//------------------------------// // 10: Indecision in the Rain // Story: Shining Together // by Bookish Delight //------------------------------// It had only been a week since Sunset Shimmer's loss to Princess Twilight Sparkle. And yet, Sunset felt as if she'd been defeated a hundred times over.  She wandered the building-laden streets of Canterlot City, amidst the rain and autumn leaves, shuffling one foot in front of the other, as she had been for the last...  ...actually, just how long had she been doing this? No. Sunset stopped herself from asking questions. Any questions. All questions. One foot in front of the other. Count the steps. Make a game out of it, if you had to.  But whatever you do, don't ask where you are. Don't think about where you might be going.  Don't do anything that will lead to having to make a decision.  Decisions, for the entirety of last week, had been dangerous. And they still were. Sunset stared at the ground, boring holes in front of her feet with her eyes. One step. Next step. Think about nothing else. Thinking leads to questions. Questions lead to having to weigh pros and cons, positives and negatives, stopping for consideration, instead of moving forward, always forward, towards the greatness for which she was destined. Even now, in her lowest of moments, she was Sunset Shimmer, and her dawn would come again, without any help from others. Without any so-called "friends." but friends could make that dawn come faster— No! Sunset stopped where she was, leaned against a brick wall, clutched her head. She willed the colors, threatened them, to stay away, but they didn't listen. They never listened, anymore.  Why would they? They'd already won.  The colors swirled again, painting visions in front of her. Visions of things that had never happened. Could never happen, should never happen:  smiling and laughing with the other canterlot high students  shaking hands with and accepting life advice from with the principals playing with the other ponies at the school for gifted unicorns softly embracing princess celestia, who she loved with all of her heart— Damn it! Sunset roared, temporarily—always only temporarily—scaring the colors away, and forced herself back onto the sidewalk. There weren't many people around to stare, given the weather. Good for them. It meant they got to live. This was what it had been like all week. Ever since she'd been hit with the full, combined light of the Elements of Harmony. In bed, out of bed, in school, in private, in public, she'd been forced to remember, to relive, every moment of her life, every decision she'd ever made, forced to see all the ways things could have gone differently—  different ways, better ways— Cowardly ways!  Sunset had become skilled beyond any mortal being at keeping those small inclinations, that small voice of conscience, locked away. It was essential that she did so, so she could fulfill her life's mission, her life's ambition, while still being able to sleep at night. But now, all of those voices, those pulses, those lights and colors—had been given carte blanche to come flooding back all at once, with interest.  And if the door to that conscience ever had a lock before, there was no sign of one now. Needless to say, sleep had been at a premium lately.  Money had certainly been a problem, too. Stealing it from weak people had been just been fine before, but ever since the stupid stupid stupid stupid rainbow beam happened she always thought about how her victim-to-be might feel whenever she tried now which meant she always went broke —having this stupid "heart" is awful I just want to live for me! Sunset ducked into a doorway, just out of sight, held her head in her hands, knelt down, and screamed as hard as she could, as if she could drive all of the light pollution from her soul by sheer force of will. The actual effect, alas, was merely just barely drowning out the rain from her ears—and even that was easy to hear again once she was reduced to weak, tearful sobs moments later. And still, the happy visions persisted, taunting Sunset with a far nicer person, a far nicer pony, than she knew she could ever be. Was this what it was like to be.... human? Or equine? What even was she anymore? What had she ever been? Was the monster she had turned into after gaining possession of a single Element of Harmony her true self? If so, why had it been so... pathetic?  As pathetic in the face of real hardship as she was right now? And worst of all, why did the tiniest, smallest, most invisible part of her keep trying to tell her that what she was going through right now... was still better than the alternative? Sunset didn't hear the door open behind her, didn't feel the warm, soft, clean towel being draped across her shoulders, until several moments later, after managing to claw back from within herself, and acknowledge the world once more. In that world, a gray woman in a full-length blue dress now stood over her with a concerned expression. Sunset didn't say anything. Nor did the woman, for quite some time. Until she finally did. "I was expecting a lost cat, given the mewling at my door."  She held out her hand. Sunset reflexively reached out to slap the hand away, to tell this naive, idiotic woman to her face that she didn't need anyone's pity, least of all some stranger's. Sunset's hand clasped the woman's, with a firm, twitchy grip. It was warm. Shockingly warm. Far warmer than the towel. It flowed through her. The storm she'd wandered for hours had been near freezing, and only now did Sunset notice. Defeated, she allowed herself to be helped to her feet. The woman smiled.  "Come. No self-respecting person belongs in this storm."