//------------------------------// // Mister Irish // Story: D.N.A: Damn Not Again // by Chemtest //------------------------------// Rainbow lands where she started, and laughs as Applejack walks in, “Did you see that?! He was all like ‘face my wrath’ and I sent him flying!” Applejack shakes her head, “Rainbow, you might be strong, but you’re an idiot. We are supposed to capture him, not kill him!” Chem picks himself up, and shuffles toward them through the rubble of his cabin. He lifts up the bottle, and drinks the last of it, “If you think you can take me down like that, then think again! My loose limbs can stop the treachery of physics, don’t you know? So how about you walk away, or I’m gonna actually get angry.” Rainbow smiles, and looks towards Applejack, “Fine then, let’s see you do better!” Applejack takes out a lasso, and starts to swing it around, “Watch and learn, sugarcube!” She throws it at him, and ties him up. Chem looks down at the rope, and sighs as he activates his magic, “I am not a horse, lady! Wait... shit! I am!” He cuts the lasso into pieces, and looks towards her, “But I am not into BDSM!” He smiles, and stretches his legs, “I suppose it’s time to pull out my famous move!” Applejack smiles as she pulls what’s left of the rope towards her, “Oh yeah? And what might your ‘famous move’ be, partner?” Chem starts to rush towards her, his legs flowing over the ground, “This!” He jumps up into the air as he gets closer to her, and starts to get into the position. He kicks his legs out, and shouts, “Dropkick!” His legs strike something, and he falls onto his back. He breathes in harshly, “Oh, that felt so good. Popped my knee! That’s had a creak in it all day!” Applejack looks down at him, her hat missing from her head. She snorts, “You kicked my hat.” Chem looks at the hat in the Everfree dirt, “Let me guess, important family heirloom?” She nods, and he nods back, “So you want to make me pay now?” She nods, “Yep.” Chem smiles, “Alright then. Well, let’s get started with an actual fight.” Applejack tries to stomp down with her front hooves, only to have Chem roll out of the way. He uses the momentum from the roll to spin around to his hooves. Rainbow shouts, “I’ll flank him!” Chem looks at the two’s positions as Rainbow flies behind him. He quickly charges towards Applejack, causing her to buck with her back hooves. Chem jumps up, using her hooves as a jumping pad. He flies through the air in a back flip, until he finds himself right above Rainbow Dash. He summons his strength into a downward stomp, sending her flying into the ground. He then falls right down on top of her, delivering a nice falling kick to her wing. He cringes at the sound of a broken bone, and a pained scream. He returns to all four hooves, and faces Applejack, “See, lass, you underestimate me. I got the luck on ten clovers in me side!” He raises into a bipedal stance, and faces her, “Show me your moves!” She charges towards him, not noticing as he takes out a bottle. She turns around to buck him, allowing Chem under her as he ducks. He shoves up with his head, and bowls her over. He walks up to her as she stands, and whacks her on the head with the bottle, knocking her out. He turns around as he hears Rainbow scream, “You broke my wing! Do you know how long that’s gonna take to heal!?” She glares at him, “I have come this far, I am not letting you get away!” Chem takes a step back, “Fuck, you’re one persistent cunt, aren’t you?” He shrugs, “Looks like it’s time to run away.” He does just as he says. He rushes into the Forest, dodging every branch that comes his direction. He hears Rainbow behind him, plowing down anything in the way. Her adrenaline is apparently a very, very powerful tool. Chem smiles as he sees a cave entrance ahead, and he books it towards there, “No, stop! That’s Tartarus, you’ll die in there!” Chem rises into a bipedal form once more, only to show Rainbow a single hoof, “Fuck you, I am going in anyway!” She chases after him with renewed vigor, but her determination is naught before the power of whiskey. Chem rushes into the cave, laughing all the while. He looks back to see Rainbow doesn’t follow him in, only to run into something furry. He looks up. Red gates stand there, covered with spikes. And in front of them stands the thing he ran into. Cerberus glares down at him, growling. Chem smiles, “Might this be the wrong time to mention that I am a cat person?” Cerberus howls into the air, and gives chase to the fleeing Chem. Chem nods, “Yep, was definitely the wrong time!” He then runs into something else as he exits the cave. Rainbow looks at him, “Oh, good, you came to your senses! Are you ready to go back and find your mare? Because I’m ready to make you ready.” Chem turns around, and walks back into the cave, “I think I prefer the dog.” He walks back up to Cerberus, and pets the main head, “Hey, I also like dogs quite a lot. Lot more than ponies, at least.” The gates open behind Cerberus, and a dark, yet joyful voice speaks, “Oh, Cerberus, do we have a visitor!?” Chem looks around the dog to see a demon. Tall, red, human, with horns coming out of his head. The demon looks at him, “Oh, we do! Come in, come in, Tartarus has the best hospitality! You want some whiskey?” He smiles, “I am Pony Satan, by the way.” Chem smiles back, “Chem. You said you have whiskey?” Satan nods, “You bet your ass we do!”