//------------------------------// // Everything is going to be okay // Story: Johns // by Cackling Moron //------------------------------// I take it as a feather in my cap that I actually managed to get Umbra to do something for me. I know! Amazing. Being bored as I was - and oh my was I bored - I’d tried to think what inoffensive item I could reasonably ask for to pass the time with. You know, something she couldn’t immediately just deny me on the grounds I might somehow dig through the wall or shimmy down the outside of the tower with. For the sake of argument. What I asked for - and what I got! - was paper and pen. Or parchment and, uh, quill, I guess. Pencil would have been easier and I probably should have asked for one but I only thought about that afterwards and by then I didn’t want to push my luck any further. Sure it wasn’t the most impressive victory in history but it was mine and I took what I could get. And now I had something to help in wiling away those hours. I drew penieses and giggled. One had legs, another I gave a little hat and comedy moustache. Sublime. I also, just to mix things up, wrote a variety of ‘Please come and help me’ notes, folded them into planes and tossed them out the window. None of them seemed to get very far but I told myself it was the thought that counted. Just as well I had something to distract myself with, really, because Umbra hadn’t shown herself in hours. Days? Kind of hard to tell. Let’s say a day, just to keep things simple. Sure felt like longer than that but then again time stretches to fill the void when you’ve got nothing to occupy yourself. Other than drawing dicks, of course. Her not being there was nice in a way because it meant she wasn’t around to mess with me. It also just set me fretting because what could it mean. Evil schemes? Forgotten about me? Just moved on to something else? Who knew? Not me, certainly. Hence fretting. And while fretting I ran out of paper. Great. I wonder what Celestia was up to. Did she even know? Did anyone know? What were they doing? That would be more fretting. It was my primary way of occupying my hours. I liked to mix it in with circling the room because spending all my time on the bed had been starting to make my brain turn into scrambled eggs. While circling I paused, because I noticed something odd. Was it my imagination or was it getting warmer in here? Actually, no, it’s getting hot in here! Like, standing-next-to-a-fire hot, what the hell? Coming from one side of the room… Heading on back to the window I stick my head out into the cold to see if I can see anything out of the usual. Only it’s not so cold no more, it’s positively temperate, and it’s also real bright out. What on earth? My eye snagged on what looked to be a...no idea. Something. I could see something off in the distance. A very bright something. Not the sun - that was still where it belonged, I think, behind some clouds but still just about visible - this was an unknown. Looked like it was getting closer though. At speed… Huh. Okay. I’m heading to the other side of the room now. Being away from that side helps a little but not a lot and the heat keeps on rising and now I can hear kind of a roaring sound. Getting louder. Ugh, this is probably something I should be worried about. That’s irritating. What am I meant to do about it? “Hey Umbra? You listening? There’s a thing outside? Want to do anything about it? No? Alright.” Well I tried. Heat close to unbearable now, I’m sweating buckets and I’m having to squint. Wonder if i should try closing those shutters? No, no probably wouldn’t help... The roaring noise cut out for a split-second and in that split-second I allowed myself to relax and believe that it had all just been harmless events beyond my control that I had nothing to do with. That didn’t last though. The wall ceased to exist. Just poof! Gone! A big chunk of it at least. And not quietly - violently! Bang! One big flash and bang and I am flat on my arse, coughing up dust and blinking to try and get the big blob of light out of my eyes. Fucking hell. Least I was still alive, I guess. Silver lining, eh? “John? Are you okay?” I knew that voice. Little more booming and resonant and theatrical than I’m familiar with but still, I’d recognise Celestia’s voice anywhere. “Celestia? That you?” I asked, reaching out for the vague blob that I was fairly certain had spoken. A muzzle met my hand, pressed into it. Ah, there it is. “Yes John,” she said. “That was some entrance! You did do that, right?” “I did.” Whoa. Who knew she had it in her? I could now see clearly enough to actually see that it was, indeed, Celestia. I think? She didn’t look quite how I remembered how. Spikier. Also more on fire. Obviously her though. Obviously. But very much on fire. “You’re also on fire?” I asked, getting back to my feet. She really was. Not that it seemed to bother her. Or that she even noticed. I got no real answer to this either, other than the most feral fucking grin you can imagine before she turned around to face the hole she’d blown in the wall. “Get on.” Not a request and not something I had a whole lot of say in! I barely had enough time to actually understand that she meant getting onto her - not an arrangement that really happened, to point out! At least not like that... - before she’d magically hauled me up and plopped me onto her back. “Whoa Nelly,” I said before reflexively clinging on for dear life as he shot out through the hole she’d made, the sheer force of her exit tearing a good chunk of the room out with her. Jesus Christ! Calm down, Neo! Hey on the plus side that fire wasn’t burning me to a crisp. More silver linings! The trip across the snow did not leave a lot of room for conversation what with the roaring wind and her concentrating on flying - flying! I don’t think I’d ever seen her fly before, actually. Well this was certainly new! In practically no time at all we’d cleared those mountains I’d spent so long staring at and, lo and behold, just the other side of them was the big shiny place the train had pulled into! The Crystal Empire of a single big town! It was just that close!  Well, ‘close’ in relative terms I suppose… The outskirts went whooshing on beneath us as Celestia seemed pretty confident about flying low. I trusted her not to hit anything, of course, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t clinging on as hard as was humanly possibly. That sort of thing’s probably a reflex. I only caught the briefest flashes but I could tell there was a lot of gasping and pointing upwards going from the locals we were zipping over. Honestly, I couldn’t blame them. I’d gasp and point, too! We headed towards that big fancy building I remembered seeing from the train. Presumably a palace or castle of some kind. I’m forever being ferried into palaces or castles. Life of riley, eh? She set down on some big, sweeping balcony and I finally felt safe enough to let go. I just flew in from some tower over the mountains and let me tell you: boy are my arms tired.  “Well that was something! Surprised you found me so quick. How’d you manage that?” I asked, trying to rub some feeling back into my exteriors. “We have ways,” Celestia said, giving me a rather nice, low-key knowing smile. Ah, missed that smile. Missed her. God I’d missed her! Bollocks to my exterior, first things first! “John, what-” Big kiss! Followed by big hug. Must have been a surprise as she’s still got a face like a slapped-arse even after I’ve stepped back. Heh, quite cute actually. “Oh how I love you, wonderful horse. Even if you are still on fire.” That snapped her out of it. “Um. Yes. I - you too. Yes.” So flustered! And kind of wooden. “Where’s Twilight, by the by? Poor girl’s probably torn herself in half for this - not her fault, obviously.” “She’s around, she’ll meet you shortly. I must attend to something briefly. You should go that way,” she said, pointing off a corridor. “Oh, okay. That’s cool. You won’t be long, right?” She shook her head. “I will meet you up ahead. So will the others. Just that way. Follow the servant.” The servant was there, another happy looking fellow who gave me a smart little bow before trotting off with me in tow. Still not that big a fan of having servants around but I guess it’s a job so eh, someone has to do it. Wonder what’s for dinner… I was not really paying a whole lot of attention to where I was going, to be honest, or to the decor, mostly as there wasn’t a whole lot of decour. Just some sconces - glowing magic ones! - and that was about it. And corridors. Just one, corridor before too long, and it was along this that the pony led me. Long fucking way! Down this corridor and around this corner and up these stairs and down this other corridor - yeesh. A merry trail I was being led on and no mistake. This the back entrance? Eventually - thank buggery - we seemed to arrive at where we were meant to. Or at the least we stopped and there was a door. The pony looked very pleased with himself. “Here we are, sir,” he said. “Where we are? Where are we?” I asked. “Our destination, sir. Just through the door.” That was vague. Still, at least we were somewhere. I pointed to the door, as though he could have been talking about any other door. Paid to be sure about these things. “Just through here?” I asked. The pony nodded, still smiling that same smile he’d been smiling the whole damn way here. “Yes sir.” Weird setup they got up North, let me tell you. “Well. Alright then. Um, thank you.” “My pleasure, sir.” And with that they bowed, turned, and left. I watched them go, clip-clopping their way back the way we’d come - the only way to go! - and disappearing from sight before too long. The sound of them leaving continued for a bit, but then the sound just seemed to get swallowed up, and I was on my own. With a door. In the gloom. Those magic sconces weren’t the brightest things around, and the lack of windows wasn’t helping either.  When had the windows stopped, by the way? When was the last time I’d seen one? Oppressive style. “You know, a more paranoid man would start getting misgivings at this point,” I said, abjectly refusing to have misgivings. Not for me such anxious wrangling. I mean, what could happen, really? This was a technicolour parade of ever-lovely locals and general frivolity. Life of riley, remember? Nothing to worry about. On this sunny, optimistic note I opened the door. What I found on the other side was not quite what I’d expected. What had I expected? Not sure. But something more than what I’d got. An entranceway to a proper castle, perhaps? Twilight waiting and wondering what had taken me so long? This much-rumoured Cadence I’d heard so much about? Something along those lines. Instead, I got what appeared to be just...a room. And not even a particularly big one. Just a room. Circular, broadly speaking, with perhaps two windows - presently shuttered - table and chairs, bed...just a room. Wait. Wait. No, not circular. Square. This room is square. That’s not right, is it? It should be round. But why do I know that? I’m getting the weirdest sense of deja vu… Something about this place is really familiar. Table, chair, bed - bed. There’s a unicorn on the bed now. A black - that’s Umbra! What! “Hello John,” she said. “What!” I said, out loud this time. “You should come closer.” I did, if only because my brain was operating on some sort of rudimentary autopilot. I staggered towards the bed but diverted at the last minute to sit in the chair by the table again, to Umbra’s obvious disappointment. “What was all that? How did - what? Why? Who? But I? What?” This was about my mental level at that point. Pretty sure I could hear my brain snapping, crackling and popping. “I thought it was rather good, as far as tricks go,” she said. “Trick? What was that?!” Umbra pouted. “It was just a joke. You shouldn’t take it so seriously.” “No, I mean, how. How did you do that?” I asked. “Oh I see. Just an illusion. Illusions are not difficult.” That’s not a satisfying answer! “But I was - I was out! I got out!” I said, pointing to the window that should not have been there set in a wall that should also not have been there. Both were there, obviously, and the view outside was much like it always was. White, vast, blank. “You thought you had. That’s not the same thing,” Umbra said. “B-but - ! Celestia! She was - she was here! She was on fire!” Umbra giggled. “Rather a nice touch, I thought. A little bit of drama just to set things off.” Drama?! Couldn’t be bothered to say anything after that. Just let my head thunk onto the table. Too much for John. John needs a minute to get himself in order. John needs quiet time. Umbra did not supply me much quiet time. Maybe ten seconds, then: “The kiss was nice, too. Unexpected.” That took me a few clicks to work out. Then I refused to believe it could mean what it obviously meant. Then I accepted this and sat bolt upright again. “Oh! That’s low. Fucking hell Umbra, why would you do that?!” She gave me a look which suggested that she thought she was the wounded party here. “I did not expect you to do it, it caught me off-guard.” She had looked surprised...or Celestia had...or her as - ah! Fuck! No! Bad excuse! No excuse! This whole thing is a mess! “Still! Urgh. Don’t - don’t do that! Why would you do that? I’m up on your whole ‘I do what I like’ mindset but seriously. Not fun times.” I folded my arms and sulked. A more erudite man could have outlined the proper reasons why what she’d done was beyond the pale but I’m a flailing jackass so I was just cross. Something did occur to me, though: “Does that mean I was actually riding on top of you?” I asked. That’s commitment to a bit. Wouldn’t have ever thought Umbra would even have considered lowering herself to that. Misjudged her, clearly. She also didn’t answer immediately and when I looked up she was fucking blushing. “It was required for it to be convincing,” she said, not meeting my eye. Can’t get a read on this lady. Mostly I think she’s lying with every breath she can muster, then she rides roughshod over me with some hot nonsense, then she’s blushing about something! Which one of those am I meant to pick up and take home? I’m so tired. “Did you honestly do all that just to trick me?” I asked her. “It was only a joke. Did you really not like it?” “I…” I could not immediately find the words to sum up my feelings on the matter, and I lost the thread. I was not happy, this much I could articulate, but the finer details of the hows and the whys were multifaceted, and so beyond me at that moment. Then, something which had been nagging my brain chirped up and I worked out what it was. “...didn’t this room used to be round?” I asked. Umbra looked around the room. “Oh, yes,” she said. The room was round. When had that happened? “The fuck…” And Umbra was gone from the bed and Celestia was standing next to the table and I almost fell out of the chair. “Blow me down!” I said having to cling to the table to keep my balance. “Was I at least a passable Celestia, would you say? I put her together mainly from your memories,” Umbra-as-Celestia said in pitch-perfect Celestia’s voice. She struck a pose while saying this, too. “Very convincing. Can you not do that, please? It’s - I’m not a fan.” “I could try the small one, if you’d like?” “What-” There wasn’t a flash but there was a frame’s-breadth snap of blackness, kind of like the whole world blinking. Once that had passed, ‘Celestia’ wasn’t there anymore, and instead ‘Twilight’ was, beaming up at me. “I think I rather capture her, myself.” Again with the posing. Man I missed Twilight... “That’s - that’s great. Can we not do this?” I asked. Token gesture. Another blink and now it was ‘Luna’s’ turn. “Or Luna? You don’t seem quite as warm to her as others, though you clearly still consider her a friend.” I put my face in my hands and closed my eyes. At least Umbra knows the word ‘friend’ I suppose. Presumably in a technical capacity. “What’s the point in asking me if you won’t listen. I’m not doing this. Great work, Umbra, you’re hitting it for six. Fantastic. Great stuff,” I said. “You alright there?” Now that’s my voice! That’s just cheap! “You’re taking the piss now.” A pause. “I’ve stopped,” said Umbra in Umbra’s voice. I didn’t open my eyes or look up until she kept pushing her muzzle against my head at which point I figured there wasn’t much point in continuing to be petulant. She had, indeed, stopped, and looked much as she always did. I want to go home. Not really cut out for this. “What brought all this on anyway?” I asked. “Events have been progressing faster than I might have liked and so I have been unable to adequately prepare for them. The experience has been stressful, so I was hoping to unwind. I also felt that you’d benefit from some stimulation,” Umbra said. I - having been midway through swallowing - choked and had a small coughing fit. “That’s stimulation, is it?” I wheezed. Umbra narrowed her eyes. “I felt it would be preferred to you continuing to remain in this room,” she said. “You could just let me out?” Just a suggestion. “You do not trust me enough for that to be a viable option.” Run that by me again! Back that bus up! “Me! I’m the problem? You’re doing this on purpose! You’re like this on purpose! I - fuck - I can’t get a read on you but that’s the whole thing, isn’t it? Top to bottom you’re just trying to keep me off-balance. I don’t even know why! Fucking, agh! You want to just come here to unwind fine, you want me to be some sort of weird thing you use for that fine I’m a big boy I can live with it whatever, but do you want me to warm to you or not? Could you just lay that out for me because - fuck I’m tired. Can I have a nap? Can we continue this later?” Getting upset makes me tired. And upset. It’s cyclical I really don’t like it. Umbra looks very stoney-faced now. “If my efforts at lightening the mood and making your stay more entertaining have made you that upset you are more than free to leave,” she said sourly, waving a hoof at me. No, not at me, at the door behind me - I heard it creak open. That got me to turn, and indeed there the door was, wide and open. It was a trap. It was obviously a trap! Or a setup of some kind. Come on, not even I’m that dense. “Really?” I asked her. But there was no response and the room was now empty barring me. I sighed. “Fuck’s sake…” Playing silly buggers, eh? Well count me out. I’m having a nap. Bollocks to you. And so I did. Angry nap. And when I woke up the place was still quiet and the door was still open. Sigh. “That’s how it is?” No response. Sigh. Again. Fine, fine. Let’s play. Just get this over with. “Fine I’m going. Give me hell, Umbra. Just, ugh…” I stumped my way through the open door and down the small flight of stairs on the other side - which I know for a fact weren’t there before - and though the door at the bottom and out into what was obviously, clearly the house I grew up in. I am not impressed by this. Not one bit. “Great attention to detail,” I said, leaving without looking at anything twice and lumbering into the silent street outside. It appeared to be about midday, maybe, and overcast. So basically exactly how I remembered it always being. I could also now remember it. Fuck! Looking up and down the length of the road I saw nothing that leapt out. No parked cars, no signs of life. Was deathly quiet, too. If this was meant to unsettle me it didn’t work because I knew already that this was just nonsense. “Hello? Anyone? Anyone want to pop out?” Nothing. My voice just rolled down an empty street. I sighed. “Nice touch. Actually prefer this place without anyone here…” A lot of walking followed. I walked down the road and towards town. Everything was modelled exactly how it should have been and as I walked I felt it all coming back to me. I remembered how everything linked up. This road to that road, that shortcut through to there, etcetera, etcetera. “I told her not to dig and she fucking...nevermind…” I grumbled to myself, electing to just keep my head down. What was the gameplan here? What was the purpose of this? Was she showing off, or was there a point I was just missing? Did I even care? I went the way I knew would lead to the river and, once there, tried to fall face-forward into it. Mainly this was just to see if Umbra could do water properly and also to see how this little stimulating simulation would react. What happened was, disorientingly enough, that the instant I hit the water I kind of swung up and out of an identical river the over side and came stumbling back onto the bank I’d approached from. Like falling through a mirror. Wasn’t even wet. “Okay that was weird, I’ll admit.” Kept on walking. No sign of Umbra. No sign of anyone! Fucking ghost world! It wasn’t getting to me but it was eerie after a while. Empty windows and streets and no signs of life at all. Not even birds.  I know this is all just nonsense. None of this is real. It’s not going to get to me because I know it’s not real! I’m not that much of an idiot! I mean look, look at this! This is contrived. This is ridiculous! And what’s more, I can tell it’s not real!  Looks real, sure. Looks very real. But I rap my knuckle against this window, this wall? The same response. See? Not real. You’re not fooling me! “Hear that? Not fooling me! Water off a duck’s back!” No response. Didn’t really expect one. Still, have to at least look as if I don’t care, right? And it was all familiar. Back when I’d tried to remember home or anything about it I’d got glimpses, maybe, and splitting headaches. Now it was all here, right in front of me. And I knew all about it. And only a tiny bit of a headache.  God I hated it. It made me extremely uncomfortable. At length I picked a spot back by the river after doing a big loop and just sat. I wasn’t doing this anymore. I threw some stones at the river and they made ripples. That is good attention to detail. “If you’re trying to drum some kind of lesson into me here you’re going to have to be a lot more blunt because, if you recall, I’m an idiot,” I said. To myself, apparently. I sighed and laid back, looking up at a grey sky in which not a single cloud was moving. Never the biggest fan of time to myself to think. I’m not very good at it. Especially at times like this, when I’m aware I should be thinking about things. Important things! Umbra plainly has some sort of deal. I mean she’s said as much. She’s just so scattershot it’s difficult to work out where she’s even trying to go. She laid out she wanted something to keep around for shits and giggles, right? And that something is me, apparently. And then she comes at me from all angles like a dog whapping at a clam, apparently not sure how she’s meant to approach the issue. Or am I missing something? I probably am. It’s nice to be wanted, sure, but there are limits to that, right? And being wanted specifically as a fancy, living conversation piece kind of leaves a lot to be desired. One gets the impression that they’re not so much interested in you as a person but you as a thing they can show off. Maybe that’s just my impression? Not something I can say I’ve run into. Well, until now… “John,” came Umbra’s voice. It was so sudden and so close and so unlike the quiet I’d been wrapped in for however long that I damn-near jumped out of my skin. In the time it took for me to twist my head around everything around me disappeared and I was, instead, back inside somewhere. “Gah! I wish you’d stop doing that!” I said, having to steady myself on the nearest wall to keep from falling over. Really easy to get turned around with all this magic jiggery-pokery. I looked around. Not the room in the tower. “This is new,” I said. “This is my bedroom,” Umbra said, from her bed. Always on a bed her. Or at least often. Her bedroom looked about what I expected it to look like. There were spikes and braziers and rich, heavy fabrics and a bed that looked like it might also double as something you’d use to breach the gate of a fortress. “Subtle,” I said. “Can you come here? Please?” Please this time? She’s pushing the boat out. I hesitated so she sighed and brought me over herself the traditional way, just by magically picking me up. Surprising no-one I ended up being plopped down basically on top of her again, and snuggled. Sigh. Teddy bear. Not going to hug her back, obviously. Just to make a stand. She’s got my arms pinned anyway. “What was the point of all that?” I asked. Some of her mane had fallen down across my face owing to our positioning and I tried to blow it away without success. Sigh, again. “I thought you could use some time to calm down,” she said. Me? I was the one who needed to cool down? “Huh.” That’s so out there I’m not even sure how to react to it. “And making it my home and my town and my human streets was just to show off that you’ve been digging around again when you shouldn’t be?” I asked instead. “I was hoping it would upset you. I was - I acted rashly.” Least she’s honest. This time. “Right. Well thank you. I am actually upset but I was upset before anyway and it’s just continued,” I said. Grumpy bear, hah. That’s me. A moment of nothing much, then: “I’m sorry, John.” Holy shit. Did I imagine that? “Is there anything in particular that you’re sorry for?” I asked her, tentatively. “Does one have to say sorry for specific incidents? I thought one would be enough.” “You don’t apologise a lot, do you?” “...no.” “Were you hoping you could say sorry once and I’d say ‘okay’ and everything would be totally fine and we could put everything that’s happened today behind us?” Had it just been one day? I’d really lost track while wandering around. “Yes,” she said. “You do know it doesn’t work like that, right?” She swivelled me about in place so we could look at one another but did not let me go any further away than I had been to start with. Least her hair was out of my face... “What have I done wrong?” She asked and I could tell she honestly, really had no idea. She knew she’d done something wrong, obviously, but could not pinpoint it herself. Clearly too this was a source of great confusion to her. “It’s a long list. I could start at the beginning.” I got a blank stare. A blank stare from someone with piercing red eyes is something to see. “For you though I think the problem might be a little further back than just deciding to pick me up on a whim. You really can’t tell me any of the problems with anything that’s happened?” “It was a joke.” “No, not just that, though that’s a big part of it. You really - “ I broke off because I could not pick a starting point. Where could I start? Where! It’s like standing with someone in front of something towering and gigantic and massive and obvious and you’re both looking at it and both stood in the shadow of it and they’re just saying ‘What?’ to you. How do you go about explaining the blindingly obvious? That and if you’re taking lessons on emotional complexity and interpersonal relationships from me then you’re in deep trouble. A brick wall could think rings around me on the subject. “I don’t like that you are upset with me. I don’t understand. I cannot see why in your head and I cannot make you see it my way,” she said and it became mountingly clear with every word that Umbra was honestly at a loss. I wouldn’t say upset because that wouldn’t really apply, but she was clearly out of sorts. As for her not being able to ‘make’ me understand her position? Well, thank heavens for small mercies... “I really don’t know why you care what I think. I thought the whole reason why you nabbed me and keep me around was because you just wanted something to enjoy in your downtime,” I said. “That is the point and purpose of you being here. It is just that you serve your function best in those moments that you seem well-disposed to me, and those times you stop dwelling on where you are. Do you remember the constellations?” This would be referring to one time - some nights previously - when she had spent a fair amount of time pointing to what stars were visible from the window of the tower, naming the constellations, explaining what the names meant and generally educating at me about horse astrology. Interesting, actually, even if most had gone over my head. She had then also told me what she was planning on renaming the constellations once she was in charge, and explaining the reasons behind those names, too. This too had been interesting, in its own odd way. Aim high, Umbra, aim high. “I remember,” I said. “I very much enjoyed that. It was very fun, explaining my plans to you, explaining things to you that you didn’t know. It was nice to be listened to.” “Surprised you have a shortage of willing listeners,” I said. Shiny, smiley servants have to be good listeners, you’d assume. “They are not the same. They are - it is not the same. You do not always react the obvious way. They listen because they’re required to, when you listen I can tell you’re listening and when you are only pretending to listen.” Oops. “No. It is good. It is fun, attempting to bring your attention onto me. Not something I have to do often. I like being the centre of your attention.I - it - ” Umbra was actually struggling to find the words here. For her this was probably what a nervous breakdown looked like. Holy crap. Oh, and she heard that, too. “You’re very frustrating!” She said. She didn’t sound so much angry with me for this as angry with the world that it was the case and that it had landed in her lap. “That’s good?” Umbra thought about this, then pulled me squashed up against her again. Whelp. “It is confusing. I don’t know how to explain it. I enjoy it, but I am not sure why. I am sure I will eventually be able to explain it to you. And to myself.” “Wonderful,” I said, muffled into her. “You may sleep in my bed with me tonight,” she then said with the tone of someone bestowing a grand prize upon someone else. “I’d really rather not,” I said and I felt her jolt in surprise. “But I - I would like that,” she said. “If you’re concerned about getting the best results out of me, sometimes you’re going to have to be patient.” Again she turned me around so she could look at me, an eyebrow cocked this time. “Patient?” “Yes. And put off what you want for a little bit sometimes. Think about it this way: what’s good for me is ultimately good for you, yes?” In the sense of, treat your teddy right and you’ll be more satisfied. I wasn’t sure how else I’m meant to explain some pretty fundamentally simple concepts to Umbra. Like consideration for the wishes of others. Seemed best to frame it in terms she could understand, like self-interest. “Are you attempting to manipulate me, John?” She asked. How could you see it like that?! “No! I just - gah! Do what you want. It’s what you’re going to end up doing anyway. Go nuts. See if I care. What can I do about it?” She scrutinised me further and I had a thankfully brief stabbing pain right down the middle of my head that suggested she was trying to see if I was hiding anything. Ow. Also I wasn’t. You could have just asked, woman. Umbra let out a breath, picked me up and popped me down beside the bed, slipping off herself a moment later. “You do not have to sleep in my bed tonight,” she said. “I will walk with you back to your room.” “Thank you.” Man, do you ever stop to think how weird your life has got? Umbra walked off and I followed, limping along. I think I’d left my stick next to that illusory river. How does that even work? Where had it gone? “Could I ask you for something else?” I asked her, when we were an indeterminate way away from the room she kept me in. “That would depend on what you ask,” she said without looking. “Could you please stop poking around my head. I don’t like these things you’ve been showing me. Places and such. Not a fan.” That got a glance from her. “Don’t you want to be able to remember?” “No, I really don’t. I could explain it to you but - look, could you just, as a nice thing to me, not do it anymore. Please? Please please? I already asked, didn’t I? I did not have the energy to fully outline my reasons for why this was my position. “I am already letting you sleep in your own bed,” she pointed out. Her largesse plainly finite. “I’m greedy,” I said. Umbra chuckled at this, which was something. “Okay, John, as you wish.” “Really?” “Really. If that would make you happy,” she said. That was a sufficient reason now? Ye Gods! I clutched a hand to my chest and staggered against the nearest wall. The shock! It has struck me dead! “Hah. More humour. You being happy is good for me, as you say, and so is a good thing,” Umbra said. I could tell from her tone and bearing that whatever wobbly period she’d been going through she had now passed clearly out of. Back in control now, and solid as a rock. Still, I’d seen it at least. I knew something other than solid as a rock existed. Had to count for something, right? And hey, I guess we ended up in the right place for the wrong reasons as far as my happiness and the happiness of others is concerned. “That would be a matter of perspective,” she said. And then we moved through a door and I - sigh - was back. I don’t like this room at all. I turn and find Umbra standing in the door way, utterly unreadable. “Tomorrow we will - I - I will see you tomorrow, John,” she said, a ripple of that same frustration briefly disturbing the calm before she backed out and the door shut me in. Fuck, man. That’s a - fucking hell. I’m wiped. I’m so tired. How long have I been here now? Didn’t this room have corners? No, wait, that was wrong. It’s meant to be round. I wonder what Celestia’s up to. Hope Twilight okay. Should I have had a proper look around my parent’s house when Umbra put it together like that for me? No, no, bad idea. What am I even doing. Man, I don’t know.