//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: Rarity's and Pinkie Pie's Advice 
// Story: When Dating Advice Doesn't Work... 
// by ThePinkedWonder 
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Well, it was shaping up to be one of those days. No, one of those weeks.

No matter what advice I received, I just couldn't ask out my new pony crush, Diane Heart without blowing it! After Spike's, Twilight's, Rainbow's, Applejack's, and Fluttershy's advice all failed, I had no idea what to do.

Passing by a string of red, blue, yellow, and white houses, with my head tilted down and fists clenched, I was on my way to Twilight's castle -- there was some moping for me to do in my room -- when a voice called from behind.

"Hello, Eric, is something wrong?"

Unclenching my fists, I spun around to see Rarity running to me, with a frown on her face. I attempted to force a smile, but couldn't. "Oh, hey, Rarity. And yeah, I'm not having a good day."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Would you care to talk about it? You might feel better, and maybe I can help."

"I...I don't know."

"Oh, rubbish, darling. I'm sure you talking to me would help you more than moping somewhere. Please, talk to me, I insist."

I already mentioned that when a mare insists on something, don't resist. Besides, even if Rarity would never want to force me to talk about something, she'd probably worry unless I fessed up. Thus I told her about my screw-ups.

"I see. It is no wonder you are so sad, and I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Thanks, Rarity, but I just don't get it! It's absurd I'm having so much bad luck!"

"You know, maybe you went about asking out this 'Diane Heart' all wrong."

"But I thought the others' advice was good, but I just blew it?"

"Well, Spike told you to be yourself, Twilight is Twilight Sparkle, Applejack told you to 'say the words', Rainbow told you to think act the 'biggest, baddest, coolest dude', Fluttershy helped with her bird, which nearly worked, but you told me it wouldn't work again. But everything they told you only focused on you, but nothing about Diane herself. In fact, you should have come to me first."

"So, you have another idea?" I guess deep down I wasn't ready to quit, so I couldn't refuse whatever help Rarity wanted to give me.

"From what you told me, Diane sounds like a mare of class, and, not to brag, but few are classier than Moi. So what if I make a little something a mare like her would like for you to give as a gift?"

"Well, I did think about buying her cupcakes, but it...backfired."

"I know, but this time you will have your gift to her already, and it could make her so happy, she might ask you out. After all, you are cute, darling!" Rarity gave me a wink.

Heh, I might never know if she meant it, but either way, Rarity telling me I'm cute made me blush.

"And your smile is just adorable! So I'll make her something, and when I'm finished, we'll track down Diane."

"How long will it take you?"

"About four days. And how would you like to assist me with my dresses sometimes? I know you are...not great at sewing, but you're a pleasure to have around."

"Sure, Rarity, and we--" This suddenly felt very familiar and I remembered about what the others said. "Wait a second."

"What's wrong?"

"Did you ask that because you think Twilight and I spent too much time together?"

Rarity bit her lip in the same way a certain Pegasus did. "Well...there is nothing wrong with you spending a lot of time with Twilight if you want to. Twilight enjoys it too and loves having someone she's close with to read books with her that's not about Daring Do. But with how you said 'absurd', which is something you never used to say but Twilight does, you might have spent a tad too much time with her."

Since Rarity hated to tell me, and I literally asked for it, I hid (most) of my annoyance. "I've heard. But, I feel better, so I'm not gonna go mope somewhere. Oh, and I didn't ask Twilight for help, but she helped on her own."

Rarity didn't respond in words, but she wiped her forehead. Fifty bits says that, in her head, Rarity thought something like "Oh thank goodness!"

Man, it was like all of Ponyville thought I should spend less time with Twilight! Anyway, even if she wasn't serious, Rarity telling me I'm cute boosted my confidence. She's a real darling herself!



Four days later, back in the park, the location of two of my five busts, Rarity and I spotted Diane on the same bench she was on the other two times. Yep, she definitely loves enjoying the sunshine, and like before, we were about twenty feet from her. Rarity made a white hat covered with blue, green, yellow, purple, and red gems. I think they were some of the "common" gems in the cave where Maud searches in for rare rocks and I remembered how heartbroken poor Rarity looked when she discovered her "rare" gems were actually common gems. But odds are, Diane wouldn't know the hat's gems are common gems. At least that's probably what Rarity hoped for.

"Okay, Eric. Is that Diane?"

"Yep. Not that I'm doubting you, but are you sure she'll like this hat?"

"Of course she will. I can tell that she's a true mare of class, and she'll love this fabulous hat. Just give it to her, ask her out, and she will be happy a sweet, cute darling such as yourself like her."

I blushed again and at this rate, Rarity's gonna make me fall for her! "Well, here goes nothing."

"Good luck, Eric! I'll stay here."

With the usual harder and faster pounding heart and a few drops of sweat, as well as holding the hat in my left hand, I walked to Diane. It wasn't easy to resist thinking about my epic failures from before.

When she spotted me, she turned her head back and forth; probably remembering what happened before. "Oh, u-uh, hi, Eric. There are not any birds or c-cats nearby, is there?"

This time, Diane was the one stuttering. In a borderline shout, I assured, "No, no, no! n-none are around this time! But those cats didn't hurt you, d-did they?"

After breathing a sigh of relief Diane told me, "Whew! I'm glad, and they didn't hurt me and I'm sorry I flew away the other day. I panicked, but it was nothing personal."

I raised the hat still in my hand so Diane could get a better view of it. "T-That's okay, and I w-wanted to g-give you this hat, to apologize about the bird and cats."

Diane formed a big 'ol smile when she saw my gift to her, making me smile too. "Oh, it's beautiful! Is that hat really for me?"

"Y-Yes! You like it?"

"Oh, yes, and thank you, Eric!" Diane gave a bit of a serious frown. "Usually, when somepony gives another something great like this, it means they want something."

"U-Uh, funny you mention that, because--"

"But I've always find that kind of thing shallow. I mean, giving somepony a gift to butter them up and not just because they want to? Isn't that demeaning to you?"

Hearing that, I struggled to resist facepalming. Buck! I figured I couldn't ask her out now. "I-I understand and I-I'm glad you like my gift and s-sorry again about the c-cats and bird. Uh...I'll see you again sometime?"

"Oh, it's okay, and it wasn't your fault, and we probably will see each other because we see each other a lot, don't we?" Diane replied with a cute smile. Unfortunately, I felt too down to think about how cute she looked.

"Y-Yes I guess we do. Uh, bye!"

I sped to Rarity with a not-so-happy frown and let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, Rarity, that backfired. I should've known something would go wrong."

"Dear, I've never seen a mare feel that way about gifts."

"And now I can't make a move because she'll think I gave her your hat to 'butter her up'! Ugh, can't I catch a bucking break?!"

"I'm so sorry, darling. I had no idea she felt that way about gifts, or I would not have suggested giving her anything. Um, I could come up with another idea that might--"

Like the last times, I shook my head. "No, you don't have to, Rarity, because, with my luck, it'll backfire. I'm quitting because I'm done. Plus, I had you waste the last four days on that hat for nothing."

"Oh. Well, sorry again I couldn't help, and if you want to try again, come to me any time. And just so you know, Eric: I would never think of anything as a 'waste of my time' if it's to try to help my friends, so don't feel bad about that, okay?"

"Okay, and thanks."

Rarity assuring me that she didn't think of trying to help me as a "waste of time" allowed me to feel a bit better. But, I still wasn't in a good mood and badly needed some cheering up. Normally, I'd go to either Twilight or Starlight, with them being my Equestrian big sisters, and they told me that I can always go to them if I'm sad. But since I seriously wondered if I spent too much time with Twilight and I had no idea where Starlight was, I headed to Sugarcube Corner and hoped Pinkie Pie's there. Pinkie's not the most tactful pony, but it's hard to stay sad when you're near her. She is the Element of Laugher.

And in case you're wondering, I had paid the Cakes for those ruined cupcakes and Pinkie's not mad, or I would not have searched for Pinkie Pie.





Now in the lobby of Sugarcube Corner, I sat in a brown chair by a table. The smell of the bakery would've made my mouth water again if I wasn't eating a slice of cake, with pink-colored icing, that Pinkie let me eat to cheer me up, which worked some. Mr. and Mrs. Cake stood by the bakery's counter, packing up some cakes and cupcakes in brown packages, and Miss Element of Laugher was hopping beside me, complete with the springing sound effect her hopping does. Because she wouldn't quit pestering me about it, I told her about my six busts. However, she looked confused during most of the story.

"Wow, I can't believe it."

"What, you can't believe how bad my screw-ups been?"

"No, well, yes, but I meant that I couldn't believe how you had Twilight try to help you. Are you sick or something? And Twilight really likes you, so why won't you ask her out?"

This was getting old, and I groaned and facepalmed. "Okay, Pinkie: First, Twilight helped me on her own. Second, other than feeling sick of these epic failures, no I'm not sick. And third, NO! Besides, she doesn't like me like that, but as her little brother. But enough about Twilight and her formerly 'suspect' romantic knowledge; since I told you everything, can we drop it, Pinkie? I came to you to cheer myself up, remember?"

"In that case, let me help some more with a hug!"

Pinkie stopped hopping and spread out her forelegs. I knew that, from personal experience, when she spreads her forelegs as wide as she did, the hug that's coming would hurt. I waved my hands and started, "No, Pinkie! Don't--" but it was too late. 

Pinkie leaned and wrapped her forelegs around me, squeezed the breath out of me, while pinning my arms! I struggled to free myself or at least force Pinkie to loosen her grip, but her forelegs felt like a vice-grip! And, as an Earth Pony, she's far stronger than me and my fingers weren't in a position to tickle Pinkie to get free, so I wasn't going anywhere till Pinkie Pie lets me. And as a "bonus" her trademark pink fluffy mane covered my face and tickled my nose, so I sneezed a couple of times while in The Anaconda's Pinkie's grasp.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, I'm cheered up, so can you let me go?!"

"Nope, three more seconds!"

Three painful seconds later, Pinkie took her forelegs out me, and I fell on my knees and coughed for five seconds as she giggled. It was the second-tightest hug Pinkie had given me...and let's just say the tightest one was a big hug.

"There! You feel better, Eric?"

Breathing normally again, I stood up, but coughed a few more times. "Well...*cough*...I don't feel as down, but I still do a bit."

"Hmm, that bad, huh?" Pinkie lifted her head in thought. After a second, she bought it back down to me with a big smile and wrapped a foreleg around me. "Okay, I have an idea!"

"What's your idea?"

"I'll help you ask out Diane!"

Aw, buck no! I gasped and threw Pinkie's foreleg off me. "Oh, no, no, no! I'm done with that, Pinkie Pie!"

"But I have a great idea, Eric!"

"I don't care! I'm not risking a seventh bust!"

"Come on, pleasssse?"

Well, when Pinkie Pie's like this, she won't leave you alone unless you do what she wants. Plus, those big blue eyes of hers and how adorable she looked broke me.

After a deep breath, I asked, "All right, Pinkie, you win, so what's your idea?"

"Okay. I'll throw a big party and use it to help you ask out Diane."

"But how will a party help?"

"If Diane's at the party, she'll have so much fun that she'll be in a good mood, and then you'll ask her out."

"But did you forget what I told you? If we try your idea, she'll get mad at me!"

"Well, you're not going to do anything for her, because I am. But you will just 'happen' to be there and will just 'happen' to ask her out. You get it?" Pinkie leaned her head to me and wore a big mischievous smile.

I got the point, and a big 'ol grin curled on my face to match Pinkie's, and I leaned my head to hers. "Ooh...that's sneaky, but good! You'll throw the party to get Diane in a great mood, I'll ask her out, and she won't think I'm 'buttering her up' because you're throwing the party?"

"Yep, that's right, Eric-berry! Now, I'll just need some time to--"

Remembering something, my grin vanished. "Wait, Pinkie, how would we get Diane here?

"You haven't seen her, but the last two weeks she's stopped at Sugarcube Corner every three days and she should be here in a few more hours. So I'll set the party before she comes and have her stick around. If we tell the Cakes why, they'll let me throw a party because they like you."

Pinkie had all her bases covered, so I thought I finally got some good luck! Pinkie went on to prepare the party before Diane came by on her own, and I headed to Twilight's castle while Pinkie did her thing. 

I was a bit worried about Twilight and the others getting mad at me about "having" Pinkie help me instead of one of them. But they seemed to understand, or they knew that it's impossible to get Pinkie Pie to leave you alone if she really wants to do something for you.

Five hours later, and an hour before Princess Celestia set the sun, Pinkie hopped to the castle to bring me back to Sugarcube Corner.



Back at Sugarcube Corner, the party was in full force. Ten ponies walked throughout the lobby, or sat by tables or standing, talking about one thing or another. Balloons were spread along the walls or on the tables by strings tied to them. Diane sat by the table I was at when I talked to Pinkie earlier with a slice of cake, she had a cup filled with blueberry juice on the table. She was smiling big-time and seemed happier than I've seen her so far. She tried to say that she didn't want to be "a bother" and offered to leave, but of course, Pinkie wasn't having that. Pinkie also didn't have to worry about baking any cakes because she had three hidden for "cake emergencies" and I nearly asked why she had them.

Till I remembered she's Pinkie Pie and you just smile and nod when she does stuff like that.

Twilight and the others felt they might be bad luck after all the busts, so they stayed away and would come after I ask out Diane. Starlight was flying kites with Maud, so she didn't come.

With Pinkie and me by the door to the kitchen to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie said, "Okay, Eric, Diane's enjoying herself and is in a good mood. 🎵Now's your chance!🎵"

I was in a great mood myself and chuckled. "Okay. I'm going in."

"Good luck!"

I walked to stand beside Diane and felt calmer, about as calm as when I had Fluttershy's bird with me. It looked like I would land Diane, at last!

"Hi, Eric! You're here too?"

"Yep. How are you enjoying the party?"

"I'm enjoying it very much! I've heard about Pinkie Pie throwing great parties, but I didn't know they were this fun, and I love all the balloons she has all over the lobby!"

"When it comes to throwing parties, there's none better than Pinkie, and trust me: I'm not saying that because she's my friend."

"I believe you. But I'm glad you're here because--"

Before Diane could finish, the party pony herself hopped over to us, with some kind of a tall thin sealed cup. "Hey guys, I know you're having fun, but how about we make things more fun with a surprise?"

Pinkie opened the "cup" she had, confetti flew out of it and a bit flew in my right eye!

"Ow! My eye!" Out of surprise, I swung my left arm and covered my eye with a hand, and...oh boy.

As the ponies around us gasped, one of my fingers poked one of Diane Heart's eyes!

"Ow!"

"Uh-oh," Pinkie muttered. And "uh-oh" would be an understatement!

Ignoring the stinging of my own eyes, I said, "Oh, buck! I am so sorry, Diane! Are you all right?!"

Holding the eye I poked with a hoof, Diane answered, "I will be fine, but my eye really hurts. I need to go an ice pack for it."

"B-But I--"

Before I stuttered any further, Diane flew out Sugarcube Corner. My own eyes stung, but the only thing on my mind was how I hurt that poor thing! I glared at Pinkie. "You just haaaaad to give a 'surprise' huh, Pinkie Pie?"

"I'm sorry, Eric! That confetti's never flown in a pony's eye before! Then again, you're not a pony, so--"

"Pinkie, please, not now. But at least I'm used to blowing it."

"M-Maybe I can fix this. I could throw another party, and--"

"Pinkie? I know you're just trying to help, but no. I hurt Diane, so I'm quitting, for real. I can't take this anymore."

"Oh, okay," Pinkie said with a big frown.

Uh-oh. Pinkie's frown tugged on my heartstrings because I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I forced a smile, rubbed her head, and assured, "But you tried your best, so thanks, Pinkie."

It worked, and Pinkie gave one of her usual smiles. "Thanks, Eric! And if you change your mind, auntie Pinkie Pie will throw Diane another party!"

It felt odd hearing Pinkie say "auntie Pinkie Pie" but I felt a little better; the weirdness I felt negated the frustration I felt. Not to mention, it was quite refreshing that one of my friends didn't say anything about me spending too much time with Twilight. Still, I planned to simply get over my crush.

But, leaving Sugarcube Corner, I had a feeling that other ponies would want a turn...