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Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep
The sounds of hospital monitors filled the air as I once again regained consciousness. I believe I speak for myself, the entirety of the army and for that sake the whole of the human race when I say that was the strangest trip I'd ever had. I could only imagine the ribbing I'm going to get from everyone for this, getting hit in the head, then proceeding sitting the whole fight out only to then dream that I went to Candy Land and defeated the evil monster.
No... Wait that was wrong, I didn't defeat the monster if I remember correctly I got squarely fucked in the chest with a laser beam. Well that's a pretty shit ending to a trip if ever I heard one, I mentally remarked in my head.
My whole body hurt all over: my head rang, my legs ached and most importantly it felt like I'd gone a round or two with a tanning bed. My entire torso felt like it had been burnt over twice. I could only imagine how nasty it would be to feel as well.
Finally trying to open my eyes I was assaulted by the sun shining directly in my face. I winced in pain moving from side to side. "Oh, Great Afgan Sun. Thou art truly a heartless bitch," I complained to no one in particular. At least my sense of humour had made it through the whole ordeal relatively unscathed.
The sound of something hitting the floor along with a feminine gasp brought me out of my inner monologue and forced me to adjust my eyes to see the person directly in front of me. Unfortunately for me, this was when the universe had decided to hand me one hell of an Uno reverse card.
Standing in front of me was a snow white hors... Pony. Here navy eyes stared directly into my own. None of us dared to break the silence or the staring match.
"Ha Ha," I chuckled quietly to myself, making the small pony shake with, fear?
"You're not real," I said softly causing the pony to look at me quizzically for a moment, her left ear dropping slightly and her face contorted into one of slight offence and confusion.
"You're not real," I repeated again, although albeit this time with additional force applied.
Again the pony didn't move, her eyes still locked onto mine as if she was physically trapped into place.]
"You're not real!" I shouted causing the small pony to flinch. As I went to raise my hand to point at her I was stopped. Stopping for a moment to look down at my hand I saw it was being kept in place by a set of old-style police restraints that were firmly attached to the bedpost. "No no no no no," I said in rapid succession as I attempted to break free of my restraints. This isn't happening, calm down, it's all fake, none of its real I said to myself.
Utilising the moment of broken eye contact the small pony finally came to her own senses quickly turning on the spot and shouting "Guards! Guards! It's awake! Quickly, It's awake!"
Within the moments the room I was in became a flurry of activity with more, beefier ponies in clad gold armour came bursting into the room armed with spears and charged horns.
I suddenly felt as if I was surrounded by an invisible force that was constantly weighing me down. In the midst of my struggle, I failed to take notice of the pale white aura that was currently accompanying my whole body from head to toe.
"Stop Resisting!" A loud voice commanded. Probably one of the guards shouted.
"Fuck you, ill resist all I like, you're the ones that have captured me for no reason!" I shouted back continuing to struggle with the group of guards that were now attempting to attach additional cuffs to my legs.
"No Reason!? You call trying to kill us no reason!?" The same voice replied back anger clearly laced through his voice.
"What the bloody hell are you on mate, I haven't tried to kill any of..." I stopped mid-sentence. My memories began to come flooding back to me in droves. Arriving in this place, shooting the soldier, confronting the demon, helping the ponies and getting shot by a beam.
It all made sense now, I'd helped those little fucks survive and now id been backstopped and handed into the pony authorities. Fuck them and fuck this.
"Look, buddy, you've got the wrong idea here," I said still struggling.
"You dare to insult us any more you monster!" The guard continued to shoot.
"BE STILL!"
At once everything stopped. I stopped struggling as my eyes turned to the doorway where the guards had entered from. In the entrance to the room was the largest pony id seen so far. Her height rivalled mine, her white coat with similar to that of the suns intensity. Her wings were spread out in a regal looking matter and a large horn protruded from her head. Her mane appeared to be floating as if suspended in zero gravity.
In many ways, she was the polar opposite of the demon that id shot at before I got knocked unconscious.
As she entered the room she was flanked by two guards, both of whom's armour was adorned by purple decoration indicating that these were some sort of elite pony people.
"The Princess!" One of the guards bellowed.
Immediately all of the ponies fell to their knees if ponies have those, whilst all the guard ponies stood at attention and saluted her.
Princess I thought. Ive really fucked up this time.
"Be still everypony, I am simply here to see the creature for myself,". Creature, I thought. Well, she can go fuck herself.
"At once your majesty," The voice that had been heckling me before said. Immediately all of the other ponies and guards (with the exception of the two purple ones) began to filter out of the small room.
After the party had left the room the "Princess" came closer to my bedside as the two purple guards took positions at the door both looking forward at nothing.
Doing my best to be somewhat respectful to the pony that would probably decide my fate I tried my best to sit up and face her.
"Now, I've heard you can speak?" She pondered
"You hear well," I said bluntly. Well so much for my respectfulness. Although to be fair I did shoot one of her ponies so I probably wasn't on her Christmas card list anyway.
The princess leaned back slightly as if she hadn't expected me to speak at all, as she relaxed a small smile cropped up on her face, or at least I think it was a smile.
The guard's reactions, however, were not as pleasant. "You shall speak to the princess with respect, creature," the one on the left shouted lowering his spear to face me.
"Hey, how about you shut the fuck up whilst the grown-ups are talking fuckface," I spat glaring in his direction. Fuck that guy.
"Enough!" The princess shouted, Sir please do not speak to my guards like that I won't tolerate it.
Jesus this would be harder than I thought, however, a bit of appeasement never hurt anyone, right?
"Alright, however, I would advise that they are removed,"
The princess looked at me as if she was studying me before nodding to her guards. "Stand outside, I shall call you should I need you," she asked. The guards hesitated but knew better than to reject orders.
Turning back to me the princess spoke again. "So, now that's out the way how about we start with your name?"
"Captain Daniel Peters, Britsh Army, Born August 1st 2000, Designation 20102320," I said almost robotically. I wasn't about to give up information I didn't have to.
"Its good to meet you, Captain Peters, my name is Princess Celestia, however, you may call me Celestia if that makes you more comfortable here. May I first ask you, what is it that you are doing in my land?"
"Captain Daniel Peters, British Army, Born August 1st 2000, Designation 20102320," I replied again looking at her with a deadpan tone.
"Captain if I may ask why won't you answer me?" The princess asked tilting her head slightly and frowning somewhat.
"I refuse to answer question whilst in enemy captivity," I replied.
"And you see us as your enemies?" The princess asked looking troubled by the statement.
"I'm not sure, do you see me held captive in chains tied down to a bed by a foreign nation?" I replied sarcastically shaking my chains against the bed for additional effect.
"I do, but that was simply for your own protection, to make sure you didn't lash out upon regaining consciousness," the princess reasoned.
To be fair to miss high and mighty, I probably would've lashed out at the first pony I saw. However, I saw no need for them now that she could see I was obviously not an immediate threat.
"Well, surely you see I'm not going to kill you with my bare hands if you'd please release me from all of these restraints id be much obliged and see it as a gesture of goodwill between us,". To be honest, I'm not a skilled negotiator or diplomat in any sense of the word, but here I was. A dead man making the first contact with Alien life for the first time in humanity's existence.
The princesses smile faltered slightly as I mentioned the word "kill". I could only assume that this was a peaceful planet. Although the demon I fought before I was knocked out seemed to stand against that theory. Never the less she simply nodded flaring her horn in a majestic yellow hue as the restraints around me crumpled to dust in front of me.
"Something tells me you could have taken them off without crumpling them," I remarked semi-glaring at the Princess.
Diplomatic Mode Danny, Diplomatic Mode.
"I mean to say, thank you for the showing of good faith," I responded bowing slightly and putting my hands together in a prayer-like hand.
Danny you fucking idiot she probably thinks your having a stroke doing that!
I looked up to see Celestia looking at me with an inquisitive look, however for whatever reason she choose not to pursue it any further.
"If you are willing, we could do a question for a question, I would ask you something and then I could ask you, would that be acceptable?" Celestia asked her warm smile returning to her face.
I hesitated slightly. "No offence intended but if I may ask, why are you the one interrogating me, why am I not being probed with like, a thousand different needles right now?" I asked raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
Celestia's smile once again vanished from her face. "You really expect us to do such a thing?" She asked, concern drawing across her face about the impression she had been making thus far.
"Well, to be honest, it's the first thing pretty much every country on Earth would do," I replied.
Danny, Fucking Zero IQ Everyone.
Celestia's ears perked at the mention of Earth. "Earth, is that where you come from?" She asked leaning in closer.
"I suppose, well I know for a fact that this definitely is not Earth, for starters on Earth the animals don't talk and we don't have fucking telekinesis and magic!" I said raising my voice at the end as Celestia was levitating a cup towards me.
Dropping the cup onto a table next to my bedside Celestia looked up in curiosity. "No magic you say, would you mind if I ran a quick scan of your body, I promise it won't hurt a bit?"
"I suppose that would be alright given the circumstances," I replied not being very comfortable with where this was going.
"Ok, hold still, this shall only take a second," As Celestia spoke her horn once again lit up in a light golden aura that produced a small, low-intensity beam that was directed at my chest. As the beam made initial contact I recoiled myself slightly at the tingling sensation that the beam produced.
After a few seconds, the beam cut out as I looked up from where the beam had been to watch Celestia's expression.
"Impossible," she whispered, pondering her head upwards it appeared as if she was running through every plausible scenario in her head, even though in the end it would most likely prove fruitless.
"What's impossible?" I asked, concern lacing my voice.
"You, put it simply should not exist and how you are alive and breathing and talking is just simply. Beyond me," Celestia said analysing me with her own eyes.
"Oh trust me, princess, I've been thinking the same thing about you ponies for the past few hours now," I chuckled lightly not being sure if I was being insulted or being advised on my existence in this world.
"I don't think you properly understand the implications of what I'm trying to tell you," Celestia said shaking her head slightly. "You have no aura, no magical core to interact with, in all senses of the word, your an empty shell,".
"God, you sound like my mother Celestia," I said chuckling again. "To alleviate any confusion you may have, we do not possess any source of real magic where I come from, we have illusions and cheap parlour tricks for sure, but real magic? It's simply not a realistic possibility.
"Truly?!" Celestia remarked gawking at the very prospect. "I'm sorry for my unprofessionalism, it's just it all seems so far fetched to me that you could exist in a world without magic. Every part of our world is infused with some sort of magical property, from the plants and animals to the people and the buildings, magic makes us who we are, to live without it would be to live without a soul,".
Clap, Clap, Clap.
Celestia looked up, surprised by the sound of the clapping coming from my hands.
"Oh, sorry, it's just good speeches come so far and few between, I always like to appreciate a good one though," I cracked a small smile that was returned.
Ok Danny, so far so good, making one of the most powerful people in the land smile is a good start. I thought to myself as I contemplated my next move.
"So I believe we were going to do some questions and answers?" I asked politely.
"Of course," Celestia responded her smile not wavering. "By all means, you may start,"
"Um, okay well I guess my first question would be where am I?" I looked around the room as if trying to answer my own question. It was obvious I was in some form of medical ward. However whether or not I was in a secure government facility remained to be seen.
"That's simple enough to answer," Celestia responded lighting her horn up. The light emitted from her horn as a blue-hued map shone downwards onto the bed I was currently positioned in. The map showed a large mountain with an unrealistically sharp incline with a giant city carved into the side of it, with smaller settlements formed around the base of the mountain.
"At this moment you are in the Royal Infirmary in the East Wing of Canterlot Castle and in a more broader sense you are currently in the nation of Equestria, our planet is named Equss.
Taking a moment to digest the information I tried the new word out on my tongue. "Equestria," I said slowly as if analysing the taste and flavour of the word itself.
"That's correct," Celestia responded as if I was asking her a question. "Now I do believe it's my turn Captain," Celestia reminded me cutting off her horn as the holographic type map faded away.
"Go ahead," I replied making eye contact with her.
"What are your intentions here on this planet?" Celestia asked her smile faltering and her brow forming into one of seriousness.
"Hmm," I hummed out loud thinking of the best way to answer the question now posed to me. Suddenly a thought sprang to mind.
"I see you have my equipment locked away there," I started pointing to the small metal cage that sat beside my bedside. Ev everything was there including my weapons.
Idiots I thought to myself.
"Yes, I fail to see how this relates to the question," Celestia responded.
"If I may ask would you be able to bring my bag over to me, I promise not to do anything rash, I simply wish to answer your question in the most efficient way possible,". I replied.
Celestia looked at me for a moment and then at the cage as she analysed her options here. Then a second later her magic lit up unlocking the cage and floating my combat bag over to me. "I'm operating on good faith here Captain as you said, be sure not to misuse it," Celestia warned as the bag dropped into my bed in front of me.
"Trust me, Celestia, I know you've only known me for a few minutes and I've recently just died but I'm thinking that we both try and keep our minds in the collective positivity that we've generated here today," I said as I searched through my bag for what I was searching for.
Finally, after a few more seconds of searching, I found what I was looking for. As Celestia peered in closer I withdrew shinny looking tablet no bigger than my hand.
"Computer. Run a self-diagnostic on yourself and me," I commanded. The little sliver tablet quickly blinked to life as a blue display appeared on the screen. Celestia's eyes widened at the sight.
"Running Self Diagnostic, Please Stand By,".
"Incredible," Celestia said, clearly now captivated by my PDA. "What is it?" She asked not taking her eyes of the PDA that was currently halfway through its analysis.
"It's my PDA, it gives me pretty much every little detail I like to know, think of it as a little encyclopedia that follows you around and collects more data over time," I said as I pulled the PDA back towards me.
"Amazing, however, I fail to see how this answers my original question,". Celestia reminded me.
As if on queue the PDA booted back to life.
"Diagnostics Completed, Main Systems Operating At 100% Capacity, GPS Location Error Recorded, Battery Fully Recharged, Showing Results For Diagnostics Of Captain Daniel Peters.
Celestia watched in awe as hundreds of Megabytes of information began flashing onto the screen.
"Information Log, Captain Daniel Petters, Assigned to 1st Armoured Infantry Brigade, 7th Battalion March 22nd 2021. Twice Decorated, Five Tours Of Duty Recorded. Current Status, Assigned To Forward Operating Base Swan Awaiting Further Orders,".
"Computer, please tell the princess our mission statement," I asked placing the PDA into Celestia's hooves allowing her to look at the screen.
"Mission Statement Of British Armed Forces: To Defend And Protect The United Kingdom, Its Overseas Territories And Crown Dependencies. Also To Promote The Interests Of The United Kingdom And NATO Throughout The World Through International Peace Keeping And Humanitarian Aid.
Celestia's eyes widened as several images of the British Flag and several key political and military figures flashed onto the PDA.
"To fully answer your question princess, I have no intentions here. In all honesty, I'm not sure why I'm here talking to you. The last thing I remember I was out on a dangerous operation and was shot in the head by the enemy. As far as everyone's concerned I'm now considered to be dead," I finished looking at Celestia with sombre eyes.
"I believe I understand now," Celestia said as her eyes softened as she made eye contact with my own.
"Are you sure, because I sure as hell don't and its actually happening to me so.," I said flatly.
"Look enough of questions, please just tell me what you want with me, I'll admit to killing your guard but it was in self-defence and I didn't know what was going on and I just was scared and confused and..." my ramble was cut off by a hoof placed onto my mouth.
"Captain," Celestia said. "You never killed anypony, the guard you mentioned is alive and in our care and receiving the best medical attention he can get. I may not fully understand your reasoning however all I want is to find out your intentions and help you the best I possibly can,".
"But, why?" I asked now extremely confused. "I tried to kill one of your nation's soldiers, all due respect but id expect to be in a lot more chains by now" I finished.
"Do you also remember what you did after?" Celestia asked with a knowing smile.
"Uh, I ran into the forest and met a, a. Shit, yeah I ran into a big demon, pretty nasty lady, she was torturing these ponies in a castle that she took me to against my will, and I shot at her and kinda got my arse handed to me on a platter," I finished.
Shit, I had completely forgotten about the ponies that I was trying to help. "What happened, did they make it out alright?!" I yelled trying to move further up into my bed.
Celestia quickly put a stop to that holding me in place gently with her hooves. "Relax, there fine. In fact, I really should be thanking you. Not only did you help defeat one of this nations oldest foes, but you also helped save the life of my personal student Twilight Sparkle,".
Sighing I slumped back into my hospital bed. "So what now?" I asked.
"Now I believe I shall leave you to take in everything you have just heard, if you need me I just ask one of the staff and I shall come, I will be back later on today with a few ponies Id like you to meet," Celestia said as she rose from her sitting position beside the bed.
"Alright, look Celestia I know it's not a standard protocol but do you mind If I keep my PDA with me, you can place the rest of my stuff back id just like to start keeping a little journal if that's alright with you?"
"Of course," Celestia said. Slowly Celestia started to make her way towards the doorway. "Captain, whilst you may have earned part of my trust through this conversation, make no mistake that you have committed a crime against one of my ponies and I hope that you understand that there may be consequences that you must face in the future,"
Fuck, Shit, Fuck. Oh yeah real clever Celestia, act all nice at first and then hit me with that bullshit bombshell!
"I, um, I understand that princess,"
"Ok, I shall return later on,". With that, the door opened and the princess departed leaving me now alone in an empty windowless hospital room.
"Well that enough," I said to myself. Lifting my PDA I began to speak into the device.
"Computer, authorisation: Captain Daniel Peters, security code: Two-Alpha-Zero,".
"Authorisation Code Accepted, Input Command,".
"Can you acquire a signal lock anywhere?" I asked the machine.
"Negative, No Communication Sources In Range,".
"Hmm, no surprises there," I said to no one. "Computer, begin automatic distress call and implant the following message on a loop broadcasting in all directions on every available frequency,"
Let's hope these fucks don't have radios yet. Fuck Consequences, ill be damned if I'm spending the rest of my life in horse prison.
"Distress Beacon, Now Active, Imput Message".
....