I sat in silence, centering myself. My mind was clear and my breathing was calm as I felt the world around me.
I was one with the universe.
I could only succeed.
My enemies would fall before me.
... Or they’d gank me from the grass and I’d have to wait to respawn... again.
I looked out the window into my neighbor's across our yards and sent the little bastard a one finger salute. “Fuck you, Zann.”
The ass hole just sent me a grin back.
I normally don’t play League of Legends, but it can be fun with friends, even ones I wasn’t that close to.
Really, our relationship was more of ‘friendly neighbors’ than actual friends. I mean, sure, we’d game together and I’d invite them over whenever I’d cook out, but I was a good decade older than them. Sure, I was the young-at-heart kinda guy, but I still felt old around them. I mean, I had a mullet when they were cool. They can’t really identify with that.
And, yes, mullets were cool once. Just google ‘MacGyver’ and you’ll see why.
Anyway, I was playing LoL, because my Monster Hunter group lost power already. It was day four of the worst blizzard I had ever seen, and, honestly, I was just trying to get as much time online while I had it.
The fact that I was getting my ass handed to me by a smug pincushion didn’t detract from the fun of it.
After losing two more matches and a few dozen deaths, Zann bid me goodnight.
I wasn’t really tired yet, though, so I decided to get a little exercise. I ran through a quick, basic set of the usual; stretches, sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks, and so on, ending with a little time on the wooden man.
I was a bit of a mold-breaking nerd. While I wasn’t ripped, I kept myself in good shape and could easily kick the crap out of any jock that tried to pick a fight with me. Almost two and a half decades dedicated to the martial arts does that to you.
As I was cooling down, though, I noticed something out my window. There was this strange, pulsing light coming from nextdoor.
I was about to just dismiss it as one of them playing a hand-held, when a wave of light silently burst from within.
My reaction was the reaction anyone would have in that situation.
I stared dumbly as my brain failed to comprehend the light before it slammed into me.
I had been sitting there, staring at the water for at least an hour. I was certainly doing better than I was when I first woke up. Details of that moment will never be shared with another living soul other than to say, ‘I freaked out’, so don’t ask.
Most people would, though, when they wake up in a strange forest and their hands were turned into weird black and blue paws with a steel spike jammed through the back.
After I calmed down, I decided to find anything reflective. Luckily, I found a spring after only an hour of searching. What I found looking back at me was, to say the very least, unexpected.
Apparently, I was Lucario.
“Why?” was the only thing I could say.
I mean, it’s weird that that was where my mind went, but I was still freaking out a little.
Still, it was a valid question. Why was I turned into a freaking pokemon? I hadn’t cared about pokemon since gen two. The only thing I know about Lucario was that he was in Super Smash Bros, a couple things I gleaned from fan art on the internet, and part of a movie Leo was watching one day when they asked if I could help install a new ceiling fan for them (guess how many nerds it took to screw in that lightbulb).
The only thing I could figure from that was that he’s a legendary psychic/fighting type.
I think.
Well, maybe the homebrew race for D&D Leo found, but I doubt that was a credible source.
Finally, I managed to tear my eyes from my reflection to look around. Birds flew above, and squirrels ran through the treetops, so I wasn't transported to the Pokemon universe, but at the same time it didn’t look like Earth. It was too colorful.
“Damn it,” I cursed. “This is just perfect.”
I got to my feet, because I’m not calling them paws, bouncing slightly, trying to get a feel for my new body. I figured pokemon were physically superior to humans, so it would be a good idea to get a better idea of what it could do.
I felt light. A simple hop launched me a good six feet up. I was tempted to try an actual leap, but I felt that was probably a bad idea. Instead, I hopped back and forth, left to right.
Then, I stopped, took a breath, and pushed off my back foot, launching myself into a sprint. In the blink of an eye, I cleared thirty yards and slammed face first into a tree.
I couldn’t help but start laughing hysterically. It was amazing. I was so fast and agile, and even hitting that tree barely hurt. I had to admit, it was a pretty good consolation prize.
Staring up at the patches of blue I could manage to glimpse through the canopy, my mind wandered. I was still trying to come to grips with what happened.
Maybe this isn’t so bad. I mean, as long as I find a way home soon, this is just some crazy adventure. How often does things like this ever happen?
With a sigh, I got back up.
“I’ll start heading East,” I thought out loud. “Hopefully, I’ll get out of these woods and find someone that can help me.”
Earth or not, I needed to find civilization as soon as possible. My only hope of finding out where I was and what happened would be where their were sentient beings or an ancient temple.
If my experience in Dungeons & Dragons taught me anything it’s that shit like this is the fault of some ancient artifact.
Or a mad god, but that one was pretty unlikely.
Arceus glared at Discord.
“Yeah... Sorry,” the chaos spirit said, defensively. “I didn’t mean for it to hit him, honest!”
Damn, I was fast.
The trees blurred past. I had to be hitting thirty-five, at least.
I had been spending the last few hours just getting a feel for my new body’s abilities, and I had to admit, it was pretty sweet.
I came skidding to a stop near a few boulders.
“Ah, let’s test my strength, shall we?” I said, sauntering over to one about the size of my head.
I reached down, grabbed hold, and lifted. It was as if it were made of styrofoam. I tosses from one hand to the other a few times before dropping it where I found it and moved on to another that was as big as my body.
I wrapped my arms around it and heaved. The thing came up rather easy. This thing had to weigh at least seven hundred pounds, but I was lifting it as easily as if it weighed seventy.
When I set it back down, another idea hit me. With a smirk, I dropped into a fighting stance and punched the boulder as hard as I can.
“Fuck!” I cried, clutching my hand.
Who would have thought punching a boulder would hurt my hand?
Of course, I quickly forgot the pain when I noticed a crack in the stone where I hit it.
“No freaking way,” I gasped.
“Hell yeaAAAHHH!” I yelled as I found myself sixty feet in the air, having forgotten I could jump like that, new. “Crap, crap, crap, crap!”
And then I landed perfectly on my feet without effort.
When I let that sink in, I grinned like the Cheshire Cat.
I crouched down, tensing my leg muscles and sprang straight up. The tree tops quickly fell away as I rocket through the canopy. I flew up to at least a hundred and thirty feet before gravity decided I went high enough.
A small tinge of fear shot through me at my decent, but I fought that down and let my body take over. I landed on all fours, only a slight bit of pain shaking my joints as they strained a little with the impact.
“Holy shit, this is awesome!” I cheered. “I’m like a-”
I froze as I suddenly realized something.
Lucario could use that psychic ball attack that Mewtwo uses.
I looked down at my hands, wincing at the still unfamiliar sight.
“Okay, but... how do I actually do it?”
I put my hands close together, palms facing each other and concentrated. I focused all my mind on willing a psi-ball thing into being.
Nothing.
I tried for twenty minutes before I decided to stop and think about it. I tried to summon up what little I knew about Lucario.
“Okay, so, he’s psychic, but he’s not like other psychics,” I mused, pacing with one hand scratching my chin. “He seems more like the guys that make Pokemon pointed at DBZ and said, ‘Make that a pokemon.’ So, maybe he uses his psychic powers more like DBZ? Couldn’t hurt to try.”
I stopped my pacing and relaxed my body. I took slow, deep breaths, calming my mind.
It was a familiar exercise. I was a long time practitioner of qigong, and was familiar with the techniques.
I reached into my core and channelled my qi. Between my palms, a glow started to form. It was so amazing and surprising, I lost focus and it vanished even faster.
Letting out a huff of frustration, I tried again. This time, I didn’t lose focus. I stayed calm and relaxed as the light returned. That light grew until it formed a sphere, floating between my palms.
I wanted to cheer. I wanted to jump around and proclaim how utterly amazing it was, but I reigned that in and looked toward the boulder.
I struck out at the boulder with a palm thrust, sending the ball rocketing... about forty feet to the left of my target.
But, hey, I blew a tree up, so there’s that.
I settled in to start practicing, in the hopes I might improve enough to at least have the accuracy of a Stormtrooper.
I hadn’t even been practicing for an hour when a sound drew my attention. It sounded like a deep buzzing.
Soon enough, its source burst through the trees, roaring and heading straight at me.
The thing was a monster. Like a grizzly bear with a panda’s color scheme and a few yellow markings, six legs, insect-like wings, and a stinger.
I didn’t stop to think, I screamed, blindly shot a psi-ball at the thing, somehow scoring a direct hit to its face, and hauled ass like ass has never been hauled before.
I ran for a good. Solid hour before my mind came down from the panic, but I didn’t stop running. My once again logical mind telling me that running is still very much logical. However, I was able to at least think.
What the hell was that? There’s no way that thing is natural... unless this isn’t Earth. It was like a bear... bug... Maybe it was the stress, or maybe I just went a little crazy for a bit, but I started laughing.
I was laughing so hard, I had to stop for a bit.
“A... A bear bug!” I laughed. “A bug... bear! Bugbear! I was attacked by a fucking pun?!”
As I came down from my adrenaline rush, the implications started to set in. There were monsters here. Yet another thing to worry about.
However, a more pressing matter revealed itself as I noticed the sun’s position. It was going to start getting dark in a few hours, and I needed to prepare.
First thing first, I would need a fire. Luckily, I remembered seeing some rocky outcroppings as I ran that looked like they might have had flint. It only took me around fifteen minutes to find the spot, and another five to get a nice piece.
As a nice bonus, the rocks formed a nice little alcove I could use for shelter.
With that taken care of, I went to gather some wood. Found some milkweed while I was looking, and figured I would harvest that to make into rope.
I always had an interest in survival techniques like making fire, rope, shelters, and so on. I never thought I would ever need it, though. I just found it fun. Sometimes I would go camping without anything but a knife, but I always knew if it got too rough, I could just go back home.
I didn’t have that option here, and I can admit, I was a little worried. Luckily, while I was running and goofing off, I noticed several edible plants and signs of plenty of game animals, so I didn’t think food was going to be too much of a struggle.
And so, I spent the next several hours scavenging for firewood, edibles, a bit more milkweed, and even found a decent amount of flax.
When I found what I would need for the night, I started gathering materials I might need to travel.
I had just enough daylight to make a simple flint hatchet, and the frame for a backpack. I figured in the morning, I could weave the flax around it so I could actually carry stuff with me. Then I could spend another day or two preparing things I might need and start heading East.
That night, I confirmed that this really wasn’t my world, but it obviously wasn’t just another planet. I recognized so many stars and constellations that it had to be Earth, but at the same time, the moon was huge and its face looked nothing like the one I knew.
The only thing I could think of was that, somehow, I got sent to a parallel dimension. With that realization came fear. I wasn’t even in my own universe. Was it even possible to get home?
It was strange. I wasn’t really leaving much behind, if I couldn’t. I had acquaintances, but no real friends. What family I had, I wasn’t on speaking terms with. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I liked my job alright, but losing that wasn’t a tragedy. Yet, despite that, the thought of never going back terrified me.
With a sigh, I laid on my side, watching my fire crackle and burn.
Hopefully, I’ll find civilization soon, I thought, as I closed my eyes. I’ll probably be able to find something within a few weeks. I’ll just keep heading East.