“Hmm.” Pinkie hums as she considers the window in front of her, short and squat against the ground. “Hmmmmmmm.” She prods it, and it creaks open. Grinning, Pinkie drops to the ground and, with some considerable effort, squeezes through the tiny window.
She lands on the cool ground with a dull thud. The room is dark, the only light source being the sunlight streaming through the window she just infiltrated. What little light this does provide shines and sparkles off all manner of metal and glass, heavy machine frames and delicate beakers. Twilight’s basement is crammed a bit tighter than the last time Pinkie saw it, the roots of the grand old tree framing gizmos and gadgets galore. Wires coat the floor, connecting wall to machine, then machine, then screen. Tubes hang from the ceiling, connecting beaker to machine and back to beaker. All this lays suspended in an unflinching silence, freezing the various tests and experiments in time below Twilight’s home.
Pinkie gathers herself and starts to tiptoe through the obstacle course before her. She stops briefly at a long table of vials and test tubes, strange liquids emitting strange vapors, but quickly disregards them. Instead, she focuses on the vast array of machinery, reading knobs and dials and buttons in an attempt to surmise their purpose.
One such item that catches her interest is a huge, bulky, metal box. The vast majority of the box is untouched, bare metal faces. On one side, however, is a small screen and a single button. The button has no markings, no labels, nothing at all to indicate what it does, other than its proximity to the screen and the box.
Obviously, Pinkie presses the button.
The screen flickers to life, an electric hum building up to a staticy green display. Letters and numbers fly along, too fast for Pinkie to read any of them. The machine hums, whirs, begins to shake. Pinkie takes a step back as smoke starts rising from the back of the metal casing, but she’s unable to take her eyes away.
Then, just as things seem to be close to their breaking point, the machine lets out a soft ding and dies down completely. Below the button, a small metal chute opens up and spits out a sheet of paper which floats gently to the floor.
Pinkie bends down and squints, reading the note dropped for her.
Stay out of my stuff, Pinkie.
“Hah!” Pinkie cackles as she stands back up. “Got me.” Turning away, she starts back down the row of machines, finding more to play with.
The next machine, or rather machines, to catch her eye are a tall tower of computers, stacked neatly together. At first glance, one would be forgiven for assuming that it’s simply that, a stack of unrelated, likely discarded computers. Closer inspection, however, reveals that not only are they functional, they’re all connected. A tangle of wires runs out the back, connecting each machine to each other machine. No two wires seem identical, all having different thicknesses and connectors, some wires even transitioning to a different type of wire along their path. You could map the entirety of Ponyville in the time it would take to decipher this mess.
Finding a power switch, Pinkie flicks the machine on. Five bright screens hum to life in front of her, each with their own row of buttons and dials beside it. Every screen shows just a single image. Some gems, apples, balloons- a screen for each member of their group, save for Twilight.
Hesitantly, she leans down and examines the bottom computer, adorned with apples. With a tap of the most inviting button, the screen comes to life before her, flickering and warping. Now, Pinkie finds herself looking at a crude diagram of a pony, with a cruder diagram of a cowboy hat on their head. To both sides are various graphs and statistics, ebbing and flowing as time moves on. Testing other buttons, Pinkie finds that she’s able to zoom in on specific parts of the diagram, viewing more specialized statistics.
“Boooriiiing.”
Trotting along, Pinkie starts to move faster through the rows of machines. Tap a screen here, turn a knob there, just to see what happens, which is usually nothing. Then, in a secluded corner, nearly hidden in the darkness, Pinkie finds a machine that stops her dead in her tracks. It’s tiny, just a keyboard and screen on top of a little box that doesn’t even reach up to Pinkie’s chest, but what catches her eye is the paper taped to the screen with a warning.
DO NOT OPERATE
REALITY ALTERING
Ripping the paper off, she sits in front of the computer and switches it on. The screen comes to life with a blip, a soft blue light illuminating her. The screen sits empty, just a flashing line beckoning input. The computer has no strange buttons, no odd dials, just a standard keyboard attached to the monitor. Pinkie puts her hoof to her chin as she thinks of what to type.
Unbeknownst to Pinkie, a louder blip accompanied the awakening of the machine upstairs. Much louder, in fact. More of an alarm, really. The rather alarming noise is coming from a bracelet attached to a purple hoof, which in turn is holding a book, which it immediately drops. Twilight does a double take, briefly unable to believe what she’s seeing, but that wears off quickly. Scrambling up, kicking her stool over in the process, Twilight sprints full speed towards her laboratory, clearly quite alarmed.
With a slam, the door to the basement flies open and Twilight thunders down the stairs. Wide-eyed, she takes in the scene. The tangled wires, the lit up screens, the disarray, and finally, the pink pony typing slowly into a small computer. Twilight’s brow furrows as she dashes forward.
“Pinkie!” she yells as she tackles her friend. They roll along the floor before banging into a table, knocking some vials to the floor that shatter and spill their contents. Twilight stands over Pinkie, holding her down and glaring at her. “What the heck do you think you’re doing?”
“It’s a surprise!” Pinkie yells, struggling against the pin she’s in. Twilight stands strong, not allowing any room for movement. “Just let me finish!”
“Pinkie, you don’t know what that machine can do. It’s way too dangerous.”
“Aw, phooey! If it was that bad, you wouldn’t still have it around.” With a desperate kick, Pinkie knocks into the table, setting it rocking. Her gambit works, and an intricate setup of beakers and pipes tips over the edge, toppling on top of Twilight. They bounce off harmlessly, but the distraction gives Pinkie just enough of an edge to flip the two ponies over, landing on top of Twilight.
Pinkie looks around and, spotting a wire within reach, grabs it with her teeth and rips it out of the machine it’s attached to. She uses the wire to hogtie Twilight, taking extra care to make sure it’s secure before heading back to the computer.
Twilight struggles, straining against the wires, but is unable to get free. “Pinkie, seriously, you can’t,” she pleads. “I only keep that around for the absolute worst case scenario. Even just having it here was a risk, it could destroy everything! You have to believe me, please!”
Just as Twilight gets enough leverage to snap the wires binding her, Pinkie sticks her tongue out at her friend and hits the enter button. Twilight runs for the machine as it fires up, sputtering and grinding with all its might, but before she can reach it, it blasts out a wall of energy that washes over the ponies and flies out of the basement. Then there’s a snap, a klang, a churn as the computer implodes, having annihilated itself through its efforts.
Twilight collapses and pounds the unforgiving floor. Pinkie Pie, about to cheer in victory, looks down and sees the tears forming in her friend’s eyes and lets out an “uh-oh.” Grimacing, Pinkie reaches out for her, then thinks twice and pulls her hoof back. Instead she just sits and waits.
“What did you type,” Twilight mumbles, staring at the floor.
“Huh?” Pinkie asks.
Twilight looks up, locking panicked eyes with Pinkie. “What did you type?”
“I, um… It’s a surprise?”
Twilight jumps up and grabs Pinkie, staring into her face. “What did you type!”
“I just told it to throw a party!”
“Auuugh!”
Twilight tosses aside a wrench and kicks the metal carcass before her. “Completely busted,” she grumbles. “It’ll take me weeks to fix this.”
Pinkie, frowning, sits against the wall a few feet away. She pokes idly at the ground, averting her eyes from her friend. “Sorry,” she says dryly.
Twilight sighs. “I just… why were you so intent on using this machine? Of all the things I have down here, why this one?”
Pinkie mumbles something incomprehensible under her breath. Frowning, Twilight walks over and sits in front of her friend, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “Hey,” Twilight tells her. “I’m not mad. Well, I’m a little mad. Fairly substantially mad, actually. You really messed up, Pinkie. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving. I can be mad and still be your friend.”
Pinkie pulls her head up, teary eyes looking into Twilight’s. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.
“Besides!” Twilight announces, standing up. “You have to help me fix this mess.” With a sniffle, Pinkie smiles and nods, getting up to join Twilight.
“So, um,” Pinkie says, “what exactly does that machine do?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. The first time I tested it, I asked it to give me an apple, and it made the library tree start to grow apples.”
“What?” Pinkie tilts her head. “It was always an apple tree.”
“Exactly. I never touched it again after that, but couldn’t bring myself to destroy it.”
“So why do you remember it not being an apple tree?”
“I guess it doesn’t affect its immediate area,” Twilight says. “I have no idea what its range could be, though.”
“You really shoulda put some kinda warning on it.”
“I- whatever.” Twilight shakes her head and starts walking towards the stairs. “Let’s go see the damage.”
Twilight almost falls back down the stairs after opening the basement door. The entire library is gone, the door leading instead to the great outdoors. Not the same outdoors, though. Twilight sees no trees, no rocks, no grass, no dirt. As far as the eye can see the ground has been paved over, replaced by tiles of red and white, a checkerboard pattern stretching out into infinity.
The two ponies slowly walk out and look around. Behind them the basement door stands, attached to no wall, the stairs stretching down into space that does not exist on the other side. Aside from the door, there are nearly no structures of any sort. Groups of ponies congregate in the distance, some around scattered stalls, others seemingly at random. None are close enough to make out, but they all seem lively.
Nothing else stands, just islands of life in a sea of linoleum.
The two ponies stand, slack jawed and speechless, staring out into the wastes. A stale breeze blows over them, an empty gale. There’s no smell of nature, no sound of birds or insects. An oppressive silence washes over the pair.
“Yo, Twilight!” a voice calls out, shattering the stillness as Rainbow Dash lands in front of them. “Didn’t expect ya back so soon.”
“Dashie!” Pinkie shouts, jumping to hug the pegasus. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Rainbow Dash wrinkles her brow and pushes Pinkie away. “Uhh, Twilight?” she asks. “Who’s your friend?”
Pinkie frowns. “C’mon, that’s not funny! I was really worried about you.”
Rainbow Dash takes a step away. “Dude, you’re kinda freakin me out. Seriously, Twi, what’s the deal?”
Pinkie deflates, collapsing in on herself. Her lip trembles as she sits, staring blankly straight ahead.
“Uhh, it’s kinda complicated,” Twilight answers. “We’re sort of from another world, I guess? Pinkie Pie is our friend back home.”
“Woah, sick,” Rainbow Dash says. “Uhh, sorry about the cold shoulder Pinkie Pie, you just kinda scared me. If your me likes you, you’re cool in my book.”
Pinkie Pie stands up, shaking her head and giving a faint smile. “Thank you,” she mumbles.
“So you guys got booted to my world?” Rainbow Dash continues. “Tough break.”
“Yes,” Twilight agrees, “I’m hoping we’ll be able to go back relatively soon.”
“Wait, you can go back?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes go wide, and she jumps forward, inches from Twilight’s face. “You gotta take me with you.”
Twilight flinches. “Uhh, well, the machine isn’t exactly in working order. It’s going to take quite a bit of work to get it back online.”
Rainbow Dash grimaces and slumps back. “It’s impossible, then.”
“What?” Twilight asks. “Why?”
“Sorry,” Rainbow Dash says, backing away. “If you guys are gonna start working without a permit, I gotta go. No way am I gettin on the Princess’ bad side. And take my advice, don’t go around tellin ponies you’re from another world.”
“Hang on,” Twilight says, but she’s cut off as Rainbow Dash blasts into the sky and speeds away, dust trailing in her wake. “Well that was odd.”
“Whaddaya think she meant about not telling anypony about us?” Pinkie asks.
“I’m not sure. She seemed pretty eager to leave, maybe this world is dangerous.”
“I mean it’s still Ponyville, right? How could Ponyville be dangerous?”
“I don’t know, Pinkie. We should just be careful.”
Pinkie sighs. “Now what?”
“Let’s go to one of those groups,” Twilight says. “I want to know who this Princess is.”
Music greets the two as they walk into the congregation. Ponies move about, mingling and chatting, laughing together, drinking. In the distance is the source of the music, a flashing dance floor covered in ponies. The densest crowd gathers around a nearby cart, nearly hidden by the masses.
“Wow,” Pinkie remarks, her eyes bright. “This party is awesome! Where are we gonna go first? Dancing? Ooh, or maybe we can start up a game. Or a conga line!”
“Pinkie, we don’t have time to party,” Twilight reminds her. “We need to find a way home.”
“Look at it, though,” Pinkie says. “Do we even wanna go back? It’s incredible here.”
“Better than being friends with Rainbow Dash?”
Pinkie sighs. “You’re right. Okay, what do we gotta do then?”
“Well, it doesn’t look like I’m gonna find what I need around here. I think our best bet is finding this Princess”
“So we just ask around?”
“Let’s find somepony who looks well traveled.”
Pushing past crowds, the pair makes their way around the party. They check the dance floor, hoping for a dj, but find only a stereo. They find larger groups, thinking maybe a pony with experiences would gather crowds with their stories, but turn up nothing. Finally, they make their way back and push towards the cart they saw earlier in a last ditch effort.
“Applejack?” Twilight asks.
“That’s what it says on the sign,” the orange mare running the food stand replies. “What can I do ya for?”
The wagon is worn down with age, rickety and surely an uneven ride. Laid out on crates in front of it are various delicacies, apple pies and cobblers and cider, free for any hungry ponies to take. Applejack lounges in a chair by the cart, large letters above her proudly proclaiming her name.
“Uh, hi,” Twilight says. “We were hoping to get some information? We’re not exactly from around here.”
“Sure, sure,” Applejack replies. “I got information aplenty.”
“Could you tell us about the Princess?”
Applejack narrows her eyes, taking in the pair. Her face tenses. “The Party Princess,” she says after a moment, carefully enunciating each word, “is our wonderful ruler. She has kept us happy and having fun for as long as we can remember.”
Twilight and Pinkie share a confused look. “Okay, umm,” Pinkie says, “well what’s she like?”
Applejack considers the pair further. “Where did y’all say you were from again?”
“Uhh, you know,” Twilight bluffs, “just um. The city.”
“Uh-huh,” Applejack concedes. “Listen, I don’t wanna know about whatever it is y’all are up to. Why don’t ya just skedaddle, I don’t need whatever trouble you’re fixin to start to be anywhere near me.”
“Can’t you just tell us where she is?” Twilight pleads. “We just want to go talk to her.”
“Don’t tell me that!” Applejack snarls through gritted teeth. “Now I gotta report this. Who knows what’ll happen to me when I do that? Just… go to The Hub. Straight north of here. The Princess oughta be there. Now get outta here!”
“Thank you AJ!” Pinkie calls back as the pair walks away. Applejack frowns and covers her face with her hat, pretending not to know them.
“I really thought the tile might end once we got away from Ponyville,” Twilight says idly.
The pair is walking through the wasteland, checkerboard stretching to the horizon in every direction. They seem to be in a stretch between civilizations, not another pony in sight. The air is hot and still around them as they walk, the sun beating down through a cloudless sky. The sound of their walking echoes unimpeded across the wastes.
“I dunno,” Pinkie says. “If I was the princess of parties, I wouldn’t wanna keep it to just one town.”
“I suppose,” Twilight agrees. “Hey, do we have a plan for when we meet her?”
“Meet who?” a voice says from behind the pair as a prim white pony walks up next to them with a smile.
“Rarity?” Pinkie asks.
“Oh, you’ve heard of me?” Rarity responds. “Well, it’s only natural. I am the most talented organizer of galas in all of Equestria.”
“Uhh, yeah,” Twilight says. “Are you going to The Hub?”
“That I am,” Rarity says. “The Party Princess herself has requested my aid in organizing an event.”
“You know her?” Pinkie asks, shock in her voice.
Rarity laughs. “No, no, of course not. A member of the Smile Squad told me the news.”
“Aww,” Pinkie moans. “I was hoping you could tell us about her before we go meet her.” Twilight shushes Pinkie as Rarity’s eyes go wide.
“Meet the Princess?” Rarity gawks. “How in the world do you plan on accomplishing that?”
“We can’t just make an appointment?” Twilight asks.
“My, how far away have you two come from? Nopony has seen the Princess since she took the throne. Other than the Smile Squad, of course.”
“Then we’ll talk to them,” Twilight tells her.
Rarity scoffs. “You’re going to need an awfully good reason to get them to listen to you.”
From the distance, the group starts to hear the booming of bass, and the horizon starts flashing with technicolor lights. Slowly, a skyline forms. Thin, scattered buildings built to either side of a tall, winding spire that pierces the sky, projecting lights in every direction. A beam of pink passes briefly over the group before passing them by to paint the vast emptiness around them.
Pinkie grins at Rarity. “We’ll figure it out.”
The crowds form fast as the ponies enter The Hub. There’s no rural area, no suburbs. One moment you’re in the wastes, and the next you’re surrounded, lost in the forest of bodies. The few buildings the city has stand tall, unobstructed, signalling for all who desire their services to enter. Dance halls, bars, anything a pony could want to do, so long as they’re doing it with other ponies. Between the buildings, masses of ponies swarm together. They gather around performers or food stalls or just whatever space was most available at the time.
In the exact middle of the city, dominating everything else, stands the spire. The massive pink structure twists and bends, moving unnaturally as it rises into the sky. Some bends are so sharp that Pegasi have gathered on the side, able to comfortably mingle at the highest point in Equestria. At other points the tower splits, becoming two or three separate strands, only to join back up on the other end. There are no windows, the surface instead covered with projectors and lamps, keeping the city perpetually in a light show. From the top of the tower emanates the music that cloaks the city. There’s no place in the city where you can avoid the grand monument’s gaze.
As they’re taking in the scene, the group doesn’t notice as a yellow pegasus descends from the sky and lands in front of them. A loose blue vest covers her chest, emblazoned with a smiling yellow face.
“Um, excuse me,” Fluttershy mutters. “I’m afraid I need to speak to you three.”
The crowds around them scatter quickly, leaving the ponies as alone as one can be in The Hub. Rarity tenses up, a wide, forced grin crossing her face.. “Oh, well, hello!” she says. “I can’t say I was expecting a welcome by the Smile Squad. Am I getting the VIP treatment?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fluttershy says.
“O-oh,” Rarity stutters. “I was um, invited to help with a show? I’m Rarity.”
“That’s not really my department, sorry,” Fluttershy says. “Are you with these two?”
“I just met them on my way here,” Rarity explains. “We chatted to fill the travel time.”
“Hmm,” Fluttershy hums as she thinks.
“Um, excuse me,” Twilight says. “Did she say you’re part of the Smile Squad?”
“What?” Fluttershy asks. “Well, yes. Do I not look like one? I’m wearing the vest and everything. They told me it would help me look official…”
“They’re, uh,” Rarity fumbles, “they’ve just never seen someone from the Smile Squad before. They’re from very far away.”
“We came to see the Party Princess!” Pinkie says. Twilight and Rarity both wince.
“Oh, really?” Fluttershy says, sighing. “What a relief, that makes things so much easier. I was sent to bring you to her. Oh, um, you are still under arrest though, sorry.”
The ride up to the top of the tower is long and uncomfortable. Anxious and shackled together, the three ponies stand in silence as Fluttershy operates the lift, raising them ever higher. Anxious apart from Pinkie, at least, who smiles and bounces with anticipation.
“Are we there yet?” Pinkie asks eventually.
“Just about,” Fluttershy tells her.
“Are we there… now?”
“Please be patient.”
“Whaaaaaaat abooooooout-” there’s a ding as the elevator jolts to a stop. Pinkie stumbles and trips on the chain locking the prisoners together, falling flat on her face. “Now?” she mumbles as she pushes herself back up.
The door in front of them slides open, revealing a large office. The walls are lined with toys and knick-knacks, oddities from around the world, and scattered around the room are things like stationary bicycles and minigolf holes. At the far end is a large, pink and gold throne, turned and facing the wall.
Fluttershy brings the group up behind the throne. “Um, I brought them for you, miss Princess.”
The chair swivels around to face the group, bringing them face to face with the Party Princess. Her bright smile, bubbly demeanor, untamed pink mane. Before them sits Pinkie Pie, unchanged apart from the flashy crown adorning her head.
“Howdy!” the Princess says.
“What?” Pinkie and Rarity both exclaim.
Twilight groans. “I thought this might be the case. Hi, Pinkie.”
The Party Princess giggles. “Nopony’s called me Pinkie in forever. Weird!”
“Please treat the Party Princess with respect,” Fluttershy says.
“Aw, phooey,” the Princess says. “Twilight can call me whatever. Apparently, we’re friends! Oh, and Rarity! Why are you here? The reports didn’t say another Rarity showed up.”
“I brought her in just in case she’d been told too much,” Fluttershy says.
“I’m terribly sorry,” Rarity says, “but what is going on here?”
“These two,” the Princess points to Twilight and Pinkie, “are not from Equestria. I dunno where they’re from, but it aint here. I brought em in to ask if they’re spies or something.”
“Spies?” Pinkie gasps. “How do we know that you’re not a spy, huh?”
“Pinkie, that makes no sense,” Twilight says.
“That’s exactly what a spy would make you think!” Pinkie retorts.
“She does have a point,” the Princess says, “but I’m not a spy. C’mon, why are you guys here? I’m super curious.”
“We’re just stranded,” Twilight tells her. “We need some resources to be able to get back home.”
“Oh,” the Princess says. “That’s kinda boring. Yeah, sure, just ask Fluttershy for whatever.”
“Really?” Twilight says. “Just like that? Well… thank you, I guess.”
“You sure you wanna leave, though?” the Party Princess asks. “The party’s just barely started! It’s gonna be super fun.”
Pinkie scoffs. “Yeah, right.”
“Pinkie…” Twilight warns.
“No, wait,” the Princess says. “Is something wrong with my party?”
“Oh course there is!” Pinkie says. “What are you, blind?”
The Princess frowns. “Fluttershy, what’s the deal? Reports have been good.”
“They are!” Fluttershy says. “We, um, we’ve always done everything you tell us to.”
“Then what’s the issue?” The Princess asks.
“What, exactly, have you told the Smile Squad to do?” Twilight asks her.
“I just told them to make sure everypony’s having fun.”
“That’s the problem!” Pinkie says. “They’re making ponies have fun. The ponies out there are terrified of you!”
“No, that doesn’t make sense,” the Princess says, her frown worsening. “You can’t force ponies to have fun. They’re having fun! Fun is fun, right? Fluttershy?”
“We, um, we keep a sharp eye out for anypony who looks like they’re not having fun,” Fluttershy responds.
“And what happens to ponies who aren’t having fun?” Pinkie asks.
“Um,” Fluttershy stutters. “We have a facility where we teach them how to have fun again.”
“That sounds fine,” the Princess says. “Rarity, you’ve been all around. Are ponies scared of something?”
“Oh, no,” Rarity says cautiously. “No, not at all, we’re all having loads of fun thanks to you!”
“Rarity…” the Princess says.
“Nope, nope, nope.” Rarity shakes her head vigorously. “Definitely nothing wrong. Everpony loves the party! Just so much fun!”
The Princess deflates a bit. “It can’t be…”
“Go look for yourself,” Pinkie tells her. “It’s not like anypony knows what you look like.”
The Princess stares at the floor. “Fluttershy,” she says after a minute. “Give them whatever they need. I’m going for a walk.”
“Oh, um, I, um, okay!” Fluttershy says dutifully.
A few weeks later, Twilight stands up from her work in her basement and smiles. “Done!” she proclaims. She bounds up the stairs and throws open the door. “Fluttershy!” she says excitedly to the pony standing guard outside. “Go get Pinkie. I finished it!”
Soon, the pair is standing once more before the machine. Behind them, Fluttershy and a dejected Princess watch carefully. Rarity wanders the room, taking in all of Twilight’s gizmos. “So, um, we’re still gonna exist, right?” Fluttershy asks.
“Well,” Twilight says, “if it lets us go back to our world, that means it still exists. So I’d guess yes.”
“Are you sure you can’t stay a bit longer?” the Princess asks. “Pinkie was doing such a good job organizing things.”
“Nah,” Pinkie says. “That’s your mess. You gotta fix it.” The Princess sighs and nods. Pinkie smiles and prods her playfully in the chest. “You can do it,” she says. “After all, you’re me!”
“Alright, well, here we go!” Twilight announces, hitting the final key. The machine comes to life once more, whirring and gasping and shaking, and lets out another huge wave of energy that flows past the ponies. Then, once again, it smokes and crumbles to pieces.
“Well, hopefully that worked,” Twilight says.
“Um, terribly sorry to intrude,” Rarity says from across the room, “but weren’t we supposed to wait outside?”