//------------------------------// // All The Myriad Personalities // Story: Tortious Occupation // by FeverishPegasus //------------------------------// 5 days later... I walked up to Boss Affogato's with Lyra and felt a general excitement that she'd gone with me. Cafe smells already hit me full force and my hands occasionally brushed the tips of her mane. The way we walked together certainly felt like test of my own priors as to what we really meant to each other. Initially she seemed kind of like a pet, but something more? An acquaintance? Imagine you had a pet dog, and then suddenly found out it was just as smart as you. The words to describe such a relationship never existed where I used to live, so I just kept walking with her, taking things a step at a time, whilst doing my best to ignore my discomfort. She looked at me with excitement bordering on innocence, but the gleam of something sharp deeper below. “What're you gonna get?” I shrugged, and then did my best to look noble as I said, “R-r-r-r,” I made sure to roll my r's, “robusta on monsooooooooo-” She punched me in the face. “Ah!” I took a step back, and braced myself in a defensive posture. It would take a while for a me to get used to their affectionate version of a “slap”. “What the fuck?!” “You always say that!” “So, I get it, my antics are funny, but don't hit me so goddamn hard.” I continued walking to catch back up to her. “Believe it or not, our species don't abuse its members for fun.” I rubbed my cheek, face red with justified anger. “Some of them do.” “Well, yeah, but not the ones we know about.” “They still do.” “Either way!” I shrilled. “At least we don't have to bend our knee to a monarch.” She looked at me with disdain, which morphed into understanding, and then a smile. Like a shepard's crook, her arm locked around my neck and forced me to squat at her level. “Viva la resistance.” “Ha!” I involuntarily laughed, startling her. “Don't think this will make up for it.” It did though. Our small little delay aside, we finally walked into the cafe amidst the bustling cheerful serving ponies. “What'll it be for you?” One of the waitresses asked while practically throwing a coffee at one of the customers, already ten feet down the aisleway, but no doubt attentive to my response. I clapped my hands together to mark the beginning of my order even though there was no social requirement to do so. “I'll have the r-r-r-r” “No!” Lyra yelled. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at us. A foal started crying. “H-he-,” she stuttered. “I would like the robusta on monsooned coffee please.” Lyra shot daggers at me. “And you?” the waitress asked, directing her attention to Lyra, performing brilliantly under the pressure of the inquisitive stares of the restaurants patrons, no doubt fueled by her competitive desire to show Lyra that she was the work horse. “Anything black,” Lyra said dismissively. “Like, as bitter as you can make it.” The waitress flinched, taken aback, and I nodded sagely at Lyra's power move. That waitress clearly drank half-baked, milk-white, caramel macchiatos, and while it no doubt contained stronger caffeine, it wasn't like the customers in the store knew that. But then again, it's not like they'd be able to guess what kind of coffee that waitress drank anyways. Nevertheless, the waitress broke the silence, which meant Lyra won, and the serving pony rushed out to get her the coffee she asked for. I mentally prepared myself in advance to switch coffee with my good and picky acquaintance. If only she hadn't ordered it that bitter, and there was no way for me to know if the waitress had done anything to it. A hoof poked my ribs. “Hey, hey,” Lyra said, “stop zoning out and focus on your job. You're here on business right?” We walked to an open table and I kinda shrugged. “In my profession, it gets a little blurred.” I squinted in confusion. “But wait, wouldn't you already know that?” “As an Equestrian diplomat?” “As an Equestrian I could see yourself especially susceptible to friendship parties and a night out with cocktails and business partners.” She didn't answer and just looked at me. “What?” She sat down, and said, “Sounds like somepony's projecting.” “And somebody didn't answer me,” I said as I sat down across from her, and steepled my hands for my chin to rest on. “A world of friendly ponies, surrounded by bloodthirsty monsters. I'd begin to think indoctrinating them into your friendship communes would be your end goal.” “And it's just like you to assume we seek to dominate.” I was about to retort but she continued, “Every pony has their differences, and we respect that. I don't think there is a single race that hasn't realized the power of friendship in some way or another.” “And if they oppose?” I looked at her cautiously. “We let them be, but threats offer us only an option to retaliate.” Her eyes looked at mine ferociously. “Don't confuse our hospitality for our strength.” An unstoppable urge hit me. “No doubt I learned that you take mentions of r-r-r-r...” She laughed. “Stop. Shut up. I'll admit that we take our coffee very seriously. So much so that unintended acts of assault are a pitfall of ours.” “But, you'll admit that it's very easy to blur the lines between a real actual threat, and something that threatens society on a more idealistic level.” She thought about that for a moment, but was interrupted by the waitress, who plopped our coffee cups onto the table a little too gruffly. Some of Lyra's precious bitter black coffee spilled onto the wooden table, only to blend in with the rest of the brown color. I could not make myself grieve over it. “So,” I continued, “sorry to spring this onto you. I know that we are somewhat familiar with each other at this point, but strong discussions like this too early are a great way to ignite and burn down bridges that are very hard to bring back, and as it stands, I'm sorely at the benefit of this single bridge.” “Damn straight,” Lyra observed. She pointed to my coffee, “that coffee isn't free you know.” “Speaking of which-” “No, no, it's fine. Consider it our country's display of hospitality and grandeur. If we couldn't spot you a single coffee, it certainly wouldn't say much about our legitimacy.” I spluttered. “Oh. Wow. That had to be some pre-baked line by a scriptwriter. I'm not a part of any nobility that would ask for such a great display of power.” “Oh yes, a wonderful display of power, in the form of a single coffee cup,” she winked. “Believe it or not, I'm getting paid for this shit. Your coffee is coming straight out of my Princess's treasury.” “A pony with good connections?” “The best, but not really. I only stuck out because of a strange penchant for bipedal figures. It is unlikely that there is a single bipedal race with a known fact that I haven't memorized.” “Are there any here?” “It's a little complicated. Most species naturally walk on four legs, but there are certain members of those species that prefer to walk on two. I'm the pony behind the research to determine why some individuals might decide to go bipedal, instead of just blending in with the rest of the herd.” I cocked my head. “Have you tried walking on two legs?” She laughed, “yeah...but what about you? Have you tried walking on four?” “I have when I was younger, but it's not something you do in public.” A pause. “Back to business,” Lyra said, pulling out a notebook. “What languages do you speak?” “Me personally? Or my species?” “You first, then your species. Since you're the first human in Equestria, it's natural for me to assume the language you speak is one of the most important.” I raised my eyebrows. “Well, don't write that in your report. That's bound to upset a few people. No doubt the other species neighboring Equestria wouldn't like it if you said pony language was the most important.” “Good point, either way, I want to know what languages you speak first.” “English and German.” She looked at me, “And English is your first language?” “Yeah.” “Ok, now, tell me about the languages of your people.” It took me a while, but I listed out the names of the languages I could remember, as well as the few I'd thought to bring with me in my notebook after first traveling here. After listing them out, I explained how most languages actually originated from one common language a long time ago, what a lot of historians believe to be something dubbed Proto-Indo-European, and that while knowledge of the language was very limited, we were able to come up with a decent approximation based on languages that branched out from it later. Lyra's eyes widened. “It's one big tree?” “Well, sort of. Another set, the Uralic languages, go so far back that we weren't able to trace a connection between that and Proto-Indo-European.” She scribbled into her notebook furiously. “Ok...ok. You'll have to tell me more about that set of languages another time. To put this in a bit of context, I'm amazed about the fact that your speaking system took the shape of a tree. Equestria sole existence depends on what we call the Tree of Harmony. To see the shape of our Kingdom's guardian take form in other universes should mean something.” “Maybe,” I commented. “It could just be the metaphor I chose. Who's to say our languages would rather take the form of a large river? In fact, I think that's a better metaphor. Most of the time changes to our languages are determined by the ripple effects of catchy phrases and words. Once one person tries to innovate a new phrase or word, it has no real value until a bunch of people decide that they like it and repeat it for themselves. It's the waters of language that cut streams of communication through our hills of social fabric.” “I don't think that is a better metaphor. Anything works if you can make it sound good.” “So you see my point at least?” Lyra paused, “Yes.” My coffee was lukewarm, and I felt horrible disappointment. Lyra hadn't even touched hers. “I imagine you want to know what we speak then,” she continued. “But...” I help up my hands, “No, no, it's fine. I know that you've got quite a bit more to do today. I'm the lucky one in the sense that I don't have answer to anyone during this unprecedented meeting of alien races. At least, not for now.” She sighed with relief, “Good. And don't worry, I'm going to make it up to you when the hype dies down a bit. Celestia has me stacked.” “Maybe she should try talking to me to ease your burden.” “No!” Lyra glared at me. “Sorry, but just please keep it the way it is. I don't trust Celestia to do this work. She's got a kingdom to run, and no doubt she's going to spin everything she learns about you in her own light...” “Point taken, but if she sits down with me, there's no way I'm not going to talk to her.” The green pony took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. “Yeah, that's fine. I just don't want Celestia doing my job. I'm a professional, and I know how to deal with other species better than anypony I know. The last thing I want is for somepony that thinks they are better qualified to swoop in and take this from me.” “That wasn't my intent from the start.” “I understand that, and I'm not sure how humans work yet, but diplomacy has gotten very popular in Equestria after Princess Twilight came along and espoused to everyone the importance of friendship. This is a surprisingly cutthroat line of work, in spite of what it stands for.” I dipped my head, “Forgive me then, if I didn't properly consider where you stood in all of this.” “It's fine, and don't worry, I'll prioritize your questions first for our next meeting, but right now I need to go.” She looked at me apologetically. I waved my hand, “Go ahead, but don't put it off for too long. My questions have compounding interest. It's better you pay them off now before they start bouncing off each other and multiplying.” As she left she chuckled. When the front door of the shop closed behind her, I looked around and noticed that half the ponies were either staring at me directly or side-eyeing me. I felt overwhelmed for a second, but calmed myself down with a few deep breaths, but not at the cost of a minor headache. It would be impossible for me to enjoy my coffee here, so I picked it up and left. Lyra's coffee still sat on the table as I closed the front door behind me. I certainly wasn't as busy as Lyra, but conveniently, I had a meeting with the Princess of Friendship to attend to. The first time I knocked on Twilight's door there was no response, so I politely waited in the hopes that she had to walk up to the front door. But after 30 seconds when she still didn't answer, I had no choice but to knock again. This time I was a bit more impatient, but before I got the chance to knock a third time, the door swung sharply open. Her hair was frazzled and her eyes small shaking pinpricks of an iris. Her eyes occasionally darted left and right, as if they were trying to track something running around next to her. That was perhaps one thing that startled me the most about ponies. The fact that their iris could shrink along with their pupils. “What?” Twilight asked, a bit curt. “Our meeting?” I tried to keep the passive aggressiveness out of my voice, but naturally, some of it leaked out. She covered her mouth with her hoof. “Oh, come in. I've been preparing for this, although it doesn't look like it. I had to double check a few experiments of mine. The princess has got so much crap stacked up for me to do, and that was before you decided to show up, now I've got no idea how I'm even going to keep up with the sock manufacturing regulations that a lot of ponies have been asking about. I don't even know how socks are manufactured! Why does the princess of friendship have to care about socks in the first place?!” “If this is a bad time, I can organize for another time,” I said calmly. “No!” Twilight snapped. “I mean, sorry, please stay. It would waste more time trying to create another meeting. I know I'm not the best prepared, and I hate it when that happens, but that's just the way it goes now. Take a seat. Now.” I sat down, feeling a little bit like a hostage. “You wanted to talk to me about human capabilities?” “Yes,” Twilight said, kicking a pile of books out from the living room, it looked as if she'd have a better time using a shovel. Eventually she gave up, and just plopped herself onto an opposing couch. “Breathe Twilight, breathe...” When her breathing slowed down, I explained what it meant to be a human. “On average, we're kind of mediocre. Where I used to live, the men weigh on average 198 pounds, and the women 171 pounds.” Twilight coughed, “Would you say these 'men' are synonymous with what we dub as a 'stallion'?” “From first impressions, it looks like it. We can deal with the specifics later, about what we actually mean by 'man'. There are a lot of opposing viewpoints on this, but if I had to guess, we view it more in the sense of how we present ourselves in society, loosely tied also to our sexual capabilities. However, depending on the circumstances and varying opinion, presentation and sex can flip flop, or it could cease to be important at all.” She looked confused. “For simplicity's sake, just compare stallion to male, and mare to female.” Twilight seemed to accept it, but you could tell from the movement of her eyes she was contemplating what I meant, perhaps trying to find something about her society that could relate. I continued. “I guess the most practical way to describe human ability would be through our ability to handle heavy objects. A common exercise we like to perform in order to promote physical health is something called the bench press. To do this we typically lay on our backs...” Twilight's eyes widened and she looked away for a moment. “...and is there a problem?” “No, no,” she said, flicking her hoof, “it's just a bit of a vulnerable position for a pony. Not something done too often in public.” “Well then, we use three different muscles, the chest,” I said, while holding a hand to my chest, "the triceps,” this time pointing to the back of my arm, “and the shoulders. We use these to push an object off of our chest until our arms are fully extended.” Understanding dawned on her. “So it's like if a pony lifted something with their hooves instead of their back?” “Yeah,” I said. “I'm surprised you understood what I meant by muscles.” She scratched her head, “it's pretty obvious when you think about what makes Big Mac stronger than all the ponies.” “Big Mac?” “He's one of our most efficient apple farmers, probably in the whole country. Or at least based off the few farms I visited in order to set up regulations about Title 2-A land owning in the event that a villain decides to take over the world and there is no longer any government to tell them what to do.” I guffawed, “What purpose would a regulation like that even serve?” “Ponies are weird. Celestia told me to give them whatever they wanted. I'm guessing they're concerned about the constant collapse and restructure of our government. I would be too, in their place.” It took everything in my power not to ask why this was a regularly occurring problem for them. No doubt the questions would follow a rabbit trail of lackadaisical leadership, improper power distribution in the military, and the lack of any general regard to address up-and-coming threats to their country. Which would no doubt eventually decline into a conversation about the general trusting nature of these ponies, and I didn't want to get into the ramifications of arguing with a princess about that. I tried to bring the conversation back, “So yes, you know then that large, well-trained muscles wield immense power.” “But it isn't just the muscles,” she said matter of factly. “Earth ponies have magic inside them that makes it easier to work with plants.” It was my turn to look confused, “Is it broken? My translator thingy?” Twilight's horn sparked to life, and a strange sensation tugged at my ears and throat. “Nope, it's working fine. But I'll admit the spell isn't perfect. Repeat back to me what you think I said.” “An unexplained phenomena automatically enhances an Earth Pony's ability to work with plants.” “That sounds about right,” she said, cocking her head. “How is that surprising to you? You're using a translator spell hand-crafted by Star Swirl the bearded in order to talk to me in the first place.” “How would you know that though? Couldn't they just have better knowledge of plants on average? And aren't there earth ponies with interests other than plants?” “I have ways to verify it using my magic. How do you know there isn't some element to your humanity that you don't perceive?” My eyes narrowed, “No, that's different. You're the one making the claim here, that earth ponies have magic. Sure I could have some other part of me I don't know about, but I can't make any claim about what exists until I can prove it. And you're trying to tell me that you can explain away magic with more magic?” “It's another one of our senses, whenever you touch something, you trust that it feels like something, or that it can hurt you. When you see something, you trust that it can be used a certain way for your purposes. I use my magic as a part of my daily life. If you can use your senses to prove things, why can't I?” “I don't agree. The correct answer when presented with new information is to question whatever you already knew, for instance the knowledge that other species can't rely on their own use of magic.” Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and put a hoof to her forehead. “Owwwwwwwww, this time of the day is not the time for a headache. There's still so much I have do...” She continued. “Okay, listen, you're the one getting presented with the new information. If I didn't have the ability to hear anything, it wouldn't be right for me to ask you to explain how hearing works-” “But I do know how it works.” “You'd be able to explain how hearing works without saying 'it just works' at any point?” “I don't have it on hand, but as a species, we have that information-” She cocked her head skeptically, “down to the very building blocks of life?” “No, but the whole point is that we constantly strive to learn more about it.” “Ok,” she said, blinking. “What were we talking about again, before this?” “Something to do with strength.” I genuinely could not remember beyond that. “You know what? Let's just call it quits for now. I think if I tried to push through this, I'd have health problems by the end of the day, and I'm supposed to have invincible alicorn powers.” She could see my hesitation and explained herself. “It's not your fault of course, just the job of a princess. We are duty bound to drive ourselves to the bone.” “Well, next time I see you, I'd be curious to see what you went through today.” It's an amazing story, she winked. I had one more meeting to get through, before I could return home and prepare myself for the next day. The last meeting pony wasn't a part of the big 10 I was warned about, just like Lyra. It startled me how none of them wanted to hold a press conference with me, in an attempt to gain more notoriety. But honestly, dealing with the general culture shock of Ponyville was enough, I wasn't sure I would've been able to handle a press conference on an alien planet. No doubt they were trying their best to keep things under wraps, though the citizens in Ponyville likely already knew all about their special visitor. Were the trains shut down? Information would leak eventually. In the back of my mind I felt as if there was something off, that the ponies of Ponyville weren't quite autonomous. One of the first things we asked them, before sending yours truly over was if they applied mind control with their magic. They said it existed, but they never used it... Either way, I seemed normal enough for the time being, so if there was something out there affecting the ponies, it probably wasn't affecting me. It didn't hurt to keep an eye out, but there was no use worrying needlessly over it. And then again, it's a sort of natural trait to assume everyone's a societally brainwashed machine, while you do your best every morning to make yourself look nice for all your neighbors and coworkers. I tripped on something, and immediately screamed, hitting the ground and then scrambling back onto my feet again. I looked down and it was just a rough patch of cobblestone, as I shook for a second, slightly broken. To calm myself down I cupped my hands against my face and breathed deeply. It felt like I needed to vomit, and I could swear my heart felt weird. Nopony answered my scream, and I just stood there, gradually calming down. Waiting for the adrenaline to flow through my blood and eventually fizzle out. It took a long time, and I had to suppress another fear that it wasn't going to end. But it did end, just like all the other times. I kept walking, more carefully this time. It would be another two blocks to Sunbursts house, and then after dealing with him, I could start winding down. This certainly wasn't me at my worst, and I'd be damned if Sunburst didn't lose his socks over the things I hoped to tell him. One block left. A doorway made of intricately carved timber stood in front of me. Depictions of ponies offered each other gifts under a Christmas tree in the middle of a plaza, bordered by candy canes which were strung together with streamers. On top of the Christmas tree a gleaming heart rested, which looked as if it were on the brink of falling. A gallant alicorn approached the Christmas tree from a distance, the way in front of him to the plaza paved with unbroken snow, and I couldn't figure out who he was. The only alicorns I'd been warned about were female. The door pulled away from me, and I realized I'd forgotten to knock. I brought my hand forward, but realized I was about to hit a pony's snout. “Can I...help you?” A light-orange pony with glasses asked. His snout sported a white stripe that I couldn't stop looking at. “No, I mean yes. I'm that guy you wanted to meet up with,” I said while nodding soberly. “Oh! The human! That's what you are! I thought it was Discord playing tricks again. I don't know why but ever since I moved here he's given me nothing but pain, it's like he can sniff out the weakest ponies and just sticks to them.” The pony winced, “Wow, that's a great first impression, my name's Sunburst by the way,” he said, glancing at me. I offered him my hand, “I'm Kurt Mio.” He hit my hand with his hoof and stubbed my fingers a little bit, and then walked back and let me in. While cradling my hand, I walked into a room with walls completely covered in bookshelves, and some extra books stacked in the corners. The back wall had an open doorway which seemed to lead to his bedroom. Scrolls piled out of it, as if he had recently shoved them there. Starburst saw that I was looking at his bedroom and rushed to close the door, which pretty much confirmed that he had recently shoved them there. Turning around, he chuckled nervously, and said, “Sorry, you've just caught me at a crossroads. Well, I guess I could say you are the crossroads. Nono wait, don't take that personally. You are very welcome here. It's just that your presence here has put quite the burden on my lifestyle. I've only had the last hour to prepare, you wouldn't believe the amount of bureaucracy I had to go through just to get a sit-in with you and now here you are! And I've spent all my time trying to meet you instead of actually preparing to meet you! Not only that but I think I've gotten two hours of sleep? I didn't check? But I think it was two hours? Can you tell?” I grinned somewhat shamelessly. “No harm done, and no preparations needed, and yes, I can tell.” “Well, yes, unfortunate, ok, let's get on with it shall we?” He whipped his head around and his darker orange goatee slapped his cheek. “I'm the pony in charge of figuring out how your brain works, if you have one.” He picked a book off a shelf. My neck burned with anger until I realized that it was a genuine question. Doing my best to keep my lingering emotions out of it, I answered, “Yes, is there a way to control a body without a brain?” “No, most of the time. Pretty much every species here has a brain. The changelings are strange though, really strange. I swear every time I look into them I get even more confused.” “Looked into, as in, dissected?” “Well, yeah, for the ones that have died, and with Thorax's permission of course, although before he became king it was kind of a toss up who's permission I was supposed to get. Most of my work doesn't deal with that terribly icky stuff though. Nothing really learned by looking at a bunch of dead meat in the head, you know?” “Not really.” “You've never seen what a brain looks like?” I shook my head, “I'm saying that learning about the physical brain is pretty informative.” He looked at me, “What could you possibly glean from it? Every magic spell we've tried just tells us there are tons and tons of little connections. There's no way to parse all that information.” “I can't tell you what methods we use, but we actually know how to draw limited conclusions about which parts of the brain do what. If I brought in some experts, they could pinpoint for you the different locations of the brain that control motor function, consciousness, circadian rhythm, parasympathetic responses and their counterparts-” “Repeat that last part for me.” “Which part?” I asked. He put a hoof to his mouth as his eyes glazed over. “All of it.” “Ok, so we were able to pinpoint various parts of the brain that deal with things like motor function, consciousness, circadian rhyt-” “Stop!” he practically screeched. “This is too much. It's going to need a lot more meetings that this to sort out. My life is ruined oh Celestia.” He gasped for breath. “Oh Celestia.” I took a step towards him. “Hey...” “No! Stay back! It's fine. Ohhhh Celestia.” “Just delegate!” I said, trying to cut through his freakout. “There have to be a few ponies willing to help you.” “No, you don't understand. Oh Celestia. I'm the only brain expert. It's a niche field because it doesn't have any practical applications to enrich pony lives. In fact, I'm not even supposed to spend all of my time on it. I've got other duties I'm expected to deal with. And this is what I really want to do! And now is my opportunity, but I'm already stacked more than ever and oh Celestia-” I thought about it for a moment, “Yeah, you're fucked.” A stunned silence sat between us as we stared at each other. “Ha,” he said tonelessly. I'd never gotten a reaction like that from someone in a conversation before, so I just stood, stunned. “Haha.” Sunburst's lips twitched. My legs tensed as I braced myself to catch him if he passed out. But how are you supposed to catch ponies? “HAHA!” he laughed. I fucked up. “HAHAHA!” Maybe I was fucked. “HAHAHAHAHA!” There were no words for me to express how I felt. He stopped laughing, walked calmly over to his sofa, and passed out. Now, in an unfamiliar house, I had an incapacitated pony to deal with, in a world where no one knew me, and surrounded by creatures that didn't have the same motivations as me. If anybody were to catch me in a room with a pony that just passed out, they'd probably call me the boogeyman. To top it all off, I couldn't recall ever asking for a method of communication, to get Lyra or Twilight's help. No choice but to get Sunburst conscious again. I poked at a spot on his neck which I'd been told was supposed to be the location for the carotid artery, no pulse. I panicked, but realized that pony biology probably wasn't the same as a human's, and poked at other parts of his neck, no such luck still. Trying to suppress my panic, I put my cheek to his mouth to hear for breathing and he was, in fact, still breathing. My vision swam for a moment and I had to take a moment to rest on my knees, just in case. Oh what a sad state this meeting had turned into. The fact that he was breathing probably meant that he was fine, but of course, I didn't know pony physiology. It was very possible that he was dying right now, lungs driven by some sort of automatic body function that could function independent to his heartbeat. Were ponies even supposed to have heartbeats, or was it just magic? I had risk to consider. Should I call out for help and risk somebody getting the wrong idea and vilifying me, or should I wait for Sunburst to recover, if he does, with the small possibility that he's actually dying on the sofa? Like the selfish creature I was, I waited, and after a few harrowing minutes, he opened his eyes again. “Wha?” he slurred. “Oh Celestia, did I just?” “Yeah,” I said, standing up. “Before it happens again, if you think it will, could you give me Twilight's contact info? I'd like a princess or some other authority figure to come here and figure things out, rather than have other ponies make assumptions about me.” “Oh dear, I'm sorry I worried you. It's fine really. I've done this before, but it never repeats itself immediately after. I work myself up sometimes, and I'm entirely at fault for it.” I said, “Do you want to continue where we left off?” He didn't get off the sofa. “No, I only had ten minutes scheduled to talk to you before I had to deal with other matters. I still have some time, but in light of this...development, it's probably for the best I call this meeting quits.” “If you're sure.” I held my hand up as a gesture of concern. “I am. Trust me that it pains me to avoid this. It might be best to leave before my ambition gets the better of me again.” I turned around, then didn't realize where I was supposed to go after this. “Wait. You're my last stop for today. Lyra said you'd know a place I can stay.” He sighed. “I do know a place. Look for Little Snow's Inn; it's about two blocks to the right when you leave.” I raised an eyebrow, they hadn't even organized a government-sanctioned place for me, how little did they care about alien visitors? “Thanks.” I walked outside into the intimidating darkness, as guilt hammered at my brain. It felt as if I'd suddenly found myself in front of Little Snow's Inn. No doubt I'd walked here in a semi-conscious state, autonomously walking as if I'd reached that zen state one often feels after ten hours of driving. The door in front of me was timber, just like the last one, but completely flat. I knocked on it nervously, and then realized that you weren't supposed to do that with business establishments. Just as I was about to grab the handle it swung inward. “Yemph,” the pony said. I looked down at her, and realized my hand had gripped her snout. The pony looked up at me. I continued to look at the pony, and then I removed my hand. “Sorry about that.” She hit the floor and immediately started laughing. Raucous releases of emotion shook the walls as she rolled from side to side. At first I cringed, thinking about what happened to Sunburst, but then I realized she hadn't passed out and just stood there dumbly. Confusion slowly but insidiously turning into terrible anger. I could not explain why I was angry, though. It's just that all of this was too much. “Is...” I rasped. She continued to laugh on the ground in front of me, and the hotel staff behind the desk was giving me confused and curious looks. “All the ponies in this town are crazy!” That did not help the situation, and the pony in front of me laughed even harder, completely incapacitated, some of the staff joined in the laughter and for a hellish moment I thought I was doomed. Whatever I'd been cursed by, I'd never be taken seriously again. I couldn't serve as a diplomat in this condition. Who had cast a damned magic spell on me?! Finally, a single pony approached me, a final member of the hotel staff, all others slain by my apparently hilarious situation. “Y-you'd like a room I imagine.” “Yes please,” I really wanted to pout, but I knew that would just make me even more of a caricature. She walked behind the desk and retrieved a key, doubled back and handed it to me. “Here. And sorry about the others. I swear we're usually a lot more professional than this.” I managed to squeak out a grin, “I'm sure it isn't normal to have creatures like me roaming around.” “That's for sure, but we're always glad to have your service.” “Thanks.” I tried to open what looked like a door leading to the rooms, on the left wall. It was a janitor's closet. “Hhhhhhhaha!” I whirled around and sure enough, I'd managed to defeat the sole survivor. It was just me and a madhouse of ponies. My face was already red with embarrassment, so I just took my quivering legs and walked to the door on the opposite wall, which luckily, led to the rooms upstairs. The laughter eventually faded away as I climbed up, and once I found my room, I fumbled for my key and dropped it, cursing. I successfully opened the door, and then I shut it behind me and locked it, breathing heavily. It was too hot in here, so I tore off my business attire, threw it across the room. I stood there in the dark, in my underwear, not sure what to do. What was I supposed to do? Right now, later? What could I do?