With Umbra gone the headache receded. That was about the only good thing.
I did try the door again because I would have been an idiot not to but, surprise surprise, no dice. Couldn’t even find anything lying around that I could conceivably use to force it. Not that that would likely have got me anywhere either.
This was one of those super-hefty thick-oak-and-iron type doors of the sort to keep burly men with swords on one side and you safely on the other. Didn’t seem likely that janky-legged, shaky-handed John would make much headway against it.
Just at an outside guess.
There wasn’t a whole lot else around for me to fiddle with. The room would be sparsely furnished, if I had to pick a word. Like someone had been ticking boxes on what someone might need for a room they’d be in for a while. Bed, table, chairs, bigger, comfier chair. Nothing interesting. I knocked the chair at the table over in a fit of pique and then felt bad because the chair hadn’t done anything wrong to me. So I righted it again.
Tried the shutters another time. Quite unexpectedly one of them actually opened, much to my surprise. Not that this improved anything. Turned out the windows they were attached to offered me a fabulous view of a snow-choked wilderness extending out until the horizon. The horizon was mountains.
Had we really gone that far? I don’t remember the trip being that long. Surely!
I stuck my head out the window to get a better look, though this turned out not to be a good idea. Whatever was keeping the cold out and the heat in - magic, I assumed - was permeable and when my head was outside it got to enjoy the full-on arctic treatment. Cold outside!
From the looks of things I was in a tower. The top of a tower. Not a very tall tower, but a tower all the same. I could see the bottom with all drifts of snow piled up around it and I could see, well, that was about it. Some sort of overhang above. And that was it.
Me in a tower. Oh God, was I in distress? I think I was!
Also: how the hell was in the top of anything? Let alone a tower! Sure I’d climbed some stairs but nowhere near enough to justify where I was now. Where had all those corridors been? Wouldn’t a tower have required a certain amount of walking around in a circle for a bit?
Probably magic. Again. Fucking magic.
Further rumination and frustration was forestalled by the appearance of another of Umbra’s cheerful servants, this one a lady. She came bearing food.
She had a tray balanced on her back on which was - I’ll admit - a pretty reasonable spread. Bread. Some weird looking berries. Some cheese. Etcetera. Can’t complain about any of that. The servant trotted over to the table and transferred the tray.
You know, I don’t like thinking of people as servants. Maybe it’s me.
“Thanks. Enjoy your work?” I asked her.
Whether she heard me or even understood me was not obvious. Couldn’t tell from her expression, certainly. Just the same fixed look of utter contentment. Creepy, man. Maybe Umbra enjoyed that sort of thing.
Now that was a worrying thought…
Not that it mattered much because she turned and left without a word.
I did try to follow her out through the door but that didn’t work out. She slipped through and then it snapped shut so quick I probably would have lost a finger had I been maybe just that bit quicker to try and hold it open. Bah.
Just me and the food, then.
Call me crazy, but I didn’t entirely trust the food.
Hobbling over I gave the berries a poke and the little pile of them collapsed a bit, but that was about it. Everything else just continued to sit there looking benign. Well it would, wouldn’t it?
On the one hand I was exceedingly hungry. On the other the sort of person who casually looked inside the heads of other people was not the sort of person I trusted with meal preparation. Hell, in a world without magic I’d be leery about taking anything from someone who’d locked me in a room. In a world with magic? Yeesh.
No, none for me, thanks. Not right now.
I was going to cave before too long. This much was inevitable. But I could at least put it off and stand on the moral high ground for a bit. For what good it might do me.
Getting comfy on top of the bed - not getting into it, not giving it the satisfaction - I laced my hands over my belly and stared angrily at the ceiling. This achieved nothing, so I closed my eyes and tried to doze off.
I failed, as napping was very difficult right then. Brain just kept on chattering away with this or that worry. What was Celestia doing? What was Twilight doing? Had anyone noticed anything yet? Was this actually really honestly happening? I mean really was this actually happening? Things like that.
A lot of it was me still trying to grapple with what was obviously going on. Sure, things like this are always meant to be happening to other people but - as has been pointed out I’m sure - we’re all someone else to someone else, and it’s going to happen to someone…
Still, just seems beneath Umbra to be wasting her time doing something like this.
Maybe there’s an inscrutable purpose behind it all? God, I hope not. That’d just make this even more convoluted.
And my am I hungry. Sigh.
Hope that kid is enjoying their teddy…
Tried to gauge how time was passing by looking ou the window but the sky was just white, which did not help me. Was that an early-morning white, a midday white or a heading-into-evening white? I did not know. It was just white. I closed my eyes.
“You haven’t touched your food.”
Jesus! Where did she come from? Is appearing silently a monarch special ability?!
Lo and behold Umbra was right beside the bed, having apparently just appeared out of the aether the moment I closed my eyes.
“How to appear without warning is a trade secret,” she said. Then, glancing over to the table and the food thereon: “Were you not hungry?”
I am thinking blank thoughts and saying nothing.
“Very good. Not the right technique at all, but it shows the correct attitude. I assume you are afraid I have done something with the food? I haven’t.”
“You’ll forgive me for not taking you at your word,” I said.
“I will, though it still wounds me. Like I said, our relationship is to be built on trust. You trusting me. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“Really,” I said. Not phrased as a question because, really, why even bother pretending it was a question?
“You think so little of me. And of course not. Why would I? I have no reason to.”
“So you’ll just not tell me anything you don’t think I need to know, rather than lie about it?”
“Exactly! No sense in burdening you with things outside your control. I’m glad you understand. Sharp one, you. I am certainly beginning to see why Celestia enjoys keeping you around.”
“You may be wildly misjudging the nature of my relationship with Celestia.”
“Possible. Not true, but I can see why you’d think so.”
Is it possible to lose a conversation? That’s kind of the feeling I kept on getting whenever I was speaking with Umbra.
“It really would be better if you were to eat something,” she said, apropos of nothing.
Rather than just bringing the tray over she pulled the whole table over. The table was not insignificant. Thing looked like it weighed more than I did, built along the same SOLID-WOOD-AND-IRON lines as the door and, indeed, the rest of the furniture. And she just pulled it on over like anything, setting it down beside the bed just next to her.
I cast an eye at the food, made no moves for any of it, sighed.
“Don’t you have anything better you could be doing?” I asked, again. Felt like an important question to keep raising from time to time.
“Oh, I do, and I am, as I said. Delegation and multi-tasking. Very important skills for a monarch. This is just something that helps me unwind,” she said.
“Nice to know I’m valued,” I said. I made the big decision and crossed my arms. Take that.
“You are! Though I doubt you’d fully appreciate why.”
“That so?”
“I already described you as a distraction and I should say this was not meant as an insult. Something you would know were you ageless is the value of distraction. When time is short it is precious. When it is unlimited? Without value. So what you do with that time becomes far more important. And transitory interests? Always so engaging. That they are fleeting is part of the appeal. If they are unique, all the better…”
She lent in.
“Why else do you think Celestia is so fond of you?”
If she - if you think you’re going to try and get inside my head with that sort of thing you’ve got another thing coming, lady. I’ve been over this before. This isn’t some point of weakness you can just prod and my apparently stalwart facade comes crashing on down. This isn’t something I’m worried about. I know you can hear this.
“Well, yeah, she did kind of say what you said but she was a little less blunt about it. Kind of got the impression from her, too, that she wouldn’t just chuck me out once I’d popped my clogs,” I said.
Which is to say I think that is what you will do, Umbra. I know you can hear this!
“You wound me again.”
She said this but gave no outward sign of being upset - contrived or otherwise - and just kept smiling that damn smile at me, following up with:
“She will, though. What else would she do? Keep you around? Have you stuffed?”
“Fucking yeah she’ll have me stuffed. I’d make a great conversation piece. Real ice breaker. That and I think I’d really pull the room together if you just had me in a corner. Maybe hang a hat off me if you want something practical, too.”
The smile became a little thinner, which was a source of much satisfaction to me.
“Your complete lack of respect is one of your intriguing features. I would say it was endearing, but I feel it is perhaps too strong for that. Hopefully continued contact with me shall see it lessened somewhat and reduced to a more acceptable level.”
I could hardly wait.
The food continued sitting there looking appealing so I turned my face to the window instead and said:
“I actually had a question for you. Assuming you answer those.”
“That would depend on the question,” Umbra said.
“The lady who brought that food - and the chap who got me here in the first place. They seemed very happy. I know you said before something about....a place for everything and all that but, uh, can you just tell me whether you fiddled around inside their heads to get them like that or what?”
This was a concern of mine. I mean, was it too crazy to be concerned that the sort of person who can peer into your head can also put stuff there if they were so inclined? That kind of shit is terrifying. The whole world can be a seething cesspit of nonsense but your head is still your own absolute territory. If that’s not the case? Well, shit. Count me out.
An immediate answer was not forthcoming.
“I would not have put it as indelicately as that, but I suppose you would see it as such. It’s not really the same thing, though. I just helped them realise their place in the scheme of things. It would have happened anyway, eventually. I just helped it along.”
Oh sweet mother of mercy that’s the worst. That got me to look back at her, just to see if maybe I could find a hint that she was joking or pulling my leg. Hint I found there none, only that grin again, and those teeth.
“You, uh, heh, you can’t - you couldn’t do that to me, could you? Would you? Are you?” I asked.
Another pause before answering. This one felt a whole lot longer. I think she might have been doing that deliberately. Are you doing that deliberately?
No response. Fine, fine…
“I am not, no. Could I? Maybe, maybe if I wanted to. It would be somewhat difficult however. Your mind is, as I said, damaged. It is not as easy as others are to access. I imagine that as I gain greater familiarity with it - and you - I shall find you easier to read and would also find you, hypothetically, easier to assist in understanding,” she said, idly, as though talking about perfectly normal stuff.
That’s a euphemism and a fucking half.
I swallowed. Nothing about this was good. Everything that was happening was bad. Just so I could be clear on that.
“You do know that they said any magical poking around had a chance of killing me, yes?” I said. I could remember this. It was kind of important. Kind of why all of the magical poking around in my head had stopped. Might also explain why her attempting to have a ‘deeper’ look had hurt so fucking much.
Thanks for that, by the way.
If Umbra thought any of this was a concern it did not show on her face.
“So I saw. They would say that, clumsy as they no-doubt are. I am not clumsy. I am - as you will learn - subtle and gentle. When I need to be.”
“And when you don’t need to be?”
A much wider grin for that question.
“An overwhelming force.”
Eep.
Maybe let’s move on.
“Yes, let’s. You’re so on edge! You have nothing to fear with me, truly. I only want you to be comfortable. Are you not comfortable? I rather liked that bed, myself. And you really should eat. Go on. Would you feel better if I had some?”
“I would, actually, yes.”
I’m not exactly being overwhelmed with trust here. Kidnapping can do that.
She gave what was obviously an exaggerated, pantomime sigh and brought the bowl of berries over to her waiting hoof. Then, keeping her eyes fixed on mine, she used her tongue to sweep up a good couple of the things into her mouth. She did not chew, only swallowed.
Can one chew, with fangs? Or does one simply tear?
Also, let’s just get back to the bit where she kept rock-solid eye contact while eating fruit using only her tongue. That’s…
That’s a bit much.
“Well I can’t eat those now, you licked them,” I said.
She swept up a couple more.
“More for me, then.”
Still not overwhelmed with confidence. Still not eating anything.
Umbra shrugged.
“Your loss. It’s only for your own good I suggest it. I imagine you’ll come around before too long. You really shouldn’t regard this as captivity, you know.”
“Kind of how I’m seeing it, I’m afraid. Just the way things are shaking out for me. Might have something to do with the kidnapping. And the locked door. And the being in a tower in the middle of nowhere. How did that happen, by the way?”
“Details, unimportant. And it was hardly a kidnapping. You came here without any force involved without intimidation. You were offered a way to go and you followed quite happily.”
Yeah sure. Convincing stuff, lady.
“I’m fairly certain trickery can also count in these things,” I said.
Again she shrugged. I don’t even think she cared if she was convincing or not. Would rather explain her approach to making friends. I got the powerful impression Umbra didn’t give the slightest shade of a fuck about whatever anyone thought of her. Just a feeling.
Normally I’d find that sort of thing rather admirable...
“Only normally? Tsch. But anyway, such things are open to debate. The point remains, it’s a question of attitude. This is not captivity and you would find it far more enjoyable if you did not think of it as such.”
“So I should think of this as...a holiday?”
Another grin.
“If you like. Holidays can be fun, as I understand them - I’ve never had one, myself.”
“Wonders never cease.”
Probably shouldn’t antagonise the evil queen but that headache was coming back…
“Evil is a misleading word used by those who lack strength to label those that do not.”
I am...not even going to bother thinking about that statement. Sure, fine, whatever. I’m just on holiday here what do I know. Whatever you say. I’ll believe you, thousands wouldn’t. I don’t know anything.
Umbra set the bowl down and put her hoof under my chin to tilt my head up. Power move, lady.
More eye contact followed.
“That’s the spirit, John. Good boy.”
Fucking seriously? That’s laying it on a little thick.
She smiled at me. Not unpleasantly, agreeably, but still not really what I needed to see after that.
“I just wanted to see the look on your face,” she said.
Her hoof was still here under my chin.
“Worth it?” I asked, sweetly.
“Very much so.”
She withdrew the hoof after that but stayed close and looming. Big lady.
“This the sort of fun and hijinks I can look forward to?” I asked. I was watching my hands and fidgeting with them in my lap.
“Oh, that was just a little joke for my benefit, don’t take it so seriously. If you just let yourself relax into the flow of things I’m sure you’ll find it more than pleasant. Certainly, I could make your time here memorable. Enjoyable, even. And beneficial. I could repair the damage done to your body, and your mind as well. If you wanted such a thing. If Celestia had wanted to she could have done so as well, which I think speaks volumes, don’t you?”
I looked up at her, flat. Again that strong sense of this being some sort of competition the rules of which no-one had told me about beforehand.
“I was reliably informed that that sort of thing could kill me,” I said. Again.
“As you already said, and as I think I already said that would only be if those doing it were as inelegant and clumsy as those you were familiar with. Not me, and likely not Celestia, were she so inclined. Any of them, really, if they wanted to. But her especially.”
“I’d imagine that if Celestia could have she would have. Whether you can or not I don’t know. Maybe you can, maybe you can’t. I don’t know. It’s all out of my hands. Magic. I hear it’s weird,” I said.
“Yes. Quite,” she said.
Then nothing. Clearly waiting for me to react.
“You just going to leave that there?” I asked.
“Don’t you think it was very specific and convenient? Your particular circumstances? And how any further progress or efforts towards alleviating them are apparently too dangerous to consider? Oh, how random magic is! How unfortunate. Oh well!”
“I feel like you’re implying something.”
She stepped in closer.
“I’m implying that they are lying to you. That they are keeping you deliberately hobbled and blank, because it suits them that way and they prefer you that way.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I really didn’t, either. We’d been over this, Celestia and me. Hell, me and just about anyone who knew the full details, such as they were. It was what it was! And I was fine with it! There wasn’t any mystery to it!
And even if there was - which there wasn’t! - why would anyone lie to me about it?!
And Umbra was just staring at me, reading my fucking thoughts. You know all this! You can see it! I don’t believe you!
“I know. But maybe you will. Ideas are odd like that, don’t you think? Like seeds, so often. Dormant, seemingly dead, until one day sprouting into bloom quite at random. Don’t you think?” She asked, tail flicking.
No. No I do not.
“No,” I said.
“Aww, poor thing, I’ve upset you, haven’t I?”
“No.”
“Aww, I have. There there,” Umbra said, and those words did not sound right at all coming from someone like her I have to say. Just jarring.
I got a pat on the head as well. Again laying it on a bit thick there, lady.
“I can do what I like,” she said.
Well...can’t argue with that. Not exactly in a position to stop her.
“How do you know any of this anyway? Eyes and ears, huh? You steal the report that, uh, doctor guy put together or something? The twitchy guy with the suggestively-named medical equipment?”
There was a report. I’d seen it. Hadn’t read it, obviously, but I was aware it existed. Presumably it just went into greater detail on what I already knew the bottom line about.
“Not steal, no. I had it copied. Much more sensible,” she said.
Huh, guess that does make sense…
“I could show you the copy, if you’d like? Though I am given to understand you are unable to read? Unfortunate. I could point out the more notable parts to you, if you wanted. You might find them interesting.”
“No. Thank you.”
“Your choice. And I can see this subject is making you tense. We’ll say no more about it. Though, just as a final thought, I’ve been lightly skimming just across the top of your thoughts without you dying, if you noticed. I even attempted to probe a little deeper - with unfortunate consequences, I’ll admit, but without you dying which you’ll also have to admit.”
None of this is getting through to me.
“Good for you,” I said.
“It is. But it might also suggest that it’s not as life-threatening as you may have been lead to believe.”
I still don’t care, I still don’t believe you.
“That is up to you. Maybe it is worth some consideration, however.”
I have a headache. Thin end of the wedge, that.
“Well, your mind is unusual. I haven’t quite worked it out fully yet. I will though, in time. No more headaches after that, I promise you. Now!” She stood up straight so suddenly I jumped and a moment later I find myself being pushed aside on the bed as she clambered in herself. Alarming developments.
Would have tried to wriggle away but a hoof from her put paid to that. Strong lady!
“I’d rather like to hear something mundane and everyday, just to help me unwind. You make toys for children, I believe? How is that?”
At this point I should probably just take it as read that she knows more about me and my life than I probably do. Fuck, she probably knows my actual name and is just keeping it tucked away somewhere to spring on me later. Probably knows my inside leg and all.
“You know if you just want someone to talk to there are much better ways of opening the conversation than by shitting on me,” I said.
‘Mundane and everyday’, come on!
She pulled me in tighter against her and giggled again. It’s a giggle that suits her, sure, but that’s not saying much.
“Look at that! You learn something new every day, even as a queen. I’ll make a note not to ‘shit on you’ in future. My question stands though, how is that? Making toys for children?”
I gave her a scrutinizing look, or at least the best of one I could do from being squashed into her. From every appearence she was being entirely sincere and from the outside I couldn’t see how this was some sneaky way of fucking with my head again. But then I’m an idiot, so what do I know?
Then again...
“Do you really want to know?” I asked. Umbra nodded.
“Truly I do. It’s...interesting,” she said, smiling down at me with every appearance of warmth.
Speaking of warmth she was actually, personally, exceedingly warm. And not that squishy, fine, I’ll give her that.
Sigh. Okay. Whatever.
“I’ll have you know I’m just playing for time before my inevitable rescue,” I said, shifting about to get more comfortable, failing to get away from her in any way, shape or form. I sighed properly then, and started blathering about teddy bears.
Kind of surreal, now I think about it.