//------------------------------//
// Kings and Krustaceans 
// Story: The (Second) Rise and Fall of the Storm King 
// by TheDriderPony 
//------------------------------//

The king was massive. Sprawled out on a throne that had to have been custom-built, he easily outweighed Twilight and her friends combined. He wore a toga-like sheet of purple cloth and little else aside from a simple, understated crown.

As Wilbur had predicted, he couldn't get them an audience on his own. However, once he had shown them the way to the city, finding a guard and exerting a little Princess Authority™ had been a piece of cake. Even this far from Equestria, creatures knew that when an alicorn showed up at your door, you took them to your leader. 

"Ponies," the king grunted, a small note of surprise in his voice, "Not often we get ponies in these parts."

Twilight stepped forward. All her lessons and training in decorum and diplomacy ran through her mind like wild dogs. "King of the Swinefolk," she began, "We come to you in our hour of need. Our home has been overrun; captured by a heinous villain and his forces. Our leaders imprisoned. Our citizens enslaved. We have heard that you often lend your mighty forces to aid those in need. So I ask you, as a Princess of Equestria, to please help us save our Kingdom." She finished by lowering her head in deference.

"Great speech, Twilight," Spike whispered from her side. 

"You ask much, but offer little," he rumbled, "We are not a charity. How do you plan to compensate me for my aid?"

Here came the hard part. "We can offer you friendship. Alliances. Preferred trade-" 

"Stop." He raised a hand and Twilight obeyed. "This is immaterial. You offer words in exchange for actions. In these parts, we trade in coin and goods. Have you no gold to offer?"

"...Not with us, no." Twilight admitted. "Nor do I have the authority to promise the contents of the national treasury. Still, if you would hear our plight-"

"If you cannot afford our service, then our business is done." The king made a gesture to summon a servant. "My guards shall show you the way back to the city proper. Farewell ponies."

"What. The. Hay!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. In a few wingbeats she was right in the king's face. "What gives? We come all the way here, and Twilight askes super nicely and you turn her down just cause she's short a few bits? What kind of greedy king does that?"

The room went silent in shock. Even Dash (after a slight delay) seemed to realize the gravitas of what she'd done as the king's gaze bore into her. But there was something... odd about where he was looking. 

"What," he growled, "Is that in your mouth?"

Rainbow stopped and felt around with her tongue. The tail end of a shrimp fell to the floor with a plop. "...Oops." she said bashfully, "Sorry. It was a long wait outside the throne room and I wanted a snack so I-"

"Where did you get this?" he demanded, "And do you have more?!"

A spark of an idea flickered in Rarity. She recognized that glint in the king's eyes. Something she'd seen many times in her shop. The look of a customer who'd just found a product that they couldn't live without.

She stepped forward, heedless of political propriety. "Good sir King," she began as his intense gaze shifted to her, "I take it that you are rather interested in the shrimp she possesses?" His piercing gaze made the question rhetorical. "Continuing that line, would you be willing to accept payment in the form of shrimp?"

A tense moment passed before he spoke. "That depends on the quantity you can produce. As well as its quality."

Rarity grinned. "Step aside, Twilight," she announced as she positioned herself forward in a patented Rarity Power Stance. "This diplomatic negotiation has just become a business transaction. And you can leave that to me."

Twilight hesitated, but seeing the gleam in her friend's eye, she nodded and stepped back. The king as well suddenly seemed far more interested in the conversation than he had before.

"If it's that, then I believe we can do business after all." He settled forward, elbows on his knees and fingers interwoven with intense focus. Rarity matched his stare, the lightness of her voice contrasting her gaze which was as sharp and steely as any of her needles.

"Twilight, show the good King our wares. It's only good manners that we allow him to inspect the product before we continue."

Twilight wasn't exactly sure where she'd been left behind along the way, but she trusted enough to follow her friend's instruction. She lit her horn and opened the hole in reality where she'd stashed the rest. In seconds, the throne room was transformed into an enormous aquarium. The floating globe of shrimp and water filled it to the ceiling, barely leaving room for the king and his petitioners. Sunlight passed through water and bodies of living shrimp alike, casting the room in a pale pink glow. The king reached up, seemingly transfixed by the sight. Noticing him take the bait, Rarity gave a sign and Twilight sucked the small sea back into the plane where she stored it.

It took the swine king a moment to come back to his senses and once more turn his steely stare on Rarity. Only now, it seemed a little weaker. Friendlier, even. 

"Name your price."

The easy smile had never left her face. "The price for our shrimp, the whole sum of it, is the liberation of our homeland from its captor, the Storm King. No more, no less. Half payment now, the rest after."

The king smiled back; a wide toothy thing not helped by his predatory-looking tusks. 

And now came the tricky part; the bargaining. She'd have to carefully gauge just how much he valued the shrimp versus-

"Done."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"It is done. We have a deal!" He belted out a deep belly laugh that left everypony feeling slightly unsettled. "And what a deal it is! Young miss unicorn, it has been far too long since I've met someone who could stand up and bargain at my level."

"Ah... thank you?" she replied, caught a little off-balance by his sudden shift in demeanor.

"No time to waste then!" he said eagerly, "We've a nation to save, haven't we?" He took a long deep breath and-

"PORKIIINS!" He roared. 

A moment later a small swinefolk, barely as tall as a pony, raced into the room, his trotters skidding on the smooth marble. "Y-Y-Yes, Fa- King Napoleon?"

"Go to the mercenary captains," he ordered, "tell them to gather a hundred each of their finest warriors. Accept whatever price they ask. Money is no object for this mission, but don't tell them that. Then go to my accountants and have them allocate the payment; tell them to take half from the national treasury and the rest from my personal vault."

Porkins nodded and saluted, but did not leave.

"Well? What are you waiting for? An invitation? Go!"

Porkins half-yipped, half-oinked in acknowledgment and scurried out. 

King Napoleon sighed. "He's a good lad, and he'll be a fine wario someday, but I swear that boy doesn't know how to take the initiative." Before anyone could comment he shouted again. "Proscuitto!"

Soon, another small swine entered the room. Her figure was much like Porkins, only slightly slimmer and hidden beneath an orange dress and golden jewelry. She curtsied as she reached the king.

"Go to Queen Snowball and have her send word to her vintners," he commanded, "Thirty barrels of war wine, three for each company. Have them bring their best cask here as well; use a wagon if it's one of the big ones. And tell a servant to bring goblets for our guests for a toast. And a proper stone flagon for the firebreather."

Proscuitto nodded. "Thirty barrels for the fighters, fine wine for the guests, and a dragon flagon in a wagon. Got it, Papa!" Then she too raced away.

Though the room had emptied save its original occupants, no creature spoke. None of them knew how to respond to this strange new king. Everything about him had suddenly undergone a radical shift, from cold and uncaring to gregarious and Falstaffian. Even his body language was warmer and more expressive. It was like looking upon an entirely different person. 

"I apologize for my bruskness earlier," he said with a genuinely warm smile. "I have something of an image to maintain with unfamiliar foreign powers and strange visitors seeking to take advantage of my strength. But! You are no longer strangers! Now you are valued customers! And customers are as cherished as family!"

King Napoleon stood up and swept his toga aside, revealing it to have merely been a cape. The heft they'd assumed to be fat showed its true colors as the powerful muscles of a toned warrior's physique. He flexed as he stretched out the kinks from his joints.

"It's been some years since I've joined in a proper battle. This 'Storm King' should do well to grind the rust off."

"All this for shrimp?" Rainbow Dash asked, the shock of everything finally easing up a little, "I mean, yeah it's good, but it's not that good."

"That good?" King Napoleon echoed with a chuckle. "Brash One, in these parts it's worth more than gold. Shrimp is one of our most sought-after luxury items. But for all the strength of my people as warriors, we are not seafarers. The mysteries of sailing and fishing elude us, so we have to import it from the cats." His expression hardened. "And even then they always keep the finest catches for themselves and only sell to us from the bottom of the net. Why, those rotten, flea-bitten furbags would have half my kingdom for a tenth this much pink gold!"

A rumble in the hallway announced the arrival of several attendants and a cart loaded with a wine barrel large enough for a small family of ponies to bathe in. Proscuitto returned as well with a tray bearing six cups, a flagon twice their size, and an ornately carved drinking horn even larger than that.

"It will take some time for the mercenaries to ready their forces," he continued as the barrel was tapped. "In the meantime, you are my honored guests and I hope that you would join me in a custom of my people."

Twilight felt that she had missed something important somewhere, but mentally filed it away and merely rolled with the apparent new friendship. She eyed the vibrant red liquid warily. "Are you sure we should be giving Spike wine? He is still young after all. "

Spike started to reply in defense of his maturity but was cut off by the King's throaty chuckle. "Please, unless I sell my crown for a bottle of poko, the firebreather will remain the soberest one here. I once knew a drake half his age who could outdrink my entire elite guard, consecutively. Of what days those were, back when I was young."

As he reminisced about his wild, younger days, Proscuitto took each drink as it was poured and ceremoniously carried it to each pony.

"Anyhow, we have a saying in these parts--more like a belief, really--that before one goes to war, or enters any perilous situation, one should always take the time to appreciate the little joys in life. So before the assignments are handed out, we first gift each warrior a hearty tankard of our best and most well-aged vintage."

"I think I could get behind this tradition," Rainbow Dash said as she accepted her drink.

"Why am Ah not surprised," Applejack chuckled. 

"Sounds like a pre-game party to me!" Pinkie added as she added a crazy straw to her cup.

"And you do this every time?" Twilight pressed.

"Oh yes," King Napoleon said gravely as much of the barrel was emptied into his drinking horn, "It has become ingrained into our culture. In fact, it's practically a sin to task perils before wine. Now, everyone! Drink up! To the liberation of Equestria!"