, and then down a hallway. “The private dining rooms here are for those who wish not to be disturbed,” Apertif explained. “Usually businessponies, nobility and royalty and celebrities tend to use these rooms. Needless to say, it was an honor when Duchess Lipizzan requested to use one of our rooms for a private business meeting between herself and some humans. No offense meant, of course; I’m quite sure that her grace is as unaware of that as we were.”
“None taken,” Sepia told him as they came to a stop before a door. Opening the door, he stated, “Well, if you’ll go right on in, her grace is waiting for you.”
Thanking him for his time, both Sepia and Gladys went in, both wondering what they were getting themselves into.
The smile on Rarity’s face became forced the moment she’d realized that Sepia Byrd, despite the earlier picture, was not a human woman, but instead a mare; moreso, based on her gait, it was clear that she’d humanized herself to the point that her movements and mannerisms were very much like…that mare.
“So, dear,” Rarity commented, lifting a cup of chamomile tea to her muzzle, “I must quite confess that I had thought you to be a human woman, and not a mare.”
“I may as well be, your grace,” the mare stated, then giving a recollection of her accident, the fact that she’d died nearly twice due to the destruction of her horn, and the fact that because of her nerve damage, she was forced to live upright like a human for the remainder of her days. Seeing the look of surprise and sympathy on the older mare’s face, Sepia finished with, “I know I’ve had to give up a lot. I can’t even remember what it’s like to cast a spell anymore, and I can’t even do the things that earth ponies do. But overall I’m happy and I can deal with what my life is like now. In fact, I’d argue that due to my son and my daughter, my life is even better than when I had magic.”
“I…see.” Rarity wasn’t sure what to say about that. For one, Sepia seemed to be very much like she whose name should not be uttered. But at the same time, there was a clear notion coming from this poor injured unicorn that she understood that even though her life was very much different than that of the average mare or even unicorn, she still tried to be as pony as she could be, given her circumstances. That gave Rarity hope; it meant that there was a chance that reason and common sense would win the day. She was sure that all she had to do would be to explain the situation, and like a decent hardworking mare, Mrs. Byrd would clearly understand.
“So, your grace,” Gladys stated, slicing off a piece of gooey, rich breadstuff known as a Dutch baby – clearly yet another one of those dishes that had been brought from the human world and converted to pony tastes. “I know both myself and Pia are curious as to why you wished to meet with us. Well, technically you wanted to meet with Pia and Richard, but he’s out and about with the family and as Pia’s business partner, it makes more sense for me to be here anyway.”
“Quite right,” Rarity stated. She hoped the gryphoness wasn’t as rough as many of the ones she’d encountered over the years. From what she’d been able to tell, ironically, those that lived in the human world tended to be much more genteel and refined than their counterparts from Griffonica. It was one of those great ironies of life; that living in another world made them far more suited to being in this one, but if there was one thing that Rarity had been familiar with over the years, it was that life rarely did what you wanted it to do.
Rarity took another sip of her tea, then looked at them both. “I am a plainspoken mare,” she began. “Over the years, I used to use, somewhat, er, flowery and persuasive verbiage when it was unnecessary, and I do not wish for good gentlemares and stallions to ever feel that I am flattering them when it is not their wont. So I have worked on that over the years and I feel that even though my duties require me to speak publicly and the like, I have, as my dearest Sister Royal Rainbow has stated, ‘used ten-bit words when ten-bit words were necessary and used hundred-bit words when those were more suited.’
“Thus, I shall come right out with my intent: I wish for you to withdraw from the request of commission for the family portrait for…” She paused; even now, she didn’t want to use that name. “…well, I’m sure you know what I’m referring to,” she demurred instead. “I will be more than happy to pay you for the loss in income and reputation, as well as recompense you for any wasted materials in the process and travel costs.”
Sepia looked at her with an unreadable face; Rarity wasn’t sure how to react to that, as that could bode for either good or ill. “And may I ask why?” the younger mare asked.
“Quite simple: I had arranged for another artisan more suited to producing artwork of this particular type. He has a warrant for this sort of thing and the majority of his income derives from this sort of work, even though yours does not. Furthermore, I had chosen him because I feel he is the most suited to working with my grandsons, my, ahem, wayward daughter and her husband.”
Sepia reached over and picked up her coffee cup in her hoofspace, swirling the liquid around in it instead of drinking it, looking at it as if focusing on what her next words would be. Rarity felt emboldened by that; it meant that the mare was clearly considering her proposal, and that would be beneficial to both sides.
After all, Rarity was Generosity herself; she could afford the largesse, especially when it came with making sure that everypony prospered in this situation, and that, ultimately, was what she wanted.
Sepia looked at her again. “You do realize that I’m a famous portraitist back on Earth. Likewise, Gladys is as well. One of the most well-received creations of mine is the picture set that I did of Her Majesty Princess Celestia for a Vanity Fair article a few years back. Likewise, Gladys herself has done work for several Human-Earth and Alter-Earth dignitaries. So I fail to see how this new individual would be more qualified than either of us, your grace.”
Hearing that, Rarity wondered if she needed to bolster the argument further, and then decided to take a tactic more akin to where Twilight usually operated: logic. “The fact is, while I understand that you are both highly skilled in your fields, and I do not wish you think that I consider that anything less than impressive. I have spoken with Celestia before about the portraitures, and she spoke very highly of you…though, I will admit, she failed to inform me that you were a mare and not a human, per se, though that is neither here nor there. But the fact is, these official portraits are meant to be paintings, not photographs. As superior as your photographic skills may be, Mrs. Byrd and Miss Gammon, the truth is that neither of you are painters and thus do not have the qualification that long-standing traditions of the court require.
“I will be frank: the stallion I hired for the job? I am no fan of his. He insulted my son and daughter-in-law and has shown himself to be somewhat of a tribalist. I love my family, despite what others have said and I will defend them to the utmost. And yet, even with….” She took a breath and steeled herself. “Even with the way Sandalwood continues to behave herself in public, I cannot hold her husband or my grandsons at fault for being with such an intolerable mare as she is. I want the best for them and the best portrait artist out there, as much as it irritates me, is Body Color. He would do the work justice, and furthermore, given his reprehensible behavior, he would know how to handle Sandalwood and her salacious ways. Rest assured, however, I will caution him to treat both Sandalwood’s husband and my grandfoals with the respect they are due, or he and I will have further words.
“As a mare who has been through difficulties of her own, surely you can understand that, correct? Sometimes we must do unsavory things and associate with those we do not wish to in order to accomplish our goals. Believe me, after what Body Color did to Apple Butter, I was determined not to work with him again. But now, I must admit that as distasteful as it is, he is the best option. And that is why I am asking you to step aside. Not because I do not feel you are unqualified; in truth, if these were photographs, you and Miss Gammon would be by far and away the most qualified of anyone here in Equestria. But rather, because duty and tradition, combined with my wayward daughter’s particular attitudes, force my hoof.” Rarity gave the mare a kind, motherly smile. “I’m sure you will do the right thing.”
Rarity got to her hooves to depart. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another meeting that I need to be present at. Thank you for listening to my concerns and I await your reply.” Nothing more to say, she teleported from the room, much to the surprise of the waitstaff present within.
From that point, Sepia spoke to Gladys about things germane to their business back in Atlanta; her friend immediately understood the mare’s caution and proceeded to talk about the plans they were making with Eris for a girls’ weekend vacation sometime next month over in Knoxville. The waiters and waitresses listened with half interest, but soon went back to their duties.
The two finished up their meal and departed, walking back towards the palace complex. As they did, Sepia finally spoke what was on her mind: “Now I can see why DJ hates that mare’s guts.”
“You got that feeling, too?” Gladys observed. “She struck me as though she was trying to issue an edict without having to actually give us one. I don’t know if that’s because she can’t give us orders, or because she’s too wrapped up in her image, but seriously! I thought this was DJ’s choice, not hers.”
“It is, from what I understand,” Sepia commented. “Furthermore, that bitch apparently seems to think I’d turn on a friend in an instant. DJ is a friend of mine, and I owe her big time – I would have had a much harder time adjusting to a life without magic if it wasn’t for her. Even more important, she understands what it’s like to not have magic. She lived an entire life without it, and so will I.” The look in Sepia’s eyes was fierce. “So if Rarity thinks that I’m going to back off just because she wants to bulldoze over my friend? I don’t fucking think so.”
Gladys laughed, a cawing sound that filled the air. “That makes two of us, Pia.”
Shortly after the two returned to the palace, Sepia immediately made her way to DJ’s house, while Gladys decided to head back through the portal so that she could talk to those running the Rembrandt Project. The humanized unicorn made it to her friend’s house just in time for something else.
Sepia bowed deeply. “It is an honor, Your Highness,” she said to Princess Luna, who was currently seated on DJ’s sofa, drinking a coffee.
Luna looked at DJ. “At least somepony appreciates me,” she said lightly.
“Luna, my dear aunt, I love you, but go get bent,” DJ said, holding her donut just before her mouth. Seeing the horrified look on Sepia’s face, she then laughed. “Trust me, Luna’s used to me.”
“But DJ—”
Luna smiled. “I know she doesn’t mean it. And I am quite aware that my niece is far, ahem, ‘earthier’ than the average earth pony, to put it mildly. So you do not have to feel scandalized for her sake.” Seeing the photographer relax, the alicorn then asked, “Since I have you here, I can discuss what I had planned to do before we had to cancel our dinner.”
“My apologies on that, Princess. I had to head back home for a minor emergency.”
Luna dismissively waved a wing. “Quite understandable. Sometimes not everything is under our control, even for alicorns. But the thing I wanted to ask you is the same thing that DJ has: will you do my family’s portrait?”
Sepia blinked; this had not been what she was expecting. “Your highness?”
“I realize this may be a difficult proposition for you, but DJ trusts you immensely and you two are friends. As you know, my fiancé is human, and our daughter is half-human, half-alicorn. Scandals aside, I think that an individual who understands humanity – somepony like myself or DJ, who is intimately tied as well – would be able to find the best way to provide a royal portrait.” She gave Sepia a smile. “Furthermore, DJ told me about this Rembrandt robot, and it sounds like you would be able to do dual duty at once, taking both the photo and letting the robot create the painted equivalent. To me, that’s very fascinating and I know my daughter would be interested as well.”
“It is, I assure you,” Sepia told her. “When Gladys and I found out about it, we were completely wowed. It made a perfect oil painting recreation of an Ansel Adams in hours. And Nelson Kazura, the project lead, says he’s still working on the details. Truthfully, it’s probably one of the most fascinating projects I’ve seen over at Georgia Tech, and I usually go over there to give lectures now and then for the past few years.”
“So you’ll do it?”
Sepia nodded. “I’d be delighted to, Princess.” She then paused and sighed. “So long as I don’t get any other ‘official’ interference.”
Both DJ and Luna looked at her at the same time. “Official interference?” they parroted.
Sepia then went and explained her breakfast with Rarity as well as the mare’s response. From the look of concern on Luna’s face as well as the anger on that of DJ, Sepia wondered how much of a minefield she was going to be stepping in just by simply backing up her friend.
When she was done, she noted that DJ gave Luna a disturbingly sweet look. “I’m going to kick her ass into the next dimension, okay?” she cooed in an equally saccharine tone.
Luna sighed. “DJ, no. Problematic or not, she is your mother.”
“Gene donor.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge it.” DJ took another drink of her coffee. “Look, I get that I have pony relatives and, despite how I personally feel, genetically I am a pony myself. But that bitch doesn’t want me as a relative, she wants Sandalwood. And even though she’s claimed that I am dead to her, she’s trying to take me over, so to speak, via my sons. It should go without saying that I’m not going to let her do that. I’m not sure that I even want a relationship of any kind with her at this point, not the way she is now, and maybe not even if – and that’s a very big if – she changes.”
“Well, we in the family will continue to do what we need to do, DJ, though I want you to understand that privately, both Twilight and I agree with you. We cannot decide everything on our own, at least not as far as familial situations go, but again, Twilight and I completely agree with you and if there’s a so-called ‘side’ to be on, we are on yours. Sweetie, I’m sure, agrees as well, though she may be even in less of a position to admit it.”
“I don’t have any fur in this game, admittedly,” Sepia told the two. “I’m an orphan, so I don’t know how my parents would have reacted to my current condition, though I think they would have supported me. And Richard’s parents have been a blessing to us. But I remember what it was like when I was having problems with Jack. Sure, he loves me now, but it was touch and go for more than a while. And I’m not saying that just as the mother of a teenage boy who used to be a problematic child. I’m saying that as a pony, as a mare. So I get how DJ feels about all this.
“Moreover, Dee, I’ll tell the same thing that I told Gladys – and for the record, she agrees with me and I’m sure Richard would as well: I owe you. I would have been miserable without my magic or walking as ponies do if you hadn’t taken the time to show me that there was another way to live life. It hasn’t been easy for me – and it was even harder for you – but I owe you big time, and I don’t back out on my debts. Even more so, you’re my friend. I don’t leave friends hanging and I never will.”
She then turned to Luna. “Princess, I would be honored to do your portrait. And I will be honored to do DJ’s. Even if that causes strife between me and Rarity, even if she tries to blackball us or ruin us financially within Equestria, I will endure. Because isn’t that the point of our existence after all? Friendship is magic and all that?”
In a studio in Manehattan, a pinto-colored unicorn jotted colors across a large canvas, paint flying everywhere. Though the unicorn was normally piebald, at the moment, he was also doused in several other colors as well, looking more like a living rainbow than an artist creating his latest masterpiece. The paint splotches and streaks, he didn’t mind, truth be told, but to his particular irritation, he was also balding, his curly black mane settling around his head like a wreath. Even though he’d tried magic and even wigs, his beautiful mane was just not going to come back.
Body Paint sighed; It was probably his mother’s fault, he reasoned. Damn that harridelle – may her soul rot in Tartarus forever!
Frame Overo had been a mudpony and the result of a dalliance between his father and some streetwalking strumpet. He had been lucky to be born a unicorn, but even still, he was an illegitimate child, the son of a noble who felt like sticking somewhere he shouldn’t have. As a result, he was taken care of by his father and mostly saved from the fate of being the child of some would-be mare of the night; as it was, it was clear that he didn’t give a damn about her, because she had been a two-timing harridelle who had kept him from being born to a real family – a unicorn mother, like his elegant and refined stepmother, Dynamic Light. It had been Light that had nurtured his talent in artistry and gave him the connections to become what he was now. To him, it had been she that had been a real mother to him and he could only wish that he had been foaled from her instead of that damn mudpony’s.
Then came the day that that damnable harridelle had died, from disease, no less – only natural, given that she was a poxy rodent. However, even this didn’t when his mother died, he still couldn’t get the respect of being a minor noblepony – it was his damned mudpony blood in him, trumpeted all throughout the school he attended. He hated that, and even though his family never held it against him, he still always felt inadequate due to his cursed heritage. He couldn’t get away from it, and finally when he had a chance, he apprenticed himself to Citron Tone, the finest unicorn painter in the land, and in time, he had been content and could almost forget that he was a half-breed.
So when his father, stepmother and two half-siblings passed away in a freak airship accident, leaving him as Baronet Ogaden, he thought he could finally put away the past and live life as he was meant to. He missed his family, but now he had a name, wealth and his reputation as one of the most in-demand portraiture artists in all of Equestria
But then that…damnable nag, Rarity, the so-called ‘Knight of Generosity’ ruined and humiliated him. And for what? Because her son had been stupid enough to marry a mudpony and one that was a rural hick, to boot? Or was it because she herself had been saddled with two mudponies of her own as daughters, having married one? Or maybe it was because she was one of those rare unicorns born in a mudpony town, having picked up mudpony ways and even though she had everything that he should have had, in truth she was little more than a mudpony herself?
When she forced him to give up his commission, part of him hated her for that. How dare she sully his name! But on the other hand, part of him chafed at that. He was sure that had he been a pureblood, he would have had the opportunity to shine. Perhaps, given that they were about the same age, there might have been a time when he could have talked her into leaving that thug mudpony husband of hers and to be with him. She certainly seemed stupid and vapid enough that she would have likely thought him to be a trueblood.
And now after all these years, she had come to him, with a request: she wanted a painting of her mudpony daughter. But worse, she wanted it of that freak of nature…and of her human husband and half-breed kids. Body suppressed a shudder; it wouldn’t do to ruin one of his works because he didn’t have proper self-control. But the thought sickened him regardless: what kind of self-respecting pony – even a mudpony – would sleep with one of those monsters, much less have kids with them? Was that mare that damaged in the head? At least having sex with a timberwolf would have been more natural! He shook his head, still disbelieving the whole thing; why on earth would somepony of Rarity’s stature even want them painted? Didn’t she realize that would bring her to ruin?
Then again, she’s little better than one herself, so I shouldn’t be surprised, Body thought to himself.
Walking away from his canvas, he moved over to a small table, upon which was a bottle of cider. While he hated mudponies, he had to admit, they knew how to make their alcohol. Picking up the bottle, he drank straight from it, nearly draining it in one go. Some ponies might have accused him of loving cider a little too much, but he was never drunk in public – as a unicorn, even a half-breed, that wouldn’t do. He would taste his favorite liquids in the privacy of his own home and when he was creating masterpieces.
But that wasn’t the point. The point was that he now had a chance to get revenge. Revenge on every mudpony out there that had sullied him. Revenge on that nag Rarity and what she had done to him because she loved her mudponies. Revenge against humans for soiling Equestria just by stepping on its land.
And the best part about it? He was getting paid to do this.