Well, I've had some embarrassing moments in my day, but the three I suffered during the previous two days took the cake!
I tried to ask out a Pegasus named Diane Heart, who was the first mare I've ever developed a crush on. But my nerves got the best of me, making me embarrass myself! Spike, Rainbow, and even Twilight (Yes, the Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle!) did their best to help me. Spike told me to "be myself", Twilight looked up books on dating that she shockingly had ready in case I'd need them, and Rainbow tried to put some "attitude" in me. But not one of those three worked, so I gave up.
I thought Applejack wouldn't laugh about my epic failures of asking out Diane, and I wanted to pick up some apples, so I headed to her farm, Sweet Apple Acres.
Standing in front of the open doors of the barn in Sweet Apple Acres I told Applejack about my screw-ups with Diane. She was walking through her pigs' den with the pigs running around her as she walked, filled up her pig feeders, and while the pigs' "oinking" used to get my nerves, it's grown on me now. As well as the sounds of the other animals did, such as the chirping of chickens in their chicken dens or the bleating of the sheep.
Ha, every time Applejack's in that den, I think about the FIM episode when she made things much harder on herself at the farm. At some point maybe I'll finally get Twilight to perform the "chicken dance" for me, and watch how silly she'll look!
Anyway, as I thought, Applejack didn't find my screw-ups on asking out Diane funny.
"...And that's what happened."
"Wow, Eric, that sounds messier than a pie made from rotten apples."
"Yep, I'm a mess when it comes to asking out a crush, human or pony."
"Well, sorry that happened, but for help on somethin' like this, ya got advice from the wrong ponies."
"Huh?"
Applejack walked out of the pen, closed the door to it behind her, and walked to me. "Okay, just hear me out. First, Spike was onto somethin' but yer got too nervous to 'be yourself' and hope that would be enough to keep calm. Rainbow Dash thinks coolness and ego would fix everythin', and askin' Twilight to help..." Applejack rested a hoof on my shoulder with a frown. "Oh, sugarcube. I know we're not as close compared to how close yer with Twilight, but if yer that desperate, why didn't ya just come to me?"
"Well, I didn't ask Twilight for help, but she offered to do it, and I figured you would've told me the same thing Spike did."
"Usually, I would've, but that alone won't be enough by ya bein' so nervous, so let me think of somethin'." Applejack took her hoof off me to place it on her cheek, and tilted her head up. After five seconds, she lowered it back to me with a smile. "Okay. I got it."
"Got what?"
"From I heard said, this 'Diane Heart' might like ya, so what ya need to do is ask her 'do ya want to go out on a date with me?'"
I let out a big sigh and responded, "Uh, Applejack? No offense, but what do you think I tried to do?!"
"No, Eric, I mean just say it like that because by tryin' to find the right words, ya kept stutterin' and messed yourself up. But if ya just say what I said and don't try to word it in some fancy way, it'll be a lot easier."
I placed a hand under my chin and turned my head down for a second. "Oh. I get it. I just plan to say 'do you want to go on a date with me?' and if I do I won't stutter again?"
Applejack nodded her head. "Yep, and the simple ways are the best ways in my book." In a more concerned voice Applejack suggested, "But, before we do anythin', I want to ask if ya want to hang out here at the farm a little more?"
"Hmm, yeah, I'll like that, but what made you ask now?"
Applejack sighed and again placed a hoof on my shoulder. "I hoped I wouldn't have to say it, but I hate lyin'. I asked because with how you hyperventilated last week over 'losin' one of Twilight's favorite books, just to find out she took it back without ya seein' it, and now tripping when tryin' to ask out Diane twice, I think you and Twi spent too much time together."
I huffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on, Applejack. Sure, we really like to talk and read together, and I've picked up some of Twilight's traits and habits, but you're talking like she's making me into a male Twilight. You really think I've spent too much time with her?"
From behind me, a deep voice answered, "Eeyup!"
With Applejack's hoof still on me, I spun my head to where the voice from, and a certain big red stallion was sticking his head out of the barn chucking. I groaned and protested, "Oh, ha, ha, very funny, Big Mac! But I haven't spent that much time with Twi!"
Applejack sighed and took her hoof off me. "Whatever you say. Anyway, now that I'm done feedin' the pigs, I'm finished with all my chores for now, so ya want to try askin' out Diane again, and I'll come along for moral support?"
"Yeah, I'll give it another shot, and thanks, Applejack."
Forgetting the main reason I came to her farm wasn't just to visit her, but to get some apples, Applejack and I left Sweet Apple Acres to track down Diane again. Fourth time's the charm...maybe.
Back in the park when my last bust happened, twenty feet away, we spotted Diane smiling and once again sitting on the bench where she was on before. I guess she really enjoys soaking in the sunshine, and I was preparing to try again with Applejack's plan.
"Okay, Eric. If I'm right, that mare's Diane, right?"
"Yeah, that's Diane. And you hate lying, so I'll just...*gulp*...say that I'm feeling nervous."
"I guess I can understand. But all ya have to do is just ask 'Diane, do ya want to go on a date with me?' Got it?"
"Yeah, I think I got it. Focus on saying that and only that, right?"
"Yep. Don't think about that other small stuff and ya won't stutter this time."
"Okay. I'm going in."
"Good luck."
Applejack gave me a pat on the back that made me grunt and stumble forward, and after I regained my balance I walked to Diane once again while thinking to myself about what Applejack said to do.
Diane saw and smiled at me. "Oh, hi again, Eric. I guess you like being in the park too? Are you finished with what you had to do?"
Once again, my mind raced and I felt the beating of my faster-beating heart, and I was worried I'd mess up so it took some willpower to force myself to not bail. Still thinking about Applejack's advice I blurted out, "Do you like with me?"
"Huh?"
Uh-oh. That came out wrong, and I shook my head to try and re-focus. "Uh, I-I mean, do you go to me?" I couldn't resist groaning and I facepalmed hard.
"Come again?"
Maybe Applejack and I should've practiced this. As I looked at Diane's face and her big green eyes, memories of my last epic failures flooded my head and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist feeling more and more nervous. My face turned red and I became tongue-tied, so nothing came out of my mouth. I felt my pounding heart beat even faster, and I couldn't recover! What did I do to deserve this embarrassment?! Did I tell one too many jokes?
"Eric? You're sweating again. What's the matter?"
Hoping to clear my head, I crept back to calm myself down, wiped my head, and tried to work on remembering everything I was supposed to say. But, fate wanted me to suffer some more. For the third time, I tripped on a rock, fell and rolled down a hill screaming with my hat flying off my head off half-way, and rolled face-down into some mud which felt so fitting! You'd think by now, I would remember to watch out for rocks.
For what felt like the millionth time, Diane asked, "Eric? Are you all right?!"
I heard Applejack tell Diane something; I guess to get rid of her, but I couldn't make out what she said. After that, Applejack sped to me as I was stumbling out of the mud and completely covered in it. I tried to stand, but once I got to my feet, I slipped and fell on my butt, and Applejack placed a hoof around my back.
"Whoa, easy there, Eric. Yer all right?"
"...*cough*...not really. I did it again!"
"You weren't kidding about bein' a mess about datin'."
"And that would be an understatement! And where's Diane?" Still sitting down from when I slipped before, I lifted my head to where Diane was, but I couldn't see her anywhere. I let out a groan that could've been heard through the whole park, and punched the ground with my left fist which the mud I dragged with me softened the force of. "I don't know why I tried again, Applejack, because I just can't do it! What's wrong with me?!"
"Aw, come on, sugarcube, don't beat yourself up like that. We could go back to the farm and I can--"
I gave a deep sigh like I did the last times I was in this spot with the others. "Thanks, but no thanks, Applejack. Maybe I'll try again later, but for now, I gotta go think for a while."
"Oh, all right. But come find me if you want to give it another shot, okay, Eric?"
"I will."
After four failures I needed some extra-kindness, so I decided to visit Fluttershy, but I first headed back to the castle to wash the mud off me after I got my hat back on. Twilight wasn't at the castle to possibly have another laugh, though I doubted my big sis would do it again; not even about the part when my name might have been "Eric Mud Reed". Spike almost laughed but held it in, and Starlight was off again with you-know-who, so she wasn't around to have a possible laugh.
In Fluttershy's cottage, sitting in a wooden chair painted green with sunlight shining near but not on it, I sat by a two-feet-tall table drinking some tea Fluttershy offered me. Miss Element of Kindness herself was in a similar chair on the other side of the table. Besides the one I was using and the empty cup on the side of the table by Fluttershy, there was another empty light-purple teacup in the middle of the table, with five square carrot-ginger sandwiches on a silver plate with the crust cut off them. Ha, I guess Discord was there not long ago. Fluttershy has a comforting presence about her and the quiet chirping of her birds further helped, so I didn't hesitate to tell her about my epic failures.
"Oh, dear. I'm sorry you went through that, Eric. Are you feeling better now?"
After another sip, I placed the half-full cup down on a light-purple cup holder, the same color of the cup. "Yeah, I am, Fluttershy, but I don't get it! The advice I've gotten from the others is great, but I keep messing up, and I feel like an idiot!"
Fluttershy frowned and gave me a stern look. "Didn't you say that Twilight didn't like you calling yourself an 'idiot' and you promised her you wouldn't do it?"
"I guess you felt the same way as her, but I said I felt like an idiot, not that I am one. But if you saw me in action, you'll understand why I feel this way. It was horrible!"
"Well, I didn't see it, but trust me when I tell you that you're not an idiot, Eric. After all, feeling nervous doesn't make you or anyone an idiot." With the smile Fluttershy formed on her face, it's hard not to believe anything she says.
"Thanks for that, Fluttershy, and I'm sorry. But still, what's wrong with me?"
"Hmm." Fluttershy placed a hoof on her cheek, looked down, then a couple of seconds later lifted her face to me with a smile. "I think I have an idea if you'll like to hear it."
I almost said "no thanks" but I thought about how Fluttershy struggled with nervousness. Thus if she has an idea about how to deal with it, you listen to what the pony has to say. "Why not? I'm listening."
"Well, Spike told you to be yourself, Twilight tried to talk you through it with help from her books, Rainbow told you to 'be cool' and Applejack told you to focus on saying the words to ask Diane out, correct? But none of their advice was on simply staying calm."
"But wasn't Rainbow's advice supposed to help with that?"
Fluttershy shook her head. "Being in that mindset might've helped you remain calm, but you weren't you so once you made a mistake and you lost that mindset, you got nervous. But my advice will just help you remain calm and not make you act a certain way. And as I'm sure you know, I know how it feels to be really nervous."
"Yeah, I remember. But how will you help me stay calm?"
"Okay, you have said having my birds by you is calming, so you could take one with you, and I can come if you think me being there can relax you more. Plus, Diane might think it's cute, and it could make her like you even more."
Yep, that put a smile on my face! "Oh, yeah, that could work! Thanks a lot, Fluttershy!"
"It's no problem at all, Eric. Oh, and, uh, would you like for us to have our own tea parties sometimes? And don't worry about Discord getting jealous."
"Sure! If you wanted us to have them, you should've asked sooner, but what made you ask now?"
Fluttershy bit her lip and turned away for a couple of seconds, then confessed, "Well...I asked because while it's great how close you and Twilight are, and she deeply cares about you, but I think you've spent too much time with her. But you know I care about you too, and that you can always come to me for help, right?"
Yep, now Fluttershy's joined the "I spent too much time with Twilight" club! But, I did feel better thinking about Fluttershy's advice so I didn't mind it. "I know, and I care about you too and thanks. But in case you thought I went to Twilight because I was desperate, I didn't go to her, but she helped me on her own."
"Oh, thank goodness -- er I mean, would you like some more tea?"
"Uh...yeah. I'll like that."
Well, that happened, and after I got done with the tea, Fluttershy and I left her cottage to search for Diane with one of Fluttershy's birds, a red one, flying behind her. As we went, I thought about what Rainbow, Applejack, and Fluttershy said about Twilight and me, and wondered if I did spend too much time with her.
With Fluttershy's bird now perched on my shoulder, around twenty-feet away (again) Fluttershy and I found Diane standing near the dark-blue doors to Carousel Boutique, both Rarity's home and where she makes her dresses and stuff. Rarity herself was nowhere in sight, but through one of its glass windows, I saw two mares (I think) a blue and a purple Earth Pony in the shop, taking closer looks at what looked like a dress on a rack near the window. Of course, the mare I was looking for wasn't one of them.
"Okay, Eric, that's Diane, right?"
"Yep, that's her."
"Is my bird helping you?"
"I think it is, but I'm still a bit nervous."
Probably because of personal experience, Fluttershy used a different approach than what the others did. In an even kinder voice than usual she said, "You know, if you want to go back, we can. I'll never force you to do something you're not sure you can do."
Whether Fluttershy meant for this to happen, or if she just wanted to be a good friend and it happened by luck, it calmed me down, and it made me not want to bail. "Compared to the last times, I'm not too nervous, so I think I'll be all right."
"Oh, I'm happy to hear that. In that case, go get her, Eric!"
Fluttershy stayed put and I strode to Diane feeling even calmer, so I felt almost fully calm. I guess the bird on my shoulder helped more than I thought it would, and it truly felt I would land Diane! Yet, I couldn't shake a feeling that I was being watched.
"Oh, hi again, Eric. Is that bird yours?"
"No, it's a friend's, and I was, uh, taking it for a walk."
"Wow, it's lovely." Diane walked to me and took a better look at the bird on my shoulder, and rubbed its head. "Whoever your friend is must be great at caring for animals."
"Yep, she is, and in fact 'great' would be an understatement." I felt so at ease now, I almost forgot why I came. "But, uh, there was something I wanted to ask, Diane."
"Oh? What is it?"
"Well, I--"
A white cat leaped out from what felt like nowhere, and the bird on my shoulder screeched and flapped its wings like crazy, but it stayed on my shoulder. But as I watched the cat staring at me -- or the bird on my shoulder -- in front of me, Diane gasped, and something else jumped on my back with something sharp digging into the upper part of my back, making me yelp, and I fell face-down.
I growled and lifted my head and a gray cat, along with the white one, were screeching and jumping in the air with the bird flying in circles at about two feet in the air. After two seconds, the bird flew to Diane, and both cats jumped on her trying to get to it, and knocked the poor cute Pegasus down!
I jumped up and ran towards Diane, but after only four steps that bird flew on my shoulder again, and the gray cat jumped on me again to get it, but missed. The bird that is, but since that cat didn't miss me, it made me lose my balance and I fell on my butt again! But at least its claws didn't scratch me this time.
Fluttershy finally trotted in, picked up the bird with her hooves, and scolded the cats. As she did her thing, I again sprung to my feet and ran over to Diane, who got to her hooves but was shaking her head. But after the cat attack, my nerves returned in full force, complete with the sweating, fast-beating heart pumping in my chest, and the stuttering.
"Are y-you okay, D-Diane?"
Diane had some dirt on her coat and her mane was a bit muffled, but otherwise looked unharmed. However, she was frowning and quickly answered, "Sorry, but I-I gotta go. I'll see you later, Eric."
This time, Diane ran off, well flew off, leaving me with not only my head down, but with my teeth and fists clenched. I didn't even mess up this time! I barely even paid attention to the little burning on my back from the scratch marks the claws from one of the cats did.
Now done scolding the cats, Fluttershy sped to me. "Are you okay, Eric?"
Still with my head down, I shook my head. "I...I don't know. Buck! Am I cursed or something?! And now my back is stinging thanks to that cat!"
Fluttershy walked behind me to check the three small scratch marks, just below the back of my neck, and after seeing it wasn't anything serious and was barely even bleeding, she came around to stand beside me and rubbed the mid-part of my back with her wing. That, along with her big, sympathetic eyes and the calming presence she has made me feel better. "I know, Eric, and you did very well. That was just bad luck, but you're not 'cursed', and we could try again later with a different animal if you want."
I shook my head again. "After what happened, Diane might not feel comfortable if I walk up with another animal and I only felt calmer with your birds, so this animal idea might not work again."
"Oh. Well, if you think of something else and want my help, my door's always open, and I'm really sorry I couldn't be more help."
"It's okay. At least your advice had me calmer than the others' did."
Buck! I had no idea what I did, but it felt like something didn't want me to land Diane! I was not in a happy mood, and I wondered about quitting for good.
However, I have more friends, so more was in store for me...