//------------------------------// // 59 The Fool // Story: Errant Finale // by Doug Graves //------------------------------// March 26th, 1001 Domina Solaria The day would have liked to begin as many others do out in the rural town of Ponyville: a beautiful sunrise, early morning cloudbusting by the junior members of the weather team, and the early birds chirping and warbling to each other as they hunt for the morning worms. Today, none of those things seem to be happening, as the fields and trees are mostly silent. High above, a rainbow maned pegasus darts from cloud to cloud, but rather than cloudbusting she is assembling a solid layer only a few hundred feet above the ground. “Come, dearies,” Fluttershy coaxes by her open front door. Someponies say that animals have a sixth sense about these kind of things, like they can detect an incoming storm. They don’t know why; some speculate it is by changes in air pressure, or tremors in the ground, and the animals themselves can’t exactly articulate it, even to Fluttershy. But, despite not knowing exactly why they don’t want to, all of Fluttershy’s animals are refusing that simple request. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, knows exactly why they don’t want to leave, and her efforts to distract herself from said reason have so far ended in failure. “There’s lots of delicious food outside, just waiting for you to find it!” Angel Bunny points to the pantry with one paw, his open maw with a second, stomps on the floor with another, and makes a preemptive rude gesture at the approaching azure mare with the last. “That is because you pamper the lazy feed bags, and it wouldn’t hurt them to miss a meal or two if they don’t put the effort in.” Trixie’s unapologetic gaze falls over the white rabbit, who mock gasps and angrily stomps the floor some more. Her magenta aura pokes his pudgy stomach, and her attention turns to Fluttershy as he squeals some more of what can only be profanity. “Trixie is here for whomever you care to entrust to her.” “Oh! Um, thank you.” Fluttershy looks over her house and the dozens of animals of every shape and size cowering inside. “I don’t suppose you can take… all of them?” Trixie shrugs, her magenta aura surrounding one bird after another, levitating them outside. Trixie smiles at a job well done as the birds chitter like mad, then gawks as they fly through the back window like a twisted version of a magician’s trick, leaving Trixie more and more exasperated as she keeps pulling the same birds.  “That does it!” the azure unicorn shouts, horn flaring brightly as she pulls Angel Bunny and the rest of the critters outside. “Nocreature can go in or out!” The next bird that tries to fly inside impacts a magenta barrier, squawking in alarm.  “Oh, please don’t hurt them,” Fluttershy pleads, none of the other birds attempting to get inside. Trixie walks off as the pegasus reaches a hoof forwards, pressing against the magenta barrier. “Um, Trixie?” “Yes?” Trixie replies, glancing back at her herdmate as her horn goes out. “Um, nevermind,” Fluttershy says with a shy smile, disappearing inside her ‘barricaded’ house. Some time later, as the sun disappears above the clouds, and Twilight Sparkle flaps on somewhat steady wings, focusing on keeping the tea in her hooves from spilling. Spike rides her back, clutching her mane, carrying his own collection of gemstone laced baked goods. An ornate chest trails behind her, strapped to her body by a set of ropes. Zipping circles around her - having already deposited her own contribution to the picnic - is Rainbow Dash, her trained eye analyzing the alicorn’s interminably slow flight. “Well, you haven’t spilled any yet,” Rainbow Dash comments in a bored tone. Twilight Sparkle frowns as she begins her descent, the hardest part of flight for her. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t, you know, try to distract me.” “Pssh,” Rainbow Dash says. “Anypony can fly under ideal conditions.” She buzzes past Twilight Sparkle, her wake sending the alicorn bouncing up and down. “R-Rainbow Dash!” Twilight exclaims, a few drops of tea spilling into Pinkie Pie’s waiting mouth. “But you aren’t just anypony, are you?” Rainbow Dash smirks as Twilight manages to land without spilling any more, much to Pinkie Pie’s disappointment. She claps the alicorn as she lands next to her, smiling broadly. “I knew you could do it!” “Not everything has to be a competition,” Twilight says as she sets the tea down, looking around. Almost the entirety of the herd is there under the thick cloud cover in a wide open field. Trixie and Doug are entertaining the pets and fillies while the other mares are congregating around the picnic. “Nope,” Rainbow Dash agrees, her smirk not fading. “It gets to be.” Twilight rolls her eyes, pouring a cup of tea for Applejack and Rarity as Rainbow Dash pops open a cider. Spike pulls out a thermos of chocolate milk and places a tray of sweets for Pinkie Pie. The five enjoy the brief respite before Celestia shows up, mostly commiserating about the progress of their growing foals and speculating to the outcome of Twilight’s. It isn’t until Spike points a wavering claw at something breaking through the clouds that the conversations die down, everypony lining up to watch. Even the animals pause their play as Trixie, Doug, and the fillies form a second line behind the five Elements of Harmony.  A pair of royal guards drag a gray statue of a certain draconequus through the air. Behind him trails Princess Celestia and two uniformed Wonderbolts: one fiery orange and yellow, the other white with a hint of blue. The four pegasi land with their cargo, quickly moving Discord with hoof and wing onto the ground. The cart is deposited off to the side before the four pegasi patrol just below the overcast layer. Celestia lands next to Twilight Sparkle, sharing a nuzzle and questioning look. “You are ready?” she asks, a touch of hesitation in her voice as she moves to Applejack. Spike follows behind her, carrying the ornate chest. “We are, your Highness,” Twilight says with a formal bow, though the muffled snickers behind her get her to look up. She glares at her herdmates and the casual greeting they are sharing with the Princess of Equestria. “You guys!” Twilight exclaims in a strained whisper as she puts on her Magic crown. “Show some decorum!” “Please, Twilight, she’s a member of the herd,” Rarity says as Celestia nuzzles her, Applejack adjusting the Element of Honesty around her neck. “Yeah!” Pinkie Pie exclaims, bouncing up and down as she waits for her turn. “Besides, we’ve all watched her get stuffed with...” Her eyes narrow at the coughs of the ponies around her. “What? Cake! Stuffed with cake! What did you think I was going to say?” Anything else from Pinkie Pie is silenced as Celestia moves from Rainbow Dash, three ponies now wearing their Elements. The alicorn stops as she comes to the end of the line, looking around as if surprised. Then she looks to the chest in Spike’s claws, and the butterfly adorned Element remaining. “I thought you said you were ready.” “We are, it’s just-” Twilight says, looking around and astonished at Fluttershy’s absence. “Where did she go?” “Uh, she was never here,” Rainbow Dash says bluntly. “We thought that you gave her some super special preparation for being Discord’s new cuddle buddy or something.” “No, I…” Twilight trails off, looking towards Fluttershy’s cottage. She sighs heavily. “Rainbow Dash, can you go retrieve our sixth member?” “With pleasure!” exclaims Rainbow Dash as she zips off. A loud squeal comes from Fluttershy’s cottage. Moments later and the front door opens. Fluttershy’s rear is high in the air, Rainbow Dash’s head pushing her along the ground and scraping a long line in the grass. “Do we have to?” asks Fluttershy quietly, though the strain in her voice suggests this isn’t the first or even the fifth time she’s proposed this question. “Apparently!” Rainbow Dash pulls her head out, the yellow pegasus flopping to the ground in front of the others. “As requested, one Fluttershy!” “Now that we are all here and ready,” Celestia starts with a nuzzle to the cowering pegasus, Spike attaching her necklace. She looks around, taking a deep breath. “It is asking a lot, dearest Fluttershy. But I believe you to be best suited for the task ahead of us.” “Really?” Fluttershy asks, her eyes wide as she turns to look at Celestia. The white alicorn nods before stepping back, joining the second row of ponies. Fluttershy steels herself before standing up and joining her herdmates, posing dramatically with her head held high, staring right at Discord’s statue. “Alright, everypony,” Twilight says, focusing on her Element. Each of them does the same, a six-colored rainbow of light spearing from the six directly into Discord. The stone cracks, spiderwebs along the entirety of the amalgamation’s narrow body. Light escapes, becoming brighter and brighter, soon almost intolerable. But the ponies continue to watch carefully as the flecks shatter, revealing a mottled collection of brown and gray. “Teeen thouuusand yeeears!” Discord exclaims as he stretches his long body out, then twisting every limb more than twice around, “gives you quite the cric in the… well, everywhere!” “It’s been six weeks since your imprisonment,” Twilight Sparkle states as she steps forward, “And we’ve come to make you an offer.” “Well, you’ll have to forgive me,” Discord says as his body unravels, bits and sparks of magic shooting off in every direction. Wherever they hit - clouds, trees, rocks - random parts elongate and stretch. Clocks that tick and then move back to their original spot appear along with hourglasses filled with sand flowing upwards and timepieces that spin around instead of the hands inside. “When you’re trapped in stone, time doesn’t really appear to flow… naturally. Well, nothing flows naturally, since, you know, you’re trapped in stone.” “The offer,” Twilight Sparkle says, ignoring Discord’s tangent and the tangent lines sprouting among the clouds, “Is for you to reform, using your power for the betterment of ponykind.” Discord snorts, his claws snapping. The ponies’ pets, who were sitting quietly nearby and watching, start behaving oddly: Opalescence digs a hole in the ground, Gummy licks his scales, Angel Bunny stares blankly at nothing in particular, Winona starts barking her head off, and Owlowiscious scolds Winona and tries to berate her into submission. “I think I’ll pass,” Discord says tritely. “If you don’t,” Twilight threatens, her wings poofing out, “We will turn you back into stone using the Elements of Harmony.” “What Elements of Harmony?” Discord asks, snapping his claws. He frowns when nothing happens, snapping his claws again, then tries with his paws. “Give it up, Discord,” Celestia says. “The Elements of Harmony are attuned to them, and cannot be removed so easily.” “Ugh, fine,” Discord says, pouting as he sits back. His eyes narrow as he looks at Twilight Sparkle. “Hmm,” he says, thinking visually, a white cloud filled with words appearing above his head. “Something’s different than the last time I saw you.” Twilight opens her mouth to speak but Discord silences her by pressing a claw to her muzzle. Her eyes gape open at how he stretches so far so easily.  “No, let me guess. Hmm…” Discord pulls his body to his claw, circling around the lavender alicorn. “Is it… a new… mane… cut?” His voice drips with confusion, even as he lifts her wings to peer underneath them. Twilight waggles her wings back and forth, rolling her eyes. “Well, I give up, I’ll never get it.” Discord sighs, forlornly flopping against the ground. His voice stretches, long and pathetic. “I suppose I shall give up here as well. You defeated me the one time with your Elements of Harmony, and I suppose you can do it again.” “Twice, in fact,” Applejack retorts from the side. “Yes, I suppose.” Discord gets up, looking at the six Element Bearers. “And, how exactly are you to do this, ‘reforming’?” His claws make air quotes. “Send Fluttershy to smother me with Kindness?” “Yes, actually,” Twilight says, though Fluttershy doesn’t exactly look like she agrees. “Oh, that will never work,” Discord says with a shake of his head. He peers down as two yellow fillies, one with her cutie mark, walk up to him. “Oh, I remember you! It was such a delight having you work for me.” “We don’t want to be minions,” Lemon says, Meringue resolutely nodding exactly once. “We want to be apprentices.” “Apprentices?” Discord replies, astonished. “From me? But... but I was defeated. Nocreature would want lessons from someone who was defeated.” “Defeated or not, you’re still a Lord of Chaos.” Lemon motions to the other ponies around them. “And there’s nopony as great and powerful as you at pure, unbridled Chaos!” “I don’t know if I should be flattered or worried at the comparison,” Trixie says blithely. “I’d be flarried,” Pinkie Pie retorts. “You know, like flattered and worried at the same time?” “It’s certainly an intriguing offer,” Discord says, though his eyes keep flickering to the Elements of Harmony. “But I have a few… conditions. Provisions. A couple of squid probe quotas.” “We reject them all,” Celestia states bluntly, dodging the squid flying at her, its tentacles wriggling menacingly. “But…” Discord says, taken aback, if just for a moment. Then he puffs himself up like a paper bag, a multicolored sphere with paws, feet, and head barely poking out. He jabs himself with a claw, a deafening explosion of mismatched body parts of every creature under the sun and a few who most assuredly aren’t. They all dissipate into nothing as they hit the ground, leaving an angry deity standing amidst a cloud of dust. “Then it seems you leave me no choice,” Discord states loudly, his hands moving along his body as if rolling up imaginary sleeves, leaving his paw and claw levitating with no arms. He bows contritely. “I accept your offer.”  “I don’t know if I should be insulted or relieved,” Fluttershy says. Pinkie Pie pronks up and down. “Sounds like you’d be resulted! Actually, that sounds wrong. Inslieved? Or does that sounds too close to enslaved?” The pink mare squats down, hoof on her chin in a thinking pose. “I’m sure everything is going to be just fine,” Twilight Sparkle says completely sincerely as she walks up to Fluttershy. “Is she ever going to stop saying that?” mutters Rainbow Dash to Applejack. “Not until it kills her,” Applejack says with a snort, Celestia’s eyes twinkling in mirth.