Pinkie Pie's Problematically Private Passion's Parental Personages Presented Perpostorously Prior Publishing Previously Paraphrased Preoccupation

by Masterweaver

Quiet Laughter

"...A sexual what?"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "No, Pinkie, asexual. One word. Meaning, one who does not have any sexual attraction or urges."

"Oh," said Pinkie.


Ponderance sighed. "Perversion--"

"No no, I get it." Perversion stood, raising her hands. "I'd only be a problem here, right? Fine, I'm going."

"Perversion--" Perturbance tried.

"But I am coming back TONIGHT! WITH A POOL NOODLE!" The figure flounced out of the room.

"...I like pool noodles," Positivity murmured.

"Focus people," Ponderance ordered. "Our current goal is helping Ruby."

"...I guess it is kind of shocking--"

"No no no!" Pinkie assured her quickly. "I just... don't think I've ever heard that word before--"

"I'm not surprised," Ruby admitted. "I didn't even know there was a word for it before one of the herd brought it up with me in a private consultation. It's not so much repressed as it is... just not brought up. Like, sex is so much a part of life and our culture that the idea of somebody who doesn't want it--not somebody who's avoiding it for moral reasons or got traumatized, but just somebody who simply doesn't have that urge... it doesn't click for most people to even think about it."

Pinkie nodded slowly, sinking into the chair next to the drafting table. "I... yeah, I can see how it might be... difficult to grasp."

"I mean it should be simple, right? 'No, I just don't want sex.' End of story. Except..." Ruby flopped her hands skyward. "'Oh, you just haven't found the right one yet.' 'Maybe it's a hormonal imbalance?' 'Why are you wearing a corset?' I mean, what does a corset have to do with sex? I don't like bras, they dig into my shoulders, this gives me the support I need without that. Plenty of people wore corsets without expecting... whatever, the point is there are people out there who cannot grasp the idea, who try to say 'you're mistaken' in whatever way they can. At least that's what I've heard, I haven't... actually told anyone yet. Not even..."

She trailed off.

"...not even your parents?" Pinkie finished quietly.

"...yeah. I mean... it was kind of cute in an annoying way, when I was still young, that they'd tease me whenever I said I liked this classmate or the other. It wasn't like... significant, I guess? There wasn't pressure, but... it was always there. If that makes sense. This unspoken expectation... maybe assumption is a better word. That somebody would catch my eye and..."

Ruby sat up. "I mean, the three of them are incredibly sexual! Mam and Mère have flings while they're globetrotting, Dad can literally just walk out to a bar and pick up chicks or dudes at his leisure, and then they all get together in the house and--well, there are guidebooks for ropeplay in the bedroom, let's leave it at that. And Sunny, she's not nearly so bad, but she's also got a pretty active sex life with her girlfr--well, her wife. Gotta remember she's married now... which is sort of why this has been on my mind recently, you know?"

"Aaaaah." Pinkie nodded in comprehension. "The ol' 'one of our kids is growing up so all of them must be growing up' thing, right?"

"Right! Except that part of it, the whole sex thing, it just isn't a part of me!"

"But you've done pretty well," Pinkie pointed out. "You're the head of a religious organization that is respected and has yet to pick up any of the baggage that... some other groups have. And you're also doing that whole thing where you protect people from the angst monster outbreaks... oh and you're technically skilled, too! I mean, that scythe thing--"

"I thought you didn't like Crescent Rose."

"No no no, I love Crescent Rose, she's awesome, I'm just... not a fan of combat," Pinkie explained. "Or, well... potentially lethal combat. Because... I don't like the idea of people dying. Especially not--"

She bit her mouth shut.

"...Especially not friends?" Ruby asked.

"Yes. Friends dying in fights. Something I really don't like."

"I can get that. I mean, after Sunny came back from Tauros..." Ruby shook her head slowly. "Yeah. I can get that... but Pinkie, you've got to realize that sometimes there is no other way. I don't fight because I'm just ludicrously awesome at it--"

"--although you are--"

"--although I am," she agreed with a giggle. "I fight for... for the same reason I lead the Church of the Divine Bacon Horse. Because there is evil in the world, but I believe we can stand up to it, work together and create a better world to live in."

Pinkie nodded. "That, that optimism... That you've become somebody that helps so many people, despite what--um, I should mention that Raven told me about what happened to Sunny's arm."

Ruby winced. "Oh... yeah, that was... yeah."

"And I mean, that's terrible, but you didn't let it hold you back," Pinkie continued. "You stood up to something that I'm pretty sure hurt all your family, and said 'no, I'm not going to let you break me.' And you built... let's be honest, before you the Church of the Divine Bacon Horse was an internet joke, not even taken seriously by the rest of Shimmerism, and now you're one of the most forward-moving and active branches of the faith--and one that actually takes the time and effort to help people instead of just worshipping Sunset."

"Pinkie, I get it, I've done some incredible stuff. That's not even the point, though." Ruby rubbed her forehead. "The point is... How would my parents react to me saying I'm asexual?"

"From what I've seen of them, they care about you a lot," Pinkie pointed out. "I don't think they'd disown you or anything like that."

"I don't want to think that either, it's just... I know everyone wants to believe that their parents' love is unconditional, but I've heard plenty of horror stories. Even if they don't kick me out, they could... just start pressuring me, not think about how much that... I don't know." Ruby's small laugh was saturated with melancholy. "It's funny, if somebody were to come to me with this kind of fear I could promise that the herd would be there for them."

Pinkie stood, walking over and taking her hand gently. "Well then... maybe you need somebody here for you this time."


"Look, whatever else I am, I'm your friend." She smiled gently. "And I'll always... I'll always be ready to stand by my friends no matter what. You want to go downstairs and tell them right now, I'll be ready. Or wait two weeks... or a year... or if you need to get away for a bit, I'll be there for you when you need me. So you're a little different, so what? I'm a lot different, and I was even before magic gave me these honking fingernails. With pies for eating... and pies for throwing at anybody who needs a clue-by-four."

Ruby snorted. "Really? You'd throw pies at them?"

"As the opening volley," Pinkie explained quickly. "I can escalate very quickly if I need to."

"Yeah... pies would be a good start." Ruby gave her a wry grin. "I mean I don't want you going full slapstick on my parents."

"Yeah, I don't want to do that either. Especially since... I kiiiind of think you might be overthinking things just a little?"

"I never said it was a rational fear," Ruby admitted. "I'm trying to picture them going all 'WE HAVE NO DAUGHTER' and throwing me out of the house and it's... utterly ludicrous. But... the idea of them just looking at me and not... getting it. Not understanding why. That... that sneaks in. I don't think they'd hate me, they're my family, I just think... I don't know if they could understand, you know?"

Pinkie thought about her own overly formal parents. "Yeah... I know. Truth be told... I'm not sure I understand. But that doesn't mean I don't care," she reassured her quickly. "So long as you're not hurting anyone--yourself included--then I'm behind you a hundred and twelve percent!"

"A hundred and twelve, huh?"

"Yeah, you don't want me to pull my entire Might Of Laughter schtick on this, so that's as much as you're going to get."

Ruby snickered. "Yeah, that, heh, that would be bad. Thanks, Pinkie, I... well, thanks for listening, anyway. It helps so much to get this off my chest..."

She considered for a moment.

"...Pinkie? Do... do you think maybe, um... I mean, if I go downstairs right now, do you think--"

Pinkie proceeded producing pratfall-prepared pies. "Ready when you are!"

Ruby looked at the pies curiously. "...why didn't you do that during our food fight?"

"We already had food to fight with," Pinkie pointed out. "Why waste a pie unnecessarily?"