Journal Entry #5
It wasn't hard to get to the warehouse. It also wasn't hard to get into the warehouse. The doors and entryways were barricaded, but there were plenty of broken windows big enough for me to squeeze through. Once I was in I just had to listen closely for the sounds of his panicked footsteps and his cursing.
Eventually I found him on the top floor, taking peeks out the window at the perimeter the cops had set up while nervously holding his gun. "Shit. I need to get out of here."
I growled. "Not gonna happen, murderer!"
He turned and saw me, but in the dim light I couldn't make out his face. If his voice was anything to go by, he was clearly surprised by my appearance. "You!"
I was on him before he could even bring his gun up, slamming my fist into his face and knocking him on his ass. He then tried to shoot me, but a quick yank with my webbing and it was out of his hands. "No, please don't hurt me!"
Grabbing him by the front of his coat and slammed him up against the wall. "That man you murdered! The one whose car you stole? You remember him?" When he didn't answer I pulled him back and slammed him again, this time with a bit more force this time. "ANSWER ME!"
He nodded. "I swear, I didn't mean to kill him. The gun just-"
"SHUT UP!" I got up in his face and said "That man. The one you murdered in cold blood? THAT WAS MY UNCLE!"
"Oh god. Oh god, I-"
I brought my fist back and socked him in the stomach, then motioned my head up to the sky. "God's up there. You're down here. With me."
It was at that moment one of the police searchlights flipped on and illuminated the room. And I saw the man's face.
...
......
Remember when I said in the last journal entry that what you guys were about to read, WAS my fault? Some of your were probably a little confused. After all, how could my Uncle's death be MY fault?
Well the guy who murdered my Uncle, the guy I was now holding against the wall, was the robber.
The same robber who stole all the money from that sleazeball who operated that wrestling ring.
The same guy I let run when I could've stopped him.
The moment I saw his face the realization of all of this hit me like a freight train.
The guy started crying, eventually saying "I'll turn myself in. I'll confess to everything. Just please, please don't kill me."
I looked him right in the eyes, before raising up my fist. "I could kill you. I should kill you. Take away everything you took from Benjamin Sentry!"
He closed his eyes, probably expecting me to make good on my statement.
And I'm not gonna lie, I DID consider it.
Finally, I sighed and finished "But he'd never approve. With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility." I set him on the floor and webbed his hands together. "You'll confess to every crime you've ever committed. You'll spend the rest of your miserable life in prison. And if you ever, and I mean EVER, set foot in the outside world, I will know. I will find you. And I will break you. Got it." He nodded, and I webbed him up to the wall, just to make sure he didn't
As I turned to leave I heard him say "I'm sorry."
Not even bothering to turn around, I replied "Not as sorry as I am."
I managed to get out of the warehouse without anyone seeing me. Once I was far enough away, the weight of everything that happened finally came down on me. I tore my mask off, collapsed against the wall, and just sobbed. I don't know how long I was crying, but by the time I stopped I noticed that it had started raining. Almost like the heavens were mirroring how I felt.
My phone buzzed, and once I pulled it out of the pocket I had in my suit I saw that I missed about seven calls. All from Aunt May. Oh God.
Sighing, I answered the phone. "Hey Aunt May," I said, surprising myself at how hoarse my voice was. "Uncle Ben... he's-"
"I know," she replied, and I could tell that she's been crying this whole time. "I tried to call you, but-"
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't pick up. I was at the grocery store."
"Oh no."
"And I saw... I saw..." Fresh tears welled up, but I choked back my sobs and said "I'm on my way home. I'll... I'll be there soon."
"I love you, Flash."
"I love you too, Aunt May."
After I hung up I whirled around and slammed my fist into the wall behind me; partly out of grief but mostly out of anger.
My Uncle was dead because of me.
My Aunt was a sobbing mess because of me.
My Aunt was a widow because of me.
All of this... all of it was because of me.
Because of me.
Because of me.
The first week after his death was the worst. I barely left my room except to go to the bathroom. I couldn't sleep. I could barely eat. Finally I realized that what I was doing was no doubt hurting Aunt May, so I had to get help. Four days after Uncle Ben's death, Aunt May and I went to see a counselor. It didn't help much, but it did make us feel a little better.
Even then the start of the second week, when I went back to school, wasn't much better. Everyone treaded around me like the ground around me was made of glass or really thin ice. And then there was the constant uttering of "I'm sorry for your loss."
Yeah, to anyone who has a friend who loses a loved one, do us all a favor. Don't say that. It doesn't help. We know you're trying to help but it doesn't make us feel any better.*
I was barely able to focus on school. My mind kept drifting back to that night. To seeing the dead body of Uncle Ben and knowing that it was my fault.
Even with the counselling and with some support from Thorax and Aunt May, I still couldn't seem to break out of this funk of self-loathing and depression I fell into. Or rather, I caused.
But surprisingly what finally snapped me out of it was my ex-girlfriend, Sunset Shimmer.
She tracked me down after school one day to talk to me. We talked back and forth for a bit, just small stuff, but eventually she got to the point.
"I don't know what this is like," she said. "What it's like to lose a member of your family."
I looked at her confused. "Why wouldn't you?"
Then I realized that even when we were "dating" (Air quotes because we never held hands or kissed, it was more of a hang-out-with-me-and-act-like-we're-together thing.) I never really asked her or found out about her past. She never talked about it. Then again considering what I found during the Fall Formal, I'd probably never believe her anyway.
And then the pieces started clicking together. "You don't have a family?"
She shook her head sadly. "I grew up on the streets of Canterlot, the capital city of Equestria. I didn't have a mom, or a dad, or anything close to a family. The closest I got was when Princess Celestia took me off the streets when I became her personal student. I got a room, a bed, pretty much anything I wanted. But then I became a power-obsessed bitch who wanted to be a princess without earning it, ran away through the mirror into this world, went back and stole a crown from the actual princess, and you know where the story goes from there."
I nodded. "Yeah. Not everyday your ex-girlfriend pulls the Devil Trigger."
She giggled. "Devil May Cry. Really?"
"What? It's a good game. The original, anyway. The remake's kinda meh."
She nodded, and then said "After the Fall Formal I was broke. I had hit rock bottom and pretty much everyone saw me as a pathetic wretch who had just gotten her ass kicked. And I hated it. I hated myself. I tried my best to close myself off from everyone and everything. Just forget the world and try and survive."
I nodded, knowing how she felt. "That sounds familiar."
"But my friends didn't let me. No matter how hard I tried to keep them out, the managed to worm their way in and get me to open up. To see that I was wrong and that I couldn't just close myself off from the world. That really I was hurting myself by doing so." Looking at me she added "If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't be here."
"You were thinking of going back home?"
She shook her head. "No." She then pulled back the sleeve of her jacket-
-and to my horror there were three scars on her right wrist. "Sunset. You actually-?"
She nodded. "That's how low I fell. Turns out, closing yourself off from the rest of the world only makes you feel worse." Pulling her sleeve back down she continued "Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie somehow knew I was going to do this. They found me, broke down my door, and managed to stop me before I went too far." A few tears fell from her eyes. "They saved me from myself." Wiping her eyes she continued "After that, I started opening up. I started hanging out with them more. Soon enough I ended up actually being their friends."
"And then you saved all of our asses at the Battle of the Bands, and the rest is history," I finished.
She smiled. "Yeah." She put a hand on my shoulder and said "Don't make the same mistake I did. It may seem to make the pain go away; but trust me, closing yourself off is just going to make it hurt worse. For you and the people who care about you."
I had to fight the urge to slap myself across the face once she finished. I was so caught up in my self-loathing that I never bothered to think about how Aunt May was feeling. It hurt for me because Uncle Ben was the closest thing to a father I ever had. But Aunt May? Uncle Ben was her husband for twenty-five years, more than likely her best friend for years beforehand. She's probably feeling worse than I could ever feel.
And me just moping around, brooding? That's probably hurting her far worse than Uncle Ben's death ever could.
"Thanks Sunset," I said, giving her a quick hug and avoiding the spikes on her jacket. "For getting me to get my head out of my ass."
She smiled. "Anytime."
As I turned to leave she said "Hey." I turned around and she continued "I'm sorry. For using you like I did. You're a great guy and you definitely didn't deserve to be used as a tool."
I shrugged. "It's fine. Believe it or not, you're not the first to pull something like that."
"That doesn't make me feel better."
"Look, it's high school. You're not the only girl to date a guy simply for popularity. Trust me on that one. Besides, you saved the world and turned your life around, so I'd say you more than made up for it."
She smiled. "Thanks."
As I started to walk out the door, I said "If it makes you feel any better, I always thought you were a good person. You just needed someone to help you see the light."
"Well, Princess Twilight and the Rainbooms definitely made me see it."
"Probably could've done without the 'blasting you into a crater' part though."
We both laughed at that, and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy. A weight had been... not lifted per se, but lessened.
We held Uncle Ben's funeral at the end of the second week. The Rainbooms, Thorax, my Uncle's co-workers, some of our friends, and me and Aunt May were all in attendance. It was small, but Uncle Ben wouldn't have cared. He used to joke that he'd be happy if people just showed up at his funeral. Well, he's certainly happy now.
After it was over Thorax and I decided to head over to the Testing Ground. We talked for a bit like normal people.
But finally, I had to say it.
"Let me get this straight," Thorax said after I told him my plan. "You want to become a superhero."
I nodded. "I know it sounds crazy-"
"Understatement of the century."
"-but yeah. I want to use these powers to help the people in this city."
Thorax was quiet for a moment, before finally asking "Why?"
I knew this was going to be asked, so I told him the truth. "I could've stopped that thief without any problems, but I didn't. I let him run free. And because of that, Uncle Ben died."
"You couldn't have known that was going to happen."
"Keep saying it for a few more years and I might believe it," I grumbled. "But it's not just about that. When Uncle Ben told me about responsibility, I thought he meant to my family. I was wrong." I looked at my hands, and subsequently at the Web Shooters around my wrists. "These powers; I don't know whether it was random or if someone up above decided to give them to me. But I know one thing." I looked out the window at the city. "The Avengers save the world. They focus on the big picture. But who's here in New York to look after the little guy? Who's here to stop wrestling ring robbers and carjackers? Who's here to stop muggers and purse-snatchers? Who's here to try and make sure there's no more uncles getting shot just because some asshole wants their car?"
"Well honestly I think Iron Man, the guy with enough weapons in his suit to take down entire armies, stopping purse-snatchers would be a bit overkill," Thorax joked. "But I see your point. This city needs help."
"And with these powers, I can help it. THAT, is my responsibility." I sighed. "I may not have Tony Stark's tech, or Captain America's years of experience. But that doesn't mean I can't help. Even if it's just stopping purse-snatchers."
Thorax seemed to be debating in his head for a few minutes, before finally saying "Okay then. Let's do it."
I smiled and we exchanged a fist bump. "Glad to see you're on board."
"Well I figured I can at least try and help make sure you don't get killed. Because you're my best friend and I care."
"Good to know."
"Besides, if you get killed out there who's gonna help me with my Biology homework?"
I laughed, knowing he was joking. He didn't really need help with his homework.
A few nights later I stood on the side of the Empire State Building, suited up and Web Shooter's loaded. I made sure the earpiece I made out of an old Bluetooth headset was firmly stuck in my ear. "Testing 1 2 3."
Thorax's voice, a little static-y, replied "I read you loud and clear, Spidey. Police scanner says there's a car chase on 7th street."
"I'm on my way."
I pulled the mask on over my head, looking out over the city. "Look out New York. Here's comes Spider-Man."
And with that I leaped off of the building...
That was how my story started.
But it's not over yet.
Sadly though, I'm out of paper in this journal so you'll have to wait for the next chapter of my life as Spider-Man.
When Tony Stark came and drafted me into the Avengers Civil War.