Repairs
Veronica took a step back, allowing the repair servitors to pass by. The cyborgs gave no notion of recognition, plodding away down the hall with large piles of scrap metal and cut wiring clasped in their arms. Lord Mattias had explained they would be fed back into the Sanguinium Martyres’ forges, Magos Aryll and his fellow techpriests fabricating replacements from what had once been lost.
All Veronica could remember was how the Magos and the captain had protested about letting “outsiders” touch his ship, but that was more Mechanicus weirdness than she needed.
“Where did Lord Mattias want us after this?” Veronica turned at Rebecca’s voice, watching as her sister and Ruth stepped past with a large box of scrap metal. “I don’t think I can spend another day hauling around this much metal.”
“This was the last load for this section,” Veronica said, moving to help her Sisters. “I believe Sister Bianca needed us back in the infirmary when we finished with this.”
“You sure?” Judith called from the rear, trying and failing to peek around the massive pile of scrap she carried. “I know we’re not much for appearances, but we’re covered in Empress knows what and walking into an area with a lot of open wounds.”
“Bianca and I have done most of the healing, Judith,” Rebecca said, straining as she tried to squeeze through the nearest door to follow after the servitors. “I think she mostly wants us to practice on our counseling.”
“For Tara, then?” Judith asked. The four fell silent, Veronica chewing her lip as she looked onward through the dark. It had been almost a week since they had exited the Warp, since the battle of Solemnace, and none of them had actually seen Tara come out of her room. The only indication she was still alive were the trays of partially eaten food she would leave outside her room every morning, and if Mattias was correct a few missing books taken from his library.
“I do not wish to rush things,” Veronica started. “But perhaps we should try to get her out of her room, get her to open up more.”
“I offered to study with her two days ago,” Rebecca said, frowning. “She said ‘No, I have to do this alone’. She has never turned down an offer to have a study buddy.”
“Study... buddy...?” Ruth asked, her brow furrowing.
“It is a companion who helps her go through some of her reading,” Veronica said, giving Ruth a smile. “Rebecca and I have done it several times during our transits through the Warp. It is quite fun once you get the hang of Tara’s moods.”
“... But why the name?”
“Have you ever known Tara to be one for formalities?” Rebecca asked. Ruth said nothing, finally giving a shrug of agreement as Veronica turned her focus back to the hallway ahead. The line of Servitors had almost fallen out of sight, and the Sisters had to pick up the pace to catch up to the cyborgs. Empress, thank you for Naomi’s tutelage, Veronica thought. Running all those laps without armor has made this much easier than it would have been otherwise.
The trek to the forge was a long one, made longer from a lance blast that had opened most of the direct corridors to the void. Down twisting service ramps and up small ladders the Sisters wandered, never taking their eyes off the Servitors in their slow march. The Servitors would have no say, their augmented brains merely relaying all their techpriests felt necessary, but Veronica found her ire rising with each new turn they took through the ship. Why must we always suffer at the hands of the Mechanicum?
Finally they came to the heart of the Sanguinium Martyres, the Servitors forming a single line to drop their scrap before the billowing forges. Magos Aryll was there with several other Servitors, the techpriest quickly manipulating larger servo arms and arc welders to fabricate new sheets of armor and wiring. The Servitors did not even stop, looping around the forge to grab the cooled metal and start off through the ship, a seemingly unending human conveyor belt that would have fascinated any other observer.
Veronica only felt a chill run down her spine.
“Ah, Sisters,” Magos Aryll said, skittering over to them as they deposited their own load on the pile. “I admit that I had my trepidations before, but you have proven yourself more than adequate in acquiring more supplies.”
“We are quite good at following instructions,” Veronica said, stepping back as she did her best to be diplomatic. “Sister Bianca requires our presence, though. Is there anything more that you require of us?”
“No, that will be all,” the Magos replied, pulling a few strands of wire from the pile with some of his servo arms. “Though perhaps you may escort Lady Tara from the forge. She keeps drifting into my workspace and I cannot have uninitiated personnel impeding my work.”
“Tara is here?” Rebecca asked, eyes widening. “Where is she- Oh...” Veronica traced her sister’s gaze. Tara was standing several meters to the left, her back to the forge as she looked at the Unbound Flame. The Sisters had set up an impromptu shrine made of Mir’shen’s relics before the coffin, the gauntlet and spear set neatly atop the folded drakescale cloak, and it was the shrine that captivated Tara's interest more than anything else. She made no sound, her hands tucked behind her back as she peered at the relics, and with the darkness of the forge she would have been invisible were it not for the Magos pointing her out.
“Should we leave?” Ruth whispered. “If we try approaching her now she might just shut us out.”
“We can’t just leave her alone all the time,” Rebecca countered. “Then she’ll never open up. Think about what happened with you and Sister Naomi.”
“That was an accident and we didn’t grow closer until after our transport blew up under our feet. If Tara is mourning then it would be improper for us to interrupt.”
“We can always join her,” Veronica offered. “I am sure she could use the company.” Judith appeared to be of the same mind, stepping past the others as she marched over to Tara. Of course Judith would be the first to reach out, Veronica thought, hesitating for a moment more before moving to join her Sister. They were just shy of Tara when the woman turned to face them, blinking in surprise as they drew closer.
“Oh, hello girls.” she said, her voice... oddly controlled. “I didn’t expect to see you down here.”
“We were just assisting Magos Aryll with repairs,” Judith chirped, giving Tara a smile. “How are you? We haven’t seen you in a week.”
“Oh, I’ve been busy,” Tara said, pushing an errant lock of hair out of her eyes before continuing. “I just needed a break, that’s all. I should get back.”
“Perhaps we could come with you?” Veronica offered, taking a step towards Tara. Her own smile slipped as she saw the other girl shy away from her, as if she were some street thug threatening her with a knife. “Pardon me for saying this, but you seem stressed. Perhaps some tea and a small chat would help you?”
“No, but thank you,” Tara said, backing away from the others. “I’m fine, really. I’ll see you in the training room later? I had some ideas about my shields I wanted to try.”
“Tara, please,” Judith stepped forward now. “We are only trying to-” the Sister never finished before Tara winked out in a flash of violet light, the Sisters standing in silence before Judith’s shoulders sagged. “I ruined it.”
“Do not be so hard on yourself, Judith,” Rebecca said, coming up and resting a hand on Judith’s shoulder. “We took a chance, and we failed. We are Sister of the Order of Our Martyred Lady, and we have never let such a setback stall us for long.”
“I know...” Judith turned to look at the others. “But she’s going about this all wrong. Shutting herself off, deflecting...” the group fell silent, looking from one another as if they would magically have an answer. When none was forthcoming, Veronica spoke.
“Let’s just be thankful that she has come out of her room,” she said. “Let us all be the models of perfect Sisters, and she will open up to us.”
...
“Lord Velas, we are ready to test the distress beacon again.”
“Good,” Mattias said, turning to stand over the main comms line. Empress, please let this work. “Open comms and activate the distress beacon.” there was a pause, a small burst of static followed by silence. Mattias drummed his fingers against the panel, waiting for a signal from the techpriest. “Magos Aryll?”
“Comms are showing open, Lord Velas,” Aryll replied. “Though I suppose from your silence, not so on your end.”
“... No.” Mattias said, groaning as he palmed his face. “Dammit, what is it that we’re missing?”
“I will run another diagnostic scan on the system. Perhaps there is a subroutine that is blocking the Machine Spirit from properly performing its duties.”
“Whatever it takes.” Mattias said. “Alert me when the diagnostic is finished.”
“Yes, Lord Velas.” the vox clicked out, leaving Mattias alone once more. He sighed, stepping away from the console lest he start beating it out of frustration; repairing the long range comms was always going to be difficult, but three days of testing and still nothing.
“Empress, grant me patience to make it through another day,” he mumbled. Spending some time in the chapel probably wouldn’t hurt either, a small voice said at the back of his mind, but Mattias shook his head.
The ship was his chapel now, duty his sacrifice. His actions would please the Empress, one way or another.
“You wanted to see me, Mattias?” Mattias held his breath, turning to face Twilight as she stood in the doorway. She appeared drowsy, her eyes not as sharp as usual, but at least she was up and about. Though if my reports are anything to go by...
“Twilight,” Mattias said, taking a moment to compose himself. “Has the Empress tried contacting you?” Twilight’s shoulders sagged for a moment, but she was quick to compose herself again... Too quick.
“No, but I’ve been trying to focus on a few other things first,” Twilight said. “But once I’ve gotten that sorted out I’ll contact the Empress and get her out here.” she mumbled something else, looking away from Mattias as if he were a teacher scolding her. There was a pause before Mattias spoke.
“Twilight, are you okay?” he asked. “I’ve heard from the Sisters that you’ve been acting odd lately.”
“Odd? I’m not acting odd.”
“You’d have an easier time convincing me you’re really an ork,” Mattias took a step towards Twilight. “You’ve shunned contact even more than usual, you’ve been described as ‘snippy’ with some of the crewmembers, and you’ve barely spoken with Naomi and the others since we left Solemnace. I understand that you are mourning-”
“I. Am. Fine.” Twilight snapped, glaring at Mattias as she continued. “Everyone keeps asking me that, and yet no one seems to accept my assurance that I am fine. I’m doing great, actually.”
“Twilight-”
“Don’t ‘Twilight’ me. You’re not the Empress.” Twilight crossed her arms before continuing. “I’ve been trying to do things your way, the Imperial Way. I’ve mourned, and now I’m moving on; why can’t you all just accept that?”
“Because you obviously haven’t moved on,” Mattias reached out towards Twilight, but she quickly smacked his hand away.
“Don’t touch me!” she snapped, drawing away from Mattias. “I don’t need help. I have a lot more to offer than just another weakling you have to trip over. You’ll see, and then maybe you all will treat me with some respect!” and with that she stormed off, Mattias staring blankly into space as she disappeared from sight. Instinct told him to go after her, perhaps apologize and make things right.
... But for what? At this rate she’ll teleport me into a sun.
He sighed and turned back, slowly approaching the comms station as static broke through the silence again. “Aryll?”
“I have isolated the broken subroutine and will begin repairs. We will be ready for another test within the hour.” a pause before the Magos spoke again. “Lord Velas, are you well?”
“... Honestly, I don’t know.” Mattias sighed. “Just prep the test. We need to get out of here, and fast.”
...
Rebecca was the last of the Sisters to join the table, setting her tray down before smoothing out a wrinkle in her robes. She looked to Naomi, the Sister Superior returning her gaze quickly. “Would you like me to say the blessing?” she asked.
“Of course, Rebecca.” Naomi replied, giving a short nod. Rebecca returned the nod before turning to her food, making the sign of the Aquila before speaking.
“Glorious Empress, bless this food you have provided for us in these trying times,” she said. “Grant us strength and clear vision to see us through another day, and grant us rest tonight that we may continue to empart Your Vision upon the Galaxy.” a pause, Rebecca casting a glance to the others before adding. “Blessed Empress, watch over Your servant Tara, who suffers from her grief. Let us never forget all we have lost, and let us show Your Strength and Kindness to all who are suffering, now as before.
“There is only the Empress.”
“And She is Our Shield and Protector.” the others chanted, pausing before moving to eat.
“I wonder why She has not tried to find us yet,” Ruth mused, taking a bite from a roll. “I understand it is part of Her Plan, but... it has been some time.”
“I am sure She will be searching for us if we are lost for too long,” Veronica offered. “Or perhaps Tara might be able to contact Her soon.” there was a pause before Veronica looked to Rebecca. “Perhaps you might be able to contact her.”
“Me?” Rebecca squeaked, shying away before continuing. “I-I am no psyker.”
“But you’re a Saint now,” Judith said through a mouthful of food. “That’s got to count for something.”
“I... I don’t think that’s how the Element works...” Rebecca looked down at her arm, as if expecting the Element of Kindness to materialize there on a moment’s notice. “I had been hoping to ask Tara about it, perhaps learn if there was anything more I could be doing, but... well, with all that has happened I did not want to impose.”
“When she has healed a little more, then perhaps.” Naomi said. “For now, focus on our duties, and Tara will come to us.” Rebecca and the others nodded, returning to their meals as they mulled over the discussion. They did not have long before a new presence entered the hall.
“Hello, Sisters,” Rebecca looked up as the Valhallans approached, Nikolai taking the lead. “Would we be interrupting?”
“No, make yourselves comfortable,” Naomi said, gesturing to an empty section of the table. As the two troopers settled in, Naomi spoke again. “Any more news from Lord Mattias?”
“No,” Alexis said, eating a spoonful of protein paste before continuing. “He has been working with Magos Aryll to get our distress beacon working again. Haven’t seen him leave the bridge in days, really.” there was a pause, the Valhallan looking to his meal before chuckling. “Can’t say living on a Space Hulk is all it’s shaped up to be. Feels like Basic but with fewer Commissars.”
“I don’t know about Commissars, but the Sisters Superior of the Gracia Convent could be quite the Taskmasters,” Judith said, sliding down the bench until she was in front of the two Valhallans. “At least we’re alone out here rather than being attacked by xenos or heretics. That wouldn’t do any good for our repair attempts.”
“Yes,” Nikolai mumbled, keeping his attention down at his food.
“Ah, but we’ve been in worse before,” Alexis said, pushing aside his rations. “You know what Nikolai and I were doing before we were called to save Lord Mattias? Garrison duty. By the Throne that’s a boring assignment.”
“I wouldn’t know. We’ve always seemed to be on the move,” Judith’s face grew somber. “With a few exceptions... But surely it couldn’t have been that horrible.”
“You’d think that after a few years of jumping right into the teeth of orks and Tyranids guarding a rising Fortress World would be a break, but not so.” Alexis shook his head. “Some of the other troopers and I took to having grenade throwing competitions to pass the time.”
“Not this story...” Nikolai muttered, shifting away as if it would somehow stop his brother from talking. From how excited the trooper was, and how interested Judith seemed, Rebecca guessed it didn’t work.
“Anyway, we couldn’t use real grenades because that’d just be a waste of ammunition, so we had to use some dummies they’d been training the new conscripts on. It was me, my brother, and this pinhead named Yuri that’d been brought into our squad from one of the heavy weapons teams. We got some grenades and found a nice muddy field, figuring we’d be able to determine distance based on where the mud flew up when the grenades hit.”
“Wouldn’t a standard training field be more reasonable?” Judith asked.
“I think we were a bit drunk at the time... So I step up first, throw the grenade and get it maybe three meters. Not my best throw, but what can you do? Nikolai steps up and manages to throw his grenade five meters. And then Yuri steps up and throws the grenade, but for the life of me I couldn’t see where it landed.” there was a pause, Judith waiting for Alexis to finish the story. She blinked, clenching her hands as the seconds ticked by. Even Rebecca could feel her brow furrowing in confusion and frustration as she waited. “Anyway, we got the orders to go to Braxas soon after-”
“Wait, what about the grenade?!” Judith cried.
“What about what grenade?” Sisters and Valhallans turned to see Tara sitting down at the table, two rolls set on her tray. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Just getting some food before I go back to studying.”
“Hello, Tara,” Judith said, turning to face the other woman. “I... I wanted to apologize for startling you the other day, at the shrine.”
“Hmm.”
“You were having a moment of privacy, and we stumbled into it. I hope you can forgive us of our blundering.” Rebecca nodded in agreement, looking to Tara for any sign of an effect.. Tara said nothing, though Rebecca did notice that she ripped apart the first roll rather violently. This isn’t helping.
“Thank you for your concern,” Tara said, eating a piece of the roll. “I’ll... keep that in mind.”
“Hey, that reminds me of another story,” Alexis started, drawing Judith’s attention back to him. “Lord Mattias told me about this one Inquisitor that acquired a Jokaero during one of his travels.”
“A what?” Rebecca asked.
“It’s some kind of ape xenos. Not sapient, but they make weird technology that some Inquisitors like to study. Anyway, the Inquisitor needed to get to a new system, but the only ship he could find was commanded by a Magos with a reputation for despising ‘pets’. Not wanting to risk his Jokaero to the Mechanicus, the Inquisitor stuffed it up his coat and pretended to be some morbidly obese nobleman or something.
“Several days into the charade the Inquisitor is introduced to the Magos, whom he sees has an ornate xenotech axe he carried as a trophy. The Magos approaches him and asked how the trip has been treating him, but before the Inquisitor can speak the Jokaero in his coat sneezes. Confused, the Magos rips open the Inquisitor’s coat and reveals the ape.
“‘Lord Inquisitor,’ he says, seizing the Jokaero from the Inquisitor. ‘You know our law forbids pets aboard this vessel.’
“‘Does it?’ the Inquisitor asks. ‘Well you should also know that xenotech is forbidden by Imperial Law’. and the Inquisitor stole the axe from the Magos. Furious, the Magos stormed over to a nearby airlock and pitched the Jokaero inside, spacing it without another word.” Judith and Rebecca let out small gasps at this. Xenos or not, the ape had done nothing to warrant spacing, and it must have been properly sanctioned if an Inquisitor was handling it... right?
Tara barely reacted.
“The Inquisitor was equally furious,” Alexis continued. “So he pushed the Magos aside and threw the axe into the airlock, spacing it without another word. Since he couldn’t prosecute the Magos and the Magos couldn’t kill him without drawing suspicion, both stormed off to their quarters and would not speak to each other again.
“A few more days pass, and as he’s inspecting the vessel for hull leaks the Magos hears a tapping sound near one of the ship’s viewports. He looks out and there’s the Jokaero, staring in with a stupid look on its face. Guess what it had in its paws.”
“Um...” Judith frowned. “The axe?”
“No, Yuri’s grenade.” Alexis finished, grinning like a madman. Rebecca blinked, turning the statement over in her mind several times. She worked her jaw, trying and failing to come up with an adequate response to what the Valhallan said.
Judith burst out laughing.
“Oh! That’s funny!” she cried, clutching at her sides as she laughed. “I-I wish I had some stories like that from my training!” she continued laughing, Rebecca finding a small smirk of her own growing on her lips. With all they had been through, perhaps a short laugh would be most welcome.
Or it would have, if Tara’s glare did not intensify.
“I-I have to remember that,” Judith said, finally calming down as she looked to Alexis. “It might get me in trouble when we return to Palisades, but then I’m no stranger to that. Did I ever tell you about the time Rachel and I accidentally stole some communion wafers?”
“How can you just sit around and talk about things like that?” All eyes went to Tara, the woman having redirected her glare from her food to the group. “We’re stuck out here with no chance of rescue, and you just use the time to make jokes?”
“Beats playing Vostroyan Roulette,” Alexis mumbled, earning a jab in the ribs from Nikolai. Tara pushed her tray away and stood.
“We’ve been stranded out here for who knows how long, and yet I seem to be the only one that cares about more than... than... than this!”
“Tara, don’t mistake our joking for ignorance,” Judith said, rising to meet Tara before continuing. “We all know what is at stake, and we all are working to make it better. I mean no disrespect, but it seems that the only one who isn’t is you.”
“Really?” Tara snapped, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “You think I’m trying to keep us out here or something? I have been studying night and day to find a solution to get us off this hulk, to find a way to save everyone as I should, and not one of you have lifted a finger to help me!”
“Tara, we have tried,” Rebecca said, standing to hopefully deescalate the situation. “Please, sit and finish your meal. We can talk more on this, and perhaps you’ll feel better-”
“I’m fine! I’m completely fine!” Tara brought her arms downward, a small pulse of her power flaring out her hair. “Why can’t you all see that I am fine! I’m moving on, I am being productive, and I will get us out of here.”
“You haven’t moved on,” Judith said, taking a step towards Tara. “You’re hurt, and you’re trying to ignore it so you don’t feel vulnerable again. I know it seems easy to just push everything away, but it always comes back.”
“It doesn’t seem to come back for you! Or do you all actually feel anything anymore?!” Rebecca gasped, eyes darting to Judith. The other Sister blinked in shock, her hands curling into fists.
“... You take that back,” she whispered, a small tremor running through her body.
“That’s what I’ve come to realize about all of you,” Tara said, pointing towards the group before continuing. “You’re numb, all of you. On Caesaria, Rynn’s World, Solemnace, it doesn’t matter who dies or how many die, just that your precious mission isn’t totally ruined in the end! When was the last time you ever felt anything? When was the last time you actually felt real loss?!” Rebecca opened her mouth to speak, reaching a hand towards Judith to calm the Sister, but to no avail. One strike, and Tara was on her back, her hand clutching her lip as blood pooled around her fingers. Judith growled, pinning the other girl to the floor with her foot before speaking.
“That’s why you’ve hidden yourself away from us?!” she roared, pressing her foot harder into Tara’s gut as she tried to squirm away. “You’ve ignored us and rejected our offers of help because you think we don’t know what you feel?! That we’re all just automatons sent to die gloriously in the Empress’ Name?! I thought you were our friend, but I suppose if that’s what you think you’ve learned nothing over the last three years we’ve known each other!” By now Ruth had stepped up to pull Judith away, but the enraged Sister easily shook the other off.
“Do you want to know the last time I felt loss? Do you?! Every morning I wake up and look over at the next bunk, and every morning for ten years it has been empty. Because Rachel isn’t coming back, because she died on Morya and I couldn’t do anything to stop it!” by now Rebecca had moved, rounding the table and pushing back against Judith. The other Sister stepped back, blinking as her anger drained away from her face.
“Judith, stop!” Rebecca cried. “You’ll hurt her if you keep going. Just... just stop.” Judith blinked again, staggering back as she came back to her senses. Finally, she let out a sniff and turned away, tears trailing after her as she ran from the mess hall and into the darkness.
“Judith...” Tara called from behind Rebecca. “J-J-Judith, I-I didn’t mean to...” Rebecca turned, watching as Tara tried and failed to pull herself up from the floor. Her lip had stopped bleeding, thankfully, but she too was trying and failing to hold back tears. Rebecca quickly crossed to her and knelt, placing a hand on Tara’s shoulder.
“It’s alright, Tara,” she whispered. “Just let it out. We know you didn’t mean to say those things.”
“I-I-I just wanted to move on,” Tara sobbed. “I-I just wanted t-t-to be like you all.”
“To deny grief is to deny the Empress, for grief is to show we are still human,” Ruth said from behind Rebecca. “We all mourn for you, and for Mir’shen, even if it seems as though we do not.” Tara looked away, her eyes going soft as she reached to dry a tear from her eye. They sat in silence for another minute before she spoke again.
“I-I should go find her,” she said. “I-I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Rebecca said. “But you were angry, and something needed to break. Judith understands that too, but she needs some time to rest and calm before you can speak to her...” she looked Tara up and down. “I suppose you need some rest too. You really don’t look well.”
“No... I suppose not.” Tara shook her head. “I’m sorry...” Rebecca said nothing, pulling Tara into a hug as her tears flowed more freely. It took a moment for the other woman to return the hug, sobbing as Rebecca gently stroked her back.
It was not peace. But perhaps it was a step towards something better.